Note: if you aren’t familiar with my vocabulary, see my Contract regarding “Reward,” Commitments, Transgressions, etc.
I have been feeling very restless. Other than my maintenance spankings on Sunday, yesterday marked one week since my last Reward. Partly because I’ve been good with meeting the Commitments I have made, but also partly due to both Mike and I being exhausted.
Our youngest was injured (both wrists and an ankle) from a bad fall. I mentioned before that he has special needs and as part of that, he also makes a terrible “patient.” Emotionally he doesn’t do well when he is hurt, and his needs (and demands) which are already high, go off the scale. All to say that my days have been exhausting, and I look to Mike to provide respite in the evenings, which means he too is exhausted. There are the physical demands of lifting my son, but the emotional demands are equally draining . . . no, they are actually more draining.
We have already been a bit off our “DD-game” with our youngest out of school and our middle child home for part of the summer. Now we have been way off. Mike even offered to skip our Maintenance Session last Sunday, but I asked that we keep it. We’ve never missed one and I didn’t want it to become a habit, plus I wanted the spanking that came with it. But it wasn’t enough.
All of this at a time when our “goodies” have started to arrive. I am anxious to share what I bought, but that will have to be for another post. Actually, I am more anxious to USE what I bought, but there hasn’t been the right time or right mood to break out the new toys.
The thing I wanted to share on this post is that am feeling desperate for a spanking. There are times I have looked forward to a spanking, and times I craved a deep submission, but this feeling is different. I am specifically craving a hard spanking. I NEED THE RELEASE. Our son is doing better the last day or two and my hope is we finally get him to bed at a decent time tonight. Our middle child hasn’t returned back to school but he is staying the night with a friend, so tonight should be a great night for spanking. I’ve never just asked Mike to spank me for no other reason than I just want one. Funny, but despite all the wild things we’ve done, I feel a bit embarrassed to ask for a spanking.
I guess I could do the “brat” thing, which I’ve never done before, just to make the spanking seem “legit,” but that seems disingenuous. Hummmm . . . but by being disingenuous, I will have Transgressed, thus, another spanking! Maybe there is something to that approach!
Nah, honesty is the best policy. I’ll just ask Mike to give me a spanking. I hope he agrees.
THE ABOVE WAS WRITTEN YESTERDAY.
Here’s the update. I asked Mike for a spanking last night and he agreed to give me one. Yea!!
He had me lay face down on the bed and he said he wouldn’t tell me what he was using, but with the first strike I knew it was that leather paddle that I dislike – however, it still felt good. He probably did about 12 very firm ones and stopped. He stopped because I started to cry. Very odd. I haven’t cried over a spanking in a very long time. I do get teary eyed, but this was a full on cry. It felt good to just release all the built up emotions of the last five days. Mike asked if he should stop, but I asked him to continue as these were good tears, but I asked him if I could get over his knee and be spanked by hand. He agreed and gave me perhaps 20 or 25 by hand. At one point I even asked him to do it harder. I cried some more.
It still seems odd to me. I had never asked for a spanking, let alone directed the specifics of a spanking such as asking for OTK or for him to do it harder. I also hadn’t cried like that in a long time and I never cried for the reasons I think I was crying. It is clear to me that it was simply a release of negative energy. All the frustration I felt for the situation and the sadness I felt for my son rushed out of me and was replaced by good vibes. Okay, make that good endorphins!
Whatever it is, I loved it, and felt energized. I slept very well last night and had a lot of energy today. Plus our son had a great day (which I think was aided by my upbeat mood). Thank you DD!
Domestic Discipline, Jenny style! 