Category Archives: 5. Jenny has Fun

Various fun and adventures (i.e. probably lots of sex), sans the spanking and discipline.

184. This, That, and Sex, Sex, and more Sex

184

Several different topics I thought I’d update you on.

DISCIPLINE – JEN
I’ve been disciplined a few times recently (other than what I shared), but not worth writing about in detail.  Sorry.  I don’t intend to share every disciplinary action.   But I did want to share a few things in general that I felt were noteworthy.

Mike said he was going to pick up the intensity and he has delivered.  Ouch!   In hindsight I think he was right in that the level of discomfort I was getting might have been insufficient for them to serve as a consistent deterrent (as perhaps evidenced be the tea incident).  At the time I didn’t think they were insufficient, but given the intensity of what I received lately, I definitely feel extremely deterred to disobey.   My butt and breasts have been very red and even bruised from the couple of recent disciplining I received. 

SUBMISSIVE MINDSET
Other than a few mishaps, I am doing extremely well with my added duties and obligations.  I feel I have achieved the submissive mindset I was searching for.  Not that it is a final destination – I know I must work to maintain it and events in life can still threatened that mindset.  But, I really believe I consistently feel submissive and not just act submissive.  My thoughts are constantly on how I can better serve Mike and be a better wife, lover, and mother.  This “submissive mindset” is something I wrote about yearning for in Post 148. Dom/Sub Therapy Session.   

In my first two Thursday Maintenance Sessions I honestly had no “unsubmissive” thoughts to report.  My mind has been highly focused on Mike – his needs, his desires.  And while my attention has to be on other things at times, namely our son, my duties and obligations are always top of mind.  And it has been effortless.  Sort of a switch just went off and there it was, the focus I was looking for.   “Focus” is actually not a good word, because I don’t work at it. . . I don’t “focus” on it.  It just is.  It is just my mindset.

Even though I had nothing “unsubmissive” to report, I still receive the maintenance spankings and they have been whoppers.  Last Thursday I was a bit in knots in anticipation prior to the session as I knew what I was in for spanking-wise.  It is another one of those things that is hard to describe – the anxiety over what is to come becomes part of the pleasure once it does come.  Can’t explain it.  Must be a sub thing.  

DISCIPLINE – KAYLA
Things are all good between us.  The sex is frequent and fun, Mike’s D/s relationship with Kayla is going well.  Kayla feels very good about what she is getting from Mike.  I mentioned before their dynamic is a little different from Mike and I.  Even with the changes from our current Contract, Mike is much more strict and stern with her than he is with me.

It is uncommon, but not unheard of, for me to spank Kayla.  Typically I text Mike if she does something disobedient and await his instructions.  He might instruct me to discipline her on his behalf or he may indicate he will address it when he gets home.  When instructed to spank her, I also have to send him pictures of her butt to show him the results.  He may tell me to spank her more if what he sees is not to his liking. 

I don’t have a problem spanking her.  There was a time I found it interefered with my submissive mindset, but I’ve got past that.  I think I mentioned before that when I spank her, I really identify with and focus on her.  Her vulnerability, her submission, her shame.   To the extent I think about what I am doing, I think of it in the context of doing it for Mike because it is what he commanded.  All of this results in me being fine with spanking her and I can still maintain a submissive mindset. 

SEX – MIKE, JEN & KAYLA
Sex-wise, while Mike and I have plenty of sex, so do Kayla and Mike, especially oral.  Mike loves it, of course, but as I mentioned before, so does Kayla.  I’ve never known a woman who loves to suck cock as much as her.  I’ve also shared before that Kayla occasionally has an orgasm just over sucking Mike.  If J isn’t home, it is pretty typical for me to walk in with Kayla on her knees going at Mike, whether it be in the kitchen, while he sits and watches television, or is in his office working.

Most nights the three of us sleep together, but we still have designated “alone time” with Mike.  Kayla sleeps in her room and I get Mike alone, or I sleep in Kayla’s room and she gets Mike alone.  We don’t have set days for this anymore (Post 107).  It is just up to Mike to tell us what (or more accurately, “who”) he wants.

Mike choosing is a very casual thing.  He will simply tell me, “Jen, I want to sleep alone with Kayla tonight so you’ll sleep in her room tonight.”  And that is that.  I simply say “Yes, Sir.”  He does the same in telling Kayla when he wants to just sleep with me.  I am perfectly fine with this as I want him to have whomever he wants sexually.

There are times when we all sleep together where Mike will tell one of us to just masturbate and watch.  Other times he will tell us what he wants us all to be doing to each other.  And there are times he just let’s whatever happen, happen, no instructions.  Lastly, sometimes he will ask me or Kayla what we want.  

I am free to discuss any concerns I have about sex or anything else.  Such discussions are part of the purpose of our Sunday Maintenance Sessions.   It has been a long time since I shared concerns, questions, or asked Mike to clarify anything regarding sex.  Mike and I are fully “calibrated” on this topic – at least for now.   

SEX – JEN AND KAYLA
We probably have one-on-one sex with just the two of us about once a week.  Some weeks maybe a couple of times, or perhaps a full week without any times.  Just depends on schedules, what needs to be done around the house or with other errands, studying she needs to do, and of course, the all important mood.   Sometimes you just aren’t feeling it.

The most common situation for us to have sex lately is in the living room.  Chores all done, nothing to do but relax.  We are typically naked as is our house rule when J is at school.  She will cuddle up in my arms and we will watch something on t.v.   This may lead to some kissing, caressing, and before you know it — well, fingers and/or tongues are going in places.

SEX – JOHN AND DONNA
I haven’t written about them in a long time.  We still see them frequently, but perhaps a little less so.  Just busy schedules and other things always seem to be coming up.  Mike typically goes over to watch football on Sundays ((Post 69. Hot Dog…).  A few times I’ve gone with him, sometimes Kayla and not me, and sometimes neither of us.

There is still a “house” rule at John and Donna’s that Kayla and I must be topless once we enter (assuming no other guests are present).  And Donna is also topless.  There is usually some amount of “play” that goes on.  Oral sex or just plain old sex, in any combination of m/f, f/f, m/f/f, you can think of.  You just never know but it is always fun.  We haven’t had an evening out with them in many months, perhaps soon?  Neither Mike or John have had a business trip in a while and there’s been no sleep overs in awhile.    

A lot of this is due to there not being a lot of overt opportunities to get together.  I am sure the opportunities are there if we made an effort to make it happen.  But it is nice to be in this “effortless” space with them where, if it happens, it happens.  No expectations, no commitments.  Just great friends with whom we have some sexual fun with whenever the moment is ripe.  It also fits in with Mike’s demands that we slow down ((Post 146. Slow Down!).  While not intended to be aimed at John and Donna, Mike ordered that we don’t aggressively pursue more “relationships” such as via FetLife.  Our cups are full!  No need to over fill them.

Which is a great segue into my next post, because there is a new wrinkle in the “relationship” front.  While not totally unexpected, it poses some new concerns that we have to address.

NEXT: 185. Kayla’s Plus One

166. My favorite kinks

166

As I wrote in my last post, I spent quite a bit of time helping my sister move – just the two of us sorting and packing.  And if you’re new to my posts – my sister is aware of my DD lifestyle.  (Post 116).  Our relationship has always been such that we share TMI regarding our sex life, so it was normal for her to take this extended one-on-one time with me to ask more about my DD and details about my sex life.

In case your curious – my sister is straight-laced vanilla when it comes to sex.  The wildest thing she ever did in her life was when she was 19 she “let” another girl finger her and she reciprocated.  Oh, those college years!  She has been married 30 years, and claims to enjoy the three or four “go to” sexual positions her and her husband do.  She doesn’t own a single sex toy.  She is so deprived!

She asked me of all the sexual exploration and experiences since adopting Domestic Discipline (2.5 years ago), which things do I enjoy the most.  I immediately said, “Thanks sis, this should make a good topic to post about!” 

First off, I am reminded that everyone’s kink is weird and disgusting, except your own.  So yeah, think what you want, but even if you don’t find pleasure in the things I find pleasure in, you’re just as weird and disgusting in your own way.  Ha!

BEING WATCHED
Number two on my list is something I shared before (I’ll share #1 last).  I like to be watched.  (Post 20).   I’ve been able to occasionally scratch the exhibitionist itch (Post 38, Post 139 to mention a few).  Other than that it is more about being watched by one or more of Mike, Kayla, John, and Donna while I perform various sexual acts on either myself or on one of them.  While I enjoy anyone watching, I enjoy it the most when Mike is watching. 

I’LL TAKE A DOUBLE
The rest aren’t in any particular order, but what quickly came to mind when my sister asked me was that I enjoy double penetration – more specifically, having sex with John with me on top, while Mike is behind me entering me from (and in) the rear.  This satisfies my desire to have Mike watch, while also stimulating me in different ways.  I also prefer Mike to be the one behind me because he is more in tune with me and dp can be tricky — as in uncomfortable for me, if not a little painful — if the “guy in the back” is not paying attention.  

THE VOYEUR
I enjoy watching (and listening to) Kayla.  I love watching her have sex with Mike or anyone, but I really love to watch her masturbate.  She gets so lost in her pleasure — she is louder and more expressive than I am.  She almost always talks dirty, which is not unfamiliar to me personally, but she does it more and even does it when masturbating.

I know it sounds bad, but I enjoy watching her get spanked.  Not that I look forward to it, but it does turn me on.  I identify with her in that there is so much innocence and vulnerability on display that it stimulates that submissive in me.  And I love to watch Mike spank as it stimulates my need for him to be dominant.  Just thinking about this is enough to give me a tingle.  

BOOBS
The last thing that quickly came to mind as a top pick of sexual stimulation is something that I have a love/hate relationship with.  To be precise, it is “love/hate/loooove/hate/love/hate/more please/hate/please one more time/no, stop/yes, more please/hate/love” relationship.  
That’s anything to do with punishments or rough play of my breasts – including the nipples. 

Clearly there is an intense dichotomy in how this makes me feel.  For instance, as soon as my nipples are clamped, I often quickly feel I can’t take another second of it, but if Mike removes them, I immediately want them back on.  I also like it when he slaps or even paddles or canes my breasts.  I’ve had a few of these punishments, (Post 61 and Post 133 were probably the most intense), but mostly when it comes to my breasts it has just been a clamp, a suction, or the tack bra.  Again, I can’t take much punishment as far as a wooden spoon or some other implement – I am quick with the safe word – but I find I am soon wishing I took more.  

Part of my love for this is that my breasts and nipples are so sensitive that the feeling lingers for a long time.  I actually like it when my nipples and breasts are a bit sore as it is a lingering reminder of my submissiveness.  I even get turned on when they are a little bruised – hey, can’t help it, it’s just the way I am wired.  I even like to see Kayla’s breasts marked with a bruise from a strike, or a hickey, or red from a binding.  Something about the “surrender” of the breast that intrigues me and stimulates me.  Yeah, I know, “weird and disgusting.”

CALIBRATION WITH MIKE
I hadn’t really thought of it until my sister asked me, but this did prompt me to share with Mike that I wouldn’t mind more breast related punishments.   Before you go questioning why would I do such a thing, or how can it be a punishment if I request it — keep this in mind — more than just hard limits, you have to communicate what is okay and what isn’t.  Doms and subs need to communicate to stay calibrated!

In having this discussion with Mike I learned that he purposely has kept certain breast punishments to a minimum because I seemed to always quickly go for the safe word.  He thought he was hurting me…well, I guess he was, but in a good way.   It is invaluable to be able to communicate that I am okay with a bit more intensity.  That doesn’t mean my “yellow” word doesn’t mean what it means.  He still has to pause.  But until I call “Mercy” (our “red” word), he can continue to resume whatever he was doing.

Regardless of their experience level, it is always helpful to give a Dom your validation that pressing the boundaries is okay because we have the safe word to fall back on.   Mike stated that if every punishment ended in “Mercy” that it would mean to him that he is doing something wrong.  This was an important breakthrough for us.  I praised him for how he has approached every punishment and reassured him I never think less of him the few times I’ve called for Mercy.  Not that I want to be brought to that point, but, I leave it completely up to him if that is what he thinks is appropriate for the situation. 

And just to reiterate this again — it is still a punishment and a deterrent, even if I get some joy out for it.  In the moment I don’t like any discipline, but frankly, it always gives me some level of satisfaction afterwards – some more than others.   No matter how physically uncomfortable they are, they all remind me that I am Mike’s, I serve him, I am his.  THAT ALWAYS turns me on and is my biggest, most favorite kink!  Again, “weird and disgusting, I know. . . but, so are your kinks!   

So, there you have it.  Some of my kinks that I love the most. 

NEXT: 167. What is “Mine” versus What is “For Me.”

151. Immersion 2017- Forbidden Zone

151

One more day of Immersion 2.0 then back to “normal.”   I was granted some “me” time which gives me an opportunity to post.   Here’s a quick recap of each day.

Day One – Dog Day
This was the day we explored “pet play” with me pretending to be an animal of sorts.  The hardest part of this was getting around on all fours.   Oh how I wish we had carpeting in our house.  Very hard on the knees!  Overall it was very physically demanding. 

Our experiment with this was just to check it out and have fun with it.  It was not a fantasy or kink that any of use had.  It was more about testing limits with something that requires a lot of unconditional obedience.  In addition to the physically challenging nature of it, it was very inconvenient for me, which was part of the challenge.   I wasn’t allowed to speak, just grunt, whine, or bark to try to communicate.   Eating without using your hands is difficult and very messy, and of course there was the whole “litter box” thing.  Sleeping on the floor next to the bed wasn’t that comfy either.  

Mike and Kayla had sex without me, which isn’t new.  What was different was that I was on the floor in the room.  It was different to hear, but not fully see, what was going on.  Different in a good way, I didn’t mind it.   But just different.  I wanted to at least watch!

While I was in my “pet” role, Kayla stayed in her typical submissive role.  I can now say, “Been there, done that.”   Unless Mike chooses otherwise, it isn’t something I look to repeat.    

Day 2 Baby Day
Now it was Kayla’s turn to take on a fantasy role while I was in my typical submissive role.  Kayla pretended to be a baby, which frankly, wasn’t much different for her than it was for me in my animal role.  She couldn’t speak, had to crawl on all fours, and stuff like that.  Some differences were that she got to be fed by Mike or by me.  Mike actually bought baby food for her to eat and she had to use a bottle, but it was also augmented with some normal foods.   The diaper changing was interesting and awkward.

Again, this was about experimenting, having some silly fun, being challenged, and showing obedience to Mike.   We all feel the same way as again, “Been there, done that,” and not necessarily looking to repeat this in the future.

Day 3 – Sensation Day
Another very physically demanding day as it was a day long series of various physical sensations ranging from mild pain and discomfort to heavenly sexual bliss.  To make a day long story short, there was a lot of ice (internally and externally) rotated with a lot of hot wax (external only – we’re not sadists), there were spankings and nipple “tortures” (using the term lightly) rotated with various acts of sexual arousal and stimulation.  There was fun with a TENS unit that Mike surprised us with and stimulation with the pinwheel.  There was bengay rubbed in not so pleasant places, and figging. 

There were several sessions of the Calisthenics of Doom, with cold showers to cool us down.  There were extended periods of time we had to maintain various “stress positions.”  Nothing too extreme and nothing too extended.   For instance, bending over touching our toes or holding our ankles.   Try doing that for 10 minutes, especially while getting an occasional flog across the back or butt. 

There were also many softer sensations such as silk scarves and feathers, or being fed food while blindfolded.

Except for the occasional break, Mike filled almost the entire day with various “Sensation” activities, many of which were repeated numerous times.  

Suffice to say, another physically challenging day, and this one was emotionally tiring as well.   Overall, I enjoyed it (sans the bengay and figging) and wouldn’t mind us having days like this every so often.  

Day 4-7  Head for the Hills
Mike rented a cabin in the Texas Hill Country. Think of it as being a bit in the woods, although “woods” in South Texas may not be the same scenery you might imagine as “woods.”  You can google “Texas Hill Country Scenery” to get a good visual.   The place was secluded, and actually wasn’t really a cabin.  It was a very nice house with all the amenities you could imagine.  We could see another home far in the distance, but unless those neighbors had a high-powered telescope, it’s doubtful they could see anything.   If they did, we gave them a good show.

Since the default dress for Kayla and I is always “naked” unless J is home, Mike decided he would join in the nakedness.  As soon as he arrived he ordered all clothes removed, even his own.   Funny – but Mike got to learn what Kayla and I already know.  Don’t eat hot things without leaning forward over the table.   Hot cheese from pizza can burn!

Anyway, we made sure to wear plenty of sunscreen and bug spray – lots of mosquitoes.  If Mike really wanted to “torture” us, he could have had us stand outside without any repellent on and get bit up my mosquitoes.   That may have got me to my limit very quickly!   Spank me or “sensate” me however you want, but don’t make me get bit by mosquitoes!

It was an odd but very pleasant feeling to be naked outside.  When we went for walks our concern was falling down, as you don’t realize how well clothes protect your skin.  Luckily, we didn’t have any incidents.   Oh – we did wear our shoes, so technically, not totally naked!

Mike also had some “funishment” sessions outside.   I call them that because, while they were spankings, it was for his entertainment and not due to any particular infraction.  That too was odd.   Of course, the oddest feeling of all was having sex outside in the wide open.  There was always this element of, “What if someone is watching.”  

John and Donna drove up on our last day there and spent the day and night with us.  That was a lot of fun in all the ways you can imagine.  We then returned home. 

Day 8 – Boring!
Day 8 was a buzzkill, at least for me. T was still home so we had to be “chill,” however, Kayla spent much of the day, and all of the night, with John and Donna as their slave..um,er, guest.  

Days 9 & 10 – Fun at home 
T left this afternoon,  so we again have the house to ourselves for a few days before getting J.  Mike has some more fun in store for us.

Overall, it seems less intense than last year’s Immersion, but perhaps simply because so much of what went on last year was completely new to me.  Also, the atmosphere this year is less serious and more jovial.   We are having fun and recognize the silliness in much of what we are doing.   

It is fun to be totally surrendered to Mike’s whim while exploring new things and pushing new limits.

NEXT: 152. VANILLA TIME

150. Entering the Forbidden Zone

150

Welcome to my 150th post!

Immersion 2017 is here. . . starting tomorrow to be exact.  (See prior posts re Post 141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0).

KID FREE
J is heading to my parents for a week leaving us child-free and carefree, with one hitch.  Our middle son T2 called to say he would be coming home for a few weeks.  He is away at college and will take some summer courses but has a gap with some free time so he decided to spend it at home.  How inconsiderate!  Doesn’t he know we need to get our kink on! 

The good news is we still have several days at home that will be kid free, and the better news is that Mike was able to quickly find us a getaway for the other days.  He rented a cabin in the Texas hill country.  It is on something like 15 or 20 acres so is secluded enough that we will be far from prying eyes.  I am very excited about this as it is really our first “vacation” with just the three of us.  The secluded nature of it presents new possibilities for kink exploring.

NEW ENERGY!
I am going into this “immersion” invigorated and excited.  Mike’s handling of what I shared on Post 148. Dom/sub Therapy Session really got me out of my self pity-spiral. Intuitively I always knew that it was detrimental to hold myself to some elusive ideal of the perfect submissive – submissive in all thought and action.   I never intended to strive for perfection.  I just wanted and still want to be “more” submissive.  But my inability to achieve progress that was satisfactory to me turned it into a burden that sent me down emotionally.  I already feel that burdened has lifted.  

Always the cunning linguist, Mike made it clear that from now on my progress as a submissive is at his “pleasure and measure” and he is extremely happy with my submission.  It would have been very un-submissive of me to not accept his “pleasure and measure” proclamation.  By accepting what he was saying, not only did it mean I was thinking submissively, but by giving up my unrealistic ideal and subjecting myself only to Mike’s ideal, it meant all the burden was lifted.  Voila!  My pity party was immediately over!  Mike’s a genius!

I do seek to think more submissively, but I have no arbitrary timeline in my mind or set definition of what that actually means.  I simply continue to be more submissive to the degree it suits Mike.  Odd, but giving up such control should be scary – for instance, what if Mike was more demanding of me than I was to myself?  It seems like that my desire to please him would create more pressure than the desire to please myself.  But, it was just the opposite for me.  I don’t know why that is.  I guess I trust Mike so much and perhaps know that my expectations of myself can often be unrealistic, but Mike’s expectations of me never are.  It’s odd, but in order to achieve the level of submission I want for myself, I had to stop wanting it for myself and instead want it for Mike.

ENTERING THE FORBIDDEN ZONE
On top of this much improved emotional state is the fact I have been looking forward to our Immersion for some time.  Last year was intense, and I was so glad when it was over, but I look forward to doing it again.  I like that we have set aside some time to throw out our routine and experiment with some crazier kink.   It’s like going into the laboratory and just mixing up stuff to see what you get.  We have given ourselves permission to try things we wouldn’t normally want to try, explore new sensations and experiences, all for the sake of experiment.   It helps us all identify and separate what is pleasurable versus tolerable, or what is tolerable versus what is intolerable.  

Mike thought it would be good if we had a slogan for our Immersion each year.  Sort of way to “market” to ourselves a particular theme or idea.  We threw around some ideas and Mike picked one of mine as our slogan — Entering the Forbidden Zone!  

Here’s a preview:   

PUPPY
Day 1 is my “puppy” day where basically I am treated like a dog.  Eat (human food) and drink water from bowls, sleep on the floor, and use a litter box.  Okay, that last one would make me a cat, not a dog, but just go with it.   Mike engineered a human sized litter box.  And yes, it is for both peeing and pooping.  The added twist is that Kayla will address hygiene issues for “cleaning the dog.”   Ugh, similar to last years “activities of daily living.”   I’ll be bathed and groomed.  Mike had me not shave my legs, pits, or pubes for the last week or so.  Mike and Kayla will “groom” me.   I also can not speak and must get around on all fours and stay off furniture.   It also comes complete with leash and collar.

The odd thing is that none of us have a Pet Play fetish.  It reinforces an owner/owned dependency and Mike just thought it would be entertaining for all and challenging for me.  Not something I would have chosen, but I am game!

BABY GIRL
On Day 2 my pet play is over and it is Kayla’s turn.  She will be diapered and treated like a baby.  She too can only crawl, and has to be helped with bathing, dressing, and eating.  She can not use the toilet because, well, she’s a baby!  That’s what the diapers are for.  She also can’t talk – just whine or cry when she needs something.   This experiment comes complete with pacifier, bottle feedings, and a make-shift high chair.

SHIBARI SENSATION DAY
No, Shibari Sensation is not the stage name for a Japanese stripper, but you have to admit, it would be a good one.  Anyway, Mike said Day 3 will be focused on experiencing as many different sensations as possible.  He said, “It will involve some ice, some food, the wand, lots of clothes pins, some bengay, and a surprise.”  He also has purchased some more rope for bondage play and has “some hogties and various other tied up positions” he wants to try.  And he added, “and of course, this includes spanking and flogging and more!”   Oh my!

Country Time
Once at our secluded get-away, Mike said to expect a lot of nakedness, both inside the cabin and out.  The way he put it was, “Expect a lot of open air high-jinks.”   I hope this comes complete with plenty of mosquito repellent!

Mike also said there would be other things in store for us that we would learn about when the time comes.   Oh that creative man! 

 

 

  

 

145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview

145Slippers

My M/s immersion is coming soon.  Exact date TBD as still coordinating with my parents.  That didn’t sound right.  I am not, of course, coordinating our M/s immersion with them – just the dates they will have my son staying with them.  My sister and her husband are also staying with my parents, as are her kids.  She’ll be a great help with my son as my parents are getting up there in age and the needs of my son can require a lot of physical and emotional energy.

Mike has shared a few things he has planned for us but is keeping a lot of it under wraps.  He wants to keep a “shock and awe” aspect to having to do the unexpected.  Oh my!

This led to another spanking!  I am beginning to think my Thursday canings/mini-Maintenance Sessions are unnecessary.  Mike calls those sessions at his discretion but has called them every week, (including tonight! – ouch!) since we began them about four weeks ago.   The purpose is to provide me added focus and release.  I’ve shared before that when I’ve gone a long period of time without a spanking I’ve actually asked Mike to give me one, “just because.”  He thought having these extra sessions would help.  I agree that they do, but only when I’ve been punishment-free for a while.   Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case lately but Mike has still called for these extra sessions.  I may ask him about that during our formal Sunday sessions.  

The recent string of punishments have had more to do with my thinking than they do with specific actions.  That’s consistent with the evolution of my submission that I shared in Post 143.   There was the spanking I just shared in my prior post, and also the one in Post 142.  There have been a few others.  

It isn’t all spankings and punishment.  There is plenty of dialogue too.  We have both talked about what it means to us to have me surrender my thoughts to him.  It is a delicate balance.  Neither of us intend for me to lose who I am.  I have a brain and I will use it.  Our intent is for me to not only be more outwardly focused on Mike and his needs and desires, but also to be more internally focuses on him regarding my internal “monologue.”   That’s an extremely submissive state of mind.  

I feel I have achieved the level of submission that we both desire regarding various acts of service (sexual and otherwise).   Other than our Immersion fun, I don’t crave more acts of service, nor does Mike.  We are aligned and in balance on that, which is a great and fortunate thing to achieve and something I do not take for granted.

What I am now craving is to purge certain thoughts I have.  Okay, purge may be unrealistic — but at least lessen the frequency of certain thoughts.  Thoughts that lead to actions.  Actions which are at the core of the Duties and Obligations that I not only imposed on myself, but also those that are important to Mike.  

I don’t know how long it will take to get to the state of mind I am looking for, but I think I am moving along that path very quickly.  Maybe more than half way already?  I don’t know.  Much of it was simply an awareness.  Now that I am aware, I am more in tune and deliberate in my thinking.  While some “wrong” thoughts crop up, I typically squash them in nanoseconds.  Plus, I find they are cropping up less often.   The best way I could put it is that my default thinking is becoming submissive and focused on Mike.  Before, I would frequently have non-submissive thoughts that I had to think through and “defeat” in order to act submissive.  It’s like retraining my mind, such that submissiveness is a reflex and doesn’t require thought.  

THE SPANKING
My latest punishment was when I told Mike that I wasn’t planning on blogging about certain aspects of our immersion because my sisters might read it.  Mike spanked me because he said my thinking was a violation of my Self-Care clause in our Contract.  He used a pair of slippers, which is actually a first for us.  When he started I thought, “Well, that doesn’t feel like much” but I learned even slippers can pack a whollup if used hard enough and with enough strikes.  Yep, a very red bottom indeed!

While not an explicit violation, he said it clearly violated the spirit and intent of that clause.  He said, “You are being Rewarded because you were going to sacrifice something that gives you joy because of your desire to share certain things with your sisters.  I will not allow you to set a precedent and start censoring your blog because of concerns about what they think.  You said you weren’t concerned about them thinking anything negative, so either you were being dishonest with yourself and me, or your weren’t. Either way, you will share those things in your blog and you will be spanked.”    

In hindsight, I don’t regret  telling my sisters about TTWD, but perhaps I shouldn’t have told them about my blog!  Mike also reminded me what he said back when he agreed to allow me to “come out” to my sisters.  He was prophetic in that at that time he said there is no way to anticipate all the implications and once out, there was no un-telling them.

It is unnecessary for me to worry about what my sisters will think.  For one, I’ve shared a lot of things that would be major embarrassments for most people to share with their siblings.  In addition, my relationship with my sisters is unbreakable.   We already share so much with each other and there is no judgement, only love.  So with that, here are things Mike has shared with me and Kayla about some of the things he has planned for us.

IMMERSION PLANS
Full Body Flog

He said that there would be a day of extended flogging, spanking, and other punishments.  He said while there would be the requisite focus on our butt and breasts, he was going to also focus on things we typically don’t include — thighs, back, stomach, legs, palms, feet, and yes, the pussy.  

Jen’s “Special” Day 
One of the days I will basically be an “animal” for the day.  I must not speak, must only walk on all fours, eat out of bowls, etc.  He is allowing me to use a straw to drink from — it’s hard for humans to lap up liquids.  Our tongues just aren’t designed for that.  The more undignified part of it is not being able to use the bathroom.  He has designed a sort of large litter box for me to us.   Oh the joy.  . . NOT.   Kayla will assist in any necessary hygiene issues.

Kayla’s “Special” Day
For one of the days Kayla will basically be a “baby” for a day.  No speaking, must crawl to move around, must be fed by others, and she will be diapered and not allowed to use the bathroom.   An exploration of DDlg / ABDL.   Not to mention what I shared before about the pursuit of her “gang bang” fantasy.  I know that is a harsh word, but it is the word she actually uses, so, that’s how we refer to it. 

Other Stuff
He said we will not be allowed to wear a bra or panties when we go out.  He actually has a particular sun dress in mind for each of us to wear.  The fit is such that the ta-ta’s and the vajay-jay are well covered as long as we stay aware of the position of our bodies.  Lean too far one way or the other, or bend over, and, well, someone is in for a show. Going bra-less is less of an issue for Kayla, whose perky breasts do a good job of standing up on their own, but for my 3-kids later droopers, it is very obvious when I am not wearing a bra.  

Some of the less salacious ignominious activities are a “zero tolerance” on non-submissive behaviors.   He is already pretty strict on this but, as he puts it, he normally doesn’t go looking for reasons to punish us.  He will during the immersion.  

The examples he gave were things like making sure we immediately stop what we are doing when he is talking and make eye contact with him throughout.  Another is showing that we are enthusiastic about what he says and asks of us and that we are ensuring he is comfortable and doesn’t need anything (sexual or otherwise).  A new thing he added, which I find interesting, is that when we do speak to him he wants us to touch him.  Not sexually – it could just be touching his arm or back.  He said, “no talking to me unless you have physical contact with me in some way.”   He said the only exception is if we are restrained or have been told not to move.   This sounds like a fun challenge.  See, not everything involves a punishment or sex!

Those things are just SOME of what he has planned.  Last year was both physically and mentally challenging and it sounds like this year will be no different.  Who would have thunk it back when I first had this “idea” to pursue domestic discipline!  Oh the places we go! 

Our immersion will start in four to ten days.  Still working on the firm date.  Like last year, I might not be posting during it but at least I’ll have some fresh material to share when it’s done.        

NEXT: Post 146.  Slow Down!

 

141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0

141Immersion

It is summer time and that means continuing a “tradition.”   Yes, it means it is time once again for an M/s immersion!   Okay, so perhaps it doesn’t qualify as “tradition” yet as it will be just our second such “immersion,” but it is something I’ve been looking forward to for some time. 

IMMERSION 2016 – a look back
I wrote about our immersion last year
(Post 31. June Butterflies – 10 day Total Power Exchange and again Post 34. M/s immersion complete).  What is definitely a tradition is that each summer my parents have my kids spend two weeks with them (of course, now it is mainly just my youngest).  This has always been a time for Mike and I to have some unencumbered fun.  Of course, what constitutes “fun” has been a little different since embracing Domestic Discipline.  

IMMERSION 2017 – a look ahead
Like last year, Mike and I will experiment with taking our dynamic up a notch or two on the Dom/sub scale.  A time to test limits and have extended uninterrupted “adult” time. This year will be a bit different as Kayla is now with us and Mike and I are another year wiser from our experiences.  After all, this time last year we were just 15 months into our DD lifestyle, so now have almost TWICE the experience!  What a difference a year makes.

We discuss what the Immersion will be like this year.  I asked Mike to simply surprise me.  No preconceived limitations, restrictions, or expectations on my part.   I asked that he just feel free to explore his wildest fantasies and let me rely on safe words to communicate when a limit has been reached.  

Kayla said she wanted the same from this immersion, with one addition.  She really enjoyed the group dynamic of the party (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party) and she wants to explore being with several men at once, as long as both Mike and I are present. She said that in her fantasy, Mike and I just watch, neither of us participate.  Thus, she asked if Mike could find “at least three” other men to be involved.  Mike told her he would consider it and it would hinge on him finding the right guys to participate.  John would be one, but the challenge is finding others we can trust.  Two of the couples at the party were really great to hang around.  We know that one of them only play together as a couple, so that leaves the man in the other couple to consider.  So including John, perhaps we are at two good candidates.

I don’t have significant reservations about Kayla’s request.  Not to say I don’t have concerns, but I know Mike takes this seriously and I am confident he will do what he can to make this live up to Kayla’s expectations.  I know this is a big fantasy of Kayla’s and I am happy to help her experience it if we can have all the right controls.  My biggest fear is actually Kayla having unrealistic expectations about it.  If you’ve read my posts you know how I am about expectations.  (Post 81. Expectations)

Thus, we all talked extensively about her request to ensure we are all “calibrated” as to her wants and desires.  I feel Kayla has really matured in her thinking about her submission and sexuality.   In six short months she has found tremendous confidence in sharing her fantasies and has shown discretion in separating pure fantasy from true desires.    

We’ll see what comes of this.  While Mike and I enjoyed the “vibe” of the party (sans Rudy),  we are content with our dynamic and sex life such that we mostly just see complications and disappointments if we make such “parties” the norm for us.  However Kayla wants to explore more and wants the comfort of our guidance and presence.  We will see what comes of this.  

CRYING
Switching gears —  T
hinking about the immersion last year has me in a reflecting mood.  It doesn’t really take much for that as I am a highly self-reflective person.  It got me thinking more about my submission and thinking more deeply about certain ways I act or have acted.

One of things I was reflecting on is crying.  While there have been plenty of exceptions, I don’t typically cry when I am punished.  I almost always get a bit teary eyed, but the full on cry is atypical.  Kayla, on the other hand, started out as a huge crier.  Her cries have diminished but are still common place.  She tends to have more like the semi-hyperventilating sniffles with lots of tears running down her cheeks versus a loud and boisterous cry.  

There may be a tendency to equate crying with pain or sadness, but that is never the reason I cry, nor is the reason for Kayla’s crying.    Both of us agree that the likelihood and degree of our crying is directly related to the degree of humility, remorse, and/or guilt we feel about the transgression that led to the punishment.  I think Kayla feels those things more often and more intensely than I do because she is younger and puts more pressure on herself than I do.  As such, she feels it more as a personal defeat than a temporary set back.  For me, the feelings of humility, remorse, or guilt are compounded the most when it is a repeat offense.  That leads me to a spanking story I haven’t shared that happened a few days ago.       

Spanking Story (tease)
I was at the store and saw something I wanted to buy for the house.  Our rules say I can only buy household items like food, toiletries, and cleaning supplies as long as it fits in the budget.  Any other purchases required permission from Mike.   If you aren’t familiar with the origins of this rule, read Post 71. Good Girl and Post 75. Public Display of Submission).

For whatever reason I wasn’t in a mindset to want to call Mike.  Asking permission seemed trivial and it was so clear to me we could use this item.  So, what did I do?  Well, I didn’t buy it. . . but I still got punished!   I’ll share the details on my next post!

NEXT:  142.  Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time.