223. Telling the kids: A natural/ist conversation

I have several half-written posts.  So much to share, so little time!  In addition to better managing my time by not allowing “computer time” to dominant my days, I also started volunteer work last week!   

I discovered the source for some of my compulsion to connect to people online was that I needed more social interaction.  I have friends, but Donna works part time and has her own duties and obligations to keep up with, Kayla has school (and Michaud), and my lunch bunch friends are just like a once in a while thing – although I’ve been a bit more chatty with them lately.  Anyway, I need more interaction with people. 

I volunteered at an animal rescue place.  It’s a small operation and thus I’ll be doing a little of everything, from some office work, cleaning up after the animals, running for supplies and even helping with some pick up and rescue work.  It’s just 9 hours a week, but that means less computer time.  I just started on the 12th.  

MORE OPENLY SUBMISSIVE
I have shared before that Mike and I are more open about my submission.  It prompted some discussions from family members where I admitted to letting Mike take the reins in the household.  Without giving a lot of details, those who asked were left with a clear understanding that I defer and serve him.  Their understanding about the discipline may be a bit muddied, depending on what they asked.  We were not explicit, but some did bring up the word “spanking” and we acknowledged that it happens.  

Kayla also calls Mike, “Sir,” in front of everyone, but we had some cover.  J doesn’t call him “Sir” but he frequently uses “Yes, Sir” and “No, Sir” in his responses to his dad.  It’s just become a habit, and we basically explained Kayla’s responses are part of the habit we all have now.  However, we think it is fairly obvious that something more is going on with us and Kayla, but no one asked. 

My sisters know everything and I assume at least one or more of them have shared this information with their husbands.  And of course the bedroom situation is such that I am sure my two older kids suspect something.  By the way, we have evolved to where the three of us always sleep together with the exception of one night a week each of us gets some “alone at night” time with Mike.

MORE CRACKS IN THE “SECRET”
Let’s see, I have shared some details with my lunch bunch friends, shared all with my sisters , then we have Michaud aware of TTWD, and then recently adding Matt to our “circle of trust,” and of course, there is John and Donna.  Yeah, the genie may not be out of the bottle, but the lid’s wide open.  Therefore, we feel it was necessary to tell our children a bit more about TTWD.   

Not all the details – who would want to know such things about their parents!?!   But definitely the basics of our choice to live D/s and that, in simplest terms, we are in a polyamorous relationship with Kayla.  We recognize the writing is on the wall.  They have to be wondering about things and it is only a matter of time before they find out some other way.  We’d rather they hear it from us. 

THE PLAN FOR TELLING OUR KIDS
We had our eldest son, T1, and his fiance over two nights ago.  After J was in bed, we talked. . . more on that in a bit.

T2 will have to wait a few weeks until we see him over Spring Break.   He will actually be a bit harder to tell.  He has always been harder to read emotionally.  He is more analytical and more likely to keep his thoughts inside and let them percolate before expressing himself — kinda like the old Jenny.   Thus, it will take time for him to fully form a reaction and thus take time for us to understand his reaction.

As for J, we will handle him a little differently.

J is 17 and I’ve explained before that he has a disability that also impacts him both cognitively and emotionally.  In some ways he is stunted by just a few years, but on other things, he is stuck at a much younger age.  The two best examples I can think of are, 1 – he has a very hard time connecting cause and effect.  Like, how his or anyone’s actions or decisions lead to something else happening.  2 – he gets tremendous anxiety over the concept of waiting.  In his mind things are either now, in the moment, or are never.

Thus he is very “in the moment” with things.  He connects to his immediate reaction and the reaction of those around  him  – no thinking ahead.  He functions best when assured everything is good in the moment, and whatever has to be addressed later won’t change the fact that all is good right now.  He also tends to absorb, reflect, and amplify the emotions of those around him.  If everyone is calm, he is calm.  If anyone is angry, he is angry.  And he has a sixth sense about emotions.  He can sense people who are uneasy or anxious – it’s really amazing, but the result his he becomes uneasy or anxious. 

All of this is to simply state that he will probably be the easiest to tell.  The explanation will be very simple and reassuring.  He already knows mom and dad have decided to let dad set a lot of the rules  and mom loves dad so much she wants to follow those rules.  We won’t explain anything regarding Kayla other than in nonchalant ways.  We will stop trying to hide any affection – like goodbye or hello kisses, or holding hands, stuff like that.  If he asks, we will answer.  We also won’t hide the sleeping arrangements or if Kayla goes with Mike on one of his business trips.  It will simply be.  If he has questions, we will answer them.   At some point we will do the same with extended family members.

QUICK BACKSTORY
Mike and I have always been very open with our kids about the body and about sex.

I openly breast fed T2 in front of T1 from when T1 was from 7 to 9 years old.  And J was breastfed until he was over three years old meaning T1 was 11-14 years old and T2 was 4-7 years old.  They were initially curious, and even asked to watch at times.  It was especially eventful when I first started pumping, but that too became normalized and the couldn’t care less when I did it.  

Mike and I never went out of our way to hide being naked from our kids.  We didn’t go out of our way to be naked in front of them either.  It was just one of those, if it happened, it happened, whether it be bathing or changing or whatever.  It was infrequent, but again, it just wasn’t a big deal.   

We would also talk about the human body pretty openly.  And we did not shy away from the birds and the bee conversations.  Suffice to say they were well informed on the sex education front.  Not that such things were common topics, but, during and throughout puberty it wasn’t unheard of for it to be a topic of conversation.

And all of this is my long-winded way of saying that overall I feel we gave our kids a healthy view on their bodies and on sex in general.  I believe that has made them to think fairly progressively on topics such as sex and nudity.  And with other values we instilled, I believe they also think progressively on topics such as equality, whether gender, race, sexual orientation, etc.   The prototype millennial! 

BACK TO T1 AND FIANCÉE  
T1 & E have been dating for almost two years, planning to get married in October.  We know her well enough that we felt we should talk to them together.  She is a modern-day hippie, oh, sorry, make that “bohemian” which apparently is the hipper term.

She is an artistic free spirit who has an incredible sense of self.  She is super smart – graduated high school a year early, and has a degree.  How  very “conformist” of her, hee hee – it’s nice that she values formal education as much as she does her unconventions.  She just turned 24, so is almost 5 years younger than T1, who turns 29 in April (and thus, she is just 10 months older than Kayla).   Mike and I both adore her and think she is a great match for T1. 

It was an easy conversation, both explaining my submissive role and our relationship with Kayla.   There was the, “Isn’t she a little young” conversation and a bit of the “ick” factor for T1 since he has known Kayla since Kayla was about 10 years old and he still thinks of her as “that little girl,”  plus, she is practically the same age as E.   As for the D/s, there were also questions related to feminism,  especially from E.  Ultimately she seemed accepting of my views on this.  

There was also the reaction that Mike must be doing something to make me do this – as if somehow it must be against my will.  I gave them plenty of reassurance that it was quite the opposite – it was my idea and our structure is largely as I have requested.  The conversation was easy, cordial, injection of fun and humor at times, and felt very good to Mike and I, and assume to T1 and E as well.  

AND THEN THEY REVEALED. . . 
And, as what often happens when you make yourself vulnerable to someone, it caused them to open up as well.  E explained that she is a lifelong “naturist.”  Something most people would call a “nudist” but she was clear she identified with the term “naturist.”  She is a third-generation naturist.  Growing up her grandparents, parents, siblings, and many cousins spent their summers at “nature camps.”  Her parents actually met at one as both sets of her grandparents were naturists.   Being naked is her preferred state of being.  Neither her nor T1 ever wears clothes around their house unless there are guests.  They have even gone to nudist resorts several times.

What a coincidence!  I was elated with this news since I have felt like a closet “naturist” my entire life – even when I was little I preferred to be naked, much to the chagrin of my mother.  Nothing sexual about it.  It just felt free and felt good.  And since adopting DD and being naked around the house, my interest in being naked has been rekindled.  So much so that I had recently asked Mike if our summer vacation could be at a nudist resort.  We had already started looking into some options and now I find out E is an “expert” in the lifestyle.  

The conversation quickly went from talking about our D/s and relationship with Kayla to talking about what her childhood was like and about places she has been, etc.   We ended up talking about planning a vacation together at resort she is fond of in South Carolina.  And, she wants to invite her parents and other family members.  Now I am all for going, but frankly, meeting them for the first time in this manner is a bit odd, even for me!  It all may sound weird, but it didn’t seem weird to her at all.  T1 was fine with it.  He said he has met several of her family members on trips that had taken to a resort and he has “bought in” to the lifestyle.  It isn’t sexual in any way.  It is simply beautiful, free, and, well, amazing.  

We even talked about all getting naked right then and there, and E was all ready to disrobe but Mike said, “I think we all have a lot to take in from our conversation tonight.  Let’s allow it to sink in before we go there.”  So, okay, at least E and I agreed that from now one, we wouldn’t bother to get dressed if one was coming to visit.  T1 sort of shrugged and was like, “Great, what’s next, a naked wedding?”   E’s eyes perked up and was like, “Yes, that would be so awesome.  Think of what we could save on the dress.”

It was said half-jokingly… but just half.  I don’t think they will change their plans of a more traditional wedding, but you never know.  Anyway, that’s one down, T2 to go.  And as I mentioned, I think T2 will be a little more challenged to understand and accept it.

Post 224. It’s all good: Behavior, Life, Love, Openness, Nudity