The post before last I posed a question about why Mike was more in tuned than I was regarding our little bit of “drifting” from our regular DD routines. I ask it because I find it curious. I am not troubled by it. In fact, I think the fact Mike noticed it before me is a milestone in our DD. Up until then, I was the one either asking for more discipline or lamenting over something feeling “off.” It’s great that Mike noticed it and was willing to say something – albeit a bit vaguely.
It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a philosophical self-analyzing trip into my DD journey. So now is a good time to do that.
THEN WHY SO JOYFUL?
It was odd that Mike noticed it first, but it was more odd that I wasn’t anywhere near sensing it. My level of fulfillment and joy over the last several months has been sky high! Does that mean I would prefer a softening of our DD and that I am not getting as much joy from it as I once was?
Oh, and before I answer that. I would not be bothered by either a yes or no answer. Certainly, a “yes” would pose a challenge in that we would have to work to reconcile the different needs, but I am confident we could do so if needed. It isn’t realistic to assume needs will never change, and we are committed to finding equitable solutions to any differences we face, kink or otherwise.
HOWEVER, my needs haven’t changed, nor has Mike’s. So, YES, I still want the level of D/s we attained before we drifted a bit. Perhaps I am not yearning as much for it, but I not only enjoy it, I know I need it – emotionally and as part of being the wife, mother, and person that I want to be. It is actually a good thing that I can find contentment in other aspects of my life. It isn’t either I have D/s or I shrivel up and die.
Fulfillment has many facets, and being submissive is an important one, but not the only one. I am sure there are times where I need to be more in my submissive headspace than other times. Just like there may be times Mike needs to feel his dominance more than other times. So why wasn’t I needing it as much lately? Where has my fulfillment been coming from?
There are many joys in my life that transcend submission.
I won’t re-hash all the great developments with my kids, but suffice to say, it is hard to not feel fulfilled when your kids appear to be happy. Okay, I won’t re-hash them in detail, but here’s a summary as I can’t resist showing some pride in my kids!
T1 bought a house, and is getting married to a great woman who I adore. T2 graduating college, finding a great job, and growing into full adulthood. J, who has exceeded all the expectations we had for him just a few years ago. His growth and development despite his disability has been amazing.
And then there is Kayla – I love her and she loves me. I am so happy for her and all she adds to my marriage and my family. And most importantly, she is happy. Being out in the open about her has also been a great emotional booster for all of us.
And there’s more – extended family! A great relationship with my sisters, with whom I can be open and honest in sharing my life choices. And re Kayla – my parents, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles — while not everyone is as accepting as I would like, it is still liberating to be open with it. And their (well, some of them) willingness to give naturism a try further shows their openness and acceptance of my family.
FRIENDSHIPS AND FINANCES
And even more… friendships! A close friendship with John and Donna, our “unique” relationship with Matt, and a great group of pals in my “lunch bunch” friends. I also think the relationship with Matt has been invigorating. We are over the “honeymoon” phase of it so it has lost a bit of its mystique, but, I know I got an emotional boost from it all. I still do, just not what it was when it was all new.
And beyond the emotional fulfillment, Mike’s work has been going well, so finances haven’t been an area of stress. And with T2 done with college — the finances look even better. We can finally start ramping up funding our retirement and making sure J can be supported for his lifetime.
I have to give nudism some credit as well. It really has had an amazing positive psychological impact on me and my family. It has boosted everyone’s self-confidence, not that it was particularly lacking. It also tightens the already strong emotional bond we share. Can’t explain it – it just does. Perhaps adopting nudism is the ultimate in “vulnerability.” And if you read my countless posts about vulnerability, you’ll know all the positive results that come with allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
And it isn’t like we took a hiatus from our DD. I have remained very submissive throughout my daily activities and have had the occasional punishment. Our “drift” was very subtle. So my need for submission was still being fed, just perhaps a little bit smaller helpings.
ITS NOT ALL ABOUT MY DD
Yes, I admit it. Not every ounce of my joy and fulfillment comes from feeding my submissive mindset. That’s a good thing. My identity as a submissive defines my relationship with my husband, a relationship that is the largest contributor to my fulfillment – but not the only contributor.
I think sometimes when joy is lacking in one facet of life, you subconsciously try to make up for it somewhere else. Perhaps that is why I sort of took my eye off of my DD. I didn’t notice we had backed off a little because I am getting so much fulfillment elsewhere. My submissive-mindset-fulfillment-meter could actually dip a bit and I didn’t notice it. That’s okay. Our needs are not a constant.
And to Mike’s credit, it isn’t like he wasn’t feeling fulfilled by our kids and aspects of life beyond just the two of us. He recognized he also feels great about all of those things I have mentioned. I think the difference is every day he was being the Dom that Kayla needed, giving him a point of reference for our D/s. That vantage point allowed him to sense the widening gap between the fulfillment he was getting as her Dom versus the fulfillment he was getting as mine. So he said something – and I am glad he did.
The result was the tweaks and refocusing that I shared on one of my previous posts. You do know what that means, don’t you? More opportunities to be disciplined. And that is not just theoretical, but a fact. Yes, there has been an increase in discipline. Hmm…maybe there is a spanking story coming up?
Next: 266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer
6 thoughts on “265. Joy without submission?”
Jen, I love your blogs but i warn you for your husband :He is nothing but a covered up sadist, this has nothing to do with your `submissions`. The way that man treats his women is enough to put him jail. With age it will get worse .Dont know what you can do about it, except tell him to tone it down and make sure he cant give more `spankings`.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand your concern but he is no sadist. He treats me wonderfully – with care, appreciation, and most importantly, treats me the way I want to be treated.
It makes me so hopeful reading about how you have always been pushing for things to evolve up until now. I know I am an impatient person (working on it) but I want Husband to turn super-perfectly-dominant-in-just-the-perfect amount over night. I just have to remind my self that I probably would HATE that and let things take time. 😂😂😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, be careful what u wish for! I also find comfort in reminding myself that i am receiving the level of dominance that he is willing to give, thus my intense desire for his happiness more than compensates for any desire for more submission … well, most of the time anyway. Hee hee. Although lately we are very much aligned in what we give and get as Dom and sub. Here’s a delightful thought … maybe showing impatience with him should be a punishable offense. Thus, if you are impatient with him over frequency/degree of spankings, he must spank you for complaining about it. It kinda solves itself!! Hee hee. I know it isn’t that simple, but a girl can dream!
I always love when your self analyzing. You have had a very busy last few months and you have every right to be proud and satisfied. The immersion may also tighten that drifting feeling. Wondering if what you were feeling is a let down with Matt that Mike may sense that and try to ramp that up. Post261 mention watching Mike and Kayla, would Mike sense a drift there? Think of yourself health wise. Maybe a spa day.
LikeLiked by 1 person