330. Immersion 2019 Finale: ConNonCon

Immersion was about a month ago.  Plenty of time to reflect on it, but there is no greater impetus for reflection than writing about it.   Thinking through just the right words to convey an experience gives you a new perspective on that experience.

Yes, I know, many of you are saying I am still searching for the “right” words.  Hey, if I say enough of them, some of them are bound to be “right.”  If you know anything about me, it’s that I feel strongly that if you can convey something in fewer words, don’t bother, just say it in more!  I am not much of an editor.

Where were we?

Oh.  Anyway — As I wrote the last post I had this epiphany about kink.  Like major psychological groundbreaking thoughts.  I can’t wait to share them.  But before I thoroughly entertain, enlighten, and inspire you with an esoteric rant, let’s wrap up the kinky stuff that went on at our “Take it to 11” Immersion.

There was really only one activity that lived up to the “Take it 11” billing.  And that was our exploration into Consensual Non-Consent.

TRIGGER WARNING:  I share some rape themes which may be disturbing to some.  Here’s your chance to click away.

CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT
Let’s be straight.  This is rape-play.  Serious stuff.  The first order of business was to make sure we had a mutually agreeable understanding of what it meant.   We all recognized it can be a mind-fuck as much as a physical one, and we weren’t aiming for the former, but also didn’t want it to just be “rough sex.”

So we came up with some ideas that we thought struck the balance we were comfortable with.  In the end, I think what we ended up with was more along the lines of “rough sex” than true ConNonCon.  Pushing, slapping, rough handling and/or restraining of our bodies, vulgar and degrading language, stuff like that.

It was the three of us, plus John, Matt, and his girlfriend, Jillian.  Donna sat that activity out, but she watched.   Each of the participating women took turns, so it was three men on one woman.   And while the first woman (me) was with the three guys the other two (Kayla and Jillian) had to wait outside where they couldn’t hear or see what was going on.

It started first with a talk.  We sort of verbally sketched out a scene, talked again about what was off-limits.  For me, it was choking, punching, and cutting.  It may seem silly to have to articulate some of those limits, but that’s what you have to do to help avoid misunderstandings.  And then we did the scene.

I won’t go into details but to say it was rough.  And while there was no knife-play per se, one was allowed and used as long as it was limited to removal (cutting away) of clothes.  I had never experienced that.  Even though a controlled environment, it was still scary to have your clothes cut off by a long sharp knife.

In the end, I was physically exhausted and sore.  I was surprised how into the scene I got and just how sweaty everyone got.  I really tried hard to get away, which is why I was so sore.  And I don’t mean I wanted to get away – I didn’t.  I just wanted to try.  I would have been disappointed if I succeeded.

On an emotional level, it seemed to strike a balance for me.  A few moments of fear, but not like life-endangering fear.  Just a fear like, “Wow, he’s really getting into this, I hope he’s under control and doesn’t do something stupid.”  That little bit of the unknown was “rapey” enough for me.

We talked afterward — plenty of aftercare — then eventually repeated the process for the next one up, which was Jillian.  Kayla went last.  We didn’t do these all back-to-back as the guys needed time to um… let’s say, “re-charge.”   But over the course of the afternoon, we all got our ConNonCon experience.

The after-care was not just immediately after.  It continued all day and evening long with the guys checking in with us and with us gals checking in with each other.   Everyone reported having a good experience with it, and even today feel the same way.

I didn’t consult the BDSM rule-book, but as I stated, I think our version of this was more along the lines of rough-sex than ConNonCon.   That’s fine.  It seemed to satisfy everyone’s curiosity and cravings.  So no need to have to label it.   Ultimately, I can check that box and leave it open to maybe doing again someday.   Not a “must-have” for me, but not a “never again” either.

And that concludes Immersion 2019!  Looking forward to sharing my reflections and the discovery of what I call “Kink Think.”

Next: 331.  Kinkthink

328. Immersion 2019: Take it to 11

I wish I hadn’t taken the break from posting.  I find it difficult to post about something that is “old news” to me.  I enjoy writing “in the moment” where I am still in awe of what happened or still trying to reconcile what it all means.   By now my Immersion is like, “Yep, that happened, no biggie.”

I’ll at least give you the Cliff Notes.  Are those even still around?  Am I showing my age, which, by the way, is now 50!   Yep!  And that’s good cause for an old-fashion Jenny rant about reflecting on life, aging, and a host of other mid-life issues.  As much as I know you would prefer a rant, I am instead going to indulge myself and write about kink.  Yeah, I know, boring, right?  Don’t worry, (I know you are worried).  I’ll rant some other time.

As I mentioned in my prior post, we once again held our annual Immersion, where we take a headfirst dive into exploring our sexual and kinky boundaries (emphasis on the “head” in headfirst, hee-hee).    This was our fourth such “Immersion” which this year we themed, “Take it to 11.”

MISTER AND NURSE ANN
Mister and Nurse Ann joined us for an afternoon like they did last year. We stayed in touch with them since last year.  They’ve been over to our house a few times as well as over to John and Donna’s.  We got to know them well enough that Nurse Ann even made a few visits to our house by herself just to breastfeed Kayla.

BTW, it’s been about a year since Kayla seriously explored age play.   I believe I wrote somewhere that over time she progressed, or sort of “aged-up” from a near infant-like play to more toddler.  She continued that progression and most play puts her about 5 years old.  She will still jump around a bit, and clearly, the breastfeeding is more infant-like.  I won’t re-hash this topic since I covered it in last year’s Immersion post, 274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018.  It was pretty much a repeat of that.

Oh, so you can mark your scorecard, yes, it included us having sex with Mister. hee-hee.

TAKE IT TO 11
Our “Take it to 11” activities were the “new ground” that we wanted to experiment with during Immersion 2019.   It involved a variety of things, most notably more Master/slave exploring, more BDSM, and the most daring one for us, playing around with “Consensual non-consent.”

MASTER/slave Exploring
There was some of what we’ve done before.  Again, you can refer to last year’s post for that stuff.   Orgasm denial was something new.  Not that any of us are against it, it just never resonated as something we wanted to explore, until now.

It is its own unique form of torture and pleasure.  Being on edge for four hours is as painful as it is pleasurable.  And when I was allowed to release, let’s just say it was intense.  Intense enough that I emptied my bladder as well.  I’d love to say it was because it was THAT intense of an orgasm, but perhaps I’m getting a bit incontinent in my advancing age.  I digress.

Honestly, I would chalk it up to it being THAT intense.  I was verbally louder than I’ve ever been, I shook more than usual, got lightheaded, and yeah, spilled the pee as well! The aftershocks went on for about ten minutes.

Kayla had a harder time with denial.  She’s always been very orgasmic and can orgasm without being touched.  She often orgasms just from giving head.  Mike had to really back off on the stimulation with her and she came many times without permission and was punished accordingly.

I guess since I sort of “mastered” the course, Mike isn’t that interested in adding this to our routine.  That’s fine with me.  It was fun but not something I crave.   Unfortunately (or fortunately?) for Kayla, this is something she will be repeating (and already has).

I got an email from someone recently who follows this blog that wrote of essentially “orgasm training” where, like Pavlov’s dog, he trained his wife or girlfriend to be able to cum on demand by using the sound of his voice.  I mentioned this to Mike and he had this grin like, “That’s it, that’s what I’ll work on with Kayla!”   Sorry, Kayla.  Or maybe not.  I think she’s going to enjoy it.

Another M/s type things we did that was new was . . . I am not sure how to best describe it. . . We spoke poorly of ourselves?   Basically, that we were nothing more than objects for Mike’s pleasure and expressed no will of our own other than to serve him, be his slave, his cunts, his whores.   Yeah, we did that.

Like a lot of things we do during Immersion, I can do it knowing it is part of exploring and likely for a limited time.  It’s not my thing and isn’t going to become my thing – not that there’s anything wrong with it if it’s your thing.  Honestly, I had a hard time doing it without laughing at times because it just seemed silly to me.  Clearly, I didn’t connect to that on a submissive level.  More power to you if it connects with you.

Kayla likes the “deeper/darker” stuff more than I do, but she didn’t particularly like the self-degradation or degradation from Mike.  She loves to serve Mike and be under his authority, but she thrives with the “warm stuff.”  She loves the hugs, the “good girl” and all the affirmations that Mike regularly gives her.

MORE BDSM – Rope.  Lots of rope.  
Mike researched Shibari, (and as he learned, more correctly known as Kinbaku), which are Japanese rope tying techniques.  He was anxious to apply the research.  BTW, here’s some info he liked about the type of rope of use.

There are all sorts of tips and safety measures you should learn about.  Just search Shibari and you can find the details.  I won’t go into them here.

I don’t particularly like being suspended or restrained beyond just my hands tied.  Although I liked the breast bondage stuff.  Shibari seemed like an awful lot of work and time for minimal pleasure.  I guess I am just not rope-bunny material.

Mike enjoyed the challenge of figuring out the various ties but admitted that in the end, he wasn’t that turned on sexually.   Kayla loves to be restrained but said she is good with the handcuffs, bed restraints, and spreader bars we already use.  Maybe it just requires more practice or we went about it the wrong way?  Any thoughts out there?

MORE BDSM – Wax on.  Wax off.
We also spent several hours in wax play.  We did this with some of our guests, which I will write more about later.   While we’ve done a little wax play here and there, we did a lot of wax play during Immersion.  Practically several full-body waxings as well as playing with different types of wax of different temperatures.

We all enjoyed it and have always enjoyed it when we’ve dabbled in it.  Frankly, for whatever reason, it’s more of a social thing for us.  We’ve done it many times with John and Donna, but rarely as part of play between the three of us.   I’m sure that’s normal whenever a bunch of friends get together.  “Hey, let’s all get naked and pour wax on each other!”   Well, normal for us anyway.

CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT & PLAYING WITH OTHERS
These two topics overlap because our “ConNonCon” also included playing with others.
As this post is long enough, I’ll cover those last two parts of our Immersion in another post.   Here’s a hint though.  It includes a lot of sex.   Surprised?   No?   What kind of person do you think I am?   Oh… that kind?   Well, okay, you’re right.

Next: 329. More Immersion 2019: Playing with Friends