375. ODE TO ORGASM CONTROL

I don’t look at discipline as a kink. While we do a lot of “kinky” things, discipline isn’t one of them. Receiving the consequences of my inability to be the person I want to be is far from kinky, far from arousing, far from being sexually stimulating. I believe that is why I don’t find any fulfillment in mixing my discipline with sex… well, maybe not “any,” but still, it’s not what I connect to as a submissive.

MY COOCH CONUNDRUM

Orgasm Control (OC) is an act of submission. No different than calling him “Sir” or needing his permission to buy something. It is NOT discipline. It’s just another rule I follow and rules aren’t discipline – discipline is the result of not following a rule.

BUT –– whatever you call it, OC is sexually oriented and punishments for failing at OC will likely stay focused on my taco. You might feel there is not much difference between that and being spanked on the ass or whipped across my boobs, and I see your point. However, it isn’t about making a point. It’s about how my mind reacts. For me, my mind connects discipline to something sexual when the focus is on my vajayjay whereas it does not make that connection when focused elsewhere.

Full disclosure – receiving discipline is often a bit sexually arousing. But only because my mind rewards my pleasure centers any time I submit to him, and the greater the submission, the greater the reward. And accepting his discipline is greater submission than say, calling him Sir, thus my pleasure centers are awarded accordingly.

But, in further honesty, the whacks to my squeeze box were more arousing than other punishments. The best way I can describe it is that it felt more like a BDSM scene than a punishment. No other punishment has ever felt that way.

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION

By the way, I am trying to use as many different slang terms for the punanee as possible. It’s silly and immature, but it’s fun! Feel free to comment and share the terms you use, whether in jest or in your day-to-day vernacular. Curious to hear your slang for the vertical smile!

THE LECTURE

His lecture also added to my mixed emotions. It was different. It wasn’t as much about my specific behavior. It was more focused on my orgasms belonging to him.

That may sound like a nuance, but not to me. When I misbehave, lectures tend to be;

  • Focused on me and my behavior – not what is or isn’t Mike’s “property”
  • Focused on how my behavior failed to meet our collective expectations – not about how I must do this or must do that.
  • Focused on being the wife I want to be, and not focused on a specific rule

But this lecture wasn’t so much about failing to meet expectations. It was much more about the specific rule. It seemed more focused on him and less focused on me.

I think part of my conflict is in that OC feels too much like M/s (Master/slave) and less D/s (Dominant/submissive) and far removed from routine DD (Domestic Discipline). Not that there is anything wrong with that. If it connects for two people, more power to them! It just doesn’t connect me with my submission in the way other things do.

GATEWAY KINK

Part of me sees OC as a gateway to more sexually charged discipline, that it’s the beginning of a bad path. Not “bad” because there is something inherently bad about it, but bad because it drifts too far from what fulfills my submissive mindset.

I know this may confound some of you, after all, my Agreement includes a Sex Clause that, in part, states:

Michael may demand any sexual or physical activity to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and anywhere and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer will adhere to “Anytime.    Anything.  Anyone.  Without hesitation.”  Jennifer shall behave in a way that Mike perceives as oblivious as to the time, place, activity, and/or person(s) involved

What’s different is that I’ve never violated that clause and in fact, can never really do so. That clause is less about a “rule” and more about expressing my willingness to sexually be whatever he wants me to be. For all practical purposes, there’s no way to violate this rule. If he were to ask me to do something sexual that I did not want to do, I would use a safe word and that would be that. So while my intent is to be sexually submissive, it remains my intent to keep discipline separate from sex.

IS IT THE DISCIPLINE?

One answer is simply to ask that there is no discipline to be applied to my poony. We discussed it at Maintenance yesterday, but I didn’t actually call for that (yet). Mike didn’t take a firm position for or against, which is typical. He wants me to work it out. Despite our progression for DD that is “mine” to DD that is “for me,” our DD dynamic is still primarily focused on what works for me. While Mike could dictate a resolution, that simply is not his style. For now, I made it clear that the discipline for any OC violations is 100% up to him and I would accept it no differently than any other discipline. And that simply means, I accept it until I don’t.

IS IT THE RULE ITSELF?

I am not sure it is just the discipline that is the issue. Part of me doesn’t want to give Mike control of my orgasms. And that non-submissive thought is the origin of my my greatest conflict. I don’t like the idea of denying him anything. He enjoys OC. And it isn’t like I am not enjoying it. As stated many times, it has been very fulfilling. But, that fulfillment has come with an uneasiness.

Thus far we’ve been very fortunate in being highly synchronized between our needs and desires. I’ve chatted with many couples who struggle to balance what everyone wants from their relationship (even without DD). And it isn’t like we are far apart on this. But I know Mike is enjoying OC, which adds to my conflicted feelings.

I find it a bit humorous in the context of my journey. I haven’t felt anything like this since pre-DD when I was trying to reconcile what it meant to submit to him, let alone allowing him to spank me. Since Day 1 of DD I have been thrilled with giving more and more control to Mike. Of all the things, OC is what is testing my limits of the control I want to cede.

For now, OC stays. In yet another example of the twisted submissive mind, the part of me that doesn’t want it makes me want it more. And the part of me that does want it, well, it’s getting it. And the part of me that knows Mike enjoys it, make me want it even more. So for now, those things crowd out the part of me that says, “WTF?”

We will continue to discuss it. I set a goal for myself to have some resolution in time for re-writing our DD Contract. I’d like t put this issue behind me, and perhaps “behind” is the operative word. Maybe the solution is simply making it a spankable offense on the behind!

Next: 376. Encouraging your Captain to Lead

18 thoughts on “375. ODE TO ORGASM CONTROL”

    1. Yes. I believe i wrote about a few “Fetlife” functions we attended early on in our sexploration. Ultimately it just wasn’t our thing and as our custom-made “Circle of Trust” grew, we felt it best to keep our fun limited to the COT. But we remain open to new members. Covid has basically shut down the COT for now.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. You have it both ways, why not. You can opt for “a spankable offense” or “no discipline to be applied to your poony” or you can rely on Mike.
    Isn’t the important moment when you choose to disobey the OC rule?
    The moment when you knowingly choose to masturbate and let yourself go to orgasm (forbidden). The notion of getting caught seems foreign to you (no guilt) and at the same time you know that you are going to denounce yourself: is this false innocence kinky for you? (Even though you say that discipline is not a “kinky” thing but can be sexually arousing when the focus is on your vajayjay)

    Already heard?
    “Open your meat curtains, eagerly waiting for the play to begin!.

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    1. Yep. All valid points. I think the answer is pretty clear, but maybe not. The remaining issue for me is that the fact I don’t like it, i like it. I mean, I don’t like running from something i don’t like. Embracing it feeds my submission in lovely ways.

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  2. Does everything need to be easy and excepted by the submissive for a rule to be followed? Not attacking. Thinking it out. I would think if he loves it, you love it but have a mental conflict with it , then submitting to him means MORE somehow? Because you are doing it despite the feelings.
    With the punishment, with his lecture reaffirming his claim he could shift it to your failure in meeting your expectations of yourself in submitting to him.
    We are soooo not there yet, so thinking out loud for hopefully future reference.
    Oh and …nether-ya-ya, the diddily-dee and cookie monster. Which do you think is made up?😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They all seem to work. Ya-ya for sure. Diddily-dee sounds more like something you do with it…”I am going to diddily-dee.” Vickie monster sounds ominous. I envision unruly massive pubes and a vagina with teeth. Yikes!
      As for your comments, yes, absolutely right. It doesn’t have to be easy nor should it be. And as i stated in the post, sometimes the struggle makes me feel more submissive for doing it anyway. So while i am conflicted, it’s a good conflict. Maybe that’s why i remain upbeat about it. It’s blissful either way, and has its downside either way. And thus the answer may be that this becomes an on and off thing versus an always thing. We shall see! As for lecture, yes, he would adjust his lecture of i let him know it bothers me. I am not there yet. I didn’t like they way he lectured, but i am not ready to give it up. It’s all part of the conundrum!

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  3. I find the comments and responses nearly as thought-provoking as your original posts, Jen – thank you for sharing!

    As far as slang terms: I don’t think it immature at all, but rather playful and fun! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi Jenn-I know you will always work things out in your mind to what is best for Sir and you but worry about the punishment part. Think it was #217-burn beans and the wand! Hope a failed OC won’t lead to that! It just doesn’t seem to be as big as some of your pasts sins. By the way-has Kayla mention how hard it will be for her?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. While Kayla hasn’t had the full month of denial that I had in NOvember (her’s will be in Jun-O), she is also subject to OC on a regular basis. Let’s just say while I have only had one transgression, she has had several. It’s been arder for her to hold back as she is way more orgasmic than I am, so that’s no surprise. She isn’t struggling with accepting it at all. She accepts it 100%, even though she IS struggling with compliance.
      And thank you for your confidence in me! I do feel positive about it and also have confidence it will get worked out. I know I’ll get there!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. OC is tricky like that. To add to all the conundrums, your body is trainable – including it’s ability and method to reach orgasm. That means giving over full control had a lasting affect.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. 100%! And for me, it retrained my mind and body very quickly. I am amazed at just how quickly. And i am not complaining. It’s just surprising to me. And that’s part of my dilemma. I’ve already changed, and love the change. But it’s unfamiliar to me. A part of me yearns for the familiar – my orgasms pre-OC. Another part cherishes my current relationship with my orgasms under OC.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I so totally feel you right now! I went though all the same thoughts and phases. It’s surprising for sure. You begin to cherish both places, and don’t know where to live. I know exactly where you’re at. It’s the same place I was at last summer. 🙂
        I can tell you, as fast as you get trained into it, you can get trained back. So when this doesn’t work anymore, you can always go back to where you were. It isn’t going to be ‘lost’ so to speak.
        This is what I’m thinking about when I say I go back and forth. It isn’t only me, my Master likes both sides also -maybe more then me. So for a while I’m on total lock down-no orgasms, then he can’t get enough of me orgasming all the time. The pendulum swings.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Good to know the “reprogramming” can be quickly, whichever direction you go. I think the body is able to self regulate fairly quickly when it comes to natural feel good chemicals (as well as anxiety inducing ones) that it produces, so hopefully that remains true for me and whatever the course, I adjust fairly quickly.

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