Yeah, I know, I have been lazy when it comes to posting lately. Uninspired is probably a better word. Sure, there is the hustle and bustle of summer which always impacts some of my “me” time, but honestly, I just haven’t felt motivated to post.
The good news is today was the start of school – J’s senior year in high school! However, that increase in “me” time may no translate into more posts. Here’s why.
FIZZLE TO MY SIZZLE
I was excited to share my path to DD when I first started blogging. Once shared, my writing then helped me reflect and reconcile various thoughts racing through my mind. And I needed an outlet for sharing my amazing journey. Our openness to explore DD led us to experiences that I never could have imagined, both sexual and otherwise. Blogging has become a self-affirmation exercise and it feels good. It is liberating and fulfilling to “shout” out important parts of who I am, the choices I make, and the things I enjoy. This is especially important when much of my life is outside cultural norms.
I think this was part of what motivated my “Whore” post. I wanted to own that word, wear it as a badge of honor to take the power away from those who may want to hurl it at me.
I now realize that to some extent, my self-affirmations have been part of my coming to terms with my need for submission. I’ve known from the start that I needed DD – I thrive in it, I enjoy it, I am fulfilled by it. But admitting that wasn’t always easy. In some ways being submissive was a threat to my own concepts of myself, concepts I was raised with regarding women empowerment. I responded to this threat by promoting the values of being submissive – in other words, I was promoting my own sense of self.
I felt this threat when I first adopted DD. Then, I felt it as our relationship with John and Donna progressed and our sexual adventures progressed. I felt it again when Kayla entered our household, and I felt it again as “My DD” evolved into a “DD for me.”
Blogging has been a self-affirming way to address those threats. And now? I love where I am as a wife, mother, lover, friend, person. I remain passionate about where I am at and for what it requires to maintain it – submission. I am not threatened by where I am. I rejoice in having arrived here!
DD 3.0 INSTALL IS COMPLETE
It’s only been about a year since “my’ DD began evolving from being Domestic Discipline that is MINE to Domestic Discipline that is FOR ME (Post 167). That evolution was fueled by our last Agreement. And a revelation I had over our recent Immersion is that this evolution is now complete.
While this gives me a tremendous sense of accomplishment and peace, it has sort of left me with this “meh” feeling about writing. It’s as if my writing was driving me towards something – a completely unknown destination. The more I wrote, the closer I knew I was getting somewhere. It was a destination I couldn’t describe or see, but one that I would simply recognize when I got there. I feel I am there now. Our 2018 Immersion made me realize that.
Similar to how my DD got started, I believe my blog has been a selfish exercise. I write for me. I will continue to do so, but probably less regularly. Maybe something will occur here and there that fills me with that same wonder and amazement that compelled my early desires to write. Or something sparks that need to “shout it” to you all, as a self affirming declaration to readers. My passion for being submissive has not diminished, but it has evolved. Day-to-day I am so immensely content and secure in my choices (i.e. not threatened) that I don’t have the same drive or need for affirmation.
MORE TO COME!
HOWEVER. . . you should know by now that I am quick to embrace a thought or desire and turn it into an actual pursuit. Thus, I suspect it won’t be long before I need to share my excitement about such pursuits. That sharing will be complete with what happened, reflecting on it, reconciling it, and affirming my feelings about it. Yep, I anticipate there will be plenty to write about, but perhaps at slower pace? Maybe not?
For instance, I still owe you insight into Immersion 2018!
Next post (coming soon), I promise!