Tag Archives: cuck

302. Livin’ Libido Loca – Commas over Exclamation Points

302

HIGH SEXUAL DRIVE
My sexual drive has been off the charts.  From “off the charts low to “off the charts high.  Can’t seem to regulate it into some consistent middle ground.  After some time at the “low” end, I am currently riding a big high of sexual energy and appetite.  Luckily my lifestyle presents a daily all you can eat buffet – literally and figuratively speaking.

I know I’ve shared having sex, whether it be with Mike, John, or Matt, as well as with Kayla or Donna.  But I don’t think I’ve really talked directly about my sexual proclivities.  Sharing my fondness of one act or another is likely grounds for turning some of you off.   After all, everyone knows that everyone’s kink is disgusting, except their own.  Well, you will just have to be disgusted because I am in the sharing mood.   Actually, I don’t think I will share a bunch of details, but enough that your imagination can fill in the blanks. 

Lately, I wake up horny, like a ten on a scale of one to ten.  I stay aroused all day, maybe hitting five shortly after an orgasm, but staying around six or seven, even when doing nothing remotely sexual.  The bubbles are always there.  You know, those electrical tingles that rumble and flicker in your tummy and parts south.   While I may put them out of my mind for a moment or two, it doesn’t take much for them to demand my attention. 

Masturbation helps, but I noticed a jump from five back to seven very quickly.  Whereas, having sex with someone seems to keep me at a manageable five for a little longer before the sexual urges slowly start dialing themselves back up.   Hormones!!  or is it, Whore moans?  hee-hee.   Oh, I better not go there, else I may be spanked. 

Suffice to say, I’ve been actively seeking out sex lately, and often one orgasm just isn’t enough.  Fortunately, with my sex dial at maximum, I often climax first, and after reciprocating the delight, I can usually count on my partner to “come through” for me and deliver me a second. 

SEX AND MORE SEX
Mike doesn’t like to go down on me after cumming in or around my hinterlands.  So with him, it typically means my first orgasm is through oral sex and the second through vaginal or anal.   Of course, if Kayla is there, which she often is, she doesn’t hesitate to “clean me up” so to speak.   

Historically, I can reach orgasm from giving oral sex, but it is rare.  It’s far more common lately.  And sometimes I am lucky to have two in quick successions, such as when I am sucking on Mike while Kayla is going to town on me, or vice versa.  And if they aren’t done, it’s a bonus for me to see them through to their orgasm which just might bring me to number three.   

Pre-DD I was never multi-orgasmic.  It was like the orgasm was the exclamation point on the end of the sentence.  Now, it’s more like a comma.  It simply means marks a brief pause and that there is more come..er, I mean, more to come.  And come I do.  hee-hee   

It made for a fun Sunday at John and Donna’s.  Matt was there as well as he still joins us for our Sunday Football (or Sunday Ball’in as the guys lovingly call it).  Yeah, I admit it, I was the center of attention on a mini-gangbang.   Hey, I like it, and Mike loves the cuck.  And it was great because Kayla was there the whole time as well since J was out most of the day with his cousins.   So, between three guys and two women, there typically was always someone ready for another round of fun with me.   It was a nice day of debauchery. 

While I’ve done the “one in each hole” thing before, this time I really got into it.  They each had turns at different “stations of the Jennifer” as I jokingly called it.   I am so bad!  Anyway, that was something new.  

Also, while we keep discipline and sex separate, I have wanted the sex rougher lately.   Like, really getting my ass smacked hard while in doggy, or a harder nipple pulls or breast slaps than usual. I think the aggression and the mix of pain and pleasure helps. And even being handcuffed.  Yummers!   Not my usual sexual m.o., but I am not complaining – and neither is Mike

OTHERS?
It crossed my mind that maybe a new sexual adventure might help quench my thirst.  I thought of my friend Valerie and perhaps offering my help in their quest for a threesome.   However, I advised myself against it.   The friendship vibe I have with her doesn’t seem conducive to a threesome.  Plus, she doesn’t like even talking to me about the things we’ve talked about.  She is very private.  She will sometimes bring up a specific question or comment, but once she is satisfied with an answer, she switches the conversation to more mundane things.   If it is that awkward for her to talk about, then, I can only imagine how uncomfortable she would be with me as the third.  

MIKE’S THOUGHTS?
There aren’t any other prospects out there unless Mike has any requests for me, and he does not.   Mike’s take on my high sex drive has been great.  He can only do so much, and said it’s nice I can find release, however fleeting, without him.   That’s not just the “cuck” in him speaking, but.. well, wait a minute.  Yeah, that would be the “cuck” in him speaking.   ha!   

Although, to be honest, yes, he enjoys sharing me, but it isn’t just that.  He also enjoys my enjoyment, whether it be with Kayla or Donna or one of the other guys.   The way he puts it is he likes seeing me being sexually pleasured whether I am masturbating or having sex with someone else.  He likes to see me and think of me as a sexual being who enjoys sex.  Luckily, I make it so that he doesn’t have to think very hard, hee-hee.  Point is, my pleasure and enjoyment is at the center of his pleasure and enjoyment.  How thoughtful!  lol.

There you have it.  That’s what’s been going on sex-wise.  I hope it levels out soon.  I can’t believe it is almost contract time again!  It will be up on March 17, less than two months away.  If I am still in this sex frenzy, I am afraid it could distort my judgment.   We’ve already talked a little about it and there is not much we plan on changing.  Just codifying a few things that we basically already changed in practice. 

Yeah,  I have a feeling at some point I won’t have the same appreciation as I do today over the thoughts of having a vibrator in me 24×7.   Although I don’t think that is even necessary.  I am so horny that my heartbeat is enough to get me going.  Yep, those electrical tickles are at it again making their way to the hinterlands.   I need to excuse myself. . .

Next: 303. A kink in our routine

285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

285

The party went very well and was a lot of fun.  I’ll post more about it but had already started writing this one and wanted to finish it up and get it posted. 

I’ve been having a few “WAID” thoughts lately regarding my Domestic Discipline.  Those thoughts of “What Am I Doing?”  I haven’t had those thoughts in quite a while.  I think the last time I posted about it was the last time I had these thoughts, and that was 18 months ago (Post 133. Intense Punishment).   

And just as I stated in Post 133, I believe occasional doubt is healthy.   I’ll simply restate much of what I wrote in that intro  —  Doubt is simply a lack of knowledge.   Often this is momentary, and the knowledge you need can often be found in a short, honest,  conversation with yourself.  Sometimes it may take a bit more than a moment of reflection, but typically not much more, at least for me. 

Any doubts I have ever had about Domestic Discipline have always ended up as being self-affirming.   Those doubts always lead me to a deeper appreciate for what submission has done for me and for my family.  WAID doesn’t last long, and once again, it didn’t last very long this time.  It was a little longer, maybe a day or two, but only because I have been so busy that I didn’t have the self-reflection time to really think things through. 

And like last time, it was some punishments that likely got me in the mood to reassess things.   I’ll share the two 

EMAIL PAST CURFEW
Typically I am to be in bed by 10:15, and have thirty minutes to write in my journal.  I am not to get on my phone or laptop.  I often fit in my “internet” time during the day, or maybe, if Mike allows it, in the evening after dinner and evening chores are done.  Occasionally when we have a long day and I ask, he lets me get on the computer late a night before going to sleep.   Point is, yeah, I’ve got rules around sleep hygiene and computer/phone time.

Well, one night I was done journaling, turned off my lamp, and double checked that I had my alarm set on my phone and turned off my lamp.  This is something I do all the time, but for some reason, I had this urge to look at my email.  Just a quick look. 

Well, I saw an email from someone and it begged for a response.  I mean, they didn’t beg for response – they would have been fine hearing from me the next day.  It was me!  I just had this urge to response.  I could have got up and asked Mike for permission, but that seemed like a lot of effort, he might say no, and I was tired.  I further justified it because it would be a very short response.  So I responded.

I knew I earned myself a spanking, and decided I would tell Mike in the morning and I went to sleep.  In the morning, I told Mike.

I was spanked – very hard.  The cane marks lasted for almost a week. Mike increased the punishment because I knew it was against the rules and had time to consider the consequences and still choose to check my email.

Of all my rules, this is one that is easy to dismiss as silly or childish.  I’ll grant you it seems silly or childish that an adult needs such rules, but, I need it.  It took making a commitment to myself and to Mike to get me to adhere to good sleep hygiene.  Pre-DD I often stayed up very late, long after Mike went to bed.  Watching tv, going online, or even cleaning.   Having home schooled J and being with him all day, then commiserating with Mike a bit after J went to sleep, it was finally my time to decompress. 

Getting good sleep is so underrated.  Pre-DD I was clearly sleep deprived for years, and it has a cumulative effect on health – mental and physical.   Getting good sleep is one of the best rules I have, and it is simple – despite the occasional temptations to violate the rule.

SPANKING THE JELLY
I found
this video.  In fact, there are several videos of people spanking jelly?  People can be so weird!   I am talking about something normal. . .about being spanked over a jar of jelly,

I went to make Mike some toast with jelly, a normal part of his breakfast, and there was only a small amount of jelly left, not enough for a serving.   There isn’t a specific rule about keeping the house supplied with certain foods or condiments, but it is understood as an expectation of Mike’s.  I am required to be “optimized” in my household duties and running out of something that Mike like is clearly not optimal. 

I was spanked.   A combination of a good hand spanking and his belt.   It wasn’t particularly hard, but came while my butt was still smarting from the caning from the curfew spanking. 

REFLECTION
I believe there were a couple of things that prompted my WAID thoughts. 

One was the “minor” nature of these spankings.   I can’t think of the right word.  “Minor” is relative.  All violations of my Duties and Obligations are big deals, and all are important to adhere to.  I don’t have any trivial rules as far as I am concerned.  Having said that, there are some rules that are simple to adhere to, and thus, could be called “minor” rules.  These are both “no-brainer” rules  that are easy to adhere to, and I failed to do so.

Two, is that I had been reflecting on the last year.  Our one-year anniversary of our latest contract was on October 17.  This year went by so fast!  And since we only made it for 18 months, I can’t believe that in six months we will be talking about possible revisions.  So my mind already started thinking about what I might want to change.  Thus, I was already in a mindset of asking myself what I really wanted going forward.  I think this predisposed me to switch that mindset to “What am I doing?” at the first opportunity. 

These spankings provided that opportunity. 

And once again, that reflection led me to the conclusion that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing.  It is the right thing for me and for my family.   And as for possible changes in March, at this point, I can only think of one.  I might want to codify something in our “sex clause” regarding future cuck activities.  Keep in mind I always have the right to say no.  The purpose of codifying things is to better set expectations between me and Mike.   Other than that, I can’t think of anything else I’d consider changing.  Not even the consequences of getting spanked over curfew rules or jelly!  

I love my Domestic Discipline.  I love being submissive to Mike.  I love all aspects of our life and all the relationships we have. 

NEXT: 286. We are not okay, but we will be

282. Sex No Matt(er) what?

Mike went out-of-town on business last week.  He invited Matt to spend the day with me on Friday — and the night.   This is all part of where my relationship with Matt has evolved — it’s very much a cuck-thing.    

Matt is fun to be around and the whole idea of sort-of having a boyfriend on the side was fun and novel.  The driving force behind my relationship with Matt was the fact that it thrills Mike , but it still requires that I like Matt.   I do, but. . .  

It has reached a point where it isn’t as fun and is actually getting annoying.  Ever since Mike’s edict that I be “on call” for Matt I can’t count the number of times he would text me that he was heading over.  I jokingly called these “suck and fucks (SnF)”   The sex was awesome, but, come on, it just became very convenient.  And eventually the only remaining thrill for me was the fact Mike enjoyed this. 

After a day long SnF, that progressed far into the night, I reached a point I knew I needed to ask Mike for an end to this.  I was physically sore in whatever orifice comes to mind – and while it was all sore in a good way (the sex was awesome), enough is enough.  Compounding this is my overall decrease in energy, sexual and otherwise, and the increase in discomfort from sex — all due to my “lady part problems” that are scheduled to be fixed via hysterectomy in a few weeks.  At least I hope so, else is this what sex at 50+ is all about (okay, I am not quite there yet, another year to go).  

I asked Mike for a reprieve from sex with Matt.  Mike agreed.  Matt took it well and was apologetic if it was due to his behavior.  It really wasn’t.  I mean, what would you expect from someone in his position?   Had he been less sexually demanding, it wouldn’t have been as exciting for Mike, thus not as exciting for me.  It all was what it needed to be at that moment, and now that moment has passed.  No regrets and great memories of my time spent with Matt, sexual and otherwise. 

I agreed with Mike that we could revisit this at the start of the year.   It will be good for Matt as well as he needs to get out there and date someone who isn’t married.   And it’s not like that’s necessarily the end of Matt.  He is still in our “Circle of Trust” and will spend the occasional “game days with us.   Oh my, if he does get a girlfriend, does that mean she can be part of our Circle of Trust?   

At the rate my DD journey has delivered surprise after surprise, maybe it’s fate that he doesn’t end up with a girlfriend, and instead ends up with a boyfriend!  And even more, the boyfriend gets Matt seriously into a balloon and clown fetish that they share with us and we get all into it as well (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Ha!  I seriously doubt all that. . . but then again?

NEXT: 283. We are three — and a wedding?!?!

269. Turn up the cuck – Whoring me out?

269

If you read my blog, you know that I have a sort of “boyfriend” in Matt.  He is Mike’s friend and former co-worker that we have known for years.  With Mike’s encouragement, Matt and I go out on dates and have sex – sometimes with Mike watching and sometimes with Mike participating.   Most recently, Mike was out of town on business and Matt stayed with me at my house for two nights.   And now Mike has “turned up the cuck.” 

EVOLVING RELATIONSHIP
My relationship with Matt has always been based on sex, but originally it was probably 50/50 on sex and friendship.  I enjoyed his company and friendship and yes, enjoyed a lot of sex.  But the relationship has evolved to be more and more sexual, maybe 90%.  Yes, I still like him as a person and enjoy his company, but we don’t do as many “friendship” things date-wise.  When we get together, it is mostly just for sex.   And that’s how Mike like’s it.  In fact, his latest edict puts us at more at 95% or even 100% sexual relationship. 

MIKE’S EDICT
Mike told me I am to be “on call” for Matt, anytime, unless Mike tells me to say no.  Simply put, I am Matt’s sex toy, ready on demand to pleasure him.  The result is that Matt has come by my house on his lunch hour for an “afternoon delight” and has twice called me to come over to his place for a quick “suck and fuck.” 

A few days ago Mike told me Matt was getting off work a little early and I was to be at his place waiting for him, naked, blindfolded, and kneeling (I have a key to his place).  Further, I was not to say a word.  I could only speak if Matt asked me something.  I complied.

Matt never said a word to me except, “You can go now.”   He entered his apartment and soon after I felt his penis on my lips.  After sucking his cock for a bit, he stood me up and fucked me against the wall, putting me back on my knees in time to cum in my mouth.  He then said I could leave and he left the room.  I never laid eyes on him.  I got dressed, and left.  

It was thrilling and exciting for me.  My thrill is in knowing Mike arranged and wanted this.  And it felt very dirty, in a naughty, taboo, exciting sort of way.   I do enjoy sex with Matt – it feels great!  But my greatest pleasure is not the orgasms, it is knowing that it gets Mike off.   And doing what I just did, knowing it was Mike’s wish — yummy!

HOW I FEEL
I feel a bit used, like a sex object, like I am not valued beyond my mouth and pussy.  But – mixed in with that, I feel excited, energized, and yes, fulfilled.   Such is the dichotomy of submission!  I am doing what Mike wants and serving to fulfill his fantasies.  It is a weird mix of emotions. 

Let’s not sugar coat it and call this what it is.  Yes, my submission has come to a point where my husband can whore me out if he wishes.  I am 100% okay with that.   I love fulfilling Mike’s fantasies of seeing me as a sexual being, fully giving myself sexually to anything he requests.  I granted this power to Mike starting in October 2015, when we added the “Sexual Obedience” clause to our Agreement (a clause that remains a part of our current Agreement).  It reads in part:

  • Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  

Mike frequently asks me how I am feeling about this.  You probably think I shared all sorts of concerns with him.  I only shared one.  I am concerned that being at Matt’s call could impact my performance of my Duties and Obligations as it interferes with my schedule. 

Mike told me that I should consider Matt as simply another “chore” and it was a chore to be prioritized over others.  Mike also reminded me it wasn’t “my” schedule, as my time belongs to him (boy o’ boy he really tickled my submissive spot when he said that!).

Mike was admittedly surprised that my only concern was the demands on my (his) time. I reassured him that was the case and that I would let him know if my feelings change.  I shared with him that I want him to feel free in knowing it doesn’t have to be enough for him to simply know he has this power over me is  – he can feel free to actually exercise this power.   

Even though we have been living DD for over three years, and have really adopted a more D/s dynamic over the last two, sometimes I think it helps to reassure Mike that indeed I not just accept him Dominance, but I want it and encourage it.  And as far as the Sexual Obedience clause goes, I wanted to use this opportunity to reassure him he can explore whatever desires or fantasies he has.   

To which Mike replied, “Thank you for stating that.  Hearing you say that always helps me maintain confidence in my decisions.  And, it makes me that much more excited about our upcoming Immersion.”     

Oh my!   What does he have planned?

Next: 270.  I am not dead yet!

268. When the Dom is Gone, the subs Get it On . . . . . . and a spanking

Mike was out-of-town last weekend and he invited Matt to stay at our house.  It was odd having Matt sleep in our bed.  The first night the three of us (me, Matt, Kayla) slept together.  It had been awhile since we had done this as Matt said some time ago that he only wanted to sleep with me going forward.   He was open to changing that up for special occasions.  Oh the sacrifice!  hee hee

Mike gave us two specific requirements while he was gone – 

  1. WAAA rules in effect.  Back in October we added some rules we call “When we Are Apart Activities.” “Waaa!!!!”  Cute, huh?  When Mike is traveling we will face-time just before going to bed.  I am naked, administer a self spanking, and am ready for any other instructions he may give.  The call ends with me saying my evening mantra and I am not to speak any more that night.
  2. Sex.  We were to accommodate any of Matt’s desires that were within our limits.  

Matt knows I am disciplined – but he has never witnessed it.  I asked Mike to not punish me in front of Matt.  It’s difficult to explain – it’s like my relationship with Matt is not at all about discipline and I don’t want him to be a part of/witness to it.  That part of me is part of my relationship with Mike, not Matt.  My relationship with Matt is about sex and companionship (and more sex), not discipline.  When I asked Mike not to punish me in front of Matt, his answer was, “then don’t give me reason to.”   While not the answer I sought, to be honest, his answer really tickles my submissive-spot. 

MIKE’S EXPECTATIONS
I asked Mike for his WAAA expectations regarding Matt’s presence.  Btw, the DD
Assembly on Submissive Tactics and Measures (known as the AssTM committee) gave me a special commendation for this.  As the Submissive Handbook states, “It is acceptable for submissives to make a request of their Dom to clarify intent; however, it is more thoughtful and submissive of the sub to, prior to making their own request, first ask their Dom if the Dom has any specific expectations of their submissive.”  Okay, where were we?  oh yeah…  

Mike expected to have our WAAA session but with a few modifications.  I could do it in the bathroom with the door closed but was not to make Matt leave the bedroom.  It was up to me if I wanted to explain anything to Matt.  I was also allowed to speak after our WAAA but I must text Mike with the mantra before I went to sleep and that I could not talk once I sent the text. As for the morning WAAA, I was not to speak to Matt or anyone until it was completed.  (We do have some exceptions for talking to J if J wakes up before I do).

EVENING WAAA!
It was easier to explain the WAAA to Matt instead of trying to hide it.  I told him I would be in the bathroom for the session.  Matt was sweet. He sensed I was uneasy and offered to wait in the living room until it was over.  Technically I think I could have taken him up on the offer, but I felt it wasn’t in the spirit of what Mike intended.  Mike’s statement implied he didn’t want me to inconvenience Matt in any way.  Plus, I just earned that nice commendation by ASSTM and didn’t want to risk recission… hee-hee.  I told Matt he was welcomed to stay in the bedroom.  

It was about ten or so and Matt, Kayla, and I had already had sex.  As Matt and I laid in the bed watching tv, Kayla had her WAAA session with Mike.  I paid attention to the sounds coming from the bathroom.  You couldn’t make out what was being said, but the self-spanking sounds were distinctive.  Oh well, that’s the way it had to be.  It felt a little awkward when Kayla emerged from the bedroom.  I struggled for something to say and said something like, “Come and keep the bed warm as it’s my turn now.”   

I face-timed with Mike and he had me put on nipple clamps as we talked.  I then had to insert a butt plug after I administered my self spankings.  We then continued to talk.  When we were done, I recited the mantra and we ended our call.  I removed the accouterments, washed up, and returned to the bedroom where Kayla was giving Matt a blow job.  It made for a better transition than what Kayla had.  I said something like, “Oh, goody!” and I eagerly joined in the fun!

It was probably about 1:30 before I texted Mike with the mantra.  Yeah, it was about three hours of sex!  (Mike let us stay up past our bedtime – how nice!)  It wasn’t non-stop, we all had to catch our breath here and there – but it was intense.  More on that in a bit.

MORNING WAA!
I told Matt, “Good morning.”  It quickly dawned on me I messed up.  Crap!

I didn’t say anything else and I went to the bathroom and called Mike.  I recited the mantra before saying anything else.  I confessed my screw up and Mike told me to go get Kayla.  I did so (and she recited her morning Mantra to him), and he told Kayla to spank me for my speaking to Matt before saying my mantra.  In keeping with the typical discipline I receive when it has to do with something I say, I was fully expecting our “traditional” mouth soaping.  Thankfully, Mike didn’t order it as he was satisifed with just the spanking.

It has been a long time since Kayla has spanked me as part of a real discipline session  (Post 251 was more fun than discipline).  Despite this, I had no odd feelings about it.  I guess it is because it was practical for Mike to administer it.  Also, I can close my eyes and it still feels as if Mike is doing it.  I can still feel submissive when Kayla spanks me – but it is much harder to do so when I have to spank Kayla.  Anyway – yeah, I got a pretty hard spanking, enough that I know my butt was very red.

It was another one of those conflicted feelings.  I  really didn’t like Matt seeing my spanked butt – but – having him see it was like this proclamation of my submission to Mike, which I really loved.  Matt didn’t comment and didn’t seem to go out of his way to get a good look, but I know he saw it.

BTW, while my dress code is no pants – dresses and skirts – if J is home and we have to cover due to a spanking, Mike allows us to wear shorts around the house (stay topless). J wasn’t home as he spent the weekend at T1’s and E’s (which was a very big deal and milestone for him).  Anyway, it kept us from having to play cloak and daggar regarding the condition our butts or the sleep-over guest.  

SEX
What of our sex?  Inquirying minds want to know.  Well, it was all the one-on-one and threesome combo’s that you can probably imagine.  We told Matt we were there to serve his fantasies.  We even had to break out a few of the toys!  It was a lot of fun for all of us.  Let your imagination run wild!

NEXT: 269. Turn up the cuck – Whoring me out?

256. More Matt

256
THE LATEST WITH MATT

Mike and I talk about Matt with some frequency.  It is all about keeping in sync on our priorities and desires.  It’s been almost two months now since Matt and started our weekly date nights, plus we spent a weekend together at the coast.

Our dates consist of dinner followed up by some activity – we’ve done a comedy club, laser tag (I didn’t know those things were still around), and a painting class – so yeah, not just “dinner and a movie” although we’ve done that too.  And of course, sex!  In fact, we’ve sometimes skipped going out and just stayed in for lots of sex!

DATE NIGHTS WITH MATT
One night Matt took me to a strip club.  I had never been to one so was definitely curious, but also concerned.  The feminist in me still exists, and my concerns were about the young women being exploited.  This may irk some people for me to say, but, after my experience, frankly, I think it is the horny men that are being exploited.

Anyway, it was an interesting experience.  I actually asked Matt if we could repeat it.  I was very stand-offish and skeptical at first and didn’t really loosen up until the end after I had many conversations with the young women (costing Matt quite a few drinks to keep them interested in my boring questions).  I can see it could actually make for a fun and sexy date-night if I was more flirty and fun.  Next time!

That’s one of the reasons I enjoy myself with Matt — I can sort of be a different person and do things I wouldn’t normally feel comfortable doing.  I am not Jen-the-mom, Jen-the-wife, or Jen-the-anything.  I don’t seek to offend Matt and prefer he enjoy my presence, but frankly, I ultimately don’t care.  I can act out on impulse and be whomever I want for the night.  It serves as a nice break from my normal routine.  Hey – I heard that.  You just said, “Since when does ‘normal’ describe anything you do?

SLEEPOVERS
I am now spending the night at Matt’s on every other date-night, per Mike’s edict.  I’ve stayed with Matt three times now.  With J out of school, I think we will run out of excuses for where mom is in the morning.  Lots of early “doctor appointments” and “errands” lol.  On the off date-nights Matt and I come back to my place for sex.  Mike loves to watch.

We’ve talked about having Matt spend the night, but with J out of school, it will require some morning hi-jinks to keep Matt hidden.  And for now, T2 is home  — by the way, he graduated college and is leaving in a week to take a great job out-of-state. His girlfriend is moving with him.  Now back to our regular programming…

We will soon figure something out to make a Matt sleepover work because Mike is going to be out-of-town for work for several days in a few weeks.  Mike asked Matt to stay with me at our house and Matt agreed.  I accept it, but admit that it will feel weird.  I know it sounds dumb, but, having sex with Matt is one thing, having him sleep in “OUR” bed with Mike gone is another.  Funny, but I said to Mike, “I want Matt sleeping on my side of the bed and I will sleep on yours.”  Somehow that made me feel better.

SEX
I think I wrote a bit about this before, but sex with Matt is different from sex with Mike, and in a lot of ways mirrors the difference in the sex between Mike and Kayla.  With Matt, it is way more raw – more noisy, more sweaty, more raucous.   Mike and Kayla are a lot like that as well.

It isn’t that Mike and I can’t be those things together (sometimes we are), but, it just isn’t our preference.  I don’t know if it is 20+ years of vanilla sex that has conditioned us to prefer that from one another, or if we simply prefer our sex with each other to be more tender.  When we talk about it, I think the issue is when Mike and I have sex together we are more focused on the other person, whereas when we have sex with others, we are more focused on our own enjoyment.

That sounds selfish, especially about Mike and Kayla as we both love Kayla dearly, and what Matt and I have is not love at all.  But the D/s dynamic with Mike and Kayla is one that includes their sex – that is what Kayla desires of her submission.  Whereas with me, one-on-one sex with Mike and my submission to him are still more distinct.  Not totally mutually exclusive, but not totally inclusive as it is with Mike and Kayla.

Whatever it is, Mike and I find fulfillment in allowing the other to experience the joys of sex with other people.  He loves to see me as a sexual being – as someone who thoroughly enjoys sex – and I do.  When he watches Matt and I, he loves to give me directions.  He said it gives him a thrill to “order me” to do certain things with Matt.  In addition, there are times he tells me to be very explicit in telling Matt what I want him to do to me.  Mike loves hearing me ask for certain sexual acts.

Neither of us feels we are losing something when the other has sex with someone else.  I can’t explain it.  I am even surprised we both feel that way.  But we do, so it works for us.

JOHN AND DONNA
I haven’t mentioned them in a long time.  We still see them a lot and spend time each week at their house.  Those visits often, but not always, include sex.  In fact, at least on one of the nights Mike will be out-of-town, Kayla is going to spend the night at John and Donna’s.

I think the reason I don’t write much about them is that there isn’t anything new to write about.  Basically everything I shared before sums up our ongoing relationship with them and well, suffice to say it is ongoing!

UPCOMING EVENTS?
We are still talking to my parents about J’s annual stay at their house during the summer.  The last two years we’ve used his absence as an opportunity to explore some deeper forms of D/s, M/s, BDSM, or whatever (Post 31,  Post 150).   We hadn’t talked much about it until last night’s “Joint” Maintenance Session (Post 249).   We have some tentative plans, including some of the kinks we want to explore, which I’ll share on another post.

Next: 257. More Kayla

237. Weird in a Good Way – Cuckolding

237

I have sex with my husband, Mike, of course. And with our best friends and neighbors, John and Donna. And of course there is Kayla.  And as of about three months ago, there is Matt.   (Post 197).

I haven’t posted anything more about Matt since then. I think each time I had something to share, I had something else I felt more important to share.   Then, it just seemed too far in the past to bother writing about it.  I find it easier to write about something that is fresh on my mind, where any new thoughts and feelings are… well, still new.   It’s more difficult to be inspired to share once I’ve reconciled, incorporated, or moved on from something.

SEX WITH MATT
After our first sexual encounter in early December, we had another later that month.  Mike and Kayla also visited Matt – Matt had sex with Kayla.  In those initial encounters, Mike just watched.  In late December, Matt came over to our house and this time Mike participated as he and Matt had sex with Kayla and I.   And we introduced Matt to John and Donna.

Matt hit it off with John and Donna.  He is a likable guy.  Unassuming, almost shy.  A bit reserved but if you ask him something directly, he can go on and on in answering you.  I learned you just have to ask him directly, otherwise, he isn’t going to just tell you something or randomly interject his thoughts.

He is attractive — not like model, amazingly, incredibly, so, but attractive. And his demeanor and how he carriers himself is sexy.  And as I learned and shared previously, he is well endowed…8 1/2 inches.  I get that this is not like porn-star huge, but, still a personal record for me.   And it has the perfect thickness and overall look to it.    A very beautiful cock.    ahem,  oh…back to my story.

Matt attended the Super Bowl Party that  I missed.   In February,  Mike and I visited him once during one of our date nights, as did Mike and Kayla on one of their date nights.   Schedules and various commitments have precluded visited to/from Matt over the last three weeks or so.

CUCK
Mike confessed having what clearly is a cuckold fantasy.  He has always enjoyed watching me be sexual, such as masturbating, or having sex, whether with John, Donna, or Kayla.   But he said he gets a unique thrill of watching me with John.  Mike says the feelings are 100% erotic when he watches me with another woman, but watching me with John and Matt includes a dimension he can’t fully describe.

While the sex with Matt has included group settings (including Mike and Kayla, or even including Mike, Kayla, John, and Donna), many times it has just been one-on-on; just Matt and me, or just Matt and Kayla — with Mike nearby or watching.  The settings with Matt have been more intimate than say the times I am having sex with John, when Donna is there and it part of a larger “play date” or interaction.   We’ve gone to Matt’s, exchange a quick hello, have sex, and then a goodbye.  It is really much more about the act of sex and not much more than that.

WHAT MOTIVATES MIKE
Mike’s reasons are that he loves watching us (Kayla and I) be sexually fulfilled.   It also satisfies the voyeur in him, and he knows it satisfies the exhibitionist in me.  It also gives him a strong element of control over me.  He admits that the control factor is a big part of his thrill.  Of course, with our D/s, I grant him lots of control over me, which includes sex, but granting control is one thing, actually taking it is another.

WHAT MOTIVATES ME
Our agreement specifically addresses that he may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by me whether it be by or upon him or any other person.  At the time I agreed to this, I specifically wanted Mike to be willing to explore whatever sexual fantasies he had regarding me.  And I still do.   It is part of my fulfillment of being submissive.

Mike often asks me about my feelings about something he commanded, whether sexual or otherwise.  I am not allowed to simply say, “If it makes you happy, then I am happy.”   He wants to know how I feel beyond the satisfaction I get from submission.

In the case of sex with Matt, yes, pleasing Mike pleases me. – that’s a given.  And, it also excites the exhibitionist in me, and I enjoy being the “COA” (Center of Attention) when it comes to sex.  Heck, it’s what prompted me to first masturbate in front of John and Donna way back when.   Yes, I love being a sexual COA, especially when that attention is from Mike.

You may think it requires a lot of self-confidence to be COA.   I don’t consider myself sexually self-confident.  I am not void of confidence, just not over flowing with it.  I do have insecurities – there are things about my body that I know aren’t all that attractive.  Forcing myself to be COA actually builds my self-confidence and is my way of telling my insecurities to “F” off as they aren’t going to limit me.   So yes, having sex with Matt, with Mike watching or knowing about it — definite turn on for me!

Lastly, we BOTH admit to simply enjoying the excitement, fulfillment, and stimulation from the sexual exploration of something that is considered taboo.   Just the thought of it is a bit stimulating, let alone actually doing it!

MOTIVATED BY SCIENCE?
Studies show that if a man believes his wife has been with other men (even if she really hasn’t), that belief can change the man’s physiology.  Their passion increases, their sperm count increases, they get erect sooner, ejaculate more, can get erect again more quickly after sex, and simply have an increased sex drive.

The biology around this is simply the human desire to procreate.  If a man senses “competition,” their body has evolved to react with increased sexual prowess and desire.  These changes occur even when the cuckolding is voluntary.

One other interesting bit of research is that cuckolding couples are excellent communicators.  The doctor running one study stated “they may be some of the most communicative people I‘ve ever seen.”   I believe that aptly describes Mike and I.

KAYLA
Kayla is completely comfortable having sex with Matt.  She described the first time as thrilling because she was actually a little scared.  Not scared of being harmed, but scared of the unknown and worried she would somehow let down Matt and thus letdown Mike.

I haven’t written a lot about Kayla lately.   She reads my blog.  It would be unfair for her to learn through the blog how I feel about something concerning her.  We talk quite a bit, thus I could share what we discuss; however, I also feel it is unfair if she has to read about something that she is still trying to work through herself.  It’s one thing for the two of us to have a discussion, and another for her to have it out there for all my readers to see.   Even though this blog has anonymity, there is still a feeling of having all your stuff “out there” for the world to see.  That can be frustrating or intimidating if you are still trying to work through the issues yourself.

BACK TO MATT
So Matt is now an official member of our Circle of Trust, which means… well, which means whatever Mike wants it to mean.  We may continue our visits to Matt’s place and he to ours, as well as invite him over when we have adult fun at John and Donna’s.   Mike told me he thought about inviting Matt to spend some nights at our house– those thoughts went so far as to consider having him stay over with me when Mike and Kayla were out of town.

Mike asked me for my thoughts on that and I was agreeable, so long as we made sure to keep his presence unknown to J.  The plan was that Matt would leave before J got up for school, or, would stay hidden away in our bedroom until J left for school.   In the end, Mike decided against having Matt over while he was out –at least this time.   I told Mike it would be weird to have Matt alone with me in our house, in our bed — but weird in a good way — which frankly, sums up our entire dynamic!   LOL!

Next: 238. Mystery Blogger Award

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