Category Archives: 4. My DD Contract.

Covers the intent of my DD contract, how I approached and structured it, and ultimately, I share the actual contract.

12. Our DD Contract

The length of this post will probably discourage you to read it, but I am so proud of our “creation” that I wanted to share it in its’ entirety.

Although we wanted a simple contract, we also wanted to be concise regarding intent, as there is a lot that is left to Mike’s discretion.  Remember, this is our third iteration of a contract and some of the details were added to specifically address real-life situations that came up so that the contract would continue to guide Mike as close to my wishes as possible.  If you read my other posts, you know that my version of DD is a selfish one where the rules are established on my terms.

I am happy to answer any questions about any part of this.

So, if you have some time to kill, have at it.   – and I apologize in advance for some formatting glitches as this didn’t copy and paste well. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Domestic Discipline Agreement for Mike and Jennifer

Table of Contents

  1. Purpose
  2. Definitions
  3. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiations
  4. Duties and Obligations
  5. Rewards
  6. Maintenance Sessions
  7. Journal Requirements

Whereas Mike and Jennifer wish to voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, wish to enter into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE. Establish a caring, consensual, fair set of obligations and duties that will have a positive impact on the life of Mike and Jennifer by codifying and reinforcing their commitments to one another with the purpose of helping Jennifer live the life she desires for herself, thereby allowing her to love life, every moment, and every day. The word “always” is intended to precede every condition set forth in this agreement, even if the word “always” was not used, as Jennifer and Mike agree to always be bound by the Agreement without exception, during the term of this Agreement.

Mike’s statement of intent for entering into this Agreement: Jennifer, I love you with all my being and admire and respect all that you do for me and this family. I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated and together we can continue growing our love and respect for each other. Thank you for your tremendous trust and confidence, and most importantly, for your love. I enter into this agreement with the promise to adhere to your wishes in helping you fulfill the obligations you have committed to.

Jennifer’s statement of intent for entering into this Agreement: Mike, I can’t thank you enough for taking this journey with me and having the love and respect necessary to do this. I have always held myself to high standards, first and foremost to myself, but also for you and our kids. I take responsibility for myself and I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as it was my idea and largely of my writing. This Agreement gives me the framework, with your assistance, to help me meet my own standards more consistently. I surrender so much of myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS.

  1. Transgressions: Violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations
  2. Rewards: A consequence of Jennifer’s Transgression(s). Other commonly understood terms given to such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” “spanking,” or “discipline.” Jennifer selected to use the term Reward to reflect Mike’s and Jennifer’s agreement that the consequences for Transgressions are the key to achieving her goal to continue to grow towards the person she wants to be. Anything that helps her towards this goal is therefore a Reward.
    1. Physical Rewards are those that include physical contact of Jennifer by Mike, such as a spanking.
    2. Non-Physical Rewards are those that exclude physical contact of Jennifer by Mike, such as a time-out or withholding of privileges.
    3. Additional Rewards are those that Mike may add in addition to the Rewards specified in this agreement, subject to Section V of this Agreement.
    4. Immediate Rewards begin with an immediate Physical Reward. For instance, a spanking that is administered immediately on the spot. Its purpose is to provide an element of “shock and awe” when Mike determines it is needed in order to provide the most effective Reward. It allows Jennifer to know that at any time she could be seconds away from a Reward if Mike determines her behavior calls for it.
    5. Prompt Rewards do not immediately begin with a Physical Reward. For instance, Jennifer is directed to her room to wait for Mike to come and present the Reward. It is Jennifer and Mike’s expectation that most rewards will be Prompt.
    6. Delayed Rewards can not immediately begin with a Physical Reward or Prompt Reward, such as when in a public place or when an Immediate or Prompt Reward is not practical.

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND RENEGOTIATION

    1. TERM Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2015, and these terms remain valid until changed by Renegotiation. The next scheduled Renegotiation Date is in two (2) years, on October 17, 2017, and any changes, suspension, or termination of this Agreement are subject to the Renegotiation Stipulations.
    2. RENEGOTIATION
      1. Renegotiation Stipulations All terms and conditions of this contract remain in effect until commencement of the negotiation process. Mike and Jennifer shall meet on October 17, 2017 to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet on the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.Any alternative date must be set no later than November 17, 2017. Failure to meet by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to October 17, 2018. If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity.If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by November 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.
      2. Renegotiation Process / Suspension and Resumptions of Rewards
        The Renegotiation is to review this contract and update it as necessary.   It is not a review or critique of anyone’s performance under the contract. Such performance reviews are exclusive to Maintenance Sessions.At the prescribed date and time of the renegotiation, the parties will meet to discuss the changes they wish to make.The meeting will begin by Mike declaring “The Renegotiating Meeting is now in order.”Upon that declaration, the terms of this contract become suspended. Jennifer is free to express herself in any manner, no longer bound by any of the terms of this agreement. This allows Jennifer to speak freely and frankly and fully express herself without concern of punishment, retribution, rewards, or any other negative consequences. While Jennifer is free to speak without conditions, Jennifer understands the importance of maintaining an environment that is in keeping with the love and respect she desires for herself and her relationship with Mike. As such she desires to keep the conversation forward thinking, and not resurface long settled issues. For example, instead of a critique of “I wish you would have…” or “I hated it when…” she will strive to frame things in a forward thinking manner such as, “Next time I would like…” or “Going forward I want to…”Jennifer will speak first and discuss what has worked well and what can be improved. Allowing her to speak first recognizes that this Agreement is ultimately her Agreement that she is in control of. Mike will then speak and dialogue will continue until all changes in terms have been agreed upon and a new contract is signed by both parties.When signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.”

        If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, then Mike will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time}.”

        Upon that declaration, the suspension is over and all duties and obligations are in full effect until Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.

SECTION IV. DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

    1. General Duties and Obligations
      1. Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding her moral commitments she has made under this Agreement. She shall defer to Mike’s judgement as to the interpretation or application of any Transgression or Reward.
      2. Mike shall strive to reflect the spirit of this Agreement and never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable to her promises she made to herself.   It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be responsible to Mike for any and all of her Transgressions. Jennifer wishes, requests, and demands that Mike address every Transgression with an appropriate Reward as quickly as possible. If Jennifer feels Mike is performing otherwise, she will respectively discuss it during Maintenance Sessions.
    2. Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations
      1. Honesty: It is Jennifer’s duty and obligation to always be unquestionably honest in all her interactions with Mike. It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if that honesty is in question and the mere doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest, as her honesty must be unquestionable.
        Dishonesty includes withholding the truth, embellishing a story, or withholding important information from Mike. Important information is any information that Jennifer should know is important to Mike. Jennifer should not bother Mike with trivial things or unnecessary details. Important information is any information that Mike labels as such at his complete discretion. Jennifer must learn to recognize what is important information to share with Mike and what is trivial. 
      2. ObedienceObedience includes Respecting Mike as the Head of Household, Physical Self-Care, Emotional Self-Care, Household Cleanliness, and Finances.
        1. Respecting Mike as head of household.
          It is Jennifer’s duty and obligation to be unquestionably obedient to Mike and do what she is told without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike. This includes any instruction Mike gives her on any topic.
          – Jennifer must always respond “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” when having conversations with Mike whether in public or private. The only exceptions are when we are in the presence of family or friends who are unaware of their DD lifestyle.
          – Jennifer is not permitted to cuss at Mike. Cussing at Mike will result in both being subject to both an Obedience and Emotional Self-Care transgression.
          – Sexual Obedience: Jennifer may ask for any sexual act to be performed upon or by her and it is at Mike’s discretion to allow or deny it. Mike may ask for any sexual act to be performed upon or by Jennifer and Jennifer cannot refuse, regardless of the act. Jennifer must also share any sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has. She may address concerns regarding any sexual acts at the next Maintenance Session following the performance of the act. If she does not wish to do that act again or requests a change in how it is done, Mike must either discontinue or modify said act the next time it is to be performed.
        2. Physical Self-Care: Jennifer must look after her own physical well-being; bathing before bedtime, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities), maintaining combed hair that is neat and controlled, going to regular doctor, dental, and optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking any meds as prescribed, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.) as agreed upon, and getting good rest. Jennifer will maintain her pubic area according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, or grow out her pubic hair.
        3. Emotional Self-Care: The facets of this care include Feelings, Workload, Masturbation, and Journaling.
          1. Feelings: Jennifer must never sacrifice her own feelings for someone else’s other than Mike or their children. This includes overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Mike will tell Jennifer if she needs to decrease her attention on others and Jennifer will comply with his instructions.   Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings and any cussing directed at Mike will be subject to both a Transgression of Obedience and of Emotional Self-Care.
          2. Workload: Jennifer must not take on more than she can handle. Mike will know when this has occurred because of how Jennifer is impacted when she is over worked. That impact manifests itself through things that include but are not limited to: missed deadlines for completion of various tasks, missed doctor appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or any other item that was needed for that errand, leaving the house without a fully charged cell phone, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged). Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report.
            Workload also includes completion of household chores. Neither Jennifer or Mike intend for Jennifer to do all the cleaning but Jennifer is responsible for identifying any household duties that need to be completed, whether or not she is able to immediately address them. This ensures Mike is aware that Jennifer is aware of the need, and they can set expectations on when those chores must be addressed. Mike will continue to perform household cleaning as is able, and Jennifer will do the same; however, Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, socialize in any manner, be on the computer, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when there are household duties to perform. At some point Mike may assign a time at which Jennifer must complete the chore. In addition, Jennifer will not behave in a manner that increases the household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
          3. Masturbation: Jennifer must make time to masturbate to climax at least once a week not including Maintenance Session and such time can not include time when Mike is in bed with her as this is meant as her own personal time alone. If Mike is home, she needs to ask permission if she can go masturbate; otherwise, she is free to do it when can so long as it occurs once a week.
          4. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain an adequate daily journal as described in Section VIII. Journaling.
        4. Finances: Jennifer must keep within her monthly budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities such as food and toiletries without Mike’s consent. If something needs to be return, she is to promptly return it.  
        5. Safety:
          1. Risk of Accident or Injury: Jennifer must not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others as determined at Mike’s discretion. This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed it or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.
          2. Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends: As Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm, Jennifer and Mike agree not to share their involvement with this lifestyle with anyone unless they mutually agree to do so.

SECTION V: REWARDS

  1. Rewards General Guidelines:   It is Jennifer’s duty and obligation to fully accept any and all rewards prescribed under this Agreement. Jennifer had significant input and accepts that she is the sole author of these Rewards even if she had input from Mike. Jennifer created these Rewards for herself and of her own free will. They reflect her full wishes and she gives her full and complete consent to Mike to administer these Rewards and agrees to hold Mike harmless of any and all injury that results.
    1. It is Jennifer’s intent that the Rewards remain significant enough as to cause an appropriate level of discomfort for her such that she will wish to avoid such a Reward in the future.
    2. Jennifer gives Mike full and ultimate authority to determine an appropriate Reward and Mike may use his discretion to provide Additional Rewards if he feels the prescribed Reward is not providing the level of discomfort that Jennifer intended for her Rewards. Other reasons for Additional Rewards include but are not limited to Delayed Rewards where Rewards could not be given promptly where Mike feels Jennifer should not have put herself in the position of a Delayed Reward. Other reasons for Additional Rewards can be repeated transgressions for the same or similar Duty and Obligation.
    3. If Jennifer feels a Reward was not in keeping with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Reward and accept the Reward as given without complaint. Jennifer may journal any concerns and the next Maintenance Session will provide her opportunity to seek clarification.
    4. Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving a Reward. “Hold on” would instruct Mike to slow down or lessen the intensity. “Mercy” would instruct Mike to stop the Reward. The Reward would not be canceled, but would be postponed an appropriate amount of time or modified to allow Jennifer to ultimately accept her Reward. It is at Mike’s discretion to postpone or modify but Jennifer is free to continue using safe words throughout the continuation of a Reward and Mike must continue to postpone or modify as needed. No additional Reward is given due to the use of any safe word.
  2. Reward Timing:   Rewards are to be primarily administered promptly, but may be Immediate if Mike feels Jennifer will benefit the most from immediate action. When a Prompt or Immediate Reward is not possible, it is to be administered as soon as reasonably possible and will be referred to as a Delayed Reward.  When out in public, reasonable actions must be taken to ensure a Prompt Reward. Those actions include but are not limited to finding a family bathroom that Mike and Jennifer can go into, pulling over to a reasonably private area and administering the Reward in the car, or leaving an event to return home for the Reward. Deciding how or if to Reward while out in public will be at Mike’s sole discretion. If the Transgression occurs at home and there are guests or kids present, Mike has discretion to give a Prompt or Delayed Reward.
  3. Rewards Ceremony:
      1. Ceremony Integrity: Rewards are to be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner. The purpose of the Reward is for Jennifer to remain Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered and appropriate After Care is required. Mike will close the Ceremony with a clear and declarative statement to indicate with the Ceremony has ended.
          1. Reflective: Sufficient discomfort should result so that Jennifer is reminded to reflect on her duties and obligations and how she could have avoided her transgression. In addition to the discomfort, Mike may lecture Jennifer, either before or during the Reward so that she may properly reflect on her Transgression.
        1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is only to herself, and not to Mike or anyone else, as she has made these commitments to herself alone, and thus can only feel remorseful to herself for letting herself down.
        2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered during the Reward, granting Mike the authority to deliver the Reward he feels is in keeping with the intent of this Agreement. This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Reward.
        3. After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintain a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. Neither Mike nor Jennifer will talk about the Reward she just received as all focus is on their love and on reassurance for Jennifer.
        4. Closing Ceremony: Mike will say “all is forgiven” and Jennifer will respond “all is forgiven” as a sign that she has forgiven herself for her Transgression and also holds no negative feelings towards Mike for administering the Reward and that Mike holds no lingering feelings about the Transgression. Life moves on in peace. Any aspect of Prompt, Immediate, Delayed, and Additional awards may be modified by Mike at his discretion so long as they maintain Ceremony Integrity. Jennifer is never to question a Reward and always accept the Reward given. She may later ask for clarification during a Maintenance Session subject to the terms of a Maintenance Session.
      2. Prompt Awards:
          1. Mike will instruct Jennifer to go to her room. This instruction may be direct and verbal, or may be a non-verbal, disapproving nod from Mike (to be used when kids or guests are present).   Jennifer will excuse herself and go to her room.
        1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will disrobe completely (if no guests or children are present/awake in the house), or remain clothed if there are others in the house or children that are awake.
        2. Jennifer will stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike, her posture will be upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. Mike may prescribed a variation, such as sitting in a chair or kneeling, or standing with a quarter pressed against Jennifer’s nose and wall, or standing with arms out to her side.
        3. Upon Mike’s entrance into the room, Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue the Reward. Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike will then instruct Jennifer to either retrieve an implement or he will simply call Jennifer over.
        4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
        5. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is due this Reward. Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why she is receiving the Reward, else Additional Rewards may be earned. Her statement should be spoken clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear. If Mike has to ask her to repeat herself she will earn additional Rewards. She must apologize for not living up to the standards she has set for herself and letting no one down except herself. She must thank Mike in advance for recognizing her transgression and for presenting her Reward, and accept and ask for the reward that is to come. She is to maintain eye contact with Mike as she speaks and return to bowing her head after she has completed speaking. While it does not need to be verbatim, her statement should sound something like this, “Mike, I am sorry for doing x, as that does not live up to the standard I have set for myself and I have let no one down except myself. Thank you for noticing the transgression and for presenting me with this reward so that I may reflect on my transgression and not repeat it. I gladly accept the Reward you are about to give me. Please give me my Reward now.”
        6. Mike will thank Jennifer for recognition of the transgression and Mike will lecture Jennifer as he deems appropriate. When Mike has completed lecturing Jennifer, he will instruct her as to the position she must take. Mike is free to continue lecturing during the Reward.
        7. Jennifer will go across Mike’s knee unless Mike has prescribes an alternative position.
        8. Warm up of 10 swats by hand.
        9. Commencement of Reward.
        10. Appropriate After-Care.
        11. Closing Ceremony.
  4. Immediate Rewards
    1. Jennifer agrees to be subject to an Immediate Reward at any time, at any place, with no exception. If Mike is comfortable administering the Reward in a given location, Jennifer must accept the Reward in that location, regardless of how public or private it may be.
    2. Mike will immediately direct Jennifer to pull down or remove her pants and panties. He does not need to explain why.
    3. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply. She is not to move from the spot she is standing and must immediately and quickly bare her bottom and immediately and quickly bend over without Mike instructing her to do so.
    4. Mike will then give her the Reward. There are no warm-ups as the purpose of Immediate Rewards is to administer the Reward as swift as possible.  Strokes will be in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.
    5. Immediate Rewards must maintain the integrity of the Ceremony.
    6. While Jennifer is still bent over, Mike will ask Jennifer why she earned that Reward.
        1. If Jennifer is uncertain, incorrect, or just does not know why, Mike will administer another Reward. Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Reward. While maintaining her bent over position Jennifer will then apologize consistent with the Prompt Reward apology. Mike will give a third a final Immediate Award.
        2. If Jennifer was able to identify why she received the Immediately Reward, Mike will let her know she was correct and while maintaining her bent over position Jennifer will apologize consistent with the Prompt Reward apology. Mike will give a second and final Immediate Award.
        1. Jennifer may receive further instructions from Mike, such as to stand in the nearest corner. Jennifer is not to pull up her pants until instructed to do so.
        2. Appropriate After Care.
        3. Closing Ceremony.
      1. Delayed Rewards follow the same ceremony as Prompt Awards, but often include Additional Rewards at Mike’s discretion.
      2. Additional Rewards follow the same ceremony as Prompt Awards.
    1. Reward Levels: Mike has full discretion as to type, length, and severity of rewards with the understanding that all Rewards are intended to help Jennifer meet her duties and obligations to herself, her family, and to her husband by providing sufficient discomfort such that it serves as a physical and emotional reminder as to the goals Jennifer has set for herself.   Rewards consist of Common Rewards, Escalated Rewards, Intense Rewards, and Maintenance Rewards.
      1. Common Reward As the name suggests, these are the most commonly prescribed Rewards. They are characterized by the following:
        1. Bare hand to bare buttocks
        2. 30 swats total. Mike uses his discretion as to how the swats are distributed per cheek. It can be all 100% one cheek if he so chooses.
        3. About 1/3rd force.
      2. Escalated Reward This is for situations that call for greater Reward so as to fulfill the stated purpose of Rewards and are characterized by the following:
        1. Bare hand and/or implement of Mike’s choosing. Common implements are hair brush, wooden spoon, paddle board, or belt but may be anything that Mike chooses.
        2. Number of swats may vary based on implement. Typically no more than 60 in total with about half being by hand. Mike uses his discretion as to how the swats are distributed per cheek.   It can be100% one cheek if he so chooses.
        3. About one-half force.
      3. Intense Reward For the most egregious of Transgressions or for repeating the same Transgressions many times.   These call for the greatest Reward so as to fulfill the stated purpose of Rewards and are characterized by the following:
        1. Bare hand and/or implement of Mike’s choosing.
        2. No limit to the prescribed number of swats. This is typically a timed event, where Mike may tell Jennifer the Rewards will continue for a set amount of time, or, he may simply keep the time limit to himself so Jennifer has no sense of when it will end. There may be breaks as Mike deems appropriate where Jennifer will be left alone and for Mike to return later to continue.
        3. Typically the level of force will vary during the Reward and include up to any level Mike chooses.  As the purpose of an intense reward is to deliver an extended Reward experience to Jennifer, Mike should use a level of force necessary as to allow for an extended Reward Ceremony. In other words, too much force will likely result in a short session, thus negating the purpose of an Intense Reward. The intent of Intense Rewards is to deliver a prolonged experience.
      1. Maintenance Reward These are delivered each week at the Maintenance Session. This Reward cannot be substituted, altered, or changed. It is intended to be a consistent and reliable reminder to Jennifer’s commitments to herself, her family, and her husband and something she is to look forward to and know what to expect.
        1. Bare hand to the buttocks
        2. 15 swats with two-thirds force in rapid succession. Mike uses his discretion as to how the swats are distributed per cheek.   It can be 100% one cheek if he so chooses.
  5. Spanking Substitutions and Other Rewards
    1. Spanking Substitutions: Spankings may be substituted with swats across the palms with a ruler or belt at Mike’s discretion.
    2. Other Physical but Non-spanking Rewards:  Mike may provide other physical but non-spanking Rewards at his discretion. These are intended to be in addition to Rewards already given and intended to be applied either concurrently with a Reward or as part of a time-out or corner time. Other Physical but Non-spanking Rewards include application of breast bindings, nipple clamps, and insertion of a butt plug. These Rewards are administered at Mike’s discretion and are intended to provide heightened sensitivity and/or discomfort. Use of these implements will be timed events where Mike will instruct Jennifer to set a timer and she may remove the items when the time expires. Mike my require use of these implements while Jennifer goes about her household duties or even out in public.
    3. Other Non-Physical Rewards:  Include extended corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet, and grounding such that Jennifer may not see friends or family for prescribed time that is not to exceed one week.

SECTION VI. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS Maintenance Session are weekly meetings (typically Sunday evenings) where Mike and Jennifer meet to discuss the events of the week and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Rewards both at the beginning and the end of the Session. The Maintenance Session will follow this order.

  1. Mike will have Jennifer join him in the bedroom and advise her it is for their Maintenance Session (or alternate location as needed).
  2. Upon entering the room Jennifer shall disrobe without instruction from Mike and will remain nude throughout the Session.Mike will administer the Maintenance Reward. The purpose of starting the meeting with this Reward is to remind Jennifer that while the Maintenance Session allows her to ask questions of Mike, she must maintain respect and a matter-of-fact tone to avoid a Transgression.
  3. Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike. Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.
  4. Mike will instruct Jennifer to get her journal. Jennifer will retrieve it and then kneel down in front of Mike. She will open the journal to where she may have noted anything she wants clarification to. Jennifer must do so from a point of wanting to clarify so as to perform better in the future. She shall not whine or be argumentative and her tone will remain matter-of-fact. Jennifer must keep her inquiries to things that occurred in the prior week only as all previous issues were closed as of the last Maintenance Session.  Mike and Jennifer will then have a dialogue regarding the issues Jennifer raised. Jennifer will remain respectful at all times.
  5. Mike may bring up any concerns he had during the week where he believe Jennifer may want clarification or bring up anything else he wishes to address. He will never express disappointment in her performance for the week as all Rewards will have been given and thus those issues are resolved and closed.
  6. Mike will ask Jennifer to read any self-reported transgressions from her Journal. She must present them matter-of-factly, no excuse or reasons. Just state the Transgression. Mike will thank Jennifer for staying true to her commitments and self-reporting her Transgressions. Mike will determine the appropriate Reward for those self-reported Transgressions.
  7. Jennifer shall present her Journal to Mike for inspection. Mike will review to ensure it meets the Journal Requirements.
  8. Mike will administer any Awards necessary regarding self-reported Transgressions or journal deficiencies. If no such Awards are needed, he will administer another Maintenance Reward so that she has some sensations to see her through her self-reflection time.
  9. Mike will give Jennifer some self-reflection time where she first is to masturbate to climax. Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate. She may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator. Mike may allow it at his discretion. Mike may stay present during her masturbation but will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.
  10. Upon climaxing, Jennifer will lay relaxed, in thought, reflecting on her past week and the week to come. She may nap or otherwise meditate in thought. Mike will leave Jennifer alone if he has not already left the room.
  11. Mike will return to the room after a period of time of choosing, usually 45 minutes to an hour later.
  12. Upon Mike’s return, Jennifer will kneel in front of him and looking him in the eyes will recommit herself to her duties and obligations and her hopes to meet her expectations for herself for the coming weeks. She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.
  13. When Mike is ready he will hold her outreached hands while Jennifer remains kneeling with her head bowed down. They will maintain that position until Mike asks her to stand.
  14. Mike will instruct Jennifer to bend over and receive her last Maintenance Reward. This is to remind her again of the commitment she has made to meet her Duties and Obligations to herself.
  15. Mike and Jennifer will embrace and cuddle as per After Care procedures.
  16. Mike will call the Maintenance Session to an end.

SECTION VII. Journal Requirements

Jennifer shall keep an adequate hand-written daily journal that Mike will check at Maintenance Sessions. Entries do not need to be written in complete sentences and there is no requirement that it be a certain length – however, it must be easy to read and must be easily understood. “Adequacy” is at Mike’s discretion. The journal must be stored in the safe in the master closet. The journal will consists of daily entries regarding:

  1. What Jennifer was most proud and thankful of for that day.
  2. Jennifer’s reflection on any Rewards, if any that day. She does not need to document every Reward, but is expected to reflect in general on the Reward(s) of the day and comment on whether the considered them a bit light, just right, or a bit tough.
  3. Any Transgressions that occurred that Mike was not aware of.
  4. Noting any masturbating she did (exclusive of Maintenance Session) including details around when, where, and how she masturbated.
  5. Any points of clarity she wants to ask for during a Maintenance Session.

Next – 13. Now what?  The sting of the paddle. . .

11. Basic Structure of the Contract

Our contract had these sections:
1. Purpose.
2. Definitions.
3. Term and Renegotiation.
4. Duties and Obligations.
5. Rewards.
6. Maintenance Sessions.
7. Journal Requirements.

Purpose
We started the agreement with a preamble that clearly stated what we both were looking to get out of this.   Basically stated our intent to create a caring, consensual, fair structure of rules and responsibilities that would positively impact our life and relationship by reinforcing our commitments to one another, thereby deepening our intimacy, respect, and love.

Definitions
We took time to define a few terms so that it was clear those terms would have the same meaning and impact to both of us.

Term and Renegotiation
This addressed how long the contract was good for and how we would renegotiate the contract at a specified time.

Duties and Obligations
This is where we state the behaviors I was agreeing to.  We then created rules around the 3D’s:  Dishonesty, Disrespect, and Danger, but reworded them in the positive of Honesty, Respect, and Safety.
We wanted to keep the rules simple. We knew we couldn’t be referring back to the contract every time something happened to see if I broke a rule or what the punishment should be.  But we also needed to be on the same page regarding what actions had consequences and what those consequences would be.  I believe we found a balance but we probably ended up with a little longer contract than we intended.  What we found was that as we “lived” the contract, it became easier to identify actions and consequences without having to refer to the contract.  Also, regardless how short or long the contract is, it should not be used as an arbiter.  My husband is the only arbiter.  He is the judge and the jury.  The contract only helps provide him guidance on the appropriate sentence but he is still free to deliver any punishment he deems necessary and I must accept it.  You’ll see that we did provide some checks and balances through the Maintenance Sessions that would give me an opportunity to seek clarification if I felt a prior punishment exceeded the contractual terms.

So here is how we tackled each of the Duties and Obligations:

  • Honesty.   This one was interesting for us, as I feel I have always been honest with my husband.  I don’t know that I ever lied to him.  So I felt this was sort of a give-away.   He was ready to just accept the rule as being I could not lie and leave it at that, but this did not feel challenging to me and I felt I needed to be challenged if I were to be the person I wanted to be.  He agreed on this definition:  Dishonesty included not only telling a lie, but also withholding the truth or embellishing the truth.  It was my duty to keep him informed of anything that should be important to him, but also not bother him with petty details.  This included self-reporting of Transgressions.  Turns out that Honesty would become the first transgression I committed, but that is for sharing at another time
  • Obedience.  This one was tough for us, because it is the broadest.  Is it simply, “not listening to Mike?” While we knew that was an element of it, it seemed incomplete. What ultimately helped us define this one is when Mike suggested it was about my obedience to achieving the goals I set out for myself.  From there, the terms became crystal clear and would address any actions that moved me away from my goals.
  • Safety.    This one was pretty simple for us.  It included my activities that may pose a danger for me or others.   Things like speeding, texting while driving, leaving trip hazards on the floor.  Funny, but of all the duties and obligations, I thought this one would be the toughest for me to accept a punishment.  Really? I would be spanked for leaving my shoes in the middle of the floor?  So be it.

Rewards.
We ended up calling the punishments “Rewards” and the act of receiving the punishments was the “Reward Ceremony.”  Also, my infractions would be called “Transgressions.”  We established a procedure for receiving a reward and agreed upon the overall framework of tying certain transgressions to certain rewards.   Again, it was important to state that ultimately Mike had full discretion in giving a reward.  We would go back to the contract when a reward was needed as it may not always be timely or possible, but the contract would serve as a reference and we would use our Maintenance Sessions to help ensure consistency.

Maintenance Sessions.
I explained our approach to Maintenance Sessions in the prior post, so won’t repeat it here.  Suffice to say I set up a fairly detailed process that took us some time to learn as I used this as one of the “controls” in the contract.  As I explained in a prior post, it allowed for the opportunity for me to clarify certain things that occurred during the week.

Journal Requirements.
I am required to journal daily and I have to hand write the journal. We agreed on the things I would write about and that I would share the journal with Mike.  Journaling is great for self-reflection and hand-writing it causes you to write more in the moment, no editing.

So that’s it. The only thing left to show you is our contract. That’s coming next.

NEXT – 12. The Contract

10. My Approach to Our DD Contract

This is going to be a lengthy post as there are so many important points to share about creating a DD contract with your husband.   Not every couple actually creates a contract, but I believe most do.  I can’t imagine not having one.

The exercise of writing the contact was cathartic.   We had to reveal very personal thoughts and feelings and talk about things we never talked about in 20+ years of marriage and couples would never have reason to talk about absent putting together a DD contract. I wonder if putting together a DD contract would be good couples therapy, even if you never planned on going through with it.

Oh, remember when I said my life changed on March 17, 2015.  That was the date of our initial contract.  (Renegotiation is something I’ll explain in a bit). We made some changes at the 30 day mark.  We made our second contract good for six months and then our latest contract is good for 2 years.  We are more confident and comfortable in what we are doing and thrilled with the results.  It is that confidence and the success we’ve had that led me to decide to blog about my experience.

Tips to writing the contract:  I will share an overview of our approach and what we learned, and then I will share our actual contract with you on my next post.

I describe the authorship of our contract as somewhat collaborative, but I had the lead.  I know some DD relationships are based on the man setting the rules.  That wasn’t happening here.  This was about me surrendering myself to him, but it was a surrender on my terms.  It was a gift I was giving him, and I got to pick out the gift – with some suggestions from him.  Note some DD relationships explicitly say the woman is not giving a gift, as it is not hers to give, but is for her husband to take.  That’s not our version of DD.

Don’t overwrite
:  At first we found ourselves putting in too many details.  You need to resist this as ultimately a DD contract is one of utmost trust in your partner and one of you submitting yourself to them.  If you water it down by trying to precisely prescribe every action, you take away power from your partner and are basically saying you do not trust them.  In addition, too many rules make the contract hard to follow and enforce, and will just bring frustration.

Think of the contract as a place to set basic expectations, and to refer back to for clarification of each other’s intent, but never to be used as a rule book to decide what action will be taken.  I was clear with Mike that I wanted him to take the action he deems appropriate and then we can refer back to the contract later if there are questions as to whether that action was in the spirit of the contract.  Doing so ensures that we ultimately stay consistent with what I intended while both not interfering with the power I am giving him and not causing a delay in punishments.  We concluded it was better to receive a punishment that ultimately is agreed to be outside my intent than to have had the punishment delayed because you had to find and interpret the contract.   Lastly, as we have now renegotiated our contract for the third time, there have been clarifications that we added to address ambiguities that arose that either I or Mike felt necessary to clarify and codify.  That’s another reason it is good to put a term limit on your contract.  I’ll talk more about our renegotiation process later.

Words are Power
I highly recommend taking time to talk about the meaning of the words you use in the contract.  I took our contract seriously and once signed there was no going back.  I wanted to be fully committed to seeing it through and living with the consequences.

It is important to ask your partner what a word or concept means to them to ensure you both have a common understanding.  I recall there were many words we spent a lot time talking about.  Here were the words and concepts I recall as being the most important to us to ensure we were on the same page.

  • Promise Statement: Mike had the idea that we start the contract off with a statement that each of us would write.  A promise directly to each other. It is a bit sappy, but think of it is as a short love letter to each other.  Mike felt it was important that we shared and documented our individual reasons for establishing a DD lifestyle.  I told you he was a great guy!
  • Duties and Obligations: I wanted everything I was agreeing to do to be referred to as my “duties and obligations.” I felt strongly about this wording as to me it conveys a strongly held conviction that you perform without condition.   A rule is something anyone can set, but a Duty and Obligation is a personal term.  It is something I own, I create, I commit to myself.   It was not just about some rules.
  • Renegotiation: We wanted to be committed to the contract but also have an opportunity for change. We agreed to an initial 30 day term for our contract and then renegotiated a new six month agreement.  Our latest contract is good for 2 years.  We also set up rules for the renegotiation so that we could have candid discussions.  Mike and I entered renegotiations on the same “level” as we were on when we did our first contract – that is, I am not bound by any contract during the renegotiation.  Remember, I am in control here.  It is about what I want for myself, my husband, and my family, and I could not be submissive during a renegotiation.
  • Reward: I was fine with referring to consequences as a “punishment,” but Mike felt that word was demeaning. (Remember, words mean different things to different people).  At first he wanted to call them “consequences” which again I was fine with.  But then I had an idea… We would call them Rewards. Since the punishments would be extremely important in helping me attain my goals, anything that helps me towards those goals would be a reward.  This term had the added impact of reminding Mike that I agreed to and wanted these punishments and it made it easier for him to accept delivering the punishments.  He would not be doing something that had a demeaning connotation to him or to me.  He was just “giving me my reward.”
  • Purpose of Rewards It was extremely important to give meaning to my punishments.  I felt every swat on my bottom or every privilege revoked or whatever the “reward” was, must have a consistent meaning.  That meaning was to make me the person I want to be, for myself, for my family, and for my husband.   A spanking was not because my husband wished to inflict pain, or not because I wished to feel pain, but because I agreed, in advance, that the punishment was uncomfortable enough for me that I would likely not want it repeated. In setting the specific “rewards” we had to consider what would be appropriate to deliver the desired results in my actions.  This is where DD contracts need to be highly personalized as I image this must be different for everyone.  I am sure some of you would see my punishments as too light, while others too severe.  Also, the Rewards in our current contract are more severe than in our initial contract, as I have developed a greater tolerance and I wanted to ensure they continued to be effective.
  • Transgression: So, what would we call it when I did something wrong?  “Infraction” sounded like “oops” which to me is weak and meaningless.  “Violation” sounded too dramatic or police-like.  “Rule” sounds arbitrary or infers they were handed down by someone else.  These were ours and ours alone.  I wanted a word that reflects a violation of a moral principle as I felt my duties were moral obligations to myself, my family, and my husband.  Thus, I came up with Transgression.
  • Ceremony: We referred to the punishment session as a Ceremony.  There is often a ceremony to present awards, so we figured, why not call it a Ceremony when I received my Reward.  This was Mike’s idea by the way. This is another example of words being powerful.           Instead of….“Break a rule, get sent to my room for a spanking.”          It became….“I Transgressed and was going to a Ceremony to receive a Reward.”   Thinking of it this way often helped keep me from sulking and helped Mike in delivering the Reward.   We established procedures for the Ceremony to ensure Rewards were given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner.  Mike should never deliver them in anger.  Even if I did something that directly hurt him, the Ceremony “dignity” must always be maintained.  We made it clear the Ceremony was to ensure I would be reflective, remorseful, and surrendered, and we took time to identify what those words meant so that we were both on the same page.
  • Sex: We had to address if this contract was going to include anything sexual.  In my mind sex and discipline are distinct, although I believe many DD contracts can be highly sexually based. Frankly, I’ve never seen another contract so who knows.  Our first contract did not have anything overtly sexually based – if you agree nudity and spanking are not inherently sexual.  However, we both realized that sexual based consequences could be extremely powerful.  In our latest contract I added in a “sex” clause.  I  went “all in” giving Mike full authority over my body regarding any sexual activity.  It was important to me to show him I was trusting him with everything, without exception.  That trust had to include my body.  It still excites me today to know he has this authority, which I regard more as an open invitation to experiment more than complete authority.  In case you wonder, Mike really hasn’t taken advantage of this clause as you might be imagining (not to say he has never evoked it – but that’s to share at another time).  My recommendation is initially leave it out – again sex is not discipline.  But as your DD relationship evolves you might find some sexual based consequences highly effective and desirable.  So what are my sex based Rewards?  At Mike’s suggestion we added in some mandated masturbation time (oh, darn, I guess I would just have to agree to that one).  And we added in Rewards that included breast binding, nipple clamps, anal plugs and palm slapping. (Nothing sexy about that last one).   I was finding that sometimes spanking wasn’t always giving me the level of discomfort I felt was effective. I always had a high pain threshold and was becoming desensitized to some degree.  We needed to escalate the sensations else the spanking session would have to get very lengthy and that would just not always be practical.  I mean, I didn’t want to tire out Mike’s hand!  In any event, I am sure some DD contracts are highly sexually charged and others completely devoid of sex.  I am glad we started with nothing pertaining to sex and allowed things to naturally progress.
  • Always: Another word we used throughout the contract was “always.”  I felt it was important that expectations for myself were to be consistent and always expected without any exception.  In other words, I was asking Mike to strictly interpret things.
    I believe it is very important to make it clear that I was fully surrendering to him and that there would be no exceptions to what I was expecting of myself.
  • Vague or Missing Terms: Every DD contract should make it clear where ultimate authority rests.  In case we forgot something or realized that what we wrote was hard to interpret in a real life situation, we wrote in a clause that made it clear that any ambiguity in the contract would be interpreted at Mike’s full discretion without consult or protest from me.  If I disagreed I could not immediately say anything. Instead, I was to accept his verdict and if I wished, discuss it at our Maintenance Session.  This is why words are so important.  I was giving him a lot of authority and I wanted to make sure he and I were on the same page regarding how the contract would help guide that authority.
  • Maintenance Sessions:  Another extremely critical part of our contract and we approached this like no other DD relationship I read about.  It established a time where I can respectively ask for clarification regarding something that went on during the week.  Some DD couples would never do this as just the thought of such questioning would be considered disobedient.   It was important for us to have a common understanding of things and there is no way to have that without two-way conversation.Mike had ultimately final authority, but at least there was an avenue for me to get clarification.  Note I could seek clarification, but was not questioning his decision nor asking him to change it.  I could ask for clarification to ensure the Reward had the full impact that I intended for myself.In addition, Maintenance Sessions included a review of my journal, self-reporting of any transgressions and if any, Mike’s administering my reward for those transgressions, a “maintenance” reward, and alone time for self-reflection.  It got to the point that I very much looked forward to every Maintenance Session as it served as a milestone for marking my progress towards the person I wanted to become.  It also had a type of intimacy that I can’t describe but that I could never experience outside a Maintenance Session.  How many couples spend designated time where they both intimately focus on the needs of one of them?  Oh, and I also very much enjoyed the “meditation time” for self-reflection (i.e Mike’s mandate I mentioned earlier).

Now you understand a bit more about our approach to the contract.  Eventually I will share the actual contract, but next I’ll share an overview of how we structured it.

NEXT  – 11. Structure of our Contract