For the first time in a while I feel like I have a lot to “unpack.” That normally means an exhaustive boring esoteric ramble from yours truly. But I’ll save that for another post, as I’ve got business to attend to! As in spanking business, and cousin, business is a-boomin’.

OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN Two posts ago (353. On this date, March 153, 2020), I referred to some people in our life by their actual names.  Specifically members of the Nudies. (Post 233, among others).

It dawned on me within minutes of posting it and I immediately edited it. I was compelled to self-report it to Mike. I have never felt so defeated in something I have self-reported. I had just finished coming off restriction from the prior incident, and now this! And to be honest, there was a moment I thought it best to not report it. I have never knowingly failed to self-report a transgression to Mike. Not only does it make me feel guilty and eat at me, but my submissive mind likes the idea of telling on myself. Damn that submissive mind-set!

Seriously though, I knew I had to tell him, so I did.

When I told him, he said something that still rings in my head. He said, “I can’t spank my trust into you.” He lectured me for some time, but those words kept repeating over and over in my head. They hurt as much as a spanking.

He went on to say that disciplining me further felt empty to him. He felt only time would help. My thought was “No!” That’s what has been so great over the last 5 years living this dynamic. Ill feelings never linger. They are addressed, forgiven, and put behind us. “Give me my punishment. Give me absolution! Let me know ‘All is forgiven.’ I beg you.”

I didn’t actually say those words, but that summed up my feelings.

In his lecture he acknowledged he was happy that I reported this to him, and gave me some credit in that I only used first names. “Excuses are easy.,” he added, “We have rules for a reason and clearly the rules on privacy are not top of mind with you. What were you thinking?”

He doesn’t often ask me what I was thinking. Usually there is no need.

“Your honor, in my defense, not to make excuses, but, it had been so long since I mentioned them in my blog. I had grown too accustomed to using their names with a few email friends, that it was muscle memory and not intentional.”

Okay, I didn’t quite say it that way, but I did say something about muscle memory. I was in tears at this point as I kept replaying the “I can’t spank my trust into you,” over and over in my head. I also knew that a repeated transgression of ANY kind, was bad enough, let along this particular issue.

Thoughts of what he had in store for me were also top of mind. Not from a physical pain stand point. I never “fear” discipline in that way. My fear was one of wondering how long Mike would feel disappointed in me. It was two weeks last time before we got to “All is forgiven.” I hate the cloud of any transgression hanging over me and over us for such long periods. THAT is what I feared.

My response evoked a lecture on why exceptions are never good and a slippery slope. His lecture was far more animated than most. His strongly raised voiced contrasted with his typical lecture style of stern, but controlled. His reaction was telling me this was not just me failing to behave as I wish, but clearly failing to behave as he demands.

When he completed the lecture, I was sent to our room to wait with instructions to put on a ball gag. After entering the bedroom and affixing the gag, I took the appropriate stance in the corner and awaiting his arrival.

I was crying a lot and once the drooling from gag kicked it, it only added to my feeling of defeat. I don’t know how long it was until Mike came into the room, but it seemed like forever.

When he arrived I was no longer sobbing. He began lecturing me some more in even a greater raised voice than before. He would occasionally smack my butt with his hands. At some point he had me turn and kneel in front of him, head up, eyes fixed on his as he continued to speak. He slapped me, once on each cheek.

As some context, slapping is something I asked to incorporate in punishments some time ago… maybe a year or two ago? He rarely does it. I don’t know what it is about the face. Spank or slap my ass, thighs, breasts, palms, soles of feet, are one thing. But the face, it’s a whole other experience. It wasn’t real hard, but harder than he has ever done before. And was started crying again.

He again asked me what I had to say for myself. Something he rarely asks once, let along twice. But this question was not about what was I thinking when I did what I did, but about expressing my remorse. Which I did so, between the sobs.

He walked me next to our bed and had me bend over with my forearms resting on the bed. He picked out a spanking implement and told me that what he was giving me now would be repeated every hour until that same time the next day. It was now some time after 4:00 p.m.

We refer to this type of discipline as “TOH,” or Top of the Hour spankings. The anticipation of knowing what is to come adds to the overall emotional impact of the spankings.

After the first strike I knew which implement he selected. The cane. He struck me six or seven times with it. After just the first one or two I was squirming and crying harder with each one.

He then told me to fetch a paddle. Being paddled on top of a caning is very painful and ensured that it would sting for some time. And knowing this was going to be repeated every hour was ever present in my mind.

“Ten and I need to hear you count them off,” he said.

The first five stung but were of moderate force. He then told me the last five would be intended to “stay with you for awhile.” They were much, much harder.

I was a mess, inside and out. Slobbering all over from the gag, runny nose, watery eyes, and now, a striped and red ass. Inside I continued to feel defeated, defeated by my own behaviors that got me there, not by Mike’s actions.

After the spanking he ordered me to the corner. He went to our supplies and I could hear the water running in the bathroom. He returned with the enema kit. He filled me with warm, soapy water, set my phone alarm for 15 minutes, and told me I could expel it in the toilet once it went off. I could not leave the corner no matter what, and if I couldn’t hold it, then I would just have to release right there and clean up afterwards. He then gave me a couple of swats on my very hot and sensitive ass and he left the room.

I made it through the allotted time and just as I was returning to the corner, Mike returned. He was holding a freshly carved ginger root. He proceeded to insert it and again set my phone for 15 minutes. He sat on the bed and watched me the entire time. When I would squirm or begin hopping up and down from the stinging that was now inside my ass, he would tell me to stand still else the spanking would start over.

When time was up, he pulled the ginger out and spanked me with his hand as I stood in the corner. It was a lot of hand spankings, way too many to count. Not super hard, but they covered every part of my already tender backside. He then inserted a butt plug. The lube helped a bit with burning that was still going on from the ginger, but not much. A butt plug by itself isn’t a punishment, but in the right context, like this one, it adds to the humility.

He told me to get on the bed and lay down on my stomach. He placed the paddle on my bottom and left the room. “I’ll be back at the top of the hour.”

More like, spank/rinse/repeat… It was already close to the top of the hour and it seemed like only a few minutes and he was back. He had me resume the previous position, bent over the bed, and he spanked me with the paddle, having me count off all 10. At least there was no caning, but every single whack stung like hell. I was crying again.

After the spanking he gave me another enema and 15 minutes of corner time. When that was over and I expelled the enema, he again plugged me and said we would reconvene at the top of the hour. He held me for some time, and I held on to him. He gave me some encouraging words, and after a few minutes, that was that. We resumed normal activities of the evening .

At the top of each hour I would remind him I would be waiting in the bedroom. Each time I was spanked 10 times with the paddle and then spent 15 minutes in the corner – but no enema! Silver lining?! Sometimes he would lecture me, sometimes a word was never uttered. Very mechanical, like clock work. Every waking hour, on the hour.

I had to sleep in the guest bedroom and would be spanked just before going to bed. And my bedtime was early, 9:45 p.m. and lights out! The extra sleep is a blessing, but the isolation is a curse.

Also, I was back on orgasm restriction and total abstinence from sex to boot. At first it was not that big of deal because I wasn’t in a very sexual mindset. But eventually my normally high sex drive started to kick in and it was yet one more layer to this punishment. It impacts me both physically and emotionally, especially when seeing or hearing Mike and Kayla having sex. But I got through it, no touching!

The next day the TOH spankings and corner time continued until 4 p.m. On the last one, he again administered an enema, like he did the first two spankings. After wards, we talked. As in a conversation. No lecture, no tears.

I expressed my commitment to be overly vigilant about what I post or share with online friends. I was all set for “All is forgiven” but Mike said he was not ready for that. He said the only punishment from that point on would be restriction from my online activities. No phone, no email, nothing. He said he needed time and when he truly felt “over it” then, and only then, could we fully move on.

He again repeated that he can’t spank his trust into me. My disciplining up to that point wasn’t about him or that trust. It was about me and my transgression, no different than any other spanking or discipline I’ve earned. But for him to lift the restriction, it would have to be about him and his willingness to trust me.

As as evidenced by this post, he did get to that point. I hope I don’t ever violate that trust again. Blabber-mouth Jen is now my sworn enemy!!

But. . . that just applies to personally identifiable information. Unfortunately for you, it doesn’t apply to my endless babbling and meaningless drivel about my reflections on all of this. I will eagerly submit you to those ramblings on my next post! Complete with an epiphany of sorts that has actually refueled my desire to blog.


15 thoughts on “355. A MATTER OF (SPANKING) BUSINESS”

  1. Hi Jen, longtime lurker here but my first comment! I’m glad to hear the discipline was beneficial. I, for one, completely understand how that works. You mentioned that it’s hard to keep straight who is on which list and it might be a good idea to keep a visual reminder near your computer, etc. I think that kind of thing is probably the best strategy to avoid future mistakes, especially if you are as much like me as it seems.

    Please excuse me if I’m too forward here, but I wonder if you have read about ADHD in girls and women. A lot of what you and I seem to have in common are things that turned out to be symptoms of my ADHD (forgetfulness, disorganization, impulsivity, careless mistakes, difficulty managing time and money on my own, being longwinded and chatty and habitually oversharing, …) Because it usually presents differently in boys and girls, girls are seriously underdiagnosed and, if they are lucky, find out in adulthood that they have a treatable condition, rather than a bunch of character flaws.

    Whether I’m on to something or way off, I do know from experience that there are some things that consequences and trying harder can’t fully help. And if they do help, the price of hyper vigilance can be a lot of anxiety. In those cases, “working smarter, not harder,” like having an eye-catching visual guide always at hand, can be the most effective strategy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for commenting, Johanna. Always nice when a lurker comes out from behind the shadows!
      It’s never too forward to put forth your ideas. I am fairly well schooled on ADHD and while I have exhibited behaviors consistent with ADHD at times, I don’t think I would meet the clinical definition. My own self diagnosis is that a lot of my behavior was rooted in depression.
      I do find the whole boy/girl issue with ADHD interesting. Girls are conditioned to deal with things differently and a lot of the behaviors of ADHD are “boy like” thus not thought ill of when a boy does them. But for a girl to do them… shame! So girls adapt and compensate, without ever addressing the root issue. Hey, it’s what we do best!
      Seriously though, I have responded very well to consequences. They keep me very much “in line.” Not perfect, but perfection is not the goal.
      As for your tip, I am one step ahead. I already created a list of “so-and-so is C” and “so-and-so is John,” etc., so I know who I can refer to by initials, pseudonym, or actual name. I am a firm believer in, “Do the same thing, get the same results.” So I had to do something. I hope the list does the trick! Well that and, anytime I write about anyone I am saving the final draft, taking a break, and not publishing until I re-read, maybe even have Kayla or Mike read it.
      Thanks again for your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That sounds like a great plan! My symptoms were numerous enough to meet the threshold for a diagnosis. I’ve found that DD plus clever life hacks like those to be an incredible combination for my own happiness, relationships, and life success.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Absolutely no critisism at all to you or your lifestyle, but you get spanked, punished, ect consensually? Maybe this is just me and my obscenely low tolerance for impact discipline, but this seems extreme, something I would never agree to. So just for absolute clarity: This is consensual, right?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay. I am relieved to hear (read) you say (type) that. My first BDSM relationship was abusive, and I struggled to draw the line between consensual non~consensual, and just plain non~consensual. (My fiancée and I have worked out how we will do BDSM, very differently from my ex)I am so happy you found your bliss, albeit it being a tiny bit crazy.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am sorry that you had to go through this. I know I work hard to do what I am suppose to do too and understand the crushing feeling of disappointment in myself when I do wrong, especially accidentally. However, I am so glad you will be blogging more again. I stumbled in your blog about 8 months ago. For years I have tried to articulate so many similar feelings. You helped me and my husband. We are still struggling a little bit, but your blog and blogs you recommended have been so helpful! Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind words. I am always happy to hear that I’ve helped in some way. Sorry that you are still struggling a bit. It’s certainly a lifestyle full of potential pitfalls. It tends to multiply many aspects of a relationship – which is great when it multiplies the love and joy, but not good when it multiplies other things, like insecurities or doubts. Good luck in your relationship and in life!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Just have to wonder if a serious talking-to might be more effective than all of this. Not trying to be rude, but does this appeal to some masochism in you, or really serve as effective discipline (or both)? As Mike said, he can’t spank trust into you, so does this whole process “work” for both of you? Hope so…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “Serious talking to” just doesn’t cut it for someone like me. It harkens all the way back to my first dozen posts or so as to “why DD?” It isn’t always about influencing future behavior. Sometimes it is simply about experiencing consequences. Ideally that experience molds future behavior.
      As for there being some masochism? Maybe. Pain is painful, but there is an element of pleasure weaved into this lifestyle. But i think masochism isn’t the right label. I don’t like being disciplined, not only because of the pain and general inconvenience, but because it represents a failure on my part.
      It’s hard to explain. Again, can only point you to my early posts as I spent a lot of time trying to sort it out myself and articulate it. Check my Shortcuts and read my favorites along with those early posts.
      Thank you for your comments and for you respectfully stating your concerns and comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sorry, that really sucks.
    If I could make a suggestion? Take an hour or 24 hours break after you finish writing before you hit the post or send button. Give yourself time to get out of the story before coming back to look at it to edit for security. Even call it a security check. And maybe change your mind set from he trusts you to follow these rules and you don’t want to lose that ….. to you follow these rules to protect him. It can become much more front and center if it is about protecting the ones we love. Most of what I have read about him through your writing, protecting his family is a top priority for him. Just my thoughts, hope they are useful.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks. A pause between “final thoughts” and “send” is awesome advice for any situation, especially mine. And I love framing it as following the rules versus a trust issue. I think I already do that as I tend to be very rule oriented. I tend not to focus on what’s behind the rule or what it represents — until I break it. Thanks again. I appreciate all your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Dear Lady-Hope your much improved but this did so remind me of post 217-218-219.
    Maybe this time with more of Mike’ lack of trust, you will be able to see things better. Thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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