Look at me! Two posts in two days!
Not sure why I chose this image. I believe the ridiculousness of it spoke to me and summed up a theme of this post. “To each their own” as it pertains to what turns you on, even if it is a clown in a bathroom with a pretty woman and massive stacks of Benjamins. Now that’s a unique fetish!
This post is a bit weird, but I am in a weird mood.
TURN IT TO 11
Full disclosure — All 11 of us have yet to get together at the same time. There always seems to be a couple or two that can’t make it on any particular gathering, but I am sure it will happen at some point. Hey, football season is right around the corner!
Speaking of sex, we actually have dialed down our sex lives a tad. It’s definitely been at 11 since about the start of this year (not as in 11 people, but as, dialed up to 11. Just click the “been at 11” link). Maybe that’s why I haven’t been posting as much. I am exhausted. hee-hee. We’ve explored some new sexual terrain in the last five months. We played with some other couples that we met at a swingers club.
It was interesting and different than some of the FetLife connections we made in the past. While I am sure our experiences are unique to the specific groups of people with whom we met, I wonder if our observations could be consistently applied across the board? I hate labels as they are always incomplete and full of exceptions. But they do help ground us and convey what we are thinking. So here it goes.
TO FET OR TO SWING? THAT IS THE QUESTION
I think Tofet Ortoswing would be a cool name of a character. What nationality does that sound most like? Is that a male name or female? I digress.
We felt the swingers club was a more sophisticated and conservative group. I don’t mean that in a political sense, although come to think of it, that could be a part of it. It felt a bit more upscale, sophisticated, and at times, even fake. Whereas FetLife functions were more blue-collar, more casual, more real.
I guess women in cupless leather bustiers and men with no underwear and crotchless pants lend themselves to a more raw aesthetic than women in a dress with a hint of cleavage and men in kakis and a blazer.
Maybe fake is a bit too harsh of a word. I struggle to articulate it. There was nothing fake about the sex and swapping. Subdued? A bit methodical, bordering on play-acting or pretending? A bit more rehearsed! Yes, that’s getting closer to describing it. The Swing club seemed to have unspoke protocols that no one could articulate, but everyone knew existed. A level of politeness and formality. That’s it! Subdued, polite, formal.
Contrast that with our FetLife gatherings. Spontaneous, authentic, and free-flowing. No rules other than respect everyone’s likes and dislikes and the way you found out what they liked or didn’t like is this trick called “asking.” You just put it all out there, nothing is unspoken. Sharing what’s on your mind can come across noisy, impolite, and informal.
I respect both vibes and enjoyed both of them. It makes sense that they would be different.
Just think about what draws people to each of those scenes. FetLife is simply more fetish related. After all, it is Fetlife. And the ranges of fetishes are immense and very diverse. Gatherings are about exploring and enjoying not just your particular fetish, but in observing all the other kinky shit that is out there. It makes you feel normal and more confident about your fetishes because as we all know, everyone’s kink is disgusting, except your own.
Swingers tend to be more singularly focused on one fetish – swapping. And the swapping seems to be more straight sex. Missionary. Doggie. Oral. Yes, exceptions exist, but that sums up about 90% of it. The variable is mostly limited to whether you watch your partner or do you swing separately? By the way, I am not complaining nor dissing the Swing-scene. There is a huge thrill in swinging and we thoroughly enjoyed it. I am just trying to articulate the differences all three of us felt.
Oh, and we were also a bit odd in that “we” were three. It made us a bit of the “freaks” with the Swingers. Not in an uncomfortable way, although I assume some people could have been made to feel uncomfortable with that vibe. Not us. We reveled in it. And it led to a lot of fun! A lot of wives and girlfriends playfully joking with their partners, “Hey, no fair, this swap is a two for one and I am just getting the one.” Swapping humor!
TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH OR TWO, (BUT NOT THREE)
After several months at “11,” Mike called for us to cool it down a bit. He felt we were getting a bit sex-crazed, and he was right. It was feeling a bit like an addiction.
We were all looking forward to our next adventure, but that anticipation was more than just a craving, it was becoming a “can’t live without it” lusting. While all three of us had it, Kayla really had it the worst, but none of us were immune. Mike noticed a decrease in our level of tolerance for everyday things and towards each other. We were all a bit more irritable and both mine and Kayla’s bottoms became clear evidence of the consequences of that irritability.
While perhaps it wasn’t related to a sex-seeking frenzy, once Mike said something about it, it resonated as true to all of us. We recognized it and agreed we were becoming very focused on when our next play session would be with anyone other than our Circle of Trust (COT). The result was Mike has put a moratorium on any activities outside our COT.
As evidence that perhaps we had gone a bit crazy, there was a bit of feeling of withdrawal. A feeling of anxiety and insomnia where your mind thinks of the amazing sex you are missing. Luckily, that could be quickly remedied by a convenient antidote. We would just have amazing sex together!
PORN AS AN AID
What also helped us was more role play between the three of us. I mentioned a few posts back that we got an account on bdsmlr.com. The three of us use it by logging in and making comments on the pics or gifs – snarky ones, suggestive ones, playful ones, nasty ones, you name it. Some of it based on reality, some of it fantasy. A little playground for us to use our imagination and share dirty thoughts.
We each try to log in each day to see what comments the other two have made and to add more of our own. We are Funsome Threesome if you want to see what it’s all about. I caution you, bdsmlr.com is a bit raw and crude. Misogyny and patriarchy reign supreme on most accounts.
I know some of you are saying, “Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.” While I disagree, I won’t argue the point. I get it, my lifestyle and COT is definitely not *misandry and matriarchy. Well, at least outside of Kim’s bedroom it’s not! lol.
(*hint: those are the opposites of misogyny and patriarchy. The fact I had to look up the opposite of misogyny just shows you how misogynistic our culture is. Most of us don’t even know the term for its opposite. If you did know, that’s great. You just earned five points for social awareness. And what can you do with those 5 points? You can now be subject to Christian-sharia law if you live in the South. Wow, did I digress or what?)