I have sex with my husband, Mike, of course. And with our best friends and neighbors, John and Donna. And of course there is Kayla. And as of about three months ago, there is Matt. (Post 197).
I haven’t posted anything more about Matt since then. I think each time I had something to share, I had something else I felt more important to share. Then, it just seemed too far in the past to bother writing about it. I find it easier to write about something that is fresh on my mind, where any new thoughts and feelings are… well, still new. It’s more difficult to be inspired to share once I’ve reconciled, incorporated, or moved on from something.
SEX WITH MATT
After our first sexual encounter in early December, we had another later that month. Mike and Kayla also visited Matt – Matt had sex with Kayla. In those initial encounters, Mike just watched. In late December, Matt came over to our house and this time Mike participated as he and Matt had sex with Kayla and I. And we introduced Matt to John and Donna.
Matt hit it off with John and Donna. He is a likable guy. Unassuming, almost shy. A bit reserved but if you ask him something directly, he can go on and on in answering you. I learned you just have to ask him directly, otherwise, he isn’t going to just tell you something or randomly interject his thoughts.
He is attractive — not like model, amazingly, incredibly, so, but attractive. And his demeanor and how he carriers himself is sexy. And as I learned and shared previously, he is well endowed…8 1/2 inches. I get that this is not like porn-star huge, but, still a personal record for me. And it has the perfect thickness and overall look to it. A very beautiful cock. ahem, oh…back to my story.
Matt attended the Super Bowl Party that I missed. In February, Mike and I visited him once during one of our date nights, as did Mike and Kayla on one of their date nights. Schedules and various commitments have precluded visited to/from Matt over the last three weeks or so.
Mike confessed having what clearly is a cuckold fantasy. He has always enjoyed watching me be sexual, such as masturbating, or having sex, whether with John, Donna, or Kayla. But he said he gets a unique thrill of watching me with John. Mike says the feelings are 100% erotic when he watches me with another woman, but watching me with John and Matt includes a dimension he can’t fully describe.
While the sex with Matt has included group settings (including Mike and Kayla, or even including Mike, Kayla, John, and Donna), many times it has just been one-on-on; just Matt and me, or just Matt and Kayla — with Mike nearby or watching. The settings with Matt have been more intimate than say the times I am having sex with John, when Donna is there and it part of a larger “play date” or interaction. We’ve gone to Matt’s, exchange a quick hello, have sex, and then a goodbye. It is really much more about the act of sex and not much more than that.
WHAT MOTIVATES MIKE
Mike’s reasons are that he loves watching us (Kayla and I) be sexually fulfilled. It also satisfies the voyeur in him, and he knows it satisfies the exhibitionist in me. It also gives him a strong element of control over me. He admits that the control factor is a big part of his thrill. Of course, with our D/s, I grant him lots of control over me, which includes sex, but granting control is one thing, actually taking it is another.
WHAT MOTIVATES ME
Our agreement specifically addresses that he may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by me whether it be by or upon him or any other person. At the time I agreed to this, I specifically wanted Mike to be willing to explore whatever sexual fantasies he had regarding me. And I still do. It is part of my fulfillment of being submissive.
Mike often asks me about my feelings about something he commanded, whether sexual or otherwise. I am not allowed to simply say, “If it makes you happy, then I am happy.” He wants to know how I feel beyond the satisfaction I get from submission.
In the case of sex with Matt, yes, pleasing Mike pleases me. – that’s a given. And, it also excites the exhibitionist in me, and I enjoy being the “COA” (Center of Attention) when it comes to sex. Heck, it’s what prompted me to first masturbate in front of John and Donna way back when. Yes, I love being a sexual COA, especially when that attention is from Mike.
You may think it requires a lot of self-confidence to be COA. I don’t consider myself sexually self-confident. I am not void of confidence, just not over flowing with it. I do have insecurities – there are things about my body that I know aren’t all that attractive. Forcing myself to be COA actually builds my self-confidence and is my way of telling my insecurities to “F” off as they aren’t going to limit me. So yes, having sex with Matt, with Mike watching or knowing about it — definite turn on for me!
Lastly, we BOTH admit to simply enjoying the excitement, fulfillment, and stimulation from the sexual exploration of something that is considered taboo. Just the thought of it is a bit stimulating, let alone actually doing it!
MOTIVATED BY SCIENCE?
Studies show that if a man believes his wife has been with other men (even if she really hasn’t), that belief can change the man’s physiology. Their passion increases, their sperm count increases, they get erect sooner, ejaculate more, can get erect again more quickly after sex, and simply have an increased sex drive.
The biology around this is simply the human desire to procreate. If a man senses “competition,” their body has evolved to react with increased sexual prowess and desire. These changes occur even when the cuckolding is voluntary.
One other interesting bit of research is that cuckolding couples are excellent communicators. The doctor running one study stated “they may be some of the most communicative people I‘ve ever seen.” I believe that aptly describes Mike and I.
Kayla is completely comfortable having sex with Matt. She described the first time as thrilling because she was actually a little scared. Not scared of being harmed, but scared of the unknown and worried she would somehow let down Matt and thus letdown Mike.
I haven’t written a lot about Kayla lately. She reads my blog. It would be unfair for her to learn through the blog how I feel about something concerning her. We talk quite a bit, thus I could share what we discuss; however, I also feel it is unfair if she has to read about something that she is still trying to work through herself. It’s one thing for the two of us to have a discussion, and another for her to have it out there for all my readers to see. Even though this blog has anonymity, there is still a feeling of having all your stuff “out there” for the world to see. That can be frustrating or intimidating if you are still trying to work through the issues yourself.
BACK TO MATT
So Matt is now an official member of our Circle of Trust, which means… well, which means whatever Mike wants it to mean. We may continue our visits to Matt’s place and he to ours, as well as invite him over when we have adult fun at John and Donna’s. Mike told me he thought about inviting Matt to spend some nights at our house– those thoughts went so far as to consider having him stay over with me when Mike and Kayla were out of town.
Mike asked me for my thoughts on that and I was agreeable, so long as we made sure to keep his presence unknown to J. The plan was that Matt would leave before J got up for school, or, would stay hidden away in our bedroom until J left for school. In the end, Mike decided against having Matt over while he was out –at least this time. I told Mike it would be weird to have Matt alone with me in our house, in our bed — but weird in a good way — which frankly, sums up our entire dynamic! LOL!
Next: 238. Mystery Blogger Award