Category Archives: 5. Sexcapades

Various fun and adventures (i.e. probably lots of sex), sans the spanking and discipline.

325. 14 orgasms

325

Taking on the “Mike” challenge regarding a short post.  I’ll do better this post.

My sister asked me how many orgasms I typically have in a week.   I estimate it probably averages out to about 14, or about 2 a day.   A bad week is still probably 10, a really active one, maybe 20, even 25.   Life is good!

Next:  326.  Look at me.  Validate me.

 

323. Assume the positions

323

In the prior post, I said I’d share some common positions you might find me in.  As in, find me in while having sex, just in case you think any of these are my natural state. 

Well, in typical Jenny style I instead decided to share with you what I know will be a life-altering and inspiring esoteric rant.  If you follow it, it will change not only your life but change the world in ways you can not imagine. 

Or, I could just attempt to titillate you by writing about sex.    Let’s vote!  

Life altering insights that will lead to a lifetime of fulfillment and world peace or titillation?    

Okay, it was closer than I thought as I forgot that I also got to vote.
Titillation 212, Esoteric Rant 1.   Fine, titillation it is.  

SO MANY FROM WHICH TO CHOOSE
Sexual positions depend on if we are talking one-on-Jen, two-on-Jen, three-on-Jen, and the gender combinations involved.   

Consider that with “J” for Jen, 1-1 sex includes MJ and FJ.  Threesomes include MMJ, FFJ, and MFJ.  Foursomes?  Well, MMMJ, MMFJ, MFFJ, FFFJ.  That’s nine different combinations, each with numerous positions.   So many fabulous positions from which to choose.

We like to name our more common and favorite positions.  It adds a lot of fun to it – as if sex with multiple people requires the need for added fun!  hee-hee.   Here are some things you won’t find in the Kama-Sutra (and some that you probably will, albeit under a different name).

FOURSOMES
Four-Square:  This is a name we came up with and it obviously involves four people.  Thus far all the guys we’ve been with are heterosexual (why is that??).  Thus a four-square is either 4 women or 2 men and 2 women.  Basically laying on the floor in a square-like pattern.  If 2M2F, it looks like this:  The first man is orally satisfying a woman who is simultaneously orally satisfying a man who is simultaneously orally satisfying a woman who is simultaneously orally satisfying the first man.  It completes a square!

Hold my hand:  This is another MFMF foursome position and one I really like.  It’s pretty simple.  Say Mike is entering me from behind while I am flat on my belly on the bed.  On the other side of the bed lays Kayla with some guy entering her from behind.  She and I are holding hands, and typically staring at each other (or perhaps kissing). I also like this if Mike is the one having sex with Kayla or the other woman.  That way I can look up and lock eyes with him as well.

THREESOMES
Clearly, a lot more of these as we get to “practice” these almost every day! See if you can spot my favorite.

The Standard or the “Go-to”:  We call it this as it tends to be our most common position.  Sometimes you just aren’t feeling creative!  Simply, Mike is entering me from behind and I am eating Kayla’s pussy (or we swap positions).

The Triangle:  This is the threesome version of the Four-Square but often takes on more gymnastic-like qualities.  While sometimes it can be the three of us laying in a triangle position providing oral to each other, sometimes it gets a bit crazier.  Usually involving Kayla being suspended almost upside down.  Basically, she and I are in a 69, with me on the bottom, but then Mike comes in and lifts her legs over his shoulders.  I then suck Mike while Mike eats out Kayla, who is still eating me out.   It can work with three women as well.  

The Watch:  This is when one of us “takes watch” and the other two have sex.  It could be any combination of me, Kayla, and Mike with one person “on watch.”   Often, the “on watch” person masturbates.   Also works with three women or two men and a woman.

The Side-by-side (aka Mike’s Choice):   Another simple one.  It’s where Kayla and I line up side by side for Mike to choose and rotate between the two of us.  We might be side-by-side on our backs, on all fours, or head-to-toe such that he can put his cock in a pussy or ass and then take it out and put it in an awaiting mouth.   It also is a variation of “The Watch” because whoever is not being attended to by Mike will often masturbate and watch.

The Kayla Sandwich (and it’s variation, the Jen Sandwich).   In the Kayla version, it is where Mike is entering Kayla from behind while Kayla is laying on top of me thus, head-to-head where we mostly just make out.  Thus I am on the bottom.  It’s basically like Kayla is the meat inside a Mike and Jen bun.   We do this sometimes where a man is in the bottom position and the women gets DP.

The Mike Caboose:  There is a variation where Kayla is the front of the train and one where I am the front.  When I am in the front, Mike is entering Kayla doggy style and I am in front of Kayla doggy style with her mouth going at my pussy and/or ass.

The Over-Under-Inbetween:   Kayla and I are in 69, and Mike is entering whoever is on top from behind.  So if I am on the bottom, it is like Mike is OVER Kayla, I am UNDER Kayla, and Kayla’s face is IN BETWEEN my legs.   Thus the name! It’s basically like the “sandwich” except the bottom two layers are 69 instead of head-to-head.

Jen’s Feelin’ Lazy (and it’s alternate, Kayla’s Feelin’ Lazy):  In my version, it’s where I am laying on my side, and Mike basically spoons me, entering either my pussy or my butt.  Kayla is left to figure out where she wants to put her mouth (typically starts with a kiss, works her way to suck my breasts, and inevitably ends up on my clit and pussy.  It’s likely she will get some oral in on Mike, and possibly some ATM action with this move.  Hey, I’ve prepped for anal!

Sharing the treasure:   This is simply two people going down on one person at the same time.   It could be any combination of two of us going down on the remaining person.  This one is one of my favorites when I am one of the “down” people.  I love sharing Mike’s cock, closely watching someone as they suck and we suck together.  And I love sharing a pussy with Mike.  Gets me all tingly just thinking about it.

MORE THAN FOUR
The Morph: 
This is a group-sex position that basically, isn’t a position at all.  It basically just means our bodies morph into different positions with different people at different times.  You just go with the flow!

STATIONS OF THE JENNIFER:  (also variations for Kayla and other women).  This isn’t one position.  It signifies completing several positions with me.  We joke, “Hey, Matt, you haven’t completed the ‘Stations of the Jennifer’ yet?” This simply means vaginal, anal, and giving/receiving oral sex.

For those of you that haven’t ventured into threesomes, foursomes, or larger groups, one thing that may surprise you is just how casual the conversations are.   Thus jokes like “Stations of the Jennifer” are common.  We are all adults and no one in the room has reservations or hang-ups about what we are all doing.   It is good fun, where “Would you eat my pussy?” is uttered as casually as, “Would you like me to get you a drink?”

DISLIKES?
One position comes to mind that I haven’t liked and may say no to depending on who is involved.

THE CRADLE:   I hug Mike and wrap my legs around him where he can enter my vagina, and some other man comes and enters me from and in the behind.  Basically, I am suspended, held up by Mike’s arms and my legs wrapped around him while I am being double penetrated.   What I’ve found is this requires the holder (Mike in this example) to pay attention as a lot of weight (my entire body weight) is bearing down on the two cocks.  One slip and it can hurt me and one or both cocks.    While nothing significant has occurred, it’s been discomforting enough that I typically opt out of this unless I feel confident they will ride me in a way that keeps their dicks in me at all times.  It’s when they slip out and go in for re-entry that the pain can occur.   Even when it goes well I can’t always fully enjoy it as I am always anticipating a mishap.  The Cradle is best left to the muscle-heads and waif-like women   

Sex can be a contact sport! 

Enough detail for you?

Next: 324.  My husband reads my emails!

 

322. Sex as Recreation

 

322

My recent posts have been a bit bland for you kinksters.  While I threw in a few kinky topics, such as Cuck, Swinging, and NRE,  I’ve been light on details.   Multiple inferences of sexual activities and explorations, but, “Where’s the beef?”

It’s just that I am a shy and modest person.  I am sure you know how hard it is for me to share personal details.

NOT!!!

Don’t you think it is better for me to hint around TTWD and let you use your imagination?  I bet your imagination is far steamier and raunchy than my reality!

Well, maybe not.   After all,  in addition to the sex the three of us have, there is a rarely a week that goes by that we don’t get together with others to play with.

And we still make it a point to have our one-on-one date nights at least once a month, whether it is me and Mike, me and Kayla, or Mike and Kayla.  

Okay, Jen, those aren’t details.  Spill it!

When three men are available, it’s common for me to have all my holes filled at once.  In case that’s too vague, I am speaking of my mouth, vagina, and butthole.  There!  Detail enough for you?!?

I enjoy it, but if I have to pick a favorite position, it’s two men at once – one doing me doggy and the other in my mouth.  And my most favorite is when Mike is the one in my mouth and I can look up at him and see his eyes watching what is going on.  Hey, you’re the one that wanted details!   Okay, probably not enough detail for most of you kinksters, but what else do you want to know?  I am sure you don’t want to know what orifices the guys cum in, or anything about other pretzel-like positions I get into.  What you really want to know is, how does this make me feel?   Am I right, or am I right?   

What?  I am wrong?   Oh well, sorry kinky devils out there.  In Jenny fashion, I can’t just share an activity,  I have to share how it makes me feel and unfortunately that will take up all the time I have.  Well, indulge me and maybe I will answer those two questions at the end.

OBJECTIFICATION
I find being with three men at once is more of an emotional experience than a physical one.   It isn’t that I am not feeling things physically – I certainly am! –  It’s almost a sensation overload with one amazing feeling after another vying for my attention.  Mixed in can be moments of discomfort.  Not pain, else I stop, but let’s face it, DP can be uncomfortable sometimes.

Whereas with two men at once, I find the perfect balance between my physical and emotional pleasure.  It hits three emotional buttons for me.  (1)  I know Mike is enjoying me enjoying myself.  (2). The taboo nature of it is never far from my mind.  (3) I love the feeling of objectification.

When it is three men at once, the physical pleasure is less, but the emotional feelings are amplified and focused on a singular feeling of objectification. I am not complaining.  I like that feeling, I just like the more balanced feelings I get from two-on-Jen versus three.

I know, I know.  Many of you probably think it’s terrible to like being objectified.  Sorry, but feeling attractive and sexy feels good, and it feels good for the same reason that feeling unattractive and unsexy feels so bad.  It just does.   

There are risks in objectifying yourself or allowing yourself to be objectified.  There are studies that show objectification is like an amplifier for how one already feels about themselves.  For those with high self-esteem, which I count myself as one, objectification can be a boost to your already high self-esteem.  But for those with low-self esteem, it can create a post-objectification drop in their well-being.  

The positive feelings of objectification can become addicting.  Which can become a challenge as the interest others may have in our beauty and body fades as we age.  It can also create a terrible cycle for those with low-self esteem, chasing the “high” following the post-objectification drop in their well-being.

Yes, the emotional chemicals in our body that come with objectification can be really bad on the psyche.  Just consider eating disorders and body shaming that many women do to themselves, let alone the body shaming and judgment that society does to us. Suffice to say I don’t take this “thrill” from objectification lightly.  Especially when it comes to Kayla.

Although I am well past my prime in physical beauty, I find that as I got older the decrease in my vanity was accompanied by a decrease in the fucks I give.  Humm… In the context of this post perhaps that colloquialism doesn’t work.  I mean, literally, I am writing about the actual physical fucks I give (and receive).   And as my vanity decreases, I am sure giving a lot more of those fucks!  LOL.   

My point is, I am a self-confident person when it comes to being happy about all aspects of who I am and what I do.  Thus I feel I have the strength to experience the highs and avoid the lows of being objectified.   But such strength mostly comes with age, and Kayla simply has not had the time to develop it.   

I talk to Kayla a lot about TTWD, especially when it comes to the sex she has, even the sex she has with me and with Mike.   ANd when I say “a lot” I mean it.  I am constantly checking in with her about how she is feeling.  She jokes we have our own daily Maintenance Sessions, minus the spankings of course.  She is far more “addicted” to multiple partners at once than I am.  She clearly gets a greater thrill than I do from being objectified.  It worries me as I wonder if she truly just loves the thrill for thrill sake, or is she needing a “fix” because of a drop in her feelings of well-being?

In our conversations, I am convinced that she does have a handle on this and maintains a healthy psyche about her self worth.   It’s not perfect, as we all have blind spots or moments of self-doubt, but nothing indicates to me that this has been unhealthy for her.  HOWEVER – we have dialed things down.   More on that in a bit, but first, here’s one more tidbit to share.

ANONYMOUS SEX
Since I am in a sharing mood, we’ve done a new thing since the start of the year regarding anonymous sex.  Mike arranged it with people we met from the swinging scene.

At one swinging gathering we attended at someone’s house, Mike had us stand blindfolded, not speaking to anyone during the “mingle” phase of the evening.  He then led us to one of the bedrooms that had two beds.  Kayla and I got naked and laid on the bed, leaving our blindfolds on.   We were instructed to stay quite and not speak to anyone.   Men then came in and, well, “came in.”  lol.    Just two men for each of us (as if “just two” means this is totally acceptable and normal).

SWINGING SHADE
Afterwards Mike led us back out to the “after swap” mingling and we removed our blindfolds.  It made the conversations very interesting as we tried to figure out who we had sex with. I kind of figured one of them out when their wife said something to me like, “Oh, you’re that blindfolded one my husband had sex with.”   Her comment had this weight of indignation to it.  I promptly scanned my eyes over towards her husband and then scanned my eyes over her body.   I then told her, “I dunno.  I don’t think so.  He got to pick and I think he wanted something different so he went with the younger, firmer, more petite one of us that was blindfolded. Bitch!”

Hee-hee.  I added that “Bitch” part.  I didn’t really call her that.   

DIALING IT DOWN
I mentioned a few posts ago that we have dialed down our sex play.  We’ve noticed a pattern where there are times we venture outside our Circle of Trust (mainly John/Donna and Matt/Jillian), only to retreat within the confines of our COT.

Mike felt we all were getting a little too “addicted” to the thrills and he was concerned that it could lead to becoming careless.  While we all like to explore boundaries, there is a difference between realizing you may have exceeded a boundary versus realizing you’ve damaged your psyche.   Not that we’ve gone that far, but Mike is always overly cautious.  He’s that way about practically everything in life.

A little about Mike – which in 300+ posts I haven’t really shared much about — He has always been a cautious person.  So much so that in his younger days his primary “risk management” style was to avoid risk at all costs.  In that respect it’s amazing he asked me to marry him!  Ha!    But he slowly learned that to fully live your life means you can’t avoid everything that carries risk.  Living life is a risk.   So while he never ignores risk, he has learned to mitigate it when he can and fully accept it when it makes sense.

In his words, he said that when it came to making decisions, he was always focused on the optimal outcome, versus the fun and experience in the journey that can lead to any outcome.   As a result, there were many journeys he never took, fearing the outcome would not be optimal.  Now, is that living life?    Of course, then he married someone with the slogan, “Love life, every moment, every day.”   You can imagine the friction this created at times.  Such friction was eradicated with our DD journey.

So let’s face it!  Sex has so many positive health effects as this article highlights.  So as long as we have an honest and open dialogue about all things sex-related, I feel confident that all three of us will continue to benefit from what is one of our favorite hobbies – recreational sex!

FOR YOU KINKY F’er’s. 
I promised if you stuck with me I’d answer the question about what orifices the guys cum in as well as share other pretzel-like positions I get into.  As for cum, it depends.  Within our COT, anywhere is allowed.  Outside our COT, it’s a case-by-case thing.  Sometimes it’s allowed in or on me, other times it is not.   A girl’s got limits!  lol. 

As for positions, well, this post is long enough.  I will save that for my next post.  Consider it a tease!!!   

Next: 323.  Assume the Positions

  

317. Contrast on a theme of sexual aesthetics

317

Look at me!  Two posts in two days!

Not sure why I chose this image.  I believe the ridiculousness of it spoke to me and summed up a theme of this post.  “To each their own” as it pertains to what turns you on, even if it is a clown in a bathroom with a pretty woman and massive stacks of Benjamins.   Now that’s a unique fetish!

This post is a bit weird, but I am in a weird mood.

TURN IT TO 11
Full disclosure — All 11 of us have yet to get together at the same time.  There always seems to be a couple or two that can’t make it on any particular gathering, but I am sure it will happen at some point.   Hey, football season is right around the corner! 

Speaking of sex, we actually have dialed down our sex lives a tad.  It’s definitely been at 11 since about the start of this year (not as in 11 people, but as, dialed up to 11.  Just click the “been at 11” link).  Maybe that’s why I haven’t been posting as much.  I am exhausted.  hee-hee.   We’ve explored some new sexual terrain in the last five months.   We played with some other couples that we met at a swingers club.

It was interesting and different than some of the FetLife connections we made in the past.   While I am sure our experiences are unique to the specific groups of people with whom we met, I wonder if our observations could be consistently applied across the board?   I hate labels as they are always incomplete and full of exceptions.  But they do help ground us and convey what we are thinking.   So here it goes.

TO FET OR TO SWING? THAT IS THE QUESTION
I think Tofet Ortoswing would be a cool name of a character.  What nationality does that sound most like?   Is that a male name or female?   I digress.

We felt the swingers club was a more sophisticated and conservative group.  I don’t mean that in a political sense, although come to think of it, that could be a part of it.  It felt a bit more upscale, sophisticated, and at times, even fake.   Whereas FetLife functions were more blue-collar, more casual, more real.

I guess women in cupless leather bustiers and men with no underwear and crotchless pants lend themselves to a more raw aesthetic than women in a dress with a hint of cleavage and men in kakis and a blazer.

Maybe fake is a bit too harsh of a word.  I struggle to articulate it.  There was nothing fake about the sex and swapping.  Subdued?  A bit methodical, bordering on play-acting or pretending?   A bit more rehearsed!  Yes, that’s getting closer to describing it.  The Swing club seemed to have unspoke protocols that no one could articulate, but everyone knew existed.  A level of politeness and formality.    That’s it!  Subdued, polite, formal. 

Contrast that with our FetLife gatherings.  Spontaneous, authentic, and free-flowing.   No rules other than respect everyone’s likes and dislikes and the way you found out what they liked or didn’t like is this trick called “asking.”  You just put it all out there, nothing is unspoken.  Sharing what’s on your mind can come across noisy, impolite, and informal.

RESPECT!
I respect both vibes and enjoyed both of them.  It makes sense that they would be different.

Just think about what draws people to each of those scenes.   FetLife is simply more fetish related.  After all, it is Fetlife.   And the ranges of fetishes are immense and very diverse.  Gatherings are about exploring and enjoying not just your particular fetish, but in observing all the other kinky shit that is out there.  It makes you feel normal and more confident about your fetishes because as we all know, everyone’s kink is disgusting, except your own.

Swingers tend to be more singularly focused on one fetish – swapping.  And the swapping seems to be more straight sex.   Missionary.  Doggie.  Oral.  Yes, exceptions exist, but that sums up about 90% of it.  The variable is mostly limited to whether you watch your partner or do you swing separately?   By the way, I am not complaining nor dissing the Swing-scene.  There is a huge thrill in swinging and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  I am just trying to articulate the differences all three of us felt.

Oh, and we were also a bit odd in that “we” were three.   It made us a bit of the “freaks” with the Swingers.  Not in an uncomfortable way, although I assume some people could have been made to feel uncomfortable with that vibe.  Not us.  We reveled in it.  And it led to a lot of fun!  A lot of wives and girlfriends playfully joking with their partners, “Hey, no fair, this swap is a two for one and I am just getting the one.”   Swapping humor!

TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH OR TWO, (BUT NOT THREE)
After several months at “11,” Mike called for us to cool it down a bit.  He felt we were getting a bit sex-crazed, and he was right.  It was feeling a bit like an addiction.

We were all looking forward to our next adventure, but that anticipation was more than just a craving, it was becoming a “can’t live without it” lusting.  While all three of us had it, Kayla really had it the worst, but none of us were immune.  Mike noticed a decrease in our level of tolerance for everyday things and towards each other.  We were all a bit more irritable and both mine and Kayla’s bottoms became clear evidence of the consequences of that irritability.

While perhaps it wasn’t related to a sex-seeking frenzy, once Mike said something about it, it resonated as true to all of us.  We recognized it and agreed we were becoming very focused on when our next play session would be with anyone other than our Circle of Trust (COT).   The result was Mike has put a moratorium on any activities outside our COT.

As evidence that perhaps we had gone a bit crazy, there was a bit of feeling of withdrawal.  A feeling of anxiety and insomnia where your mind thinks of the amazing sex you are missing.  Luckily, that could be quickly remedied by a convenient antidote.  We would just have amazing sex together!

PORN AS AN AID
What also helped us was more role play between the three of us.  I mentioned a few posts back that we got an account on bdsmlr.com.  The three of us use it by logging in and making comments on the pics or gifs – snarky ones, suggestive ones, playful ones, nasty ones, you name it.  Some of it based on reality, some of it fantasy.   A little playground for us to use our imagination and share dirty thoughts.   

We each try to log in each day to see what comments the other two have made and to add more of our own.   We are Funsome Threesome if you want to see what it’s all about.   I caution you, bdsmlr.com is a bit raw and crude.  Misogyny and patriarchy reign supreme on most accounts. 

I know some of you are saying, “Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.”   While I disagree, I won’t argue the point.   I get it, my lifestyle and COT is definitely not *misandry and matriarchy.   Well, at least outside of Kim’s bedroom it’s not!  lol. 

  (*hint:  those are the opposites of misogyny and patriarchy.  The fact I had to look up the opposite of misogyny just shows you how misogynistic our culture is.   Most of us don’t even know the term for its opposite.  If you did know, that’s great.  You just earned five points for social awareness.  And what can you do with those 5 points?  You can now be subject to Christian-sharia law if you live in the South.  Wow, did I digress or what?)

Stay kinky!

Next: 318. Master Kayla. She no longer submits?

316. Our Sex Club

317

I didn’t set off to be a teller of Kim’s story.  I wanted to share her background because it was interesting to me and before you know it, I overshared a bit.  Oh well, too late now. 
But finally, this will bring you up to where things are today. 

So about a month or so after Kim watched us have sex, she sat down with me all excited and energized.  She said she believes she has worked the kinks out  – oh, wait, not a good choice of words as the kinks have been worked in, not worked out.  Ahem.  She believes she has resolved her hang-ups with sex.   In her words, “I had a revelation!”

KIMS REVELATION
I already mentioned that Kim started masturbating regularly.  She soon told her husband he could watch, after all, she had been watching him masturbate for years.  That led to them having sex, and more sex.  More in a week than they had in the prior year.   And Kim said it was different than any sex they previously had.   She was not only the one initiating it for the first time ever, but actually directing it.  Telling her husband to do this, or do that.  She said it was the first time she felt like SHE was having sex.  That it was something she was doing, not something simply being done to her. 

And her revelation?   Actually, there were two. 

  1. She enjoys being in control.  And more than that, she enjoyed a dominant role in the bedroom.   And apparently, TJ was happy to oblige, or more precisely, submit! This didn’t change her mindset out of the bedroom.  Nothing changes in day-to-day life, but she became the master of their bedroom domain.
  2. She loves watching others. More precisely, she enjoys watching us, but the thought of watching anyone turns her one.  As much as I am an exhibitionist, she is a voyeur.  And she added, “And I think it is more than to just watch.  The thought of directing people and telling them what to do to each other really turns me on.

Kim said it was strange for her to say something turns her on sexually.   The idea of it is so foreign to her as well as a thrill for her.  She said she not only is able to let loose in the bedroom but can’t wait to do so.  She gets turned on just thinking about it.  Such a feeling is completely new to her – not that she is complaining!!

MORE THAN A FEELING
Kim said it goes just beyond “feeling it.”  She has this drive to act on it.  Something she never ever felt before, even remotely.

This led me to ask, “It’s great to hear that TJ is onboard and willing to accept a role in the bedroom that also suits you.  As for liking to watch others or even directing others, do you have something in mind with how you can fulfill that?  And yes, I am willing to ask Mike if we can submit our application to you.” 

Kim served up her best Jen-like response that made me smile.   

“Well, your credentials are good and you seem to be a good fit – culturally speaking of course.  You have clearly shown you can work well in a team environment and go into a project with a well-defined entry and exit plan.  Yes, you all can definitely fill a lot of holes.  From what I’ve seen, you have great manual skills.  I don’t know your writing skills, but we aren’t really in need of that.  It’s your excellent oral skills that I value.  To top it off, your interest and excitement level is infectious.  Oh!  Oops, that’s probably not a good word to use.  Your interest and excitement level is superb!  Yeah, that’s better.  If you submit your application I can talk with TJ and see what comes of it.”

“So,” I replied, “this is one job opportunity I don’t want to blow.  Oh wait.  Maybe I do?  Whatever.  You know you can count on me to bend over backwards, or forwards if you like, to get the blow. . . um, I mean, to get the job done.”

See why I Kim and I get along?  We have very similar humor.

THE GROUP TEASE
Ultimately, after Kim and TJ talked and I talked with Mike and Kayla, here’s where things are.  We are NOT having sex with Kim and TJ, but, they do have sex in front of us, and us in front of them.  There’s been some steamy play that seems to point toward an inevitable exploration into some swapping, but it hasn’t happened yet.  I think we are all enjoying getting right up to the line but not crossing it just yet.   We refer to it as a “group tease.”   Each of us sort of sexually teasing the other to see who can be enticed to cave first.   It’s a really fun game that we all enjoy. 

Kim is definitely a bit of a dom in the bedroom with TJ.  She has a new favorite toy, a strap on, that TJ is into accepting from her.  She definitely likes to be in control and have the power in the bedroom.   And it’s so great to see her comfortable and confident in demonstrating and exploring that desire.  Kim and TJ have even joined us at John and Donna’s a few times. 

Oh, and Matt has a girlfriend who is also part of our Circle of Trust.   And Raul and Valerie make an occasional guest appearance, and like Kim and TJ they don’t swap but they definitely have plenty of sexual fun.

Who needs FetLife or a swingers club?  We have our homegrown sex club!
Orgy for 11!  Your table is ready!

Next: 317.  Contrast on a theme of sexual aesthetics

315. Kim’s Sexual Awakening

315

I hope this post catches you up to the present day regarding our friendship with TJ and Kim.  Sorry for taking so long to provide the background story.  It was more detail than I intended to share and way more than I provided on Jamie and Chelsea.  While both couples have unique stories worthy of multiple posts, I feel more connected to Kim.   Jaime and Chelsea are more a Mike and Kayla thing.  Kim has become a close friend of mine and an interesting one at that.  Thus I want to give you a fuller picture of her. 

ONE MORE PIECE OF BACKGROUND
One more factoid to share that I omitted from the prior post.  Just a minor little thing that’s easy to forget. Ha!

TJ & Kim once lived in Georgia.  Kim encouraged TJ to have an affair.  Can you call it that when you have your wife’s consent and encouragement?   

It was another example of how accepting Kim has been of her hang-ups as well as how much she cares for TJ.   She was confident enough in their marriage to tell him he was free to find sexual fulfillment elsewhere.  It also showed me she is not emotionally fragile and is so self-aware of her issues that she does not want her problems to cause her husband’s needs to be unfulfilled, even when it comes to his sexual needs.

She said at the time it seemed logical.  She rationalized, “If I need help cleaning, I get a maid.  If I need help sexually satisfying my husband, I get him a mistress.  Either way, it  takes a weight off my shoulders — or, in this case, — off my hips.”

That’s one of the many reasons I like Kim.  Her humor is much like mine and I love to see her poke fun at her own predicament.  Humor doesn’t minimize her struggle but serves to recognize and humanize it.  I like her for a lot of other reasons too.  We’ve really become good friends.  Just how good?  Wait to read, but I bet it’s not what you think!

TJ resisted but eventually got a regular girlfriend.   Despite efforts to establish clear expectations between TJ and the mistress, after about six months it became clear that Sancha wanted more.  The relationship soon bordered on stalking.   Not quite “Fatal Attraction” level.  No rabbits were harmed, but it got creepy enough that they had to do something.  They moved to Texas where Kim is from originally.  It’s been about 8 years and they said that moving was the end of any issues or contact with the other woman.  

KIM WATCHES
Okay, enough back story.   (Hey! I heard someone say, “Finally!!”  Admit it.  It was you!)

So Kim sat in a chair near our bed and watched me have sex with Mike.  We made it a point not to do anything overly pretzel-like.  Good old missionary and doggie!  Afterward, the three of us talked for a bit and at her urging, we gave her an encore presentation, this time with oral thrown in.

Kim couldn’t articulate her thoughts that she said were swirling.  She wanted some time to process and understand them herself.  We respected that and didn’t push her to share her thoughts. 

Then she asked if we would be willing to let her watch Mike and Kayla, and even watch all three of us together.  We joked that maybe we should be charging her for our sex shows. 

“Add it to my therapy bill,” she quipped, once again fighting through her anxiety and embarrassment with some humor.

I added, “So I guess you’re not interested in any girl-on-girl action with just me and Kayla?”

And with an overly serious look and tone that feigned surprise, “What?  You’re saying that during your threesomes you and Kayla never touch each other?”

I said to myself, “Oh, so you want to play, huh?  En guarde.”   I love this type of game.

Confident I would throw her off guard knowing she can only take so much direct sex talk about herself, I replied, “If by touch you mean touching my tongue deep inside her pussy and ass like TJ is going to soon be doing to you, then yes, we touch.”

She didn’t even flinch and just laughing said, “Then I expect you to eat some pussy and ass else you’ll be eating your words.”

Point to Kim.  Well played!

And thus we soon had repeat private performances for Kim.  First Mike and Kayla, and then the three of us.  As for some of what she witnessed, let’s just say, I didn’t have to eat my words.

HER NEXT STEP
After cogitating on things for a few days, she reported to me that she was giving masturbation a try and already done it a few times.  She said it was going great and while she doesn’t really orgasm, she feels herself getting close.  My only comment to her was that I think masturbation is pretty simple.  Explore every which way you can imagine that might make yourself feel good.  When you find something feels good, do more of it.  That’s it.   And from the sounds of it, she was getting close to finding it.

HER STEP 2 – TTWD
She had often seen TJ masturbate as that was often his release and he didn’t hide it.  But now, SHE was having TJ watch her go at it.  It quickly led them to have sex.  Not that they have been sexless, but up to this point sex was like a 6-8 times a year thing and she never initiated it.

This “masturbation then sex” soon became “their thing.”  TTWD has to start somewhere!  They would both start fully clothed, she would masturbate and end up naked, and then, well, the sparks would fly.  She said she liked this because even though she was exposed and vulnerable when performing for him, she actually felt more in control and more powerful.   She felt it as something SHE was doing, not something someone was doing to her.  And once her juices were flowing, she was revved up to actually desire sex.

She said about the third time they had sex, she had her first orgasm.   She said it felt different from the start.   All day long she was looking forward to their little sex session.  The anticipation had built up and from her first touch she noticed she was wetter than ever.  It wasn’t long before she saw the fireworks.

In her words, “Wow.  I thought I sorta’ knew and kinda’ had a few orgasms before.  But there is no “sort of” or “kind of” to the real, full-blown, amazing, thing.  The warmth, up my clitoris, up my belly, up my chest, up to my head.  A whole-body convulsing experience.   Who knew?”

My response was, “Welcome to the club!”

MARITAL AIDS
It didn’t stop there.  She soon ordered a few vibrators and dildos for herself.  She even got a vibrator for her daughter.  I wrote before that Kim has tried hard to instill age-appropriate sex-positive attitudes with her daughters.  There are many other examples I could share, but this one was a doozy.  In some ways, Kim goes to the opposite extreme.  While her parents filled her with a sense of shame, guilt, and taboo over anything sexual or about her body, her kids are like, “Oh, mom, not again.  Do you really have to tell us that!”

Okay, okay.  There I go again off on a tangent.

REVELATION
So, Kim is jilling away, having regular sex with TJ.   “A year’s worth per week” as she put it.   It was all good but was soon becoming a stale routine.   That isn’t necessarily a bad thing IF you have the confidence and imagination to spice things up.   At it was clear Kim now had both.  She told me of her revelation that put her straight down the path of where she is today.   And what was that revelation?

Sorry, not quite to the “current day” with the Kim saga as I had hoped.  We are really close though.   Maybe next post.

Next: 316.  Our Sex Club

306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. Huh???

306

HELLO, IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
I’ll save all the “I’ve been busy” stuff.    It will likely stay like that for a while, but today,  “Yea!  I got some ‘me’ time.” 

Mike decreed a day off for me.  No appointments, no commitments, no chores.  Mike took Kayla and J out for the entire day so it’s just me at home by myself.  So, I slept in a bit, which was really nice, and I surfed some television and had a relaxing morning.  And now I am blogging!    

With so much to share, I wasn’t sure where to start.   How about a bit of Jenny-rant on the topic of swinging?   Anyone?   Okay,  that’s one, two… alright, swinging it is!

CUCKS OR SWINGERS?
First a vocabulary check.  What’s the diff between cuck and swinging?  The line is fuzzy and there is overlap.  In my observation, like with most labels, the differences are more clear at the extremes. 

A “pure” cuckold never participates in the sex and either simply knows their partner is with someone or perhaps even watches.  They may not even have any say over who their partner is with. The less control, the greater the “cuck” and it can have strong feelings of humiliation for the cuck, which they thrive on.  Contrast that with a “pure” swinger who is a couple who likely agree on their own “rules of engagement” regarding the sex they both have with others.  No humiliation, just mutual sexual enjoyment with others.  

Thus, I describe TTWD to be both cuckolding and swinging, depending on the context.  Philosophically we feel more aligned with swinging than cuck, but, our swinging definitely can include cuck.  Clearly, we are not Swinger-purists.  So there you have it!  

WHY WRITE ABOUT THIS?!?
I was prompted to give this topic some thought because we recently expanded our “Circle of Trust” and have some new friends in our life.  I am sure I will write about them at some point.  As this couple was new to the lifestyle, I was put in a position to answer the question, “Why?” 

Great question.

WHY HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE?
I shared a little bit about my thoughts on this topic back on Post 237.  Weird in a Good Way.   But I figured I should explore those thoughts a bit deeper. 

I researched swinging when we first opened up our marriage about three years ago because I had that same question.  But now I had to answer it to someone else.  I am sharing the concept that I shared with the couple who asked me this.  I’d love to give credit to wherever I first read about these concepts, but I don’t know where it was.  Of course, I’ve added my own opinions to it.  Here’s how I internalized all that I recall reading about and how I answered the question, “Why have an open marriage?”

Quick disclaimer – I am not saying why you SHOULD have an open marriage.  I am simply answering the question of why I do. 

DESIRE VERSUS COMMITMENT
It comes down to desire versus commitment

Desire:  It’s all the sizzle. . . 

  • It is the promise that comes with novelty
  • It is the anticipation that comes with mystery
  • It is the excitement that comes with the unknown  
  • It is the endless possibilities of our imagination
  • It is the pain of yearning that comes with distance from the object of your desire 
  • It is the challenge of a puzzle that beckons to be solved  
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person we desire

Commitment:   It’s all the “boring” stuff. . . 

  • It is the familiarity of routine
  • It is the security of the known and predictable
  • It is the comfort of a foregone conclusion
  • It is the constant closeness that precludes distance
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person to which we are committed

The “desire” that I describe is often summed up as NRE – New Relationship Energy.  It tends to ONLY exist at the beginning of a relationship.  If the relationship continues, it evolves into the Commitment phase.  The only constant is the attraction.  Yes, you are still attracted to the person, but, all the sizzle, all that NRE, is long gone.   Simply put, everything that really turns us about someone — I mean, really lights that fire of desire in our belly — eventually fades.  

Mystery becomes familiarity, novelty becomes routine, uncertainty becomes security, anticipation becomes a foregone conclusion, and the yearning of distance gets contracted into a near constant closeness.

The more attached we become to someone, the more we fear to lose them.  To keep from losing them, we increase our commitment to them.  In turn, if they fear losing us, they increase their commitment to you.   By default, this increase in commitment decreases desire.   Relationship rules and expectations begin to form to help us maintain commitment.  These rules and expectations become a subconscious way we place controls on each other.  Controls meant to add certainty, add familiarity, i.e., to add commitment.    

We think commitment alone will keep our relationship safe.  In fact, it can destroy the things that turned us on at the beginning of the relationship.  It’s ironic that we want to know everything about someone so that there is no mystery, and by doing so, we choke the life out of our desire for them. 

The relationship controls that we willingly accept in order to show and maintain our commitment can actually turn us off.  Those controls can eventually choke the desire out of our own daily routine and impact how we view ourselves.  They can fester and grow into resentments and feelings that actually undermine our commitment to the other person.         

WHAT CAN YOU DO?
About four years ago when I connected to all that I have stated here, in Jenny style I looked at it as a problem to be solved.  We adopted DD and eventually opened up our relationship.  Opened it first to each other, then to others.   We did it by increasing the desire in our relationship. 

We didn’t just increase one or two of those components but increased ALL of them.   I am sure there are countless other ways we could have done that, but, the way that resonated with me and with Mike was via sharing ourselves sexually.  First, 100% with each other (complete transparent communication and vulnerability)  and then, yes, even sharing ourselves sexually with others.   

This immediately and instantly increased every piece of the “desire equation” that I referenced in the above bullets. Instant NRE!   And the cuck element is that we each feed off the energy of the other and find immense pleasure in the others pleasure.  We also get a thrill from the taboo of it all.

Mike finds me irresistible when I find someone else attractive or I want to explore sexually with someone – or he tells me to explore and I comply.  It’s full of mystery…What will it be like?  Will I like it?  What does the future hold?    Everything is new, nothing is certain and the implicit danger and taboo enhances the erotic appeal.  It’s a full-on adrenaline release.  And I feel the same about him.  

And whether we are watching the other or simply knowing the other is with someone, the lack of togetherness actually stokes the flames of desire.  It raises the feelings of passion we have towards each other.  It revives our routine, it opens us up to further sexual experiences and exploration together.   BUT…

WARNING – RISKS!
It does have risks if you don’t have the right foundation for commitment.   And because we first started with 100% openness towards each other and made ourselves 100% vulnerable to the other,  we developed complete and total trust in one another.   That foundation of an unbreakable commitment to each other allows us to explore life in endless ways, including sexual, without fear of losing that commitment from the other person.   And all that exploration, whether sexual or not, only serves to flame our desire for each other.  Thus we maintain BOTH desire and commitment towards each other.  That’s very special and something we both cherish.

Next 307. Posting Blues

302. Livin’ Libido Loca – Commas over Exclamation Points

302

HIGH SEXUAL DRIVE
My sexual drive has been off the charts.  From “off the charts low to “off the charts high.  Can’t seem to regulate it into some consistent middle ground.  After some time at the “low” end, I am currently riding a big high of sexual energy and appetite.  Luckily my lifestyle presents a daily all you can eat buffet – literally and figuratively speaking.

I know I’ve shared having sex, whether it be with Mike, John, or Matt, as well as with Kayla or Donna.  But I don’t think I’ve really talked directly about my sexual proclivities.  Sharing my fondness of one act or another is likely grounds for turning some of you off.   After all, everyone knows that everyone’s kink is disgusting, except their own.  Well, you will just have to be disgusted because I am in the sharing mood.   Actually, I don’t think I will share a bunch of details, but enough that your imagination can fill in the blanks. 

Lately, I wake up horny, like a ten on a scale of one to ten.  I stay aroused all day, maybe hitting five shortly after an orgasm, but staying around six or seven, even when doing nothing remotely sexual.  The bubbles are always there.  You know, those electrical tingles that rumble and flicker in your tummy and parts south.   While I may put them out of my mind for a moment or two, it doesn’t take much for them to demand my attention. 

Masturbation helps, but I noticed a jump from five back to seven very quickly.  Whereas, having sex with someone seems to keep me at a manageable five for a little longer before the sexual urges slowly start dialing themselves back up.   Hormones!!  or is it, Whore moans?  hee-hee.   Oh, I better not go there, else I may be spanked. 

Suffice to say, I’ve been actively seeking out sex lately, and often one orgasm just isn’t enough.  Fortunately, with my sex dial at maximum, I often climax first, and after reciprocating the delight, I can usually count on my partner to “come through” for me and deliver me a second. 

SEX AND MORE SEX
Mike doesn’t like to go down on me after cumming in or around my hinterlands.  So with him, it typically means my first orgasm is through oral sex and the second through vaginal or anal.   Of course, if Kayla is there, which she often is, she doesn’t hesitate to “clean me up” so to speak.   

Historically, I can reach orgasm from giving oral sex, but it is rare.  It’s far more common lately.  And sometimes I am lucky to have two in quick successions, such as when I am sucking on Mike while Kayla is going to town on me, or vice versa.  And if they aren’t done, it’s a bonus for me to see them through to their orgasm which just might bring me to number three.   

Pre-DD I was never multi-orgasmic.  It was like the orgasm was the exclamation point on the end of the sentence.  Now, it’s more like a comma.  It simply means marks a brief pause and that there is more come..er, I mean, more to come.  And come I do.  hee-hee   

It made for a fun Sunday at John and Donna’s.  Matt was there as well as he still joins us for our Sunday Football (or Sunday Ball’in as the guys lovingly call it).  Yeah, I admit it, I was the center of attention on a mini-gangbang.   Hey, I like it, and Mike loves the cuck.  And it was great because Kayla was there the whole time as well since J was out most of the day with his cousins.   So, between three guys and two women, there typically was always someone ready for another round of fun with me.   It was a nice day of debauchery. 

While I’ve done the “one in each hole” thing before, this time I really got into it.  They each had turns at different “stations of the Jennifer” as I jokingly called it.   I am so bad!  Anyway, that was something new.  

Also, while we keep discipline and sex separate, I have wanted the sex rougher lately.   Like, really getting my ass smacked hard while in doggy, or a harder nipple pulls or breast slaps than usual. I think the aggression and the mix of pain and pleasure helps. And even being handcuffed.  Yummers!   Not my usual sexual m.o., but I am not complaining – and neither is Mike

OTHERS?
It crossed my mind that maybe a new sexual adventure might help quench my thirst.  I thought of my friend Valerie and perhaps offering my help in their quest for a threesome.   However, I advised myself against it.   The friendship vibe I have with her doesn’t seem conducive to a threesome.  Plus, she doesn’t like even talking to me about the things we’ve talked about.  She is very private.  She will sometimes bring up a specific question or comment, but once she is satisfied with an answer, she switches the conversation to more mundane things.   If it is that awkward for her to talk about, then, I can only imagine how uncomfortable she would be with me as the third.  

MIKE’S THOUGHTS?
There aren’t any other prospects out there unless Mike has any requests for me, and he does not.   Mike’s take on my high sex drive has been great.  He can only do so much, and said it’s nice I can find release, however fleeting, without him.   That’s not just the “cuck” in him speaking, but.. well, wait a minute.  Yeah, that would be the “cuck” in him speaking.   ha!   

Although, to be honest, yes, he enjoys sharing me, but it isn’t just that.  He also enjoys my enjoyment, whether it be with Kayla or Donna or one of the other guys.   The way he puts it is he likes seeing me being sexually pleasured whether I am masturbating or having sex with someone else.  He likes to see me and think of me as a sexual being who enjoys sex.  Luckily, I make it so that he doesn’t have to think very hard, hee-hee.  Point is, my pleasure and enjoyment is at the center of his pleasure and enjoyment.  How thoughtful!  lol.

There you have it.  That’s what’s been going on sex-wise.  I hope it levels out soon.  I can’t believe it is almost contract time again!  It will be up on March 17, less than two months away.  If I am still in this sex frenzy, I am afraid it could distort my judgment.   We’ve already talked a little about it and there is not much we plan on changing.  Just codifying a few things that we basically already changed in practice. 

Yeah,  I have a feeling at some point I won’t have the same appreciation as I do today over the thoughts of having a vibrator in me 24×7.   Although I don’t think that is even necessary.  I am so horny that my heartbeat is enough to get me going.  Yep, those electrical tickles are at it again making their way to the hinterlands.   I need to excuse myself. . .

Next: 303. A kink in our routine

301. Pervertables

301

And now for something completely different.   Okay, not exactly completely.  It is kink related after all.

Classroom participation required!   I want to hear your ideas for pervertables.

WHAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT PERVERTABLES?
We’ve probably spent close to $4,000 over the last three years on creating and growing our joy-box.  There is the $600 that I shared in
Post 43. XXX-Mas shopping, and the whopping $1,540 we spent as chronicled in 130. Growing our Joy Box.  Let alone the nice cabinet (with locks!) that Mike bought to store all this in.   And there have been a few other small purchases along the way.   This doesn’t even address how much I was allowed on new clothes per my dress code or what we spent on my etiquette lessons.

If you are considering expanding your pleasure chest, here’s my thoughts on how meaningful some of our purchases have been or if, in hindsight, I should have stuck with a pervertable.

PERVERTABLE? 
Watch this video from Go Eat a Carrot for a detailed explanation.  Simply put, a pervertable is anything you can repurpose or Macgyver for kinky purposes.   If you aren’t’ familiar with the American slang, Macgyver is a term for improvising.  Such as, “Using a stick, duct tape, nail clippers, and his socks, he Mcgyvered the stalled car to get it running.”   Okay, not a pervertable example, but, I am sure you can think of something kinky to do with a stick, duct tape, nail clippers, and socks.   Discuss!   

So here’s a rundown of my thoughts on pervertables.  

BONDAGE GEAR
We have some handcuffs, restraints, gags, and the more intimidating, spreader bar.  These are more commonly used by or on Kayla as she enjoys being restrained more than I do.  I don’t hate it, but it’s not my go-to thing.   While I gave the spreader bar a try, it’s entirely Kayla’s thing.  

  • Bondage Gear Pervertables?
      Restraints: Zip ties can be used as restraints but could be hard or to remove or even dangerous if you have to cut them off.  Cheap rope can also be used.
    – Gags:  Get a small wiffleball, you can find them about golf ball sized.  Thread a string through it and tie it around the head.  Viola!  Breathable ball gag. 

My thoughts:  You can try the pervertable, but I believe the real thing is a good kinky investment.  Less likely you’ll get hurt (in a bad way).  I feel our $ was well spent. 

BOOB PLAY
As sung in the Sound of Music. . . “Wartenburg on areolas and firm nipple suckers, tight nipple clippers and warm vacuum cup suction.  Bound, big bosoms tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.”

(er, no, sorry.  THESE are a few of my favorite things).   I digress.  Point is.  I love breast play and breast punishment. 

  • Boob Play Pervertables?
    – Nipple clips:  clothespins, chip clips.  Very inexpensive, and very effective.
    – Suction:   I can’t imagine anything being a good alternative to the real toy, other than a mouth!  But even then, a mouth gets tired!   
    – Wartenburg wheel:   There are plenty of things that can be used for sensation play; feathers, fingernails, clothes of different textures,
  • My thoughts:  If this is something you enjoy, spend the money on the real toy.  The exception is the nipple clamps.  Clothespins are inexpensive and are a great substitute.  The only downside is that some nipple clamps come with a mechanism to adjust them so you can customize the grip.  You can’t do that with a pervertable.   Oh, there is also my homemade tack bra.  It took a little effort to make.  A few repairs now and then as my sewing skills are sub-par, but overall, it works fine.   

SPANKING IMPLEMENTS
This is where we probably spent the most money.  Lots of paddles, crops, floggers, etc.    

  • Spanking Pervertables?
    –  Belts by far are #1 in my book.  Not just for how effective they are, but there is more of an emotional attachment.  It’s something Mike wears.  It’s his.  I get to see it in public and know where it’s been!  Yummy to think about!    Wooden spoons and hair brushes are tied for my #2.   You can use a long-handled bathbrush too, but beware, some implements may pack a surprising wallop. 
  • For the past several months Mike’s go-to is a board he has, pine I think.  About 18 inches long, 3/4 inch thick, and two-and-half inches wide.   Not sure where it came from, just something he had lying around.  But it works great as a paddle.   The only downside is that it is not rounded off for a grip.  It gets uncomfortable for Mike to hold it after a while.   Good thing for my butt!
  • My thoughts:   Stock up on spanking pervertables and minimize your purchases of “official” implements. The stuff we bought isn’t used very often.  They were fun to try out and occasionally fun to pull out for different sensations, but for someone who uses spanking as discipline and not part of play, we should have purchased fewer spanking implements.   If your spanking is part of the play, then, yeah, you probably want the real spanking gear.   The real stuff also gives a pleasurable visual.  Looking at a piece of wood just won’t give you the same visceral reaction as seeing him go for the prison strap.

VIBRATORS / DILDOS
Vibrators can be expensive.  While you can get some that are more moderately priced, my experience is that pleasure correlates to price.  As does durability.   But what can one do if needing to save on their pleasure budget? 

  •  Vibrator pervertables? 
    – Washing machine.  Hee-hee.  I’ve never tried it, but I’ve heard the spin cycle can be really something.  If you need something smaller, I guess a cell phone could work?  Anyone ever actually try that?   Turning the bass up and straddling a subwoofer?  Seems like you’d really have to crank the volume up to make that work.  An electric toothbrush is a good option.  Can be intense and very focused on the clit, so said a teenage Jennifer {cough, cough}.
  • Insertable pervertables? 
    –  The vegetable bin in the refrigerator is one place to start.  Yeah, I must admit, I’ve had a cornucopia of phallic edibles up my cooch over my lifetime.   It’s actually been a long time though.   Also, I guess just about anything with a slender handle can work – hairbrush, certain kitchen utensils, etc.   The key is to make sure it isn’t jagged or otherwise dangerous – and long enough not to get lost!    Then there’s always the banister or bedpost finials if you’re adventurous!
  • My thoughts: From a vibrator perspective, nothing beats an actual vibrator designed for stimulating a woman’s genitals.  So spend the money!   As for dildos, yeah, there are a lot of pervertables from which to choose,  but many may be too long, too short, too wide, too skinny, or simply too dangerous.   Like, for me, yeah, I’ve got bedpost finials, but, if I wanted to masturbate with them, I would have to be fully effaced!  Ouch!


FINAL THOUGHTS
Sometimes a pervertable has to be used out of necessity.  If you are young and at home, you can’t really have dildos or vibrators or such in your drawer, unless you have really progressive parents.  Or, maybe you have roommates and you don’t want them to know anything about your masturbatory practices.  Or heck, maybe you are even married and want to keep it on the down low.  But if you are willing to have a budget for your joy box, consider where a pervertable will suffice and where the “real toy” is a must.   

I want to hear from some of you?  What have you used, or thought of using, or suggest someone try?   Heck, if I like it, I may be willing to try it, except the finial thing.  That would be a hard no.  

Next: 302.  Livin’ Libido Loca – Commas over Exclamation Points

294. How to have fulfilling “joyless” sex

294

KEEPING THE OVARIES
No hysterectomy!  I rescheduled back in October because I felt uneasy.  Not sure exactly what it was, but something in me left me unconvinced that it was the right thing for me.

After more reflection and continued dealing with various lady-part problems and symptoms, I decided I should move ahead with it; after all, the doctor was clear that I would benefit.  It was set for December. 

The hospital called the day before the surgery to go over the intake process.  I was ready.  About an hour later, my phone rings and it is the doctor’s office.  My doctor, whom I’ve had for about 22-years and who delivered two of my children, was “no longer with this practice.”  Surgery is canceled.  I would have to schedule a consultation with a new doctor and see what they recommended.   WTF??

As it turned out, they fired my doctor for performing unnecessary surgeries.  After my consult with the new doctor, she made it clear to me – a hysterectomy was not indicated based on my medical issues.  Many of my symptoms were just menopause related, and those that weren’t directly related could be treated with various meds and/or therapies.  JUST AS I ALWAYS SUSPECTED.

I learned a long time ago that no one knows your body better than you, not even your doctor.  And doctors can be wrong.  Medicine is not 100% science.  There is an art to it and the artisan skills are molded by the logical fallacies humans are predisposed to when we aren’t diligent to avoid them.  Add to it, even the most “flawless” doctor can’t account for everything.  Then throw in the possibility that some doctors may be motivated by something other than the standards of care. 

Moral of the story.  Trust yourself regarding your own body!  If something doesn’t sound right to you, get a second opinion!

Side note — my new doc is a female, a first for me.  I don’t know why, but, I had always preferred a male gynecologist.  I liked my new doctor and plan to stick with her (and female gyno’s going forward).  Oh – and in case you wonder – I’ve been honest with my doctors about my sexual activities.  I am sure my new doctor had quite the story to tell her husband when she got home!

IN A RELATED STORY
I had very little sexual desire through much of October and December.  In fact, I had little motivation to do much anything.  If not for my dedication to Duties and Obligations, it would have been a very lazy and unfulfilling Fall.

This lack of overall desire for much of anything was also one more piece of why my blogging respite went on for so long.  I was unmotivated to blog or do much of anything.  Finally, with my hormones in order, things have returned to normal.  Well, my version of normal anyway!  lol. 

The experience provided me with a unique perspective.

SEX WITHOUT SEXUAL ENERGY
We’ve all likely had times where we weren’t feeling frisky, but this went way beyond that.  I lacked any sexual response to sex.  Emotionally I wasn’t feeling it, and that lack of emotion had physical manifestations.  My nipples didn’t perk up, heart rate and breathing didn’t accelerate,  I didn’t get that “flush” feeling in my stomach, chest, or face, and no tensing of the muscles in my thighs and hips, no tingling in my nether-regions.  . . and certainly no orgasm.

I didn’t feel connected to my own body.  It all felt a bit impersonal.   Sounds awful, yes?

Well, actually. . . No.  It could have been awful if it went on longer, or if I feared it might be permanent.  I somehow knew it was all just related to hormones and compounded by the death of my father

I made the best of it.  After all, it wasn’t like I had a negative response to sex.  I wasn’t feeling guilt, sadness, or disillusion regarding sexual activity.  I just had no feelings at all, one way or the other.  I was this sexually emotionless body going through the motions.  No excitement, no plateau, no orgasm, no post-coital bliss.  And it was great!  Okay, great is an overstatement.  But, it was good.  

HOW TO HAVE FULFILLING “JOYLESS” SEX
I discovered a key ingredient that makes for fulfilling sex despite an absence of sexual energy.  Intimacy!    I still felt intimacy but in a whole new way.

I found myself 100% focused on the other person.  I felt the rhythm of every movement they made.  I felt the heat of every breath they took.   I felt the crescendo of sex in them. And I experienced their orgasm in a way that I can’t adequately describe other than to say it was very fulfilling.  (This is when I wish I had more literary skills as “very fulfilling” just doesn’t do it justice).

In addition to the feelings, there were the observations.  I mean, think about it, how often do you really watch the other person and think about every little thing you are seeing.  Sure, a glimpse or thought here and there, but I am talking about a prolonged look.   The closest I’ve come to this is in threesomes or group settings when I watch others, but typically I am also part of the sexual energy as well.  To be part of it all but not feel any of that sexual energy made for a very different experience.

I am not one to only focus on myself during sex; however, I have never been 100% focused on the other person.  Let’s be honest.  You can’t help but feel the tingles, the yearnings, and all that comes with the crescendo that ends in your own climax.  Since I wasn’t feeling any of those things, 100% of my focus was on the other person.

In some ways, it felt a bit clinical.  Like I was observing others having sex, even though I was part of it.  But it also felt like I was connecting with the other person in a new and more profound way.   Instead of experiencing sex from my point of view, (a point of view driven by all the electricity going through my body), I was experiencing it from their point of view and I was fully tuned into the electricity going through their body.   

While it was wonderful to be exclusively focused on their enjoyment, at times it felt more like I was simply providing a service.  After all, I was doing something solely for their benefit, absent any sexual satisfaction of my own.  Normally, the feeling of service will tickle my submissive spot, but that spot was also numb during this time. 

JOYLESS SUBMISSION?
Yeah, I wasn’t feeling particularly submissive throughout this period.  It made it difficult to get through my chores each day until I found new motivation.  Since submission by itself wasn’t motivation enough, where could I find it?  

I found it through my dedication to my submission.  I took it all as a new challenge.  Basically, performing my Duties and Obligations absent my normal joy would become my new act of submission.   In other words, I wanted to demonstrate to myself a new level of commitment to my DD by adhering to all my Duties and Obligations at a time I just wasn’t feeling it. 

I’ve done that before, but that was only mild ebbs and flows of “not feeling it.”  This time, it was a tsunami of “not feeling it.”

I WAS LUCKY
The moment I first felt the hint of indifference I chalked it up to hormones and felt confident it was temporary.  I think that is why I was able to experience this in an upbeat manner.  I can imagine how hard such an occurrence could be on other women who can’t put their finger on the cause or worry that it may be permanent.

I also think about what this experience would have been like pre-DD.  While I believe I’ve always been fairly well intuned with my body, that wasn’t always the case when it came to sexual energy.   This would have caused me a lot of self-doubts and stress, which would only compound all the issues.

Further, I doubt I would have been as vocal in sharing my funk with Mike, thus he would have been largely in the dark over what was going on with me.  All he would see is an unattentive wife, in the household and in bed.  I am sure tensions would start to run high, an outburst here, an argument there.   Yeah, it would be have been bad.

MORE KUDOS FOR MY DD
I was motivated to demonstrate a new level of commitment to serving Mike.  Yes, I wanted to show him, but more importantly, I wanted to prove it to myself.   And yes, it definitely helped that this was backed up by knowing there would be consequences (i.e. spankings) for failing in my Duties and Obligations. 

My DD helped this be a positive experience, albeit one that I am glad has ended.  I mean, a girl needs the excitement of the build-up, the plateau, the climax, and the post-coital bliss.  Okay, let’s be honest, while that other stuff is nice, it’s the “BIG O” that I missed the most!  

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