203. The S*ck and F*ck Mystery

203
This is the postscript on Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year.

THE MYSTERY
I’ll start with revealing the mystery behind Kayla’s response, then I’ll then share my reflections on my behavior. Then for you pervs out there I’ll wrap it up with the final part of the punishment I received. 

When Kayla shared her thoughts, she ended it with, “It was exactly the kind of thing we talked about.”  While it was clear to me that Kayla appreciated what Mike did, I had no idea what she was referring to.  So I asked Mike and Kayla if they were willing to share what it was they talked about that made her appreciate the impromptu “suck and fuck” as we have come to jokingly calling it.

CATCHING UP WITH KAYLA AND MICHAUD
First some background to catch you up on Kayla and Michaud. (I wrote about the beginnings of their relationship in Post 186. Kayla gets a Boyfriend).  Kayla has shared her big attraction to Michaud is his laid back, accepting style.  She feels so comfortable talking with him and they see eye to eye on so many issues.  However, she has made it clear she doesn’t think of him as potentially being “the one.”  She says she doesn’t see herself considering marrying anyone until she is at least 27, if not 30.  She wants to enjoy and explore life, unencumbered.  She has shared those sentiments with Michaud.

Kayla recently told Michaud she wants to explore a “unique” relationship with him, sort of an experiment – as if their relationship wasn’t already unique enough.  Inspired by Mike and I, Kayla told Michaud she wants them to share everything — every thought, every desire, every pet peeve, every impulse, every fantasy.   Not necessarily act on them, but share those things verbally.   Even down to a quirky thing that we do in our household (when no kids are home).  She asked Michaud to accept a “no closed doors” policy.  That is, you don’t close doors to the bathroom, whether someone is showering, using the toilet, or whatever.  Basically, there is no “personal space” as all space is shared, even when using the crapper!  

Michaud was game and they implemented this “openness” about three weeks ago. What I didn’t know is that Michaud shared some things with Kayla regarding his sexual turn on’s.  Apparently he is turned on by Kayla telling him about sexual acts she performs with us.  He likes her to tell him every detail.  Kayla said it makes for great foreplay with Michaud.

Kayla also shared her sexual fantasies with Michaud, including the one about having four guys at one time.  With that in mind, Michaud told her that he wouldn’t mind “sharing her” at the same time with Mike.  Kayla told him that this wouldn’t happen, as Mike and I already told Kayla we don’t want Michaud to be part of our dynamic or play.  Nothing against him  We just don’t want to get entrenched in a relationship she has.  We believe it is good for her to explore her relationships on her own.  In addition, our dance card is pretty full and life is good.  We don’t want to complicate things.

MYSTERY UNVEILED
I was generally aware of Kayla’s “openness” experiment with Michaud, but I wasn’t aware of Michaud’s turn on regarding Kayla sharing her sexual experiences or his thoughts on sharing her with Mike.  Kayla didn’t purposely keep this information from me.  There just wasn’t an opportunity for her to bring it up to me and she isn’t compelled to tell me such details.

She told Mike about it during one of her Maintenance Sessions.  When she did that, Mike suggested that they do something specifically for Michaud’s benefit.  That way, not only would she have a juicy sexcapade to share with him, but she can let him know that Mike arranged it with him in mind.  Kayla loved the idea.  Mike simply told her that he would think about the details and let her know.   Well, apparently he thought about them and thus the now infamous “suck and fuck.”

DOUBTING MIKE’S INTENTIONS
Clearly, Mike’s action had Kayla’s support and endorsement, at least in general, if not specifically.   I felt so foolish for reacting as I did and doubting Mike’s intentions.  This is not the first time my doubts have got me into trouble.  I thought I was past having these moments of doubt.  At a minimum, I thought I was at least past ACTING on any doubts without first calmly and respectfully clarifying the situation.   Clearly I am not.

I think it was a combination of factors that led me to have that doubt. 

  • It caught me by surprise.  Kayla was practically heading out the door when Mike stopped her for the blow job.  
  • Kayla’s reaction didn’t seem joyful to me.  I now realize that I was reading too much into it.  Sure she didn’t jump for joy, but she often has a resolute look about her.  In hindsight I can see that her reaction was simply that of a compliant submissive.   
  • I have a “mama bear” instinct about Kayla, and if I think she is unhappy or being mistreated, I react, often without additional thought. 
  • Instead of assuming loving intentions, in an instant I created this false narrative in my mind.  I assumed Mike was just being a stupid alpha-male, flaunting his power and authority over Kayla as a “take that” to Michaud by in effect telling him all he can have is “sloppy seconds.”   Not only does such behavior repulse me, but using Kayla in that way also triggered “mama bear” to come out. 
  • I wasn’t in a particularly deep submissive mindset.  The holidays messed with our D/s routine.  I couldn’t even do simple things like being naked around the house.  Since before Thanksgiving a lot of my energy and focus was on holiday activities and not on submission.  Not that that is wrong, as such focus is good for my kids and the family overall.  But still, it softened my submissive mindset, leaving me vulnerable to mistakes. 

Whatever the reason(s), I am more committed than ever to stay diligent and not repeat this.  Ideally I wish I never have such thoughts again, but realistically, it is not about never having those thoughts.  It is about recognizing when I have them and controlling my reaction so that it is loving, purposeful, and effective in facilitating a healthy and respectful conversation.  I know I can do that!

This issue is a big one for me as it is not something that just arose with our DD.  I have always had this problem.  Pre-DD it was a common occurrence — jumping to conclusions, feeling attacked or feeling Mike had ill intentions.  I credit Domestic Discipline with helping me towards eradicating this terrible habit.

As Mike often reminds me, “Progress, not perfection!”   

FINAL PUNISHMENT – CLOSING CEREMONY
I shared with you that my punishment was not complete.  Mike gave me until the next day to write my 100 lines, which I completed.  As in keeping with our “lines rules,” I am spanked for mistakes or sloppy lines – two spankings for each error.  Mike “grades’ me very strictly.  He counts it as a mistake if words don’t line up very closely underneath the matching word in the row above.

I was thankful to have the entire day to work on the lines, thus I didn’t have to do them in one sitting.  This was a first, but was necessary because the family interruptions that occurred throughout the day.  Thus I didn’t become as fatigued in my writing and the result was Mike only found three errors, thus six spankings.

Because our middle child hung around the house most of the day, we had to arrange to go over to John and Donna’s for me to be spanked.  They are accustomed to us using their house as a get-away when a spanking is needed.  When we use their house the spankings are always done in one of their bedrooms.  We don’t let them watch.  These are solemn occasions.  I am not allowed to make eye contact or speak with John or Donna until after our Closing Ceremony.  Mike simply asks them, “Can we use your room for moment.”  They know what that means.  Once the punishment is over, we then “turn off” punishment mode and act as if we are on a social visit.

Mike brought a small paddle with him.  Thankfully Mississippi is too big to smuggle out of the house discreetly!  I couldn’t have taken any more with that beast.  As is our protocol I immediately get undressed when I enter their house.  My bottom was very bruised from the night before and I know they saw it as I walked past them towards a bedroom.  I am sure they were like, “Wow, what did she do!?”

Once in the room Mike had me lay across his knee.  He even commented how bruised my ass was, “Wow, I’ve never seen it this bad.  I have a feeling these six are going to hurt.”
He then proceeded to lecture me as he rubbed my bruised and sore butt.  I thought I was over the extreme emotions of the events but I started to cry, even before he spanked me.
He then spanked me.  I let out a shrill on number three and dramatically increased the volume on numbers four,  five and six.   I know John and Donna could hear me. 

We then had our Closing Ceremony.  It felt so good to completely put this behind me.  Mike told me to go wash my face and get my clothes on.   He said I could take a few minutes and he left the room to go talk to John and Donna.  I composed myself, got dressed, stopped off at the bathroom to wash my face, and emerged as if nothing happened.  We talked about what each of us did to ring in the New Year (the family and festivities stuff, not the “suck and fuck” or punishment).  Then we returned home.  All is forgiven.   

I love my Domestic Discipline!

Oh, almost forgot  – I asked Kayla, “So, what did you tell Michaud and how did he react? Did he actually get turned on by it?”   That’s for another post!

Next:  204. Returning to Submissive Headspace

 

202. A Weighty Subject (of Fairness)

202

There are several things I want to write about.  I want to “unpack” some emotions and reflections on my misbehavior per my prior post.  I also want to talk about Kayla and what she was referring to in the statement she made (also from my prior post).   So, with that, I think I’ll start with something else completely. HA HA!

QUARTERLY GOAL
Our new DD Contract provides for Mike to set Quarterly Goals for me.  “Such goals are to be focused on Jennifer’s self improvement…”   As I shared, Mike’s first goal for me was to lose 18 pounds by January 18.  The Quarterly Goal falls under the Respect Mike as Head of Household subsection of our Obedience clause.  Missing the goal would result in a punishment since it would be disobedient of me to fail.

18.3 pounds to be exact.  I started at 153.3 pounds, goal is 135. I am 136.8

I am confident I’ll make it.  The pounds have come off more slowly lately but 1.8 pounds in two weeks is doable.   Mike is going to weigh me three times on the 18th (morning, afternoon, and evening) and take an average.  Oh, in case you are wondering, I am 5’6″.  By the way, I weighed between 160-165 for most of my 40’s.  I slowly lost weight about the time our DD started in 2015.  I wasn’t dieting or focusing on it.  It was the byproduct of simply taking better care of myself and being more active.

I feel great and found it easier to lose than I anticipated.  I think my submissive mindset helped.  It also helped that Mike held me to an exercise regimen else I could be punished – I always kept to my exercise schedule.  Also, Mike made me ask him for permission if I wanted a treat — an occasional cookie or whatever.  I never had to ask because I never wanted such treats.  

HOLD ON, DID YOU SAY YOUR HUSBAND MADE YOU LOSE WEIGHT?
I feel compelled to share my thoughts on Mike’s choice of weight loss as my first goal.  If you think the topic of being a submissive wife isn’t incendiary enough, throw in a husband’s demands about their wife’s appearance and you have a very incendiary topic.  It reeks of self-serving misogyny,  a furthering of the chauvinistic patriarchy.   It serves to objectify women which deepens the blame women get for the lustful and licentious urges of men.  It promotes women as vixens, as sirens, as monsters.

Or not.   Yeah, I guess it could be all those things, or could just be that Mike has a preference regarding my appearance and I am happy to oblige. 

My submission is about Mike’s preferences; mundane preferences regarding the household or bigger topics like sex, my behavior, or even about my personal appearance and weight.   I’ve loved the new “dress code” and I love the thinner me.  And it’s not like I am thin.  I am a good weight, not thin, not to fat.

If Mike were to ask me to lose more I would consider it, but could “veto.”  We agreed that I can use a safe word on any Quarterly Goal if I felt I could not handle it or it became too burdensome to continue.  As for the next Quarterly Goal, well, Mike hasn’t said what he has in mind.

WHAT’S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE?
If you recall, Mike committed to losing 12 himself.  He didn’t have to but said he wanted to provide a “supportive” environment.  Well, he is falling short.  He has lost eight and I don’t see four coming off in the next two weeks.  Obviously there is no consequences for him other than I win bragging rights.   Now is that fair?   

FAIRNESS IN D/s
I first wrote about the concept of fairness in D/s in Post 136. Submitted Wife.  I’ll try not to repeat myself.

Is it fair that Mike does not have to suffer consequences for not meeting his weight commitment?   In fact, is it fair that he doesn’t have consequences for any of his mistakes or negative behavior?  Why should I get spanked while he gets off without even a slap on the wrist?   D/s seems inherently unfair.

I imagine this idea of “unfairness” is hard for some new submisssives to accept.  To those who see it as unfiar I say that D/s is very fair.  Any idea of unfairness, while understandable, is framed in a distorted view of what “fair” means.       

I believe those who see it as unfair are confusing Fairness with Sameness.  Yes, roles and responsibilities are not the same in D/s, but that doesn’t make them inherently unfair.  I have taken on a unique role in our household, and Mike also has a unique role.  They are not the same, they require different types of commitments, thus must be judged by different criteria.  They both have consequences, but those consequences are different.

It has happened many times where I have been punished for a behavior that Mike has been guilty of too.  That is not the point.  His behavior is not in question with the roles and responsibilities we have established.   His behavior is not relevant to my Duties and Obligations – Duties and Obligations that I helped create and that I committed to.  It is no different from if some other woman behaved contrary to my rules.  So what!?!!?  It is not relevant to my performance of my Duties and Obligations.

Mike has said that punishing me for behaviors he is guilty of actually has an impact on him.  He does reflect on it and it gives him resolve to not repeat it.  But that is a by-product of a healthy D/s relationship.  It isn’t a stated requirement.

And consider that Mike has his own set of duties and obligations that differ from mine.  He has to consider the impact of his decisions.  The impact on me, on Kayla, on our relationship.  It is a big responsibility.  He has to make difficult decisions, such as what occurred in the last post, knowing those decisions could anger or disappoint me or Kayla.  With power comes great responsibility.

Yes, I find it fair that Mike is subject to his own self-discipline regarding his behavior, and that I am subject to his physical discipline regarding mine.   That’s how D/s works.  Sure, corporal punishment is the technique used to guide my behavior and reduce conflict, but that reduction in conflict gives space to love, adoration, respect, and fulfillment.  The “Discipline” in Domestic Discipline is love. Sounds fair to me.

NEXT: 203. The S*ck and F*ck Mystery

201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year

2018

Holidays are a busy time.  The comings and goings of family members mean less time for TTWD.   Add to it – nothing very notable going on to write about.  Until now.

I’ve shared that since adopting Domestic Discipline almost three years ago, arguments between Mike and I are rare.   Post 44. Argument and Post 131 are the only two that come to mind.  Hummm…perhaps there are a few others.  Oh well, you get the point – rare!   

Some credit goes to my deference to Mike – more deference=less disagreement.  But the main credit is simply adopting a better communication style.  It comes down to remaining calm and respectful, thinking before you speak, and most importantly, to come from a place of inquiry – seeking to understand before being understood.  That is, make sure you get the facts on the other person’s point of view before promoting your own.  EVERYONE can do this, even outside a D/s dynamic.  Mike has always been pretty good at communicating this way, well before DD.  But for a previous control freak like me, no way.  It was not my style and without a focus on being submissive, it never would be my style.   

While it is now “my style,” I am not always perfect!   Technically this event wasn’t an argument.  I think “disagreement” is a better term as Mike never really argued his point, he simply “enforced” it.  Ha!  That’s getting ahead of the story.  Let me start from the beginning.  

NEW YEARS EVE
To ring in the new year, Mike and I and our kids were going to spend the evening at my sister’s, along with my other sis and all their kids.  The cousins all get along and would have fun with fireworks and just hanging around.

The kids were already over at my sisters and Mike and I would soon join them.  Mike and I used the opportunity to have our Sunday Maintenance Session which we had without anything noteworthy.  We were in the kitchen talking, preparing to leave in about an hour to go to my sisters. Kayla came out, dressed and ready to leave for her New Year’s night out with Michaud.  We all chit-chatted a bit when Mike, out of nowhere, told Kayla to get on her knees and give him a blow job.   Kayla had a look of surprise but didn’t hesitate to comply.

I was puzzled and while such activities were not foreign to us, it was just so unexpected, sort of mid-conversation about nothing in particular, Kayla ready to leave out the door, and then, blow job?   After a couple of minutes Mike told her to follow him to our bedroom where they then had sex.   I was perplexed and puttered around the kitchen for a while and eventually went to the bedroom to check in on them.

I walked in as they were finished and heard Mike tell her to get dressed and she could now leave to Michaud’s.  He told her not to “clean up” and to “Leave my cum inside you.”  Kayla responded with a monotone “Yes, Sir,” to which he replied, “I think that deserves more than just an acknowledgement don’t you?  What do you say to me for allowing my cum to stay inside of you?”

Kayla said, “Thank you, Sir,” in another monotone response.  She appeared very expressionless to me, no sign of anger or fear or resentment, but no sign of joy either.

OBEDIENCE FAIL
I was in full WTF mode.  I was angry.  I was not in the mindset of looking for loving intentions.  I was not seeking to understand why.  I reached my conclusions and reacted.

Kayla headed out of the bedroom – but was still within ear shot – and in a raised voice I said, “Mike, what was that about?  Why would you do that to Kayla?”

Mike immediately told me he didn’t like my tone and made it clear he didn’t “owe” me an explanation.

My tart retort was, “You may not owe me one, but you sure as hell owe her one.”  It was about that time that I could hear the front door close as Kayla left.   

Mike heard enough.  “I told you I didn’t like your tone yet you persist with the ugliness.  Drop your panties, lift your skirt, and bend over.”

I did not do so.I disagree.  I want to talk about this first.  Really, Mike, what was that about?”

Mike’s response was even more stern, “Jen, you are not in a position to disagree.  Not only are you talking disrespectfully, but you are disobeying me by not taking position for a spanking and by continuing to rudely question me .  Are you going to comply or not?”

In a defiant huff I said, “Fine, but I still disagree.” and did as he commanded. 

COMMENCE THE SPANKING
He spanked me very hard by hand, perhaps 35-40 times, and then told me.  “Now go to your room, unless you want to disagree some more.”  I restrained myself enough such that I didn’t verbally say more, but I had that disapproving scowl that said plenty.

Once in the room I disrobed and stood in the corner to wait for him, as is our normal punishment protocol.  When he came in, I immediately spoke, which is NOT in keeping with protocol. 

“Mike, I really want to understand…”

He cut me off, “Jen, I do not have to explain my treatment of Kayla.  I would have gladly shared my reasons with you had you respectfully inquired.  Since you did not, not only are you being punished, but I don’t want to reward your disobedience with an explanation of my actions.  Now, stay quiet with your nose in that corner.”  As angry as I was feeling, his stern commands actually nudged me a bit into a submissive state, albeit slightly so. (I really do thrive on his control).

He went to the closet and emerged with a paddle I affectionately call, “Mississippi.”  It is our widest paddle (as in the wide Mississippi River).  It is 4.5 inches wide and 18 inches long.  It’s not very thick – I suspect one day it may just break apart on my ass – but it sure covers a whole lot of surface area.  Is it common to have nicknames for your toys and implements?  I digress, that’ll be for another post.

ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI. . . 
He walked over to me in the corner and quickly spanked me three or four times very hard with the paddle.  “Now take a few steps backwards and lean forward, hands on the wall, ass out as far as you can stick it.”

Mike had me count as he spanked me and in keeping with the nickname we have for this paddle, I counted,  TWHACK, “One Mississippi,”  TWHACK,  “Two Mississippi”. . . all the way to ten.  At three my butt was already on fire, and at each one after five I let out a little shriek.  I was crying by the time I got to ten.   These were hard spankings. 

ON TO THE LECTURE
Mike lectured me.  I’ve written before that lectures are a bit new to us, something we talked about doing more of since our new Contract.  Well, he gave a me a top-notch lecture expressing his disappointment in my behavior.  As he lectured, he would pause between thoughts and spank me two or three times with the Mississippi, then proceed with his lecture.

Although my crying persisted through the lecture, I was still not in a remorseful state.  This was a new experience for me.  I’ve written before that my likelihood or degree of crying tends to correlate to the amount of shame or embarrassment I feel (Post 178. Embracing Shame).   I wasn’t feeling either of those things.  My crying was more about my frustration over the lack of control I had in getting what I wanted.  Oh, and also about the painful spanking I was getting.  I think this was the first time I just didn’t agree with why I was being punished.  After all, it was Mike’s actions that prompted this.  I was still mad and focused on wanting Mike to explain himself.

My emotions were obvious and could be seen in my continued disapproving scowl and demeanor.  I think I need to learn to fake being remorseful.  Ha!  Just kidding.  That would be disingenuous and thus dishonest. But it might save me from a sore bottom some day.  Anyway. . . 

WRITING LINES
My butt was plenty red and on fire.  Mike told me to sit down and write lines. He had me alternate lines of “I  will use a respectful tone at all times when speaking with Mike.” Then “I will promptly do ask Mike commands.”  Then “I will never express concern or complaint about Mike in front of others.”  And finally, “Mike knows what is best for Kayla’s submissive needs and desires.”

He had me bend over and prop my arms on the chair and he set me off to my writing with four or five more hard swats with Mississippi.  After I wrote each phrase one time, he had me stand and he swatted me once more, then had me sit and write each phrase one time again.  Again he told me to stand, swatted me once, and then sit and write again.  This went on.     

In addition to still being angry, his hovering over me and the interruptions for the spanking between sets made it very difficult for me to focus.  Writing lines is typically a calming and focusing exercise.  It deepens the feeling of contrition – but not this time.  I wanted him to go away and just let me write, and I keep thinking about what he did instead of focusing on my writing.  I wrote in a very exaggerated manner.  My hand dotted each “i” with a “so there” staccato.  Each ‘t’ was crossed with a “take that” slash to it. My body language was anything but submissive.

I wrote 36 lines when Mike had enough.  He took the paper from me and said none of them counted.  (When I have to write lines, Mike reviews it and I am spanked for errors or sloppiness).    

SOAPING AND SPANKINGS
Mike said he didn’t want to be late to my sisters so we needed to “wrap this up.”  He took me into the bathroom, turned on the sink, lathered up a bar of soap, and told me to open my mouth.  “This is to help remind you to think before you speak.”  He rubbed the bar on my tongue then had me bite down on it and hold it in my mouth.

Mike said sternly, “The lingering taste in your mouth and sting on your butt can be your reminder the rest of the night to reflect on your behavior, now bend over.”

I bent over the bathroom sink, soap still in my mouth.

“Keep your head up and look at yourself in the mirror,” he commanded.  “You are getting 36 more since that is the number of lines you wrote in an unacceptable manner.  You are lucky I didn’t double it.” 

SURRENDER (Sort of)
36 with Mississippi is an eternity, especially after having received so many already.  Mike varied the intensity, alternating between fairly soft strokes, some medium ones and some extremely hard ones.  It was more than enough to make me start crying again.  And for the first time I got the shakes during a spanking. Mike even paused to ask me if I was okay, to which I said “Yes, Sir, you may continue.”  My body language was very submissive by the end of it.  I just wanted it over.

While I was physically surrendered, I still wasn’t mentally surrendered.  If this were a typical punishment I probably would have used a safe word to pause or even stop the spanking.  It reached an unbearable stage somewhere in the upper teens, but, I my inner voice told me that if I used a safe word I was letting him “win.”   I still felt entitled to an explanation.  I told myself if I could hold on, I would be preserving my “right” to an explanation.  Yes, very foolish to think that way, but in that moment, nothing would have convinced me to think otherwise. 

I have had punishments in the past with more spankings than this one, and even some with harder spankings than these.  But the combination of the number of them and the intensity of them along with the implement that was used made this one of my worst spankings ever.  I think overall I ended up receiving 70-75 with Mississippi – plus the 35-40 by hand to start with, and the handful I got during my Maintenance Session just a few hours earlier.  My ass was very much afire and sore.  It’s been four days and the bruises are still big and evident.

When he was finished, complete with pee rinse, he told me that he does not consider the punishment complete.  He said he expects me to stay up after we got home and start over with the lines and he wants 100 before I go to bed.   This meant the potential for even more spankings as I am spanked for any errors or sloppiness in my lines.

He also told me, “For the rest of the night, anything short of a cheerful disposition from you will be considered additional disobedience.  I want you to forget about this and get about your normal routine in your normal joyous way.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir”

Wow.  This was the most direct, demanding, and dismissive way he has ever spoken to me.  Odd thing is, I kinda liked it.  I mean, I still wanted to know why he did what he did.  But, I was turned on by his Dominance… oh, only a submissive would understand!

Even though his sternness brought a slight tingle to my nether-regions, I still wanted to know what was going through his mind to order Kayla to have sex with him.  I figured I would have to wait for our next Maintenance Session to bring this up — respectfully bring this up!

Even though the issue was not settled in my mind, I was able to put all my thoughts on hold and cheerfully go about the evening.

HAPPY NEW YEAR
Despite a very sore bottom and lingering soapy taste in my mouth, I had  a lot of fun at my sisters, as did everyone else.  By the time we got settled in back at home it was nearly 2 a.m. Mike told me to skip the lines for the night and he gave me until the end of the day to get them completed.  

Kayla got home a little after 2, Mike and I were still up.   We chatted briefly and she shared she also had a fun night.  She was in the shower as Mike and I were laying in bed when Mike brought up the subject of the days events.  

THE EXPLANATION
“Jen, I know you still want to discuss what happened.  The simple answer is that I am Kayla’s Dom and she is my submissive.  You are not entitled to anything more than that answer.   If she has questions of me then she has the ability to discuss it with me.  Do you accept that?

“I accept it, Sir.” I responded.

“I can hear the ‘butin your response,” said Mike as he easily read my body language  ( I really do need to learn how to put on a poker face).   I had to collect my thoughts as I did not want further spankings.   I kept telling myself I really want to have a discussion and to do that I must remain respectful.  I kept thinking to myself, “Loving intentions, loving intentions.  Assume loving intentions!”

“Mike, I accept you are Kayla’s Dom and she is your submissive.  I am sorry for demanding an explanation from you.  I should always assume your intentions are based on what Kayla needs and based on what she will accept from your dynamic with her.  If you are willing to share your thoughts with me about what prompted your actions, perhaps I can better understand you as a Dom, and Kayla as a submissive.  That can help me be a better submissive to you, and a better friend of Kayla’s.”   Phew, I was glad I was able to be calm and collected in my statement. 

It was about that time that Kayla got out of the shower.  Mike called Kayla over to us.  Mike asked her, “Kayla, you are aware that Jen took exception to me having sex with you before you left, aren’t you?

Yes, Sir, I heard her as I was leaving.”

“Tell me, what did you think about it?   If we were able to play that night over, knowing what you know now, would you have wished I simply let you go out without having sex with you?”

“Sir, to be honest,” Kayla calmly stated, “I was perfectly fine with it.  It took me a second to process your request simply because it was unexpected and my mind was focused on my evening with Michaud.  But it was no more than a second.  And I am grateful for what you did, no regrets.  It was exactly the kind of thing we talked about.”  

Mike smiled and said he was relieved to hear that.  He said he knew it was an “aggressive” move on his part and that there was risk.  “I know I took a risk with you emotionally, and I am happy to hear you say that I read your needs correctly.  Although it gives me a great sense of accomplishment to serve your submissive needs, please always tell me if I fail you, even in a small way.”  Mike then looked at me and said, “I don’t want to just be a Dom to either of you,  I want to be the right Dom to each of you.”

Holy shit, I feel terrible!  I can probably go an entire post for how shitty I feel about my behavior.  Mike’s behavior was in such sharp contrast to my own.  He excelled at his Dominance.  He excelled in how he maintained a calm and Dominant composure throughout me throwing my fit.  He excelled in treating Kayla in a way that she apparently appreciated and was needing from him as his submissive. Contrast that with my behavior which was a complete submissive fail.

I apologized profusely.  Mike has always been reliable when it comes to having good intentions, even before DD.  I should know to not doubt him the way that I did.  Any questions from me must always be done inquisitively, from a point of curiosity and seeking knowledge.  This is a basic foundation of any relationship built on good communication, with or without DD – and I failed.

I really should have learned by now not to doubt Mike.   Perhaps more reflections on this in another post.  Yeah, it may take a couple of posts to fully unpack emotionally.   

PS. WHAT WAS KAYLA REFERRING TO?
Of course, I had to know what Kayla meant when she told Mike, “It was exactly the type of thing we talked about.”  I respectfully asked Mike and Kayla to share what that meant.  What I learned was very interesting and unexpected.  That will also be for another post!

Yea me!  Lot’s to write about!

NEXT:  Post 202. A Weighty Subject (of Fairness)