Immersion was about a month ago. Plenty of time to reflect on it, but there is no greater impetus for reflection than writing about it. Thinking through just the right words to convey an experience gives you a new perspective on that experience.
Yes, I know, many of you are saying I am still searching for the “right” words. Hey, if I say enough of them, some of them are bound to be “right.” If you know anything about me, it’s that I feel strongly that if you can convey something in fewer words, don’t bother, just say it in more! I am not much of an editor.
Where were we?
Oh. Anyway — As I wrote the last post I had this epiphany about kink. Like major psychological groundbreaking thoughts. I can’t wait to share them. But before I thoroughly entertain, enlighten, and inspire you with an esoteric rant, let’s wrap up the kinky stuff that went on at our “Take it to 11” Immersion.
There was really only one activity that lived up to the “Take it 11” billing. And that was our exploration into Consensual Non-Consent.
TRIGGER WARNING: I share some rape themes which may be disturbing to some. Here’s your chance to click away.
Let’s be straight. This is rape-play. Serious stuff. The first order of business was to make sure we had a mutually agreeable understanding of what it meant. We all recognized it can be a mind-fuck as much as a physical one, and we weren’t aiming for the former, but also didn’t want it to just be “rough sex.”
So we came up with some ideas that we thought struck the balance we were comfortable with. In the end, I think what we ended up with was more along the lines of “rough sex” than true ConNonCon. Pushing, slapping, rough handling and/or restraining of our bodies, vulgar and degrading language, stuff like that.
It was the three of us, plus John, Matt, and his girlfriend, Jillian. Donna sat that activity out, but she watched. Each of the participating women took turns, so it was three men on one woman. And while the first woman (me) was with the three guys the other two (Kayla and Jillian) had to wait outside where they couldn’t hear or see what was going on.
It started first with a talk. We sort of verbally sketched out a scene, talked again about what was off-limits. For me, it was choking, punching, and cutting. It may seem silly to have to articulate some of those limits, but that’s what you have to do to help avoid misunderstandings. And then we did the scene.
I won’t go into details but to say it was rough. And while there was no knife-play per se, one was allowed and used as long as it was limited to removal (cutting away) of clothes. I had never experienced that. Even though a controlled environment, it was still scary to have your clothes cut off by a long sharp knife.
In the end, I was physically exhausted and sore. I was surprised how into the scene I got and just how sweaty everyone got. I really tried hard to get away, which is why I was so sore. And I don’t mean I wanted to get away – I didn’t. I just wanted to try. I would have been disappointed if I succeeded.
On an emotional level, it seemed to strike a balance for me. A few moments of fear, but not like life-endangering fear. Just a fear like, “Wow, he’s really getting into this, I hope he’s under control and doesn’t do something stupid.” That little bit of the unknown was “rapey” enough for me.
We talked afterward — plenty of aftercare — then eventually repeated the process for the next one up, which was Jillian. Kayla went last. We didn’t do these all back-to-back as the guys needed time to um… let’s say, “re-charge.” But over the course of the afternoon, we all got our ConNonCon experience.
The after-care was not just immediately after. It continued all day and evening long with the guys checking in with us and with us gals checking in with each other. Everyone reported having a good experience with it, and even today feel the same way.
I didn’t consult the BDSM rule-book, but as I stated, I think our version of this was more along the lines of rough-sex than ConNonCon. That’s fine. It seemed to satisfy everyone’s curiosity and cravings. So no need to have to label it. Ultimately, I can check that box and leave it open to maybe doing again someday. Not a “must-have” for me, but not a “never again” either.
And that concludes Immersion 2019! Looking forward to sharing my reflections and the discovery of what I call “Kink Think.”