159. Follow the Leader

Right now, in your head, think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong leader.   Got it?   Got all three?   Don’t read on until you have all three.  That’s only two. . . one more.   Okay, you may proceed.

Now think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong Dominant?   Hmm, any differences in your lists?

My guess is, unless you are into a D/s dynamic, your lists were very different, but why?  Who doesn’t like a good leader?  We praise and admire good leaders and society constantly reinforces such praise and admiration.  A Dominant?  No such praise and admiration.  We likely have a negative bias towards the word “dominant.” After all, even the word is akin to domineering – asserting one’s will over another in an arrogant way.  

From an early age we are taught that it is good and acceptable to follow leaders.  Respect our elders and authority figures like policemen and firemen.  Obey our teachers, coaches, professors, etc.  It isn’t threatening, no one feels demeaned or oppressed by this.  There are positive connotations all around.

Well, in kink, a strong Dominant is the exact same thing as a strong leader – no negative connotations should apply.  My relationship with Mike is as much Leader/Follower as it is Dominant/Submissive.  The terms are interchangeable to me.  And just like any good authority figure, with great power comes great responsibility.  I have yielded leadership power to Mike. In turn, Mike wields this power while embracing many key concepts that make this power exchange work for us.

I want to dive deeper into those concepts, which I will do on the next post. What is different is that I will not be sharing my concepts or what they mean to me.  I will be sharing Mike’s.  Yes, sort of another “interview” with Mike.   And the concepts are interchangeable whether he was describing what is important to him in being a Dominant or with being a leader:  empathy, maturity,  self-assurance, assertiveness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, and consistency.   Coming soon!

NEXT:  160. I’ll Take You to My Leader

75. Public Display of Submission

If the title got your attention, just know I am referring to something far tamer than say a bare bottom spanking in the middle of the store, or walking down the street in my underwear and in irons – although both of those scenarios sound delightful!  Nope, this is way more simple and innocent, but still gets some great reactions from people.

I’ve mentioned several times before,and again in this recent post, that I have to ask Mike for permission when purchasing anything other than everyday essentials like food and toiletries.  Sometimes I would call him but typically I would text.  Well, Mike had this idea that I should have to call and speak with him and not just text.   His reason was simple.  He said it basically “gets him off” to have me ask for permission and the thought of doing so where others may hear me just makes it that more intense.  Fact is, I enjoy it too.  I like to put my submission on display and this an easy way to do that.

About a week ago we implemented this new rule in that I have to call him for permission.  If he doesn’t pick up I have to leave a message asking for permission and then follow with a text and await a response.  I’ve had to do this several times now – in fact, I think it makes me look for stuff to buy.  That is counter to why the rule exists – but, I’ve found I really enjoy the feeling I get.  It’s like not only am I displaying my devotion publicly, but it has this tinge of the taboo, this mix of mischief, with a smidgen of shock thrown in.   I love the looks I get, and I don’t try to ignore them.  Quite the opposite.  I love to playfully engage people.  It goes something like this,

As I tried on some tennis shoes with the help of a salesman and found the one’s I liked, I announce, “Okay, let me call my husband and get his okay.”   With the salesman standing there and making sure I speak loud enough so anyone nearby can hear. . .

Me to Mike:  “Hi Sir, I’d like permission to buy some new sneakers as my old ones are really worn.

Me to the clerk:  “How much are those again?”

Me to Mike:  “$89, Sir.   What’s that?  Oh, I’ll find out”

Me to the clerk:  “What is that with tax?”  Mike likes to mess with me, but really, we both enjoy messing with the clerk.

Me to Mike:  “It’s about $97.14 with tax Sir.   Yes, Sir, sorry Sir, it was $89.99 before tax, not just $89.  Yes Sir, I’ll remember to be more precise next time.  Thank you, Sir, I love you Sir.”

Me to Clerk:  “Sorry, he said no.   (Pause).   Just kidding, he said yes.  I’ve been extra good to him lately because I’ve been needing new shoes for a while now.  Aren’t you happy he said yes?”

Clerk in disbelief:  Uh… yeah.

The more people who are around the more I love playing this up.  I commented once to a woman who was in ear shot of my conversation with Mike and looked her straight in the eye and with an exaggerated bubbly giggle-like voice said, “I am such a lucky girl to have a husband who sometimes let’s me buy things for myself.”

I am getting bolder in what I say.  My bold-meter is not quite there yet but I am waiting for the right time to say to someone, “I am so glad he said yes, because frankly, I was thinking of buying it anyway and just accepting my spanking.”

It’s starting to be a game with Mike and I.  He is making me ask more and more mundane things of the clerk before he gives permission.  I am waiting for the time he has me really put the clerk through the wringer only to come back and say no, I can’t buy whatever it is.  I am already practicing my pouty face and trying to force some tears and say something like, “My husband said no.  What I am going to do?”

It’s an added thrill to mess with people and think about what they later will tell their spouses or friends about this customer they got today.   That’s just a bonus on top of the great feeling I get when I publicly display my submission like that.  Messing with people is fun.

NEXT: 76.  Meet the Babysitter