Wow. What a break! Over two months??
I didn’t plan on it, it just sort of happened. I decided to take a self-imposed time out that I thought would be maybe two weeks, — but two months? Two things happened that I hadn’t planned on, both wrapped around the fact that my “sub” life has been pretty normal (as in, my version of normal, perhaps not yours, hee-hee).
I had something happen that caused me to shun my computer and all things social media – from my blog, to Facebook, Twitter, even email. You name it, I didn’t want anything to do with it unless it was IRL. I won’t get into the details (not that they are private, but they are likely uninteresting and don’t directly involve me). I will share that they involved a niece of mind and involved me diving deep into the underworld of trolls. The result was I felt disgusted and spiteful over the ignorance and hate that is out there. It is so clear that so many people are lacking basic critical thinking skills and will fall for any assertion that is full of fallacies. I guess it shouldn’t be that shocking given Trump’s success is built upon the ease at which people fall for such things. I digress.
The result was I just felt “dirty” using the internet. My self-indulgent blog was just another example of the me-ism and self-centeredness. And yes, a blog where one talks about themselves is of course, self indulgent and self-centered. I get that. But instead of release, joy, and fulfillment, the thought of it made me ill. So I unplugged from Twitter, Facebook, my blog, my emails, my computer, and actually just used my phone as, well, as a phone! Okay, I did text with friends and family, but it was very “transactional” in nature, if that makes sense.
Then, came event #2, even more traumatic than the first. My dad passed away. It seems a bit odd to not lead with that, as if it somehow was secondary in importance. It was not, it was simply the second event that led to my absence. I plan on a post dedicated to what my dad meant to me.
He had fought off two other cancer scares in the past, but the third proved to be too much, and he thankfully went very quickly. While we were given maybe three months, he lasted only a little more than one. The swiftness was aided by his readiness, and as shocking and unexpected as it was, his last month was peaceful and loving. In that way, it was very fortunate – for him, and for us.
I’ve been spending a lot of time with my mom, and thus not only my mind, but my time, was not focused on my blog or social media in general. I have started to want to blog again. Not that I have much going on, but I do find it comforting and fulfilling. I am beginning to miss it.
QUICK FAM UPDATE
Family wise things are going well. My submission remains in sort of auto-pilot. Yes, I am disciplined when needed, but nothing transformational has occurred. No new revelations about myself or my submission. Our family is beginning to focus on new beginnings – in five months J will be out of high school and Kayla will have finished grad school. We have begun talking about what life holds for us after those events. We may even be moving. No rush on any of those decisions, but it is exciting to know that we are in a position to dream, knowing that those dreams are all within our grasp (okay, minus the maid, chef, private jet, etc). Hum..okay, to restate. . . knowing those dreams are restrained only by our financial resources.
Here’s to living your dreams in 2019!