The topic of Kayla has surely dominated my “news” lately (6 out of my last 7 posts). I am only now beginning to realize how big this change will be in my life. At first I thought of Kayla moving in as more of helping her out. Then came the prospects of her being submissive to Mike. At that point I still thought of her as being on her own little journey with us there to provide some guidance and love. As we get closer to her move in date, and have more meaningful discussions and interactions with her, I see that it is much more. It is truly a relationship of love. I guess you could describe where we are at – or clearly are headed – is a polyamorous relationship. I hesitate to call it that just yet, but whatever the name, it is an intimate relationship on many levels.
I think Kayla is an amazing person and I love her. It is hard to describe. There is an attraction and passion that goes beyond the maternal feelings I have for her. It feels odd, like the infatuation that I haven’t felt since I was very young. It is like I have this crush on this young woman who is 25 years younger than me. No, it is not “like” that. It IS that. And Mike feels the same way, as does Kayla. It has surprised all three of us.
She wrapped up her finals this week and spent a couple of nights with us. It is not uncommon for her to go out with her friends and spend the night, so her mother was not concerned about her not coming home. We have fully “consummated” our relationship, but I will leave the details out. For some reason I don’t feel like sharing them. To help guide your imagination closer to the truth, think of it as soft, loving, slow, and tender. Not hot, heavy, hard, and pounding.
Kayla has started regularly calling me “Ma’am” and Mike “Sir.” She has also presented us with her contract. I won’t share the details for now – however, she is definitely going “all in” on her submission. She has required a lot of subjugation of herself and has asked for a level of strictness that surprises me. I see lots of spankings in her future, even some by me. I believe she is truly ready for what she committed to. She put a lot of thought and research into this. She told us to stop reminding her that she can stop this at any time. She said she understands that but never wants us to speak of her ability to quit ever again. For someone who is shy and uncertain about herself in many ways, she is also confident and bold in many others.
I have used my blog to both reflect on things that I have done and to try to dissect what I felt and am feeling. I am fine speculating about my own feelings and motivations, or even of Mike’s, but, it is unfair to do so about Kayla’s experience. I will continue to post about what I am feeling and experiencing, so I am sure there will be plenty about Kayla – but I need to be respectful of Kayla’s journey. She will surely share her feelings, how she interprets her experiences, her needs, her desires, etc. And I will share those things to the extent she allows – but I will not rely on conjecture in sharing what I think those things are for her.
I continue to encourage her to start a blog. She does have to journal after all, so why not blog it? She has said she wants to give the journaling a try and perhaps after a bit she would be comfortable putting it out there. Right now she feels like it is enough to just be living it – she isn’t ready to share like that. That is another reason I need to show discretion about what I post about her. Her words were, “I am fine with you blogging about me the way you blog about Donna. But I am uncomfortable if you blog about me the way you blog about yourself.” What she says she meant is that she doesn’t want me opining about what I think she is thinking but I can write about what she outright expresses. And she would like me to focus on the three of us, not just her. So to the extent I share things about her she asked that I include the thoughts or reactions of all three of us. In other words, less Kayla, and more Mike, Jen, and Kala.