371. So long to SEX?: Submissive Wife

My “free reign” over my O, mentioned in my previous post, ended December 8. Six full days of diddling to completion. . . assuming my chores were done, and I can’t think of any better motivation to complete them as quick as possible!

I wanted to test myself to see how long I could go without an orgasm. The first time I touched myself the arousal meter skyrocketed. I immediately say, “F-that!” to any thoughts of not getting to O – and O I did!! Between masturbation and sex with Mike and/or Kayla, I averaged four O’s a day during those six days. Impressive by my standards!

Mike then informed me my “free reign” was over. That means back to our Orgasm Control (OC) and Abstinence and Edging (A&E) routine. No sex without permission, including masturbation, and no O without permission. For now Mike has prescribed edging three times a day. He sometimes changes this up without notice, so tomorrow it could be complete abstinence, and he will throw in an orgasm here or there. That’s part of the, dare I say, “fun.” Not knowing what tomorrow holds regarding my sexual release.

I shared more about the impact OC & A&E have on me in 352. JuNO: The Big “No.” I won’t repeat myself, but suffice to say after getting to ZERO during NOvember, my DSAS (Default Sexual Arousal State) sits at about a 2 on a scale of 1-10. Once again I can say that when I am not horny, I am still a little horny.


Mike threw this bomb out there. “Jen, what do you think if I put you on extended abstinence, like three months or more?”

My first reaction was that perhaps he was just kidding, or just curious how I would react.

Rule-check regarding answering questions from Mike. I am required to give direct answers and not answer with a question and most definitely never answer with a “Whatever you want.” “Whatever you want” is a given in our relationship. When he asks me a question it is because he expects an answer. One caveat is that AFTER I have answered, I can ask a question if it is intended to help me better understand the question.

My answer — “My initial reaction is I would not like it. I am always willing to try things, sometimes just for the sake of exploring, and sometimes because we believe there will be some direct benefit. In this case, I am open to exploring it. Again, I don’t think I will like it, but I didn’t think I would like NOvember either, and it was a great experience, so much so that I don’t dread the next one. Three months sounds daunting, but I am intrigued and curious how, and IF, I could handle i.”

He said, “Okay, I am not saying we will do that. At this point I was just curious about your thoughts.”

And that was that.

I shared this with a fellow submissive that emails me on occasion. While also submissive, she was concerned for me (hey, not all submissives are alike). “Does that mean he isn’t interested in having sex with you?” “Sure, he gets to have all the sex he wants with Kayla or others, so he’s satisfied.” “Are you just some robot slave that doesn’t need to be sexually stimulated?” And there was more, and I am sure many of you can think of other things that should cause me to be concerned.

Honestly, NONE of those things concern me. If he did impose extended abstinence or denial, then so be it. If that is what he wants, by default, it is what I want. I trust that he is doing it because it fulfills him and thus, it fulfills me. Things that express his control and dominance automatically have a benefit to me. That’s just how my mind works. And while I wouldn’t choose extended abstinence, if he choose it for me, I accept.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have a preference. My preference is to have sex when I want and orgasm when I want. While we are at it, I also prefer to be lazy sometimes (more often than not). I would prefer forgetting about household chores, doing nothing, and indulging myself.

But that’s the path to the pre-DD Jenny. My biggest preference of all, that supersedes my self-indulgent preferences, is a preference to submit to my husband. Not out of some sense of duty or obligation, but because that is where I get the greatest fulfillment. So in an only-in-a-submissive-mind kind of way, not being self-centered is being self-centered. My mind, my heart, and my soul, are fulfilled when I submit to my husband. I am a submissive wife!

There are parts of NOvember that I miss. I haven’t felt the same about orgasms since then. Don’t get me wrong. I like them, they feel great, and I wouldn’t object to more of them. But, I think a year of OC and the full month of abstinence has re-wired my brain. I don’t think of my personal sexual climax about being mine. My orgasms are his, for him, from him, and about him. It now seems a bit selfish to orgasm just for me. And the longer he makes me wait to give him my orgasm, the better it feels when he does.

And, while it’s strange and still foreign to me, I admit, there is joy even in the waiting. Joy in waiting, and joy in cumming. And the greater the former, the more amazing the latter.

Geesh! I’ve gone full-on submissive! Okay, so I am slow. I am sure most of you are like, “Jen, you’ve been full-on submissive since day one.” But for me, this is big. It’s something I never even knew existed within D/s, and never would imagine I would try, let alone enjoy.

It’s a bit humorous to me. The pre-DD Jenny couldn’t relate in any way, shape or form. Not to DD, not to D/s, and definitely not to Orgasm Control. But then again, pre-DD Jenny was more unsettled, anxious, irritable, and stressed.

Even after 5+ years, I continue to revel in my evolution during my DD journey! What will I learn over the next five years that can bring me joy in ways I’ve never imagined?

NEXT: 372. Kayla Shufflebottom

32 thoughts on “371. So long to SEX?: Submissive Wife”

  1. Intriguing that you were compared to me re: orgasm denial! lol. I am flattered I think. It will be interesting to see if Mike follows through on that idea. I know that I get to the edge regularly. That keeps my interest in sex strong and my horny level far from dormant. I’m not sure it works the same way for women. So if it happens, I will watch with delight! Merry Christmas!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Jennifer,
    Don’t know how else to contact you, so leaving this here. I am starting a blog and wanted your permission to link a few of your posts in my posts. A few of yours have inspired me, or caused personal revelations. I will leave the address below, although at present there are no posts.
    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jen – can I put in a NY request to ask Mike to talk to us in a serious post about his endgame? D/s M/s starts off sounding super sexy – your and Ks sub frenzies.. new experiences galore, even Mike’s 2017-18 scary Dom frenzy when K and the threat from her boyfriend pulled out his inner sadist to such a surprising degree. But how to avoid an endgame that is just tedious and diminished? Is K still not speaking? And now you – his super fun sexy Jen – are seriously contemplating life without sex, which seems to be a common way for previous sexed-up subs to evolve a la Collar Michael? Even discipline may be losing its thrill after 5 years of punishment-inflation now meaning that even innocent slip ups carry literally weeks of consequences – the very opposite of the quick “all is forgiven” Jen was originally so enthusiastic about? And Mike – unable to ever have a normal conversation with his two wives and reduced to 24/7 policeman and OC/denial enforcer… No wonder his dick is desperately sniffing out K’s BF C – an untrained sub to get some true excitement with! You seem to have burnt though so much so quickly – where to from here? How does Mike keep the freshness? K has only been with you a couple of years – where will you all be in 20 years time? And what endstate will you all be in? More like a monastery than a brothel? Jen long ago left sexless and shrivelled instead of the still super sexy 70 year old she could otherwise have been (BTW – hope you are on HRT Jen… even a few months of abstinence will leave you genuinely shrivelled otherwise!), K a mute 50 yr old former sex robot unable to have a normal conversation or enjoy sex with anyone? Mike an irritable and hypersensitive blackhearted narcissistic who has come to despise his 2 broken toys and can only get satisfaction from the infliction of really intense suffering that neither of your own subs are still capable of feeling? I’m not being fully serious here – but you must worry about this kind of stuff yourself, Mike? Don’t you all need to find a way to do a more fundamental reboot that will bring back some thrill and freshness? Maybe a few months of pure vanilla time so that you can all detox together? I really am curious about your thoughts Mike – must be plenty of cautionary tales out there that you are trying to avoid becoming.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. I understand your perception in how things may be, but I assure you, they are more than fine. Life is still “super fun,” no thrill has been lost, except for the thrill of “newness” that always fades in time but is replaced by a thrill of consistency and achievement. There is no 24/7 police. Sorry if i make it sound that way. Thing is, 90% of things that go on are very mundane and vanilla, so every post is about the 10%. Kayla speaks, all the time. I assume you are referring to a very short time period in which she did not??? And the “inner sadist” in Mike isn’t much of a sadist. I don’t look at anything he has ever done as being sadistic. And perhaps it comes across as everything we have done always continues, with the kink and submission accumulating on top of itself, ever expanding. It’s not like that. Some things fall away, and may or may not be revisited from time to time, and new things take their place.
      Mike doesn’t have an end game any more than i do, other than staying open to explore things that interest us and incorporating the things we discover are fulfilling to us.
      Neither me nor Kayla are broken.
      And I am fully aware of the corruptive power of absolute power. Mikes power is NOT absolute. I have a voice, I’ve always had a voice, as does Kayla. We can and have use safewords to stop certain things. We communicate formally and openly at least once a week. We remain “calibrated” between the submission I seek and the Dominance he provides. Which is different from the Dominance he seeks and the submission I provide. The only change is that he is more creative and proactive in ideas regarding what to explore next, versus always waiting for me to suggest. And that’s because I’ve been asking him to do that.
      Thanks again for your comment. It makes me realize that the things I share are the only views you have into my life. Not that writing of the mundane is the answer, but I suspect there are things i can share that could be both interesting and reflect the 90% of the normal stuff we do every day.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Oh – why so against the “sadist” label? Enjoys giving physical discipline, not uncommonly uses force that leaves bruises or marks that last for days and sometimes even weeks, has one frankly masochistic partner (K). If that isn’t S then what is it?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Labels always tricky as what determines the tipping point between meeting or not meeting a particular definition. To me, a sadist seeks inflicting pain and receives pleasure, especially sexually, from inflicting said pain. That’s not a definition most Doms meet, and definitely not Mike or anyone I know. Same re masochist. Clearly, Domestic Discipline includes giving/receiving pain, but not, by itself, S&M. I’ve posted before about labels. Always tricky and best to let people self identify as to what they feel best encapsulates a definition of themselves. But even then, the definition is never complete or 100% accurate. People’s needs and desires are far too complex for a single definition to fully define them. I concede there are S&M elements in my lifestyle, but I don’t define that lifestyle as S&M. It’s my personal blend of DD, D/s, M/s, BDSM, poly, and swinging. It’s none of those and all of those to some degree.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. For some reason it won’t let me “like” your comment. Probably cause I don’t have wordpress or the time to figure it out. So I am “LIKING “ your above comment.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thanks. I know sometimes I have problems “liking” posts. Sometimes the screen just flashes and doesn’t show I liked it. I’ll leave and come back, and sometimes the “like” is there, other times, not. Not sure what that’s about, but THANK YOU for the comment.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. Last post I was irritated Mike denied you the first night of December and didn’t want you to physically share that first O with him. But I keep reminding myself you have been diving deep in submission for 5 years and there is more to this dynamic then the flicker of you we catch through the slats of the fence. There is so much more going on in your house with the 3 of you in this dynamic then we will every see or fully understand. I believe though that Mike is an observer and you have mentioned his Mantra before “ seek to understand, before being understood”. I wish ya’ll the best in continuing in this dynamic and thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We did this. I went just under 3 months without an orgasm, if I’m remembering the time frame right. We normally do OC, edging and all, in a very similar way you guys do. Some small rule differences probably, but not much, if any. I was put on a denial period late last summer. He still used me, he still came in and on me. I couldn’t cum. It was hard. It was hard not because I wasn’t allowed to cum, but because the edging was gone. The sexual tension and desire was gone, but that was part of it being denial, not prolonged edging, party if his choice. When I was released from this period, and allowed to orgasm again, it took time to build back to it. I was given a period of complete freedom, as you were. We haven’t gone back to the OC we had before the denial period. I don’t know why. My orgasms are his, and he hasn’t asked for the control back -yet. Though, I have to say I’ve been sick since the beginning of October, so that’s probably why. I’m just now starting to get my fault energy back. I suspect he’ll be wanting control back soon, at least I think I’m catching little comments about it from him.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Curious to know about some of your rules. I don’t think I have any other than don’t cum without permission and any edging requirements. What other rules could there be? Maybe I shouldn’t ask!! Lol.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Lol! You may not want to.
        My rules change frequently, but probably aren’t all that different. My standard oc expectation is that all my orgasms belong to him. He can have them when and where and how he wants. No questions asked. I can’t take one without permission. Usually though, there’s an additional phase with more or different rules; no cumming at all, cumming only in a certain way, or with a certain kink. Sometimes they have to be earned, or I get put on a monthly allowance. Sometimes I have to stay edging, or in a heightened state of desire for several days. If I get too sexually ‘high’in test phases, I have to be cured to the bed at night. I appreciate it, it’s the only way I know for sure I won’t take what’s his. He will use me, cum in/on me, but I must wait until a specific point is passed or a task is done. He gets creative. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Got it. Thanks for sharing. Basically not just an “on/off” thing, but varying degrees. Based on how Mike has handled other “new” wrinkles in our dynamic, I anticipate he will take greater creative license over time.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Also, it just occurred to me, there are also times of forced orgasms or cumming on demand. Lately, he’s been talking about creating a trigger for me, possibly testing a verbal trigger, or cumming on command. He hasn’t started it yet, but I suspect he’ll initiate something new in the month, maybe much sooner.

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Interesting. Thanks for sharing. I am subject to “stop and frisk” at any time. He may stop me in the kitchen or going down the hall, and order me to “frisk” myself. Maybe i get to cum, maybe i don’t. Sometimes he will give me a time limit, he won’t tell me what it but will tell me he is timing me. If is don’t cum by the time he selected, it’s longer abstinence or edging. If i do, he rewards me with some “free reign” time. So while i don’t have a lot of set rules, the rule is, i am subject to whatever whim comes his way. Is the idea of a verbal trigger to try and train your mind to associate that word with pleasure, so that just hearing the word gets you wet and needy?

            Liked by 2 people

          3. That’s is exactly. You can literally train your body like pavlov’s dogs to respond by association. We did it for a while, he trained me morning and night, and I quickly had an instant response just from the expectation. He did not secure verbal training at that time though.
            There actually a lot of it out there, online and such. I’m sure it would be possible, but would take time and patience. There’s stories of people who it worked for that came in the middle of the grocery store or other public places. I’d have to be relatively floaty to feel that free, but I do get like that for days at a time, weeks even. It’d be easier to accomplish. Well, easy with time put in, and stress reduced.

            Liked by 2 people

  6. This is interesting! Read your post and was upset for you-even cried!
    Read it again and do understand your submission. But dang girl, I still can’t get why he would treat the woman who gave him the gift to become the man he is today, love two women. great at his job and have any sex adventure he commands. I know it’s not about what is fair- its about pleasing him so you get to be fulfilled. Maybe Mike is planning the next social event or just Covid weary. I have been reading from the start-
    please don’t mind an old lady who wants the best for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha. I don’t mind, always feel free to speak your mind. Thank you for reading from the start. It’s been quite the adventure. Keep in mind Mike only posed the question, he didn’t make it so. If i did a lost each time he pondered something, I’d be posting a lot more. Sometimes i think he is more curious about my response than actually going through with his musings. But, i can never be sure, so i simply answer each thing as honestly as possible and let the submissive chips fall where they may.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks. To be honest, it wasn’t something i aspired to achieve. I just go where my submissive mind takes me and the deeper i go, the more joy i am finding. I don’t wish for greater submission, and i continue to be surprising by the joy it brings each time it shows up! Good luck in your journey!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thanks!

            So happy for you. Truly. That’s what it’s about right? Satisfying something deep inside you never even knew you wanted so much and would enjoy so deeply. That’s what dominance does for me. It awakens a special kind of happiness nothing else does.

            Liked by 2 people

          2. Right? It’s like kindness and charity and compassion and love. All the great things in life. You get so much more than you give. Total and complete win/win.

            Liked by 2 people

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