As per our latest DD contract, Mike comes up with something new for me to work on each quarter. My first goal was weight loss. I attained that goal and even lost about 2 more pounds. I don’t plan on losing more. I maintain an exercise routine (just less intense), and I still watch what I eat (and compensate a treat or two with some added exercise).
Mike has me writing papers for my next goal. It’s an opportunity for both of us to learn more about various “adult/kink/sex” topics. The plan was a paper a week (13 papers), but Mike soon saw the benefit of more time/fewer papers. Now, due dates vary, typically 10-14 days. I am glad he did this as I not only want to do a good job, but we both learn a lot.
At first I thought these papers would be easy and fun. Well, they have been fun, but a bit more difficult than anticipated.
NOT SO EASY!
I didn’t count on Mike prescribing specific guidelines like a college professor! Things like, a definition section, complete citations from sources, provide insights into counter arguments that exist, and many many other requirements.
Some people think a submissive is sometimes treated like a child. In this case, it’s like being treated like a college student, with the caveat that a poor grade can result in a spanking! But of course, I love it.
ASHES TO ASHES
My plan was to use each paper as a post. Mike had other ideas. After submitting my first paper, he read it several times, critiqued it, we discussed it, and then. . . he burned it! He said it was for the same reason as the burning ritual we have when we replace an old DD contract with new.
What was interesting to me is that I always interpreted our burning of our old contract as representing that our contracts aren’t continuations, but new beginnings. I mentioned before that we burn the old contract just prior to signing the new one, so in that moment, there is no commitment regarding submission. I am not “officially” submissive until we sign the new one. It is ceremonial, but meaningful.
To Mike, our burning ceremony means those things and more. One, it’s akin to bit of shamanism – it is symbolic to take the words that guide us and release them as smoke and ash…a manifestation of what has guided and connected us is released to the cosmos.
More importantly to Mike is that it serves as a declaration. We are saying we no longer need these words as lessons We do not need to cling to feelings or conclusions expressed in the document. We are proclaiming we have learned these lessons. We are free to take those relevant parts down whatever path feels better and works best for us, unconstrained by the specific words in a document that no longer exists. By destroying the document we are prevented from becoming a slave to the words. Instead, we are forced to incorporate their meaning into ourselves and into a given moment.
Yeah, pretty deep. Not that Mike is never deep, but, it surprised me he put that much meaning into it.
I told him I had planned to use them as blogs, but he said no. He even deleted the soft copies. He wants nothing to remain. He told me I could show what I learned by posting a summary, so that is what I am doing.
Do I get spanked as part of some grading system? There is no specific grade, but I have been spanked. On my first paper, there were some instructions I failed to follow and my style was too much like a blog (too much editorial) and not enough research. But other than that first paper, we have simply just talked… and talked.
That was also an unexpected, but a pleasant, surprise. We have a significant amount of dialogue about them (and include Kayla in the discussions). That makes this effort feel even more worthwhile. We all benefit and the discussions are a great bonding time.
MAYBE I DON”T WANT TO SHARE THEM ANYWAY?
After typing the two summaries below, I don’t know that I would have posted the actual paper anyway. I don’t want to add to the already over abundance of junk-science, skewed by either personal experiences or personal bias. After all, I didn’t do any actual field research. . . no empirical data other than relying on works of others and my personal experiences. And unfortunately, a lot of information from others was based on their personal experiences. There just isn’t an extensive amount of real research at our finger tips. I am sure it is out there, with the likes of Kinsey Institute, but nothing easily accessible online.
Plus, I feel it gets away from why I blog. I don’t intend to position myself as an expert on anything, other than expert on Jenny! And even then I discover I have more to learn! Ha. Anyway, I am happy to provide a summary on the ones I find more intriguing or surprising. So, here you go!
SUMMATION OF ALMOST EVERY PAPER TO DATE
It’s this simple – “All things in moderation.”
Paper 1: Long Term Health Effects of Impact in TTWD
Specifically, I focused on spanking and bondage. In summary, “all things in moderation.”
Spanking/striking: The “no duh” rule – Strike anywhere too hard, and injury will occur.
- The “fatter” the area, the better. Be careful of areas with little fat. Palms of hands and feet… hit too hard/a bit off target – lots of little bones that could get hurt.
- Avoid lower back/top of buttocks, abdomen and sides – areas not well protected by fat or bone – as you can risk organ damage.
- Butt is the best target. Thighs are also good “fatty” areas to target but be attentive to aim (see next bullet). Breasts are good too, but there is some evidence that repeated heavy impact could pose a cancer risk. To reduce risk, some recommended no impact for those over 40 if family history of breast cancer. One piece of “advice” (don’t know if it was fully backed up by research) was to allow bruises to fully heal before repeating – sounds reasonable. A target area I never considered – the base of the forearm.
- Striking the vagina can increase risk of infection, including UTI’s, if it is enough to break the skin or the implement is not clean. There are also many more nerves close to the surface of the skin, so risk of nerve damage if hit too hard. Striking a man’s testicles is never a good idea. Lots of blood vessels and other “tubing” that can tear or rupture.
- Deviance & Desire has a great color chart regarding Impact Safety Zones.
Constriction: The “no duh” rule: Don’t constrict any area too tightly or for too long.
- Risk of nerve damage to the constricted area. Pink no problem, Darker Pink/Reddish, okay but not too long. Purple = stop – you really shouldn’t even let it get that far, and extremely dark purple is venturing into nerve damage zone.
- Constricting all the way around the chest should also be done carefully and for only short periods so as not to restrict breathing.
- Make sure the person being tied or constricted can breathe and is not at risk for falling over, rolling off bed, etc. If they are unable to speak (gag, etc), have some other way they can motion to communicate safe words.
- Surgical scissors are must haves so you can quickly cut away at whatever is being used to constrict. You can typically find them for about $15.
My Recommendations: Longer, lighter strokes carry less risk than shorter, harder ones, and risk is the smallest when done on the buttocks. The lower forearm is interesting – it apparently can sting similar to a palm strike but carry less risk – let’s try it! Binding or constricting requires heightened attention and strict adherence to common sense – No area for too long / too tightly.
Paper 2: Pee
Specifically, I focused on drinking. In summary, “all things in moderation.”
Disregard anything you read about positive health effects. Urine is mostly water and it is WASTE. As in, it contains the stuff your body says you have plenty of: various vitamins, minerals, uric acid, you name it. Re-ingesting your own pee simply gives your body what it already said it didn’t need. While it typically won’t hurt you, what’s healthy in that?
The risk is that your kidneys have to reprocess it. Drinking excess amounts of your own pee for an extended period of time can stress your kidneys. Technically, if you are going to drink pee, it is better to drink someone else’s. Their waste may be something your body needs to absorb. . . but, I said “technically.” The pee of others often has things of which we all ingest too much.
The psychology of it is intriguing and is what seems to attract those who partake. It can be about the thoughts of ingesting something that once was in your partner, or simply the taboo of it all – accepting the “ick” factor of it all is an extremely humbling and submissive act. (Some would say “humiliating,” and I’ve already shared my thoughts on humble vs humiliate).
Taste will vary immensely, from practically tasteless (like water), to putrid. Speaking from personal experience, it is typically very tolerable, which surprised me. The more physically active the pee-er has been and/or the more water they have been drinking, the more tasteless their pee. If they take a lot of vitamins and/or have been inactive, the body gets rid of excess vitamins/minerals via pee, causing a worse taste. And the pee drinkers biggest enemy? Asparagus and garlic eaters!
Asparagus contains mercaptan, also found in rotten eggs and garlic. The byproduct produced by the stomach in processing the mercaptan is quite pungent – in smell and taste. This byproduct makes it way into our pee. And here’s a factoid – not everyone experiences this. Our genetic make-up may be such that our body effectively breaks down and absorbs mercaptan without the byproduct, meaning it doesn’t end up in our pee.
I don’t know yet how many summaries I’ll share. Here are the topics of others: Perspectives on HOH/Spankings from Different Cultures and Religions. The Ins and Outs of Anal Sex. Beyond the Kama Sutra (positions involving FF, FMF, MMF). Sex Toy Review. Penis Size. Oral Sex: Techniques and Health. Polyamory.
There are still two more topics that Mike hasn’t given me yet. He is open to ideas. Anyone?
While these papers have been an interesting exercise, when it comes to anything to do with sex and kink, it comes down to this – we all disregard any evidence that doesn’t support our personal experiences and views and tend to remember only the evidence that supports our personal experiences and views.
Researching sex and kink can be a lot like what you get out of researching religion and politics – your conclusions tend to support what you already believe. I am not knocking religion or politics, and of course am not knocking sex or kink. It’s just human nature. Despite my efforts to always be open to other ways of thinking and being, and despite my efforts to try and always challenge my own biases, those biases can be very hard for me to recognize. Anyway, wouldn’t you just rather hear about my D/s? Afterall, I did get a spanking on Friday after almost three weeks punishment free!