Tag Archives: 1950s

173. Potpourri of my new Domestic Discipline

This post covers a potpourri of topics regarding our DD 3.0. (upcoming changes to our Contract).

MANTRAS
As I shared in Post 169. Adding Ritual to Our DD, Mike told me (see Vocabulary below) to create a Morning Mantra to recite when I first wake up, and a Nighttime Mantra to recite when going to bed.   Per his instructions I submitted several from which he could choose.  

MORNING MANTRA
“Today I desire submission;
through humility, not humiliation,
through service, not suffering, 
through being present, not in pain
through being useful, not used,  
through discipline, not punishment, 
through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 

EVENING MANTRA
“Thank you Mike. 
Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.

Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
Thank you Mike for guiding, as I obey you.
Thank you Mike for deciding, as I trust you.
I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

I say them three times whenever I am to recite them, and must do so whether or not Mike is with me.  I must also be prepared to recite them anytime Mike asks.  Again, the purpose of these is a focusing exercise to help put me in or keep me in a submissive mindset.  I am working to get these memorized by the 17th when they will be required.

QUARTERLY GOALS
Our new Contract has a Quarterly Goal Setting Requirement with consequences for not achieving the goal.  Each quarter Mike sets a goal for me that is focused on my “inner peace or self-development.”  It could take many forms.  Mike said perhaps it would be to read a certain number of books and provide him a book report of sorts, or research a topic he has in mind and provide him a paper on it.  The first goal was a bit more personal.  It is to lose 18 pounds. That would put me at my weight when we were married. 

That averages to 6 pounds a month, or 1.38 pounds a week (yes, I did the math).  I think I can do it.  And, although I accepted this goal without question or comment, Mike said he would commit to losing 12.  That did prompt me to ask why not 16, which would put him at his “wedding” weight.   He slyly responded, “I’ll commit to the extra four if you commit to another four.”  Yikes!  “No, Sir, 12 is great, thank you.”

There was a time I would have freaked out over Mike commenting on my weight.  Today, I am inspired by his comments.  The biggest difference, beside my submissiveness, is that I am completely confident in my appearance and Mike’s love for me.  I will feel better, be healthier, and look even better for Mike.  It has also helped that in the last two years I’ve shed about twelve pounds without really focusing on it.  I did it mostly through just eating healthier as we had more home cooked meals and less take out.

Another 18 off would mean I would be down 30 pounds from my peak weight!  Yea!  The biggest challenge is that this has to occur over the holidays, where over indulgence is an easy thing – but I have a powerful additional motivation.  I reminded Mike that I may have to buy MORE new clothes when I am done.  That’s more motivation to me than any discipline I may receive if I don’t reach my goal.  No spanking AND I get to shop!?!?   This goal is going to be reached!

VOCABULARY
Mike noticed that, whether in my blog or in speaking, I often refer to things that he as “asked” me to do.  He said this is not proper submissive thinking as he does not “ask.”  Asking infers I can consider whether or not to comply.  From now on he wants me to use words like, “told,” “ordered,” or “instructed.”     Wow, this would be like a slap across the face of the pre-DD Jenny.  But the today-Jen loves it! 

WARDROBE
As shared in Post 168, my wardrobe is getting a makeover.  Out with the t-shirts, pants, jeans, and sneakers (a select few will remain). In with dresses, skirts, and heels (and some new flats).  Mike is allowing me to wear flats around the house.  The heels are just for going out.

I have to give a big THANK YOU to jadescastle.  She suggested these two websites, eshakti.com and modcloth.com for clothing inspiration.  I loved their selection and when I showed Mike, I was floored by his reaction.  I am not disrespecting him when I say that his love for fashion is basically nonexistent – he readily admits it.   However, he flipped out – in a good way – for what he saw.  His reaction to many of the clothes was, “That’s exactly what I was imagining for you, let’s get that one, and that one, and that one too.”    Well, guess what?  That meant a bump in the budget!   Maybe I should have Mike shop with me more often?   Mike joked that it made sense for my clothing budget to at least match our sex toy budget – after all, I am his ultimate sex toy!   By the way, Kayla’s getting some new clothes too!

KAYLA
Speaking of Kayla, I haven’t written anything about her in all my posts about the new Contract.  Simple reason is that she isn’t a party to the Contract.  There isn’t anything in it that pertains directly to her, or with my relationship to her.   But, I will say that watching her thrive under Mike’s Dominance was helpful in getting me to open up about being more submissive to Mike.  Their dynamic has always been D/s with a dab or two of M/s.  It is still different than what Mike and I have, but now has a few more similarities. 

PUBLIC DISPLAY OF SUBMISSION
This point may have been lost on my prior posts, but this new Contract also marks us being willing to display our dynamic more publicly, even among family and friends – including our children.  This doesn’t mean anything sexual or discipline wise – but does include how I speak and act (and dress).    

Mike also told Kayla she is free to explain our relationship, at a high level, to whomever she wants – when it is appropriate.  Mike advised Kayla there needs to be proper context such that her mentioning anything is actually relevant.  In other words, she just doesn’t blurt it out, but she can explain it if asked about her relationship status.  In addition, the explanation should be high level.  For instance, Mike said that when she feels any explanation is warranted, the words she must use is that she is in a “polyamourous submissive relationship with a married couple.”

Beyond that, any other details are really no one’s business; however, it is reasonable to assume a typical reaction would be, “What does that mean?”   Kayla’s response is to state it simply means what it means.  She can answer some yes/no questions they pose, but she is to avoid details.   Mike also told her that she needs to let him know any time she shared any information like this – who she shared it with, why, and what was shared.

REFLECTION
Wow.  This is so crazy when I think about where I was two years ago and where I am today.  A full 180 degrees from DD Jenny Style to perhaps a somewhat more traditional D/s dynamic, if there is such a thing.  I always say DD is about what you want it to be and what two people consent for it to be.  It follows no specific formula, no specific rules, other than whatever brings joy and fulfillment to the couple participating in it.   And as I’ve demonstrated, the things that bring joy and fulfillment can change over time and I am fortunate to have a Dom who changed with me.

In many ways Mike is now the “a-hole” that I once thought John was. (Post 20. Putting on a Show).   Of course I mean that in the affectionate meaning of the word — HA!  I state that because my only reluctance or doubts about what we are doing is in what others may think of Mike.  While Mike is fine with this and said he doesn’t care what others think, it still concerns me.  I want people to see him as I do.  No matter how “D” Mike is, he is still my sweet, loving, and caring husband that he has always been.

NEXT:  Post 174:   My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

168. New Domestic Discipline Rules

168

Mike and I had a long meeting regarding revising our contract that expires on October 17.  We made a lot of headway on changes.  

There are six primary categories of things we are looking to change:

  1. DUTIES & OBLIGATIONS  (i.e. rules) 
  2. RITUALS (or as Mike is calling, “refocusing” activities – this is new!)
  3. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS  (Mike wants to codify our Thursday sessions and make them permanent).
  4. HARD LIMITS  (I am looking to expand them).
  5. CONDENSE disciplining measures to give Mike more latitude (more of a formality since we have long since mutually deviated from some of the specifics of the contract). 
  6. VOCABULARY CHANGES  (Re-label “Rewards” as “Discipline” and possibly other miscellaneous changes).

We started from #1 and are working our way down.  I’ll post about each one separately – which means many of you will probably find this a bit boring re no discipline stories.  Perhaps you’ll find it entertaining to imagine the spankings I’ll get as I learn to incorporate these new rules!  No?  Well, sorry, but I discovered I enjoy going back and reading my early musings and thought processes.  Older posts serve as a marker regarding where I was and how far I have progressed and changed.  So if for no other reason than to amuse myself for future reference . . .

CHANGES TO DUTIES & OBLIGATIONS
While I shared with Mike that I did not want to dictate things in the way I did for our last contract, he did tell me he wants my feedback.  He said perhaps I could still “influence” without dictating.  He reminded me that ultimately our DD is still for my benefit and he needs my help in ensuring it stays that way.  He also pointed out that in some cases he has more of a general desire for what he feels is right for me and he needs my input coming up with the specifics to fulfill that desire.  In other words, “Jenny, you got to give your two cents!”

My current Duties and Obligations are broken into three parts:
1. Honesty.  2.  Obedience.  3.  Safety.

Obedience has several sub-sets, three of which are Household Cleanliness, Physical Self-Care, and Emotional Self-Care.  (You can read about all my Duties and Obligations in our Contract).

HOUSEHOLD CLEANLINESS (i.e. Chores)
Mike would like me to have a set schedule that I create.  Such as laundry Tuesdays, ironing day, etc.  He wants at least two separate half-days dedicated to baking (pies, cookies, whatever).  He also wants at least one half-day a week dedicated to something specific that I would choose and commit to during our Maintenance Session.   For instance, I might commit to reorganizing the closet or some other irregular task.    

These things are pretty much (but not exactly) all things I do anyway (I don’t bake much).  And Kayla can still help (and she helps a lot, although not as much since she started back at school).

EMOTIONAL SELF CARE
He said part of the goal with a structured chore schedule was to better organize my household duties into smaller daily bite sizes.  Once done, I was done for the day.   He said the expectation – in fact, the RULE, would be no jumping ahead to the next days chores.  And by setting expectations as to what would be done when, I would avoid my occasional habit of over committing to my duties of the day.   His plan is that the end result would be a furthering of my “Emotional Self-care” obligations because I would be more organized and avoid the stress of over committing.   Lastly, my schedule would include structure down time as well.   It was not about doing more chores (other than the baking), it was about better organizing them.  This sounded great to me!

PHYSICAL SELF CARE – GRACE AND ELEGANCE
Mike wants to implement rules about my “style,” as he put it.  This would fall under my “Physical Self-Care” requirements.  He noticed I was a bit taken aback by this and he quickly clarified it in a more positive light.  He said he wants to add more “grace and elegance” for me – and he clarified, “Grace and Elegance aren’t two women I met.”  He wants me to “walk, sit, dress, and speak” more gracefully and be more sensitive to my appearance regarding clothes, hair and make up – and he wasn’t just talking about when I go out.  He wants to see this at home.   He wants fewer t-shirts and more skirts, sundresses, and stuff like that. 

Wow!  This was not what I was expecting.  It seemed very un-Mike like, but I recognize that is only because we have never really focused this much on his preferences for me.  Mike was quick to say that he was never bothered by my style.  I am not a slob and look and dress just fine — but he wants to take it up a notch.  He felt my inward submissive changes deserved some outward changes as well.   I joked, “So, Sir, may I buy a petticoat or two?”       

He smiled and said the specific attire would be somewhat up to me.  He asked me to present him with my specific ideas that I felt supported a greater “grace and elegance.”
I am glad he is allowing my input on this.  I love him, and he is my Dom, but women’s fashion, albeit circa 1950, is not his forte.

I‘ll peruse those old 1940’s and 50’s “How to” books on being a housewife.  I’ve read bits of them before and always thought they were a bit hilarious.  I never thought I’d be using them as reference material!  I think I’ll go all-in and get a really cool 50’s retro-housewife hairdo.  Second only to satisfying Mike’s wishes, I am very excited that this means there is a shopping spree and visit to my stylist in the offing.  Yea me! 

PHYSICAL SELF CARE – DIET AND EXERCISE
Also under Physical Self-Care, Mike wants me to exercise every morning after I drop J off at school.  It would entail walking or running around the block or at the park – he would come up with the distance and may increase it over time.   Mike said, “time to put your Fitbit to greater use.”   He also said that I must ask permission for cookies, cake, ice cream, pie, or any other deserts, any time I want them, and abide by any other food or drink restriction that he may impose from time to time (See Post 163 re the “tea” incident).  Again, I am game.  Kayla and I try to walk a few times a week, so this will just make it more frequent and make it mandatory.   I am in!

SAFETY
Currently our Safety provision includes “Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends” which recognizes that others may unfairly judge or misconstrue our lifestyle.  As such, we don’t share TTWD with anyone unless we both mutually agree.  Mike wants to change this so that he is the only decider in this, not me.  Further, he wants us to more outwardly live our lifestyle.  Not that we tell people, and not that he would reprimand me in front of others, and definitely never punish me in front of others.  But, calling him Sir and everything else about my submissive demeanor should be on display at all times.  THIS IS BIG.  I’ve usually refrained from calling him “Sir” in front of others.  

I am willing to do it and put aside my reservations as it is what Mike wants.  We talked about how to handle comments we are sure to get from family members (our older kids?), or even his coworkers, and others.  We basically will take a “no comment’ stance.  A matter-of-fact, “Yeah, I am treating Mike very nicely, and?”

Oh, and also, at least for now, other than in private, Mike said that when I ask him something I don’t have to say, “Sir, may I…” or “Sir, would you like…” or whatever it may be.   I would just refer to him as Mike in my statements or questions about or to him; however, all my responses to him would be “Yes, Sir,” or “No, Sir,” or, “Well, Sir….”  

This will take a little getting use to and it will be interesting to see how people react.  Part of me gets a tingle, but part of me is a bit apprehensive.

Overall, I am very happy that Mike has taken to heart the things I have told him re me wanting this to be his DD FOR ME and not simply MY DD FOR ME.  

Next I’ll post about “Rituals” that Mike wants to incorporate in our new agreement.  My Dom is on a roll!

NEXT:  169.  Adding Ritual to our DD