Tag Archives: BDSM

186. Kayla gets a Boyfriend

186

PREAMBLE
I believe that everyone should have exactly as much sex as they do or don’t want to have, with whomever they do or don’t want to have it, in whatever fashion they do or don’t want to have it.  Only two conditions; 1. Legal consent must be present.  2.  You must be transparent with your committed partner(s) regarding your sexual activities that do not include them.  If those conditions apply, then no one needs to justify their sexual choices.

Not sure why I felt compelled to share that, but I did.  With that out of the way. . .

KAYLA’S PLUS ONE PART TWO
This is a continuation of my last post, Kayla’s Plus One.

So Kayla told Michaud about her being Mike’s submissive as well as her overall dynamic with Mike and I.  Not every detail mind you, but the “big stuff” that allowed him to understand what he was getting into if he wanted to pursue a relationship with Kayla.

HIS REACTION
Simply put, it went well.  Kayla was happy and that is all that matters.  Michaud still wants to see her, albeit a bit bewildered.  

She told us he did have a lot of questions after all.  Turned out, he was suspicious that something “unique” was going on with her but couldn’t place it.  He purposely didn’t pepper her with questions.  He was concerned that he might offend her if he presumed something incorrectly.  I can see how awkward it could have been if he questioned her “collar” with some BDSM or M/s reference only for Kayla to say, “Uh, what are you talking about?”   

He had concerns about what it could mean for them in the long run if things get really serious.  However, after they talked about it he resolved this much like we have.  Michaud’s view was, “Why worry about that now.  We only know a little bit about each other at this point.  Let’s not create problems that don’t exist and see where it takes us.  We can deal with problems when we are actually faced with them.”  I believe this is the perfect mindset to have in this situation.   

He very clearly told her that he does not want to stop seeing her and that this “only intrigues him more.”  He told Kayla, “There are a lot more layers to you than I thought.  I find you very interesting, not as an oddity, but as in, I want to understand this girl more.”

He had questions trying to understand what the D/s dynamic was about.  Lunch in a restaurant wasn’t conducive to such detailed talks.  Kayla told him that she needed to get home as she has chores to do, but she should be available after dinner to Face Time or Skype or whatever they use – “assuming Mike allowed it.”  Their lunch ended with a hug and kiss, so clearly he took it well.

SHARING THE MEAT AND POTATOES OF HER DYNAMIC
Last night they talked for about two hours. 
Kayla was very clear on how things were and needed to be.  She shared with him the fulfillment she gets from being submissive to Mike, the types of behaviors she gets punished for, what Mike and I mean to her, a little bit about what types of discipline she receives, and that she has sex with Mike and I “all the time.”  Okay, maybe that is more than “meat and potatoes.”  A bit of salad and desert too?   Whatever the idiom, suffice to say she shared plenty, but not every detail.  

Kayla also asked him plenty of questions about what he thought.  His biggest concern was about her availability to be with him given her “obligations” to Mike and I.  She told him that she would work out something with Mike.  She said they simply should get together whenever they could do so.  She told him, “The answer may be no sometimes, but that’s just the way it is, no different than if I were working, had other family obligations, school, etc.”  

WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP COMMITMENT IS THIS?
Michaud asked Kayla if she planed on pursuing more sexual relationships.  She said the way he put it was, “Just how many boyfriends or girlfriends are enough?”

Kayla jokingly responded with, “Who said you and I were ever having sex?  Assuming you are able to woo me, here’s how it works with me. . . ”  Kayla told him it wasn’t about “enough” and she wasn’t going to commit to anything regarding other relationships.  She did say that she has no plans to pursue more relationships, but in all honesty she can only commit to him that she would be open and honest when and if she had the desire to seek additional relationships.    

Further, Kayla asked for, and received, an equal commitment from him that if their relationship got to be “too much” for him, he should share those feelings with her and share them quickly, not letting them fester.  From the sound of it, it seems Kayla has her head on straight when it comes to this poly stuff!

They talked about Michaud being free to pursue other relationships.  They wouldn’t consider themselves exclusive to each other, but would consider themselves “responsible” to each other regarding not hiding other relationships.   This was all new to Michaud.  He has only been in “traditional” relationships until now.  And Kayla jokingly added, “Yeah, those kind where people cheat.”  She did so because Michaud had shared some prior relationship experiences of being both the cheater and being cheated on.

Kayla also suggested that he read up on poly relationships so he could better understand the potential pitfalls, along with the potential fulfillment, they can bring.   

Michaud asked Kayla if he was required to meet with Mike.  Kayla told him, as we had already discussed, that no, there was no “requirement” for him to meet Mike (or me).  Both Mike and I believe her thing with Michaud is “her thing.”  It does not include us.  Not that we are opposed to ever meeting him, but, it is not a prerequisite.  Such meetings don’t have to be more than him dropping by to see Kayla or pick her up.  Michaud was good with that.

Overall, Kayla said Michaud was “good” with everything.  While he had several answers that were, “we will just have to see how that plays out,” there wasn’t anything he seemed overly concerned with or that he objected to.

From her account of the conversation, it seems Kayla was unapologetic about her dynamic with us.  She seemed to convey a strong resolve in staying committed to our dynamic and was frank and honest in her answers so as not to set an unrealistic view of how things are or will be.  She presented our dynamic as very much a part of who she is and Michaud must accept it, else he is rejecting who she is and that would be that.  Thus far he has accepted it.   But, talk is one thing.  When you start living it, human emotions take over and things get “real.”

JEALOUSY
Kayla, Mike, and I had another discussion on what to be prepared for, namely regarding jealousy.  For instance, at some point Michaud may want to know why she isn’t submissive to him, or why Mike has a level of control over her that he does not have.  It may be irritating to Michaud for Kayla to have to be accountable to Mike.  Even more irritating is simply knowing your girlfriend does things for someone else that they won’t do for you, whether mundane acts of service or something sexual.  It is only natural for someone to have a hard time with that.   They didn’t have that conversation yet, but it is best to have it soon, before such feelings fester.

We even talked about the risk that either Mike or I could become jealous.  Mike half-jokingly said, “Well, I can always play the Dom-card.”  He added, “But seriously, we want you to have a fulfilling relationship with Michaud and it is up to you to sense when you need more or less fulfillment from us or more and less from him.  It would be unfair for me to impose anything that took away from your fulfillment.  Of course, the caveat being I will step in if I sense you are fooling yourself or Michaud regarding what you get and give to your relationship together.  Is that understood?”

Yes, Sir,” Kayla smiled.

“And not that I am fond of repeating myself,” added Mike, but given your spanking yesterday, I will reassure you yet again.  We are very happy for you and encourage you to pursue a relationship with Michaud to the extent YOU want to do so.  Don’t feel obligated to us.  Stay obligated to yourself, your feelings, your needs, your desires.  That is what brings us the greatest joy.  My role as your Dom is not to dictate what fulfills you, but to lead you to what fulfills you, even if that means you want to spend more time with Michaud than us.  Is that understood?

“YES, SIR,” Kayla said loudly and proudly.

ADMINISTRIVIA
Oh, and Kayla told him he needed to get tested for STD’s.  She reciprocated and offered to have Mike and I do the same if he wanted that (we discussed this before hand).  At first he was a bit reluctant, saying it just seemed “weird” to do that, but he eventually said he understood why and that it was probably a good idea.  He would get tested and he asked that the three of us do as well.

Off to the doctor!   See, already something we have to do because of Michaud!  I told you relationships can complicate things!  (Sarcasm implied).  Oh the things we do for This Thing we Do!

NEXT:  187. Happy Wife. Happy Life.

144. To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir,’ that is the question. . .

144.ToSir

There’s a class participation request at the end of this post. Any ideas? 

Mike or Sir?
Mike asked me why, in my posts, do I always refer to him as “Mike” with the exception of using “Sir” when I am sharing specific dialogue?

Being in an increasingly submissive mindset, instead of answering him, I proudly said, “Sir, I will always refer to you as Sir from now on in my blog if that is what you want?”

He told me to bend over and he took off his belt and administered an Immediate Reward. I knew what it was for as this wasn’t the first time this occurred.  I failed to provide him an answer to his question.  Instead, I assumed he was displeased and I assumed he was asking me to change.  In other words, I felt he was being dishonest in his question and it wasn’t really a question at all, but a request.   Thus, I was being disobedient for not answering him and assuming he had other unstated intentions.

When the Reward was concluded, he again asked me the question.  

“Sir, I purposefully do that in my blog.  I prefer to refer to you as ‘Sir’ when I am sharing what I said in a conversation.  Otherwise, I like to refer to you as “Mike.”  I look at it from the reader’s perspective.  You are not their “Sir,” you are mine.  And I want them to connect to you as person, as the regular guy you are.  If I only referred to you as Sir or Dom or any other title, the risk is that readers will attached their preconceived notion of what those terms infer about you, and some of those inferences may be wrong, or even negative.   As much as possible I want readers to understand you are a great husband, parent, and person.  You’re just “Mike” to them.  You are “Sir” to me!”

 Mike responded, “Fair enough, thank you!”

Such is the challenge a sub can have.  In my zest to want to please Mike and anticipate his needs, I may answer his questions in a manner I think will please him.  I forget that first and foremost, what pleases him the most is answering his questions as simply and directly as possible.  

He has told me before that each time we speak he isn’t always asking me to do something.  Sometimes he just has a question and wants a straight answer.   He’s told both Kayla and I that he doesn’t go for the, “Whatever you think, Sir” response.  That may be in violation of  Code 1516 of the Dom Handbook, but hey, it’s our TTWD, not anyone else’s.  

Mike said it would drive him crazy if each time he asked us our opinion the answer was, “Whatever you think, Sir.”  He feels that is a rude and disrespectful answer with the undertone of, “Duh, Sir, don’t you know I will shape my opinions to yours. Why do you keep asking me these things?”  I’ve received a few spankings in the past due to this as has Kayla (in fact, she got a lot of them for this early on as she was a bit over eager to please). Mike has made it clear that when he asks us a question or our opinion, he is expecting an answer and he doesn’t care if it fails to conform to his wishes or way of thinking.  If he has issues with our true feelings, we can then talk about it.  He believes that we can have “respectful disputation,” as Mike calls it, even with a D/s relationship.  I believe that too, and I am not just saying that, hee hee.

Of course, if the opinions being shared are about a particular action that needs to be taken, Mike is the ultimate decider.  After the respectful disputation he will make a decision and that is that, Kayla and I accept it.   

Three Cheers for BDSM Practioners! 
Check out this article, The Surprising Psychology of BDSM.  Us kinksters may be more “normal” and well adjusted than you think!   I’ll let you reach your own conclusions of how you interpret that study, but here is one of the positives they observed about BDSM practitioners:
“BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being.  Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity.”

Class Participation
To ‘Sir’, or not to ‘Sir’- that is the question 
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Spanks and nipple clamps of outrageous punishments 
Or to… humm… couldn’t think of a good line here.  
Or to…???    Any ideas?   

NEXT: 145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview

130. Growing our Joy Box. XXX-mas in April.

Xmas2
We are growing our collection of toys and other adult oriented accouterments.  Similar to last year’s
XXX-mas in July, we just went on a shopping spree.   Although we just ordered the stuff and it is still March, they won’t arrive until April. 

BIGGER JOYBOX REQUIRES MORE TOYS!
Mike bought a large armoire to store our adult playthings.  We put it at the back of our walk in closet, far from where kids or guests would venture.  Plus, it locks!   It easily stored all our existing toys.  Murphy’s Law says your sex toys must expand to the space you allocate for them.  Thus, we had no choice.  We had to buy more.  Um, well, maybe that’s not Murphy’s Law, but it’s Jenny’s!  

I shared in an earlier post that we bought Kayla a large locking chest as a “welcome” gift that is used to store some toys she picked out for herself.   Well, now she has our old chest plus that first one, and we have our new armoire to fill.

We refer to the armoire and the chests not as our Toy Box, but as our Joy Box!

note – prior to our DD lifestyle, we didn’t own any toys.  Oh how that has changed!

THE BUDGET
Mike really splurged and set a $1,500 budget!  The way it worked is each of us (Mike, me, and Kayla) would create our own lists.  There was an “A” list where we could identify $400 in stuff we wanted.  We then each had a “B” list identifying another $300 in spending.  I know that is $700 each, but we wouldn’t necessarily get everything on our “B” list.  That would be up to group discussion.  That’s a lot of stuff!   Mike wanted to make this an “event” versus just slowly adding to our fun.  

THE SHOPPING
Mike had each of us do our own searches and develop our own shopping lists. And not only were we to include the price, but also the website we found them on.  In addition, we had to write the reason why we were interested in the item and whether they were for use on ourselves, others, or to be used by all three of us.   

We then sat down and shared our lists.   If there were duplicates or triplicates on our “A” list, one person had to leave it on their list and the other(s) got to remove it.  If you removed an item from your “A” list you could then move up an item from your “B” list to keep your “A” list budget of $300.   Following?   Yeah, a little confusing, but it worked well.  Once all three “A” lists were complete, we had $1,200 of the $1,500 spent and we all still had stuff on our “B” lists.  

Mike then said that either Kayla or me would get all the remaining $300 to spend.  Who would get that money would depend on the outcome of a contest!  

THE CONTEST
It was a spanking contest, but Mike was not the spanker.  I would spank Kayla and she would spank me, and whomever called “red” first would be the loser.    We would start with a round of one swat, then a round of two consecutive swats, then three, etc.  It really tested exactly how badly we wanted what was on our list.

Kayla and I saw this as a fun competition and both playfully taunted the other that they would give up first.  The swats started and they were all extremely hard.  Kayla was putting all she had into each swat of my behind, and I too was not holding back on her. After just the first round where we each just got one swat, I knew this contest was not likely to go many rounds.   At the end of round 4, I couldn’t answer the bell for round 5.  I caved first.  

My excuse was that it was less about not being able to tolerate the pain and more about the fact the pain surpassed the desire to get what was on my list.  I already have a lot toys, I don’t need my butt beat to earn a few more.  

THE FINAL LIST
$1,540.  Okay, a little over budget but Mike approved.  If you are interested, most of the stuff came from either Tabu Toys or Extreme Restraints.    Yes, unlike our XXX-Mas in July list, which was heavily slanted towards spanking implements, this list had a bit more BDSM slant. Okay, maybe more than a bit. 

Here’s what we got from the list of each person:

JENNY’S LIST
Cock ring, penis pump, cupping system, pinwheel, and violet wand.  
We have a cock ring and we love it, and I wanted another.  It’s amazing how they can make a hard on a metal rod hard on.  As for the pump, it was more a curiosity and gives something for me and for Kayla to use on him, to the extent he allows it.  I’ve always wanted a pinwheel as the sensations should be wonderful.   The cupping system is part of my love of breast and nipple stimulation (stimulation as in “pain”, but the nice kind of pain).  And the system works on the vagina or clit, which should be interesting.  I really got it for the breasts and a little apprehensive about the other, but you have to experiment!  

The item I am most excited about is the violet wand.  It is expensive but I hope is worth it.  

KAYLA’S LIST
Faux leather zip up dress, open cup bustier, chrome collar/bracelets/ankle shackles, single choker, locking wrist/ankle spreader bar, bed restraints, 2 sets of anal beads, and flogger.

Her list was definitely the BDSM list.  The outfits were no surprise and I can’t wait to see her in them.  The matching chrome “jewelry” will be fun while the spreader bar was a surprise to me, but a pleasant one.  She has always admitted she likes being restrained and that contraption is very restraining.  While a newbie to anal sex, she has become fond of anal play and thus wanted some beads.   The sweetest thing was the choker.  It is something she wants to wear in public.  It is subtle enough that vanilla folks might think it was suggestive, but more than likely wouldn’t even give it a second thought.  Anyone into kink would know what it represented.  

Oh, and I want to mention that Kayla will look so good in those outfits.  Not that she needed to, but Kayla has lost ten pounds since moving in with us. She wanted to become more fit and basically just started eating healthier and adding some light exercising.  She wanted to look as good as she feels.   To me her positive feelings were already making her look more beautiful than ever, and now her physique matches those improved feelings.  Self-confidence is a great aphrodisiac and her self-confidence about her insides and her outsides is off the charts.      

MIKE’S LIST
O-ring gag, gag with nipple clamps, pleasure tape, rope, snap hooks, gels, strap on, cleansing system.
Yep, also a BDSM slant to it!  He really likes using the gags on us and will now have two new gags at his disposal.  The pleasure tape and rope means more restraints.  The big eye opener to me was the strap on and the cleansing system, both of which he said were not for him but for me and Kayla.

Mike said he wants to have me and Kayla use the strap-on on each other.  I don’t have any qualms about it, but it just surprised me as he hadn’t expressed an interest in that before.   I asked him about that and he said that he never really thought of it but when he came across it online he immediately thought, “yes, I want to see that in use.”

As for the cleansing system, he felt it would make the hygiene process easier and more thorough, while at the same time he could explore enema’s as punishment.   This was not a surprise as he had voiced this before.  Remember, we share our dreams and desires, especially the naughty ones.  Unlike the wand, this is one item I am not looking forward to.  Therefore, it means I also look forward to it.  Such is the dichotomy of being a submissive.

It will be a fun Spring and Summer!

 

 

 

87. And there it was.

This post shares a very cathartic moment in my life.   Sorry for the length of the post, but I felt it was important to detail each step that led to the catharsis because perhaps it wouldn’t have been possible if not for the events that led up to it.

I mentioned that with John away, at times John required Donna to be subject to all my “house” rules regarding submission, and at other times had her adhere to her own usual rules, with Mike serving in place of John in the execution of those rules.

DONNA’S INTENSE MONTHLY MAINTENANCE
John and Donna have a routine of an intense monthly maintenance at the first of each month.  I’ve mentioned before that John and Donna are a bit more BDSM in TTWD than Mike and I.  Donna looks forward to these sessions, counting down the days as a month draws to a close.  She said the intensity of them was like an “emotional dump” of all her negative feelings and anxieties.  She said she was really looking forward to November’s session to purge away any remaining negative feelings that linger regarding her having to follow my rules.

While I accept that pain can do that for her and for other people, it doesn’t quite do that for me.  At best I enjoy the pain of my punishments, and at worst, I simply tolerate them.  While the pain does give me a release, I find plenty of release from a moderate amount of pain, thus no need to intensify it.  I also find release simply in the act of submission, even when no pain is involved.   Thus, while I can relate to a sense of purging negative emotions through pain, for me if the punishment gets intense it doesn’t take long for that purge to cross over into just plain old intolerable and unacceptable pain.  I guess I am just not wired to find pleasure that way, just as I am sure many women are not wired to find pleasure in any one of my punishments that I enjoy.   In any event, I am happy for Donna that she enjoys this and finds it beneficial.

Each session they focus on different parts of the body.  This month it was her breasts.  Donna told me this was her favorite because she bruises the most and the tenderness lasts the longest compared to any other body part.  She said the visual and physical reminders that last for several weeks serve as reminders of her submission, giving her joy for those several weeks.

MIKE PERFORMS DONNA’S BREAST PUNISHMENT
As John was out on November 1, Mike had to administer her punishment.  Mike and Donna went over to her house to perform this while John skyped in to watch.  I wasn’t there as I stayed home with our son.

When Mike and Donna returned I just had to see what her tits looked like.  Donna showed me and for a brief moment I was shocked.  I was shocked with the extent of the bruising that was already apparent, shocked that Donna enjoyed this and looked forward to this, and shocked that Mike was responsible for delivering it.

The shock lasted only a few seconds.  My next reaction was that her breasts looked beautiful.  Beautiful because what it represented to her, not because what they represented to me.  I knew to her these were important symbols of her submission and made her feel complete, feel renewed, feel invigorated, and feel connected to John.   It also made me think, “I want that.”

I wondered if I would like a similar maintenance session?   Part of me wanted to submit to Mike in that way, but boy, it really looks like it hurt!  I don’t know if that is really for me.  There was still a part of me that wanted to give it a try

My breast punishments are mostly my nipple clamps, breast bindings, and tack bra.   There’s been some breast punishment but nothing too harsh or prolonged.  For some odd reason I wanted to see what level of pain would have to be inflicted in order for me to bruise.  I’ve never thought that way before about a punishment.  The goal has never been to inflict a given mark.  Sure, marks have happened, but not because they were the ultimate goal.   What kind of punishment would it be where I would be asking for a bruise?   I just couldn’t see asking for this, it was so different than any punishment.   It seemed contrary to what DD means to me.

However, part of DD is also to be open to exploration.  Explore my thoughts through sharing every thought with Mike, explore my sexuality through being open to act on my fantasies and Mike’s, and explore my boundaries regarding everything.  Thus, I could approach this outside any punishment or maintenance session and simply look at it as an experiment in testing boundaries.   So, I asked Mike if he would be willing to perform a similar punishment on me.

Mike asked me if I was wanting this out of any sense of jealously for him administering the punishment to Donna.  Wow, honestly, that never crossed my mind.  I told him I knew that it was important to Donna to stick as close to her routine as possible and I am happy I had a husband who was willing to help in doing that.  I felt a sense of pride that our DD was able to accommodate what Donna needed and that it served to further connect us with John and Donna.

Mike agreed to give me a similar session, but wanted to build the tension and anticipation and said it would be part of our maintenance session on Sunday (which is today).   In just the course of six days I saw Donna’s breasts go from the blue, to deep purple, and then to purple-yellow splotches as some of the bruising began to heal.  It made me anxious as Sunday drew near.  Could I really take it?

MY BREAST PUNISHMENT
We had my “normal” maintenance session and then Mike called Donna in to watch the “Maintenance Bonus” as we called it.  Mike got a wooden spoon to use as that is what he used on Donna.   He had me lay down on the bed and he got on his knees next to me on the bed.  He then proceeded to hit one breast four times in rapid succession, then the other.  It made me flinch something fierce but more out of an uncontrolled reflex than intolerable pain.   He had to put one arm just below my breast to help keep me in place and then gave four or five to each breast in rapid succession.   He then said that was just a warm up.

With quite a bit of force he hit one breast.  I had to grab the pillow and bury my head in it to muffle my moan.  He then hit the other.  Then again but this time two times per breast, then again but three times.  I then called, “Pause, pause, pause!!”  Our “yellow” safe word.

After I collected myself he resumed.  He did one per breast, followed by two per, then three, then four, then five, but before he could finish with the five I again called for “Pause.”  My face buried deeper into the pillows.  He asked me if I needed to stop.  He reminded me this was not a punishment, he is ready to stop whenever I am and that I don’t have to endure what Donna did.

For some reason I was at a point where I was telling myself I needed to find my pain threshold and that it was no longer about submission or fulfillment or pleasure or purging.  It was simply a battle with my will to endure pain and I wanted to challenge that will.

I told him to continue.  He repeated the one per, two per, three per, and got all the way through to five per breast.  I was crying, it hurt like hell.

I asked him how much more.   He said that maybe he was about a fourth of the way through.  That meant I had to endure everything I have already endured yet another three times.  I knew then that I was not going to make it through that, but I felt I came this far and that I could take just a little more.  I told myself I would never go down this path again as it was all just surreal and not like me, but that since I was here, I might as well push it as far as I could take it and I wasn’t quite there yet.

Mike started up again.  I don’t know how far he got but I soon called out “Mercy” (our “red” safe word).
It was over.

Many punishments come with a hodgepodge of emotions, but this one was different.  The pain overrode any joy and soon I started feeling ashamed.  Although Mike and Donna can’t read my feeling of shame, it then turned to embarrassed for feeling shameful.   I felt ridiculous.   Why did I ask for this?

AND THERE IT WAS!
Jealousy can come with an entourage of associates.  This allows it to hide more easily.   And even at that moment, while I recognized its’ presence, it had yet to fully reveal itself to me.

First, I saw that I was indeed jealous that Mike punished Donna.  Not in the act itself, but in that it was something so special, almost sacred, to Donna.  I then realized this was the second time in just a few weeks that I let jealousy and resentment cloud my judgement.  First in dealing with Kayla, then in dealing with this situation.

I should have listened to Mike when he questioned my feeling of jealously.  I should have explored that feeling more and perhaps I would have recognized it then.  I tend not to be a jealous person, so Mike wouldn’t have known to question me further and thus accepted my word.  I now shared with him that I need him to be more doubtful of my intentions when it comes to potential jealously, as for some reason I have become more prone to that emotion lately.

I apologized to Mike and to Donna for feeling jealous, and that I do want Mike to fill in for John while he is away and that I don’t want anything to change.  I told them I don’t sense the root of this has anything to do with TTWD or with TTWDWT (Those Things We Do With Them, hee hee, as in, with John and Donna). In fact, it then quickly came to me what the issue was.  Jealously had finally fully revealed itself.

JEALOUSLY FULLY REVEALED
I was feeling resentment towards the needs of my son.  I hate that about myself.  I love him dearly and will do anything to help him without hesitation.  But, I feel a bit jealous as I get closer to Kayla and see that she has so few constraints to her life day to day.  Then, with all the time spent with Donna and getting closer to her than ever, I realize that she too has far fewer responsibilities than I do.  Then there is the prognosis that this won’t ever change.  My son is likely to live with us for the rest of our lives.

It makes me feel horrible to resent that fact.  I’ve never felt that before.  I never had a sense of “why me” and accepted my lot in life without doubts or hesitation and always strive to look on the bright side and make the most out of every day.  However, this mindset has eroded as I got closer to Kayla and Donna.

Part of me feels like if I just stop being close to them I can make those feelings go away.   Another part of me says that doing that will create more resentment, not less.  Kayla and Donna are important to me.  Granted, not more important than my son, but if I forgo having other meaningful relationships in my life, the net effect can’t be positive for me or my son.   I’ve just got to get over feeling resentful that my friends, no matter how close they are, don’t share my burdens.

I feel stupid for even having to say that.  It is so contrary to how I normally think and function.  But, it is the truth and I have to accept it and address it.   I am a glass is half-full type person, so it further bums me out that I seem to be looking at this from the half-empty point of view.   I know I will work through this, and not only have Mike to lean on for support, but can also talk through this with Donna and Kayla.

I guess this pain thing actually led me to find clarity in what I was feeling and why.  !?!?!

Next: 88.  Something True.

84. Happy Place

observant

This post is mostly about Donna.  There was an “incident” this week worth sharing regarding our “experiment” with Donna staying with us while John is away. (I shared the story of when Mike went out of town in this post).   As I mentioned in another prior post, John required Donna to follow all the rules I am subject to, just as if my contract with Mike applied to her.  That lasted through yesterday and starting today she went back to her normal rules with Mike filling in for John.

Having Donna around has been wonderful.  I’ve had a lot of free time this week as the tasks get done in no time.   In addition to the helping hand from a fellow sub, I have a friend to talk with and, as a final bonus, an extra lover to share with.  As I suspected though, it has been far easier on me and Mike than it has been on Donna.  Here’s what happened:

THE INCIDENT
There was a point in the day yesterday where we weren’t quite done with our tasks when Donna proclaimed she was taking a break.  I told her I appreciated her help but the responsibility with the chores are mutual, and I prefer we finish before taking a break.  She encouraged me to take a break as well, but I told her I could not.  I didn’t want to come off as the bitch, but, I wanted to get everything done first.

I shared with her that I learned from experience that if I procrastinate, things can happen and then the tasks don’t get done.  That would be unacceptable to me and to Mike.  And – we didn’t have that much more to do anyway!   Her logic was, “Well Jen, since there isn’t that much more to do, you can just do it.”    So I did, but told her was compelled to tell Mike.

I reminded her that John asked Mike to question us about the day and specifically ask if she did her fair share.  I told her I cannot lie to Mike and would have to tell him.  I felt bad.  Donna was a huge help and I know this has been hard on her.  But, John set this rule for her and she should understand that rules from our Sirs are, well, the rules.  She wasn’t open to hearing me and flippantly said, “As long as everything is done what’s the big deal and tomorrow I can make up for it.”

I responded that I was not in a position to barter on behalf of John.  She continued to resist and said, “I’ve pretty much done my fair share today.”   I told her that this was true up to the point she sat down, but unless she gets up and helps finish things up that it would be untrue.  She shrugged me off.

In the evening when our son was watching TV, Mike pulled Donna and me aside to ask us about our day. He of course asked about the fair share of the workload.  I looked at Donna and said, “Sorry, Donna, but I have to be truthful.”  I proceeded to tell Mike what had happened.

SPANKING
Mike ordered both of us to the bedroom.  We both went to my room, disrobed, and stood in separate corners waiting for Mike.  It was a bit over an hour before he finally came in as he waited for our son to go to bed.  That was the longest I’ve ever stood in the corner and I was puzzled why I should be punished for Donna’s behavior.

When Mike came in he called us over and asked each of us bend over and he gave us each some warm ups with his hand.  He asked us why we were being punished.  Donna stated it was because she didn’t do her fair share of the work today, but for me, I had no clue.

Mike confirmed Donna explanation and added that John was explicit in his instructions and her failure to obey them by not doing her fair share was indeed why he would need to spank her.  Then, per our rules Mike administered another spanking on me for not knowing the reasons why I was being punished.  He then told me the reason. I was being punished for apologizing to Donna.   WTF?!?

Mike said that I should never apologize for my submission.  Being truthful is part of my submission and not something to apologize for.  He said my apology was basically apologizing for being submissive.  He said if my submissiveness inconveniences Donna, so be it.  No different than if Donna’s submission to John inconveniences me.   Mike said I was being punished for being disrespectful to my own submission.

Whoa!  I was a bit dumbfounded.  Part of me was thinking, “Are you serious?” while another part of me was, “Wow, Mike, how observant and creative, and yes, you are absolutely correct!”

Mike said this was a serious issue and the spanking was going to be with the prison strap.  He skipped the “Over/Under” game which was another signal to me that he was in a more serious mood about this transgression.   I got 17, then Donna got 12.

MISSING JOHN
Uncharacteristically, Donna cried and got very emotional.  She takes punishments very stoically and I’ve seen her gleefully take far worse in “fun” scenes her and John put on for us.  As I shared before, their relationship is a bit more M/s and BDSM.  I knew it wasn’t because of the sting from the spanking.

Donna apologized to me and Mike and reassured us it wasn’t anything we did.  She shared that it was hard being out of her normal routine.  In the past when John was gone she at least had her routine to keep her “observant,” as she put it.  Even though John ordered her to follow my routine, it just didn’t feel “observant” to her.   She said a part of her wanted to rebel and that was her motivation for not finishing the work.

She has been at this submissive thing much longer than me and really relies on John to keep her centered and focused.  I hadn’t really considered that submissiveness can lead to a greater dependency on the Dom.  You get so accustomed to giving such incredible focus on the needs of your Dom and being “observant” to your submission that you feel out of sync when your Dom isn’t around.

MY REFLECTIONS
I know I missed Mike when he was out of town, but I didn’t miss him the way Donna misses John.  I think having my son to focus on and still having my routine made it easy for me when Mike was gone.   Although John did task her following my rules from Sunday to Wednesday, it still didn’t feel quite like she was serving him.  She said it felt like she was serving Mike and me.

The good news was this occurred on the last day she had to adhere to the rules I have.   Today she was extremely upbeat and cheerful.  At the moment I am writing this she and Mike are over at her house getting some daily “treatment” that John usually gives her.  It involves hot wax, vibrator, whip, and sex.   What a treatment!  Afterwards Mike will come home and Donna will stay home awhile longer and Skype with John, which will include some kinky acts I am sure. Then Donna will come over and spend the night with us.

I am not sure what John has in store for her starting Sunday, as he indicated he would have further changes in routine for Donna to follow.  Both Mike and Donna will share with John what happened and the reasons why, so perhaps John won’t revert back to having her be subject to my routine and rules.  I know between Mike and John they will come up with something creative and rewarding for Donna.

Interesting, but Donna still helped out today with all my chores.  There were three major differences.  One, it was her choice to help out.  Two, she got to do them with her collar on.  Finally, she got to wear her “item of the day.”   John and Donna have a TTWD where one hour a day she has to wear the “item of the day.”   It could be a tack bra (and she has a mean looking tack bra made with upholstery tacks), butt plug, nipple/clit clamps, ankle or wrist cuffs, and I am sure I am forgetting some other things.,   Yes, sometime she has to walk around with her feet cuffed. There is enough slack that she can walk, but she has to take very small steps.  Although Mike and I haven’t tried everything they do, you can see where I get some of my ideas!

I am glad this incident resolved itself amicably.  More fun and adventure ahead!  I learned that Donna’s happy place is when she is mindful and observant to her submission.  I have identified many words in several different posts to describe my own feelings about submission – calm (Post 23), love, sexy,  and sensible (Post 27), open (Post 30),  fulfilling (Post 33), but I forgot the most basic one.

Happy!   Submission is my happy place too.

Next:  85.  Light or Dark?  Source of Submission.

82. Enjoying the Ride

enjoyride

Okay, time to talk about something other than Kayla for a bit. Here’s a bit of a succulent story to quiver your cravings.

So John left Sunday for a trip overseas. He’ll be in the Middle East doing some engineering stuff that engineers do. We made up our spare room for Donna. The room is off our master bedroom, not that Donna slept there Sunday night or last night, nor is she likely to any other night, hee-hee.

It was different to sleep three-to-a-bed (yes, at some point, we did get to sleep, tee-hee!). We couldn’t decide if Mike should be in the middle, or Donna, or me. I preferred me in the middle because I like to be the center of attention!  John set some rules for her for this week. Through the end of tomorrow she is only subject to ALL of my rules and NONE of hers. It was quite an adjustment for her. Following my rules wasn’t the hardest part – the biggest challenge was for her to remember NOT to follow her own rules. While Donna hasn’t enjoyed being outside her comfort zone, she has enjoyed the fact that it is what John required and thus, is just another twist in her submission.

A Twist!
After tomorrow she then has to switch to all her own “normal” rules, with Mike acting in John’s role. This means that there will be times where Mike has to go “help Donna move some furniture” or, “help Donna fix a leaking faucet” or whatever other excuse we can give our son for Mike needing to go over to Donna’s house with her.   The reason for this is that there are certain activities that John requires that will occur while our son is home, and thus the need to do them in the privacy of Donna’s house.   Suffice to say they involve a mix of pain and pleasure. I believe I shared before that John and Donna’s TTWD have a greater degree of BDSM and M/s compared to Mike and I.

Another Twist!
We are a bit alike in that Donna isn’t all that into submitting to someone other than her husband. What makes it enjoyable to her is that it is what John wants, so her submission to John is paramount and the only reason she is submitting to Mike. The added twist is that starting Thursday when she returns to her normal rules, she has to submit to both Mike and to me! I am accountable for administering any punishment if she has an infraction and Mike is not around, PLUS, I specifically have to administer her maintenance. In addition, she must call me “Ma’am! Donna did not express any concerns with this.

She said she is very focused on being in her “submissive” mindset and wanting to please John while he is away. She said that focusing on remembering my rules through tomorrow, and on what happens starting Thursday, is her way of honoring John while he is absent. She said her submission is a way of feeling that he is still present, and that warms her heart.   She is very dedicated and I admire that in her.

As for me, I guess I am looking at it more from the perspective of her friend, not from the perspective of me being submissive. While I know what I am doing is also part of my submission, it just doesn’t have that same feel to me as I am feeling for Donna. I don’t look at what I have to do as that big of deal compared to her.   It will be odd to hear her say “Yes, Ma’am,” “No, Ma’am” and such, and it will be odd to spank her. The mental adjustment on my part seems slight compared to hers.

That’s not to say I look upon this with trepidation. I am looking forward to it in a positive way. I think it will be interesting to learn how I really feel when it actually occurs and believe I will learn something about myself that I don’t know today. As for Donna, I can tell it brings her happiness because it honors John, but perhaps that is just keeping her from really thinking about it. I am curious what she will have to say when it is over.

Final Twist?
The rules are then up in the air starting Sunday. John and Donna will discuss it, as will Mike and I and John and Mike. Then, we’ll see what clever things the boys come up with! John isn’t back until November 19, so they have a long time to come up with creative ways to “torment” us.  I can’t wait to see what they come up with.

Wow.  Kayla, and now this. To think that just a few posts ago in 71. Good Girl, I was opining the routine in my Domestic Discipline!   I am enjoying this fun and wild ride!

It makes me wonder – I am putting out a vibe that attracts this adventure, or am I just lucky to stumble into these adventures?   I’ll save that pondering for some future esoteric ramble. Until then, I’ll just continue to enjoy the ride!

Next: 83. Over/Under. A Spanking Game.

72. Swinging Solo

swing

I tend to write things about myself that surprise me – things that are contrary to my “historical” self.   It becomes another way of re-experiencing these new and exciting thoughts, sensations, and emotions. They are interesting and novel to me, and have changed so much about my life for the better, that I feel compelled to share those things.

Ultimately it paints a picture of me that is incomplete, as it limits what you know about me. The things in my life that I perceive as mundane and usual just don’t come to mind when I am thinking about what to write – even if those would be considered extraordinary and unusual to others. I guess to be a better blogger I need to think more about others perspectives than just my own, else I am going to run out of things to write about, because as I stated before, Domestic Discipline and our Dom/sub dynamic is becoming routine.

Take my solo adventure with sex with John and Donna. I glossed over it in my post about My Funk. I was more intrigued with my emotions and actions regarding My Funk, than I was with the fact that, oh by the way,  I had sex with John and Donna without Mike being around. I am more surprised by the fact I didn’t feel compelled to immediately share that story, than I am about the story itself.   Anyway, that’s me. I suppose for you, you want to read about what happened.   Well, okay then.

Mike went out of town on business. Typically his travels put him out during the week and he is back before the end of the week, but on this particular trip he was not returning until Saturday afternoon – thus I had a Friday evening to myself. Mike and I talked in advance and agreed I could go over to John and Donna’s without him and was free to have sex. Mike did put one condition on it. He said I had to submit to John, call him Sir, and not refuse anything he and Donna wanted to do – the only caveat being the hard limits that Mike and I share would still apply.  Although it didn’t take reciting our contract to influence me, just note our Sexual Obedience Clause in the contract says Mike may have any sexual act performed by or upon me and I cannot refuse.

I was game. It actually excited me, not to submit to John, but because my submission to John was Mike’s will, and thus, part of my submission to Mike. It also put in the mindset of playing a role. I was Mike’s submissive, there to obey John because Mike decreed it.   Make sense? Maybe not, but it did to me.

I never know how explicit I should get. Yes, John and I had sex, Donna and I had sex, the three of us had sex. Usual threesome positions, occasional two-some positions.

From an emotional perspective.   I had three orgasms before I returned home so obviously I felt good emotionally — but, I did feel different not having Mike there. I can’t really describe it. Not a bad feeling, not an extra good feeling…just different. Almost like I didn’t know what to do. I think that is it. I was a bit hesitant and unsure, which I hadn’t felt before regarding sex with them when Mike was around. In some ways it was good that I was in a submissive mindset, because I wasn’t very capable of anything other than following their lead.   I did think of Mike quite a bit, from the “I wish you were here” perspective. But not with any sadness or longing. Just that any time I am enjoying myself away from him I get that twinge of “I wish you were here” regarding thinking of Mike.

Oh, there was one other moment that felt a bit odd. There was a moment when Donna left the room. It was just John and I. Another feeling I can’t quite describe. It still felt good, but it felt “diminished.”  Part of the fun was sharing the fun with Mike, and of course, he wasn’t there. Well part of the fun is sharing the fun with Donna, and now she stepped away.   It still felt good and all, but just less fun and my mind lost focus thinking, “What is Donna doing? When will she return?”  She returned within just a few minutes and that was that.  Okay, so emotionally, I think I’ve covered all the different emotional feelings I had.

Now – physical feelings!   Again, I had three orgasms before I returned home, so clearly it was hitting all the right spots physically.  I mentioned before that John and Donna are a bit more BDSM oriented than Mike and I. At one point John got out a crop that had this thin extra end to it. In looking online afterward, I think it was a Flicker Whip? He had Donna and I lay next to each other, first on our stomachs, then on our backs, and he struck us with it. He went way lighter on me.   It has a pretty sharp sting to it, and tickles if he just dragged it across my skin. It didn’t hurt much and as expected, also felt good at times.   John went easy on me, but did flog (I call it more a flogging than a whipping) just about my entire body from the neck down. At no time did I get close to needing my safe word, and a few times I even let out a nice pleasurable groan to entice him to hit a little harder. All in all it was very nice.

When Mike got back we didn’t talk about it much. That night he did ask me how it went, how I felt, was I comfortable, did I enjoy myself, stuff like that. I shared with him the stuff I put here in the blog, with perhaps some more detail, (okay, a lot more detail) and that was that. But when I shared the detail, it was all very playful and erotic. It served as great verbal foreplay for his “welcome home” sex with me!

And, soon we get to return the “favor” but even more so. John is going out of the country on business and will be gone three weeks.   Our plan is to have Donna actually spend several nights with us. But that’s just another usual and mundane part of TTWD, so you won’t want to hear about that!  🙂

NEXT: 73. Pube Shaving Party