Tag Archives: crying

141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0

141Immersion

It is summer time and that means continuing a “tradition.”   Yes, it means it is time once again for an M/s immersion!   Okay, so perhaps it doesn’t qualify as “tradition” yet as it will be just our second such “immersion,” but it is something I’ve been looking forward to for some time. 

IMMERSION 2016 – a look back
I wrote about our immersion last year
(Post 31. June Butterflies – 10 day Total Power Exchange and again Post 34. M/s immersion complete).  What is definitely a tradition is that each summer my parents have my kids spend two weeks with them (of course, now it is mainly just my youngest).  This has always been a time for Mike and I to have some unencumbered fun.  Of course, what constitutes “fun” has been a little different since embracing Domestic Discipline.  

IMMERSION 2017 – a look ahead
Like last year, Mike and I will experiment with taking our dynamic up a notch or two on the Dom/sub scale.  A time to test limits and have extended uninterrupted “adult” time. This year will be a bit different as Kayla is now with us and Mike and I are another year wiser from our experiences.  After all, this time last year we were just 15 months into our DD lifestyle, so now have almost TWICE the experience!  What a difference a year makes.

We discuss what the Immersion will be like this year.  I asked Mike to simply surprise me.  No preconceived limitations, restrictions, or expectations on my part.   I asked that he just feel free to explore his wildest fantasies and let me rely on safe words to communicate when a limit has been reached.  

Kayla said she wanted the same from this immersion, with one addition.  She really enjoyed the group dynamic of the party (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party) and she wants to explore being with several men at once, as long as both Mike and I are present. She said that in her fantasy, Mike and I just watch, neither of us participate.  Thus, she asked if Mike could find “at least three” other men to be involved.  Mike told her he would consider it and it would hinge on him finding the right guys to participate.  John would be one, but the challenge is finding others we can trust.  Two of the couples at the party were really great to hang around.  We know that one of them only play together as a couple, so that leaves the man in the other couple to consider.  So including John, perhaps we are at two good candidates.

I don’t have significant reservations about Kayla’s request.  Not to say I don’t have concerns, but I know Mike takes this seriously and I am confident he will do what he can to make this live up to Kayla’s expectations.  I know this is a big fantasy of Kayla’s and I am happy to help her experience it if we can have all the right controls.  My biggest fear is actually Kayla having unrealistic expectations about it.  If you’ve read my posts you know how I am about expectations.  (Post 81. Expectations)

Thus, we all talked extensively about her request to ensure we are all “calibrated” as to her wants and desires.  I feel Kayla has really matured in her thinking about her submission and sexuality.   In six short months she has found tremendous confidence in sharing her fantasies and has shown discretion in separating pure fantasy from true desires.    

We’ll see what comes of this.  While Mike and I enjoyed the “vibe” of the party (sans Rudy),  we are content with our dynamic and sex life such that we mostly just see complications and disappointments if we make such “parties” the norm for us.  However Kayla wants to explore more and wants the comfort of our guidance and presence.  We will see what comes of this.  

CRYING
Switching gears —  T
hinking about the immersion last year has me in a reflecting mood.  It doesn’t really take much for that as I am a highly self-reflective person.  It got me thinking more about my submission and thinking more deeply about certain ways I act or have acted.

One of things I was reflecting on is crying.  While there have been plenty of exceptions, I don’t typically cry when I am punished.  I almost always get a bit teary eyed, but the full on cry is atypical.  Kayla, on the other hand, started out as a huge crier.  Her cries have diminished but are still common place.  She tends to have more like the semi-hyperventilating sniffles with lots of tears running down her cheeks versus a loud and boisterous cry.  

There may be a tendency to equate crying with pain or sadness, but that is never the reason I cry, nor is the reason for Kayla’s crying.    Both of us agree that the likelihood and degree of our crying is directly related to the degree of humility, remorse, and/or guilt we feel about the transgression that led to the punishment.  I think Kayla feels those things more often and more intensely than I do because she is younger and puts more pressure on herself than I do.  As such, she feels it more as a personal defeat than a temporary set back.  For me, the feelings of humility, remorse, or guilt are compounded the most when it is a repeat offense.  That leads me to a spanking story I haven’t shared that happened a few days ago.       

Spanking Story (tease)
I was at the store and saw something I wanted to buy for the house.  Our rules say I can only buy household items like food, toiletries, and cleaning supplies as long as it fits in the budget.  Any other purchases required permission from Mike.   If you aren’t familiar with the origins of this rule, read Post 71. Good Girl and Post 75. Public Display of Submission).

For whatever reason I wasn’t in a mindset to want to call Mike.  Asking permission seemed trivial and it was so clear to me we could use this item.  So, what did I do?  Well, I didn’t buy it. . . but I still got punished!   I’ll share the details on my next post!

NEXT:  142.  Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time.

 

109. The Tuck, The Spank, and the Slumber

pillowf

Disclaimer: The image I used doesn’t directly relate to this story. It just seemed to be a good tease and may relate to what you imagine happens when I say goodnight to Kayla. I will admit we sometimes get a bit silly, but no pillow fighting… yet!

As I mentioned in other posts, I got in the habit of going to Kayla’s room just before bedtime to say goodnight. We found we really looked forward to these moments and we have been trying hard to start them earlier and earlier so we could talk more.  It has become a time where she and I can both share and reflect on the day in a very calm and comfy atmosphere.

When we would finally say our goodnights and she said, “Goodnight, Ma’am,” I told her that for our “tuck-in talks” she can call me Mrs. H.  So now she says, “Goodnight Mrs. H.” The reason I did this is that these talks have been very warm and also very non-subby (is that a word?).  Anyway, they often had nothing to do with the topic of D/s.   These talks have become an additional bonding opportunity that is different from other opportunities we have.

THE TUCK. . .
Last night (Friday), our talk ran over and we missed our 10:30 curfew. Kayla actually noticed when it was 10:30 but as I started to leave her room I turned and asked her something, which turned into more talking. Mike happened to come by about 10:33 and I was still in Kayla’s room. I told him it was my fault as Kayla told me it was 10:30 but I was the one who kept talking. Mike thought for moment and then said that this was not acceptable from either one of us.

. . . the Spank
Mike told me to take off my clothes as I hadn’t undressed yet for bed, and he told Kayla, who was already naked, to get up from her bed – yes, be both sleep in the buff, per our rules. He said that this was serious because he shouldn’t have to worry about the two of us doing something together that was against the rules. At least one of us should recognize what is happening and stop it before it happens.   He said it wasn’t enough that Kayla mentioned it was 10:30. Kayla should have told me to go, or turned her own light off and got into bed and ignored me, or even gone to get him.

Wow. I hadn’t really thought about a situation where we would have to tell on each other!?!  It seems so childish. However, I understand that it is the only way to ensure one of us didn’t become an accomplice to the other’s rule breaking. Mike went on to say he never wants to be in a position of having to figure out who is at fault. If one of us doesn’t come to him in a situation like this, then we are both equally at fault, period.   He also says that any situation where we collectively transgress, the punishment will be greater than usual. He feels we need to think twice about every collectively doing something we aren’t supposed to.

This was another one of those “Dom” moments with Mike that really turn me on.  I love it when he deals with a situation we had never talked about before and he figures out a way to deal with it in a very Dom-like manner.  It makes me tingle just thinking about it… I digress.

Kayla’s bed is situated in the middle of the room, with space both to the left and right of the bed.   He told me to get on one side, and Kayla the other, and bend over so our elbows are on the bed and we are to hold hands and not talk – he would be back.   He returned with two implements I dread. One was the rubber prison strap, and the other was our 24-inch oak paddle I call “the Thrasher.”

He told us he was going to use quite a bit of force and he would start with me. There would be four with The Thrasher, followed by three with the strap. I knew that with the lower number of swats came a greater intensity to each swat.  He said I would receive them first, then Kayla, and then back to me, and then back to Kayla – so 14 total for each of us. He also gave us a phrase to say in counting each swat, something we don’t often do. After giving the count we had to add, “Thank you Sir, I will not conspire with Kayla/Ma’am to break any rules.” If we don’t say it correctly, the count starts back at 1.

I got my first 7. They were tough. My concerns was less about my stinging butt and more about whether or not Kayla would be able to be quiet through these. The room is far enough away from J’s such that noise should not be an issue, but Kayla is a crier and these were not ordinary swats.  While they were hard, at least Mike paused a moment in between each one, making them more bearable than if they were in quick succession.

Kayla’s first round didn’t go so well. When she got to three, she said, “Three.  Thank you Sir, I will not conspire with Ma’am to break my rules.”   She was supposed to say, “any” rules.   So Mike started back at 1. Then she was so quick to recite the phrase, she forgot to count 1, so again, he re-started at 1. She ended up with 11 her first go round, 8 with the paddle and 3 with the strap.   She started crying early into the spanking and her cries grew louder with each one.

We had to maintain eye contact with each other throughout and it was painful for me to look into her eyes as she was struck. When she would drop or turn her head in pain after being spanked, Mike would tell her to get her head up and look me in the eye, else he would start over. Normally I like watching a spanking. I identify with the sense of submission and it makes me feel good. I think I didn’t connect that way this time in part because the spanking was my fault, and in part because she looked so pained. I’ve seen the expression before, and Kayla assures us she enjoys this and that she is just prone to crying a lot, but still, it made me want to just take them all for her.

I got my next 7, and again on Kayla’s last round she flubbed the phrase, this time at six! So she was up to 13 for that round.  When Mike was done he told Kayla she would get two more with the paddle and one with the strap because she failed to keep eye contact with me too many times.  He would also repeat these three strokes for as long as it took until she maintained eye contact throughout.  Fortunately she was able to do so after just one set of the three. So in all, she got 24 to my 14. It doesn’t sound like much of a difference but for the force and type of implements used, it is a significant difference.

We stood in a group hug during the Closing Ceremony (aka after care).   It took Kayla quite a while to fully stop crying and her butt was very red. I think Mike felt bad about the thought of sending her off to bed alone and thus told her she could sleep with us. That quickly improved her spirits.

Mike told us to get to bed and he would go shower and be there soon – but that we wouldn’t have sex that night. Mike and I have generally avoided sex right after an intense punishment. While I sense this is not normal (as if anything DD is normal), we don’t like connecting a punishment to sex. We think this is also important for Kayla. While we can be intimate in an embrace or even kissing, no sex after a spanking.

…and the Slumber
Kayla and I got into our bed as Mike showered.  I continued to hold her tightly and consoled her as she was still teary eyed and not completely over the spanking.  I was on my back and she was half on top of me, half on my side, with her head on my chest. I told her I was sorry for causing the punishment and she tried to reassure me it wasn’t my fault and joked, “At least it led to me getting to sleep with you all.”

When Mike was ready for bed he crawled in next to us. Normally when Kayla sleeps with us Mike will sleep between me and Kayla. It isn’t a rule, just something we started doing. Kayla was already in my arms as Mike just crawled into bed next to us.  We all kissed each other goodnight.  As the kisses between Kayla and I lingered, Mike reminded us there was no sex tonight and we should stop before it went further, so we stopped.

While Kayla seemed content in my arms, I know her favorite position is being on top of Mike, with his arms wrapped around her with her head on his chest. So I told her it was okay if she wanted to go lay on Mike. Like a good sub, she asked Mike, “Sir, is it okay if I stay on Ma’am until I fall asleep?”   Mike said it was if it was okay with me, which it was. Kayla fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t ask her, but I sensed it was her way of saying she forgave me for causing the punishment. It felt really good to hold her like that.

NEXT: 110.  I Spy…something Poly! In defense of Millennials!

96. Kayla’s First. . .

embrace

This story is a bit overdue because of my required last post and because I got all my Christmas shopping done this week.

It happened a week ago – it was last Saturday (or technically, early Sunday morning) – Kayla got her first spanking.  By all accounts it was incredible, cathartic, emotional, exciting, and sexy.  But, I can only tell you about it second hand because I wasn’t there.   I am very happy that it happened the way it did.  In many ways my feelings about it are similar to Mike’s date night with Donna, but even more elated because of how special it was to Kayla.  It also served as a great bonding moment for the two of them.

Mike and I were both in bed (but not asleep, hee-hee) when Kayla texted asking if could come by right now.  We were a bit alarmed.  Mike told me that he would get up and “tend to Kayla” and that I was to go to sleep.  He would wake me if I was needed, otherwise, I was not to get up and he expected me to be asleep when he returned.   As hard as it was for me to accept, I didn’t question it and surprisingly, eventually fell asleep.

I was later awakened with both Mike and Kayla getting into our bed.  Mike simply told me that Kayla was going to spend the night and he’d explain more in the morning.   A naked Kayla snuggled up in between Mike and I and that was that.  Here’s what happened as it was conveyed to me.

Kayla arrived distraught.  She had been out with her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend.  I mentioned them in a prior post as Kayla would sometimes have a threesome with them.   After they spent the evening out together, it was time to go back to their place.  Kayla told them she didn’t want to do “that” anymore.  She tried to explain that she enjoyed their company, wants to stay close friends, but just not the sex – apparently neither of them took it well and they got angry.

Kayla was very upset by their reaction and was also concerned she would go home and drink.  She thought it best to come over and see us – something we specifically encouraged her to do in these situations.  That is, in situations where she wanted to drink, not in situations where she wanted to break off a threesome (ha!).

Kayla explained to Mike that the threesomes were mostly just a physical thing.  She had known her best friend for years and they had messed around before she got a boyfriend.  She was never attracted to the boyfriend and the threesomes just sort of happened, but no real emotions.  Kayla said that she could see that her relationship with us was headed towards sex.  What she felt just thinking about Mike and I was so much more rewarding than the feelings she got from the actual threesomes with her friend.  This made her realize she should stop having sex with them.  On top of that she said it is also a safe-sex thing.  She felt a responsibility towards us to be more responsible with her own sex life.

As strongly as Kayla felt about this, it still upset her that her friend reacted the way she did.  She doesn’t want to lose her friend.  Mike could tell that Kayla was holding back the tears as best as she could and really needed a release.  Mike also had an idea.  From what they told me, it went something like this –

“Kayla, I have an idea,” said Mike.  “You wait here.”  Mike then went and retrieved something and came back to Kayla and said, “We are going on a short trip.”   The left our house and walked over to John and Donna’s.  They were out-of-town for the weekend and we have a key to their house.  Mike knows they would approve of his use of their house.

Kayla of course asked what this was about and Mike told her to just trust him and follow him.  When they got inside Mike said, “Kayla, take off your clothes and bend over.”

Kayla managed a confused, “What?  Really?  Now?”

Mike said, “That is not the proper response.  This spanking was not intended as a punishment, but as a release, but now you just earned some punishment swats. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Mike proceeded to give her several warm ups by hand.  Mike said she flung about quite a bit at first but soon settled in and took them with only a little flinch.   He then pulled out “little shorty” as we call it.  It is a small wooden paddle that Mike took from our collection and tucked into his waistband before leaving the house.  He kept Kayla over his knee and spanked her with it using what he said was “fairly good” force.

About half way through Kayla started to cry and he encouraged her to let it out as loud as she needed to and he would not stop until she did.  He said it wasn’t long until she was bawling her eyes out.  When he finished with the paddle he held Kayla for quite a while as she continued to cry loudly and deeply.  As her tears started to subside he asked her what she was feeling.

“I am not sure,” she said.

With that Mike said, “Okay then, bend over.”  He took off his belt and began spanking her with it very hard and in quick succession.  He then told her to stand up and again he said, “What are you feeling?”

She hesitated and Mike quickly said, “Bend over again.”

Again, several by belt in quick succession.  At this point Kayla was again intensely crying.  He held her until it subsided and once again asked, “What are you feeling.”

She finally was able to articulate a feeling and loudly said, “Scared.”

“I am scared that I lost one of my friends.  I am scared that I will disappoint you and Jen.  I am scared that I won’t do well on my finals next week.  I am scared that I won’t want to return to school next fall and start my masters.  I am scared if I do return to school that I will find it too hard.  I am scared my mom won’t function well without me at home.  I am just so scared.”

With that she cried even more severely as she cried into Mike’s chest as he held her.  Mike didn’t try to specifically address any of her concerns and just encouraged her to vent and said he was there to listen and ensured her, “If you need to keep crying, you just keep crying.”

He told her he felt awful that this was all happening to her and that both he and I would be there for her and she could never disappoint us and that we both loved her.   As it was a bit chilly Mike got a blanket and then they got on the couch.  He laid down on his back with Kayla laying on him with her back on his chest and her head just below his.  He wrapped his arms around the blanket and her.  She continued to cry for some time.

Mike then asked, “What are you feeling?”  He said Kayla paused for just a moment, as if she was pondering whether or not she was in for another spanking if she didn’t have a response.  Then she quickly said, “Actually, I feel really good right now.”    Mike asked her to elaborate.   “I feel loved, I feel safe, I feel warm, and I feel welcomed.  Is that enough of an answer?”    Mike said, “That’s the question I would ask you.  Is that enough?”   “Yes, Sir, for the moment, it is more than enough.”

At some point Kayla flipped around so she was facing Mike, and they began to kiss – their first!   Kayla pretty quickly got “handsy” and started unzipping Mike’s pants.  She started to stroke him when Mike stopped her.  He wasn’t sure what to say.  His first thought was that he wasn’t sure it was a good moment as she was coming off something highly emotional.  Okay, he admits that was his second thought, right after thinking, “Hell, yes!”   He could immediately see a dejected look on her face and thought, “oh no, what have I done by rejecting her.”

He finally put his thoughts together and said, “Kayla, I want to have sex with you, but I’d like us to wait until Jen is around so all three of us can experience it together.”   She started to say, “But…” and stopped herself.  And again, Mike could see she was hurt by his rejection of her advances.

Mike then said, “Kayla, stand up right now.”  Kayla did so.  Mike slowly looked over her naked body and he could see Kayla was nervous.  Mike said, “Kayla, you are beautiful and we will have sex soon enough.  For now, get on your knees, pull my pants down and give me a blow job.”  Kayla complied.

When she was finished – make that, when HE was finished, ha! – he told her to lay down on the couch.
“Now, touch yourself while I watch.”   Kayla hesitated, her hand started moving towards her thighs but then she stopped, then started, and then stopped again.  It was like she wasn’t sure where to start, or even if she should.  Mike said he felt like it would help her to get started without him staring. He said, “I am going to get a drink of water and by the time I come back your fingers need to be in your wet pussy.”  With that Kayla began to touch herself and when Mike returned just a minute later, she was relaxed and enjoy herself.  It wasn’t long before she had an orgasm.

They then kissed for some time and then Mike said it was time to go.  Mike told Kayla she would be staying with us for the night.  The next thing I knew they were crawling in bed with Kayla, naked, between me and Mike.  I was naked as well.

Mike told me that all was well and in the morning they would share with me what happened.  So we each put an arm around Kayla and we all went to sleep.  I could smell the sex, so I knew something had gone on.  Suffice to say I went to sleep with a smile on my face, but probably not as big as the smile on Mike and Kayla’s face. When we woke up in the morning, Kayla was wrapped tightly around Mike in firm embrace.  She looked so peaceful.

NEXT:  97. Less Kayla, more Mike, Jen, and Kayla.