240. I recovered my True Blogging Self

GET ON WITH IT
I plan to get back to more regular posting soon.  I do have a lot I want to share.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know that self-reflecting is a “thing” with me.  This time I’ve been reflecting while pretty much abstaining from social media and my blog (with a few exceptions).  I haven’t even watched much tv or the news.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading, yoga, and meditating.  Cutting out all this “noise” allowed for some intense reflection.  

MY FALSE NARRATIVE
During the hiatus I had a few things occur that I wanted to share with you.  About half way through writing I thought, “Nah, that doesn’t fit with my blog.”  So I wrote about something else.  “Nope, don’t want to go there as that isn’t who I am on my blog.”   So I wrote something else.  Same thing.  “I shouldn’t share that.”  Then, “I can’t share this.”  And so on.  I would also tell myself, “It’s been about two months since you shared about being disciplined.  It is a DD blog after all, write about  being disciplined.  My blog is
“supposed” to be about DD!”  Then it hit me.  Why am I editing myself?

I realize I created this narrative in my head about what my blog was

BULLSHIT!
This narrative was getting stronger in my head.  It made me start to think that too many of my posts were straying from this narrative, thus I shouldn’t post them.  I don’t know what caused me to fall into this thinking.  I have finally woke up and am calling bullshit on myself!

The true narrative is much more simple.  It is a blog about me and what I choose to write about.   Period.    

Mostly I choose to write about experiences that surprise me, enlighten me, and help me be the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.  And what I want to be is someone who fulfills their husband while also filling themselves, and doing so with abandon!   I love that some people follow me and even engage in comments (and some emails!).  But ultimately, I started writing simply for me, and need to continue to write simply for me. 

SHY JENNY?
I will get my many half-written posts finished.  Two are on topics I find hard to share.  What’s odd is these two particular things make me feel negatively judged.  That’s dumb when you consider I obviously don’t care about any judgement from readers.  Spank my butt, bind my breasts, clamp my nipples and clit, stick a butt plug in me, give me an enema, scold me, send me to my room to stand in the corner, whip my boobs, slap my palms, watch me go to the bathroom, have threesomes, foursomes, and the list goes on.  I share all those details without reservation.  But these two things??

Maybe because I am still trying to figure out what they really mean about me and what I think they represent.  That’s it!  I am pretty sure anyway.  I am not yet convinced they represent what I want.  Maybe they do…at least enough that I continue to pursue them, but, maybe they don’t?   What are these things?  You’ll have to wait for those posts!  Here’s a hint…one rhymes with ski, the other with bartend.

Domestic discipline, D/s, poly, and the swinging are definitely the salacious parts of my blog.  But frankly those things represent part of how I choose to fulfill the mantra my mom instilled in me of love life, every moment every day.   And sometimes I like to add, “and LIVE life, every moment, every day.

VIVA LA REVOLUTION
And as I think about the true narrative of my blog, I arrive at this.  It represents elaborating on what that mantra means to me.  It means that
life should be free to live in a way we desire it, not based on what others may desire for us.  (I think that is why I am currently so fascinated and excited with nudism).  We are all unique, with our own desires.  We should not be shackled in the prison that society can often be.

It’s amazing when you consider that anything short of a rule of law is a cage we self impose on ourselves and agree to be confined to.  Maybe because it is family tradition, or we are concerned what the neighbors would think?   Frankly, I would much rather be submissive to my husband, than submissive to a false set of every changing moods and preferences of our institutions and the population at large.

It can be uncomfortable at times, as we all like to feel accepted.  But for me, I’d rather explore life as I want to explore it, embraced by a few meaningful relationships, than live life as others expect it, and be accepted by the faceless masses.

PERHAPS NOT THE REVOLUTIONARY
I laughed a little at what I just wrote.  I believe in what I wrote, but it sounds like I am a raving non-conformist.  Clearly much of my personal life does not conform, but it is in a very conforming wrapper; suburbia, mini-van, PTA, etc.  And frankly, both Mike and I like it that way. 

We were raised to be more conforming and we bought into living and being a certain way that is conforming.  We still find some comfort in holding on to certain societal shackles (i.e. “traditions and expectations) – but we sure have broken..or more accurately, obliterated.., many other such shackles.

Or have we?  Just look around.  I am beginning to suspect the non-conformist is a silent majority, wrapped in various camouflaging shackles that make them hard to spot.  But as they grow in confidence to loosen their shackles, even shed them entirely, their non-conformity begins to turn to a “new normal.” 

It’s slowly becoming more about how you choose to non-conform versus whether or not you are a non-conformist?  And as for kink and conforming to sexual “norms.” Well, hey, it’s been six years since this Newsweek!   I just may be a conformist after all!

Next: 241. Blogoverary, Anno Blogini 2

11 thoughts on “240. I recovered my True Blogging Self”

  1. I can relate to what you are saying and think it is easy to get lost in wondering how an audience might interpret what we write. I have always enjoyed your honesty and openness and although there may be some things that you hesitate with, I am sure when you are ready to include them they will come. Sometimes I have held back, partly as a way of making sure that I am ready and that I know what I want to say. Others I have put it out there and reflected as I post and used that, and any feedback, to help me make sense of it all. I always enjoy reading your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Before I comment on what you have written here, I wanted to share with you a little story…last night before we went to bed, I was scrolling through WordPress, waiting for Daddy to join me. I saw that you had posted. I almost opened the post, but then thought, no…I’m going to wait….reading her blog will be a lovely treat with my morning coffee. Fast forward to this morning….here I am, sitting by the fire, with a delicious cup of coffee and your blog opened on my laptop. And, I must say…you do not disappoint! One of the things that I love about reading your blog is how you share those “aha” moments with us; the moments where you have revelations about yourself, your life, etc. In any case, I great admire you, Jenny! You are living your life, how you want to live it, and you are happy! Such a wonderful thing to be 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. It’s so satisfying to hear my blog can be a treat for someone. BTW, it was a rare late night post as Mike allowed me late evening computer time specifically to get that post written. He went out with Kayla last night and I got to stay up a past my normal bedtime to write it. But it was lights out by midnight!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your blog is definitely a treat for me to read! I think one of the reasons I enjoy reading about your experiences so much is that I really identify with what you write, and there is a lot of what you write about that I “wish” were more reflected in my own life. I hope that doesn’t sound like a weird jealousy thing. What I am trying to say is that I would like my own D/s dynamic to be more like what you and Mike have. I really admire how involved he is with your daily life, how consistent he is, and what it has done for you. Daddy and I are slowly moving in that direction…but sometimes I feel like the tortoise and the hare! Being the leader in our marriage does not come easily for him, but D/s has helped him to grow so much. I often share your blog with my husband as we both feel it helps him to learn about how he might act or respond to me in some situations. I guess what I am saying is that in some ways, you and Mike are D/s role models for us! Hope I’m not being creepy stalker’ish…just love reading your blog 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Not creepy at all. It’s the ultimate compliment. It also serves as a reminder to me how lucky i am for mike and i to be so in sync. I believe mike and i are very focused on each other’s happiness above our own, which may seem strange to say about a D/s relationship. Anyway, thanks again for your kind words and i hope we remain good role models. I just ask that you focus on the underlying feelings, motivations, needs, and desires and not necessarily the specific ways we deal with those things. I think that’s part of why i always try to share those things. I never advocate “do as i do,” but i do advocate for “contemplate as i contemplate” so that you can find your own “truth.” I wish you continued good luck. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you ever have questions or just want to bounce something off someone.

          Liked by 1 person

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