Welcome to post #200! I thought I’d celebrate with some balloons. And it turns out they are very appropriate for this post – they just might mean more than just a celebration. Read on!
It amazes me that in 200 posts I have given so many people a glimpse into the evolution of my unconventional life over the last 20 months. While the rate of my posting has slowed, I guess the interest level hasn’t. I actually had my most views in a single day just a few days ago (1,365 views from 289 visitors).
My slower pace isn’t due to a lack of enthusiasm over posting — I love writing and sharing about my experiences! It is more due to my decreasing wonderment over my day-to-day routines. Submission, spankings, and an active and energetic sex life have become normalized to the point I have to remind myself that others may find it shocking, erotic, or just overall interesting. Alas, if I ever start to forget, I can usually count on one of my sisters to remind me.
I was talking to one of my sisters again (Post 116. Revealing DD to my sisters, as well as Post 120, Post 136, Post 165). Most of the follow up discussions have been with Sis2 (the younger of the two). Sis1 never asked much or commented much, until now.
I was talking with her and it was clear she is unsettled by my lifestyle. It’s been ten months from when I shared my choices with her and she was finally at the point she wanted to share a more harsh critique. She did it in a way that was a nice as you could hope for, but it was clear that at a minimum, she was frustrated and astonished, and at worst, she was appalled and disgusted.
She felt my choices reflected some larger issue with womanhood – a poor example to young women and girls who should be expected to demand better and not settle regarding men’s behaviors. It was also clear that her comments were fueled by what is going on in society regarding women finally being taken seriously on issues of sexual harassment (let alone outright sexual assault).
The root of her issue was that in her mind, my DD was an example of a woman being “less than” a man. By allowing myself to be “less than” I was allowing myself to be dismissed as an equal. By doing that, I was “buying in” to the mindset of a misogynistic culture that does little to discourage sexual misconduct by men. Going even further, she feels my choices actually validate that culture and give it “fuel.”
So yeah, time for a bit of a rant. I’ve shared similar ideas before – I guess that happens when you are 200 posts into a blog. But while a bit “rant-like,” the discussion with my sister was still amicable. We are accustomed to telling each other like it is. . . at least, like we see things. So even though we don’t always agree, we always appreciate and recognize the loving intentions.
My response to her was that I completely understand why she feels that way. I can totally relate to thinking that way, as I would have been right there with her saying such things to someone just a few years ago. But, I now understand that while DD, D/s, or M/s COULD represent the things she was talking about, it does not mean they always do.
My DD is not borne out of Mike’s feelings of superiority over women. It is not rooted in some ancient misogynistic edict passed on through family folklore and fables. It is not rooted in anyone thinking women are “less than.” MY DD is simply rooted in one thing — MY need to serve Mike.
It fulfills me. It strengthens me. It motivates me. It allows me to flourish and act and think in a way that I feel accomplished. Accomplished as a person. Accomplished as Mike’s partner. Accomplished as a mother.
I don’t advocate a D/s dynamic for anyone. What I do advocate is for everyone to find what fulfills them, what strengthens them, what motivates them. At the same time, I strongly encourage a 100% open and honest dialogue with your partner in life. Not 99%, not 99.9%. A 100% openness about everything – sexual and non-sexual.
It is about being 100% authentic, and with that authenticity comes a power that is greater than any power in a relationship. It is the power to be your authentic self and the immense satisfaction of being accepted as your authentic self. This isn’t about man versus women. It is about ourselves versus ourselves – with the goal of allowing our authentic self to win!
It just so happens my authentic self is submissive to Mike. That’s not an indictment of women rights. That’s not settling for bad behavior by Mike. That’s not saying I am unequal to Mike. That is not condoning sexual misconduct by anyone, and it certainty is not validating a misogynistic culture.
Warning: This analogy may have holes and be silly. It was not well thought out. It simply came to mind in the moment I was speaking with my sister.
I asked my sister to visualize herself carrying a balloon. Without any other context, what does carrying a balloon mean? Nothing much. Kind of nice. It’s festive, right? It may make you smile or make anyone seeing you smile. Nothing negative. And let’s say you are someone who gets immense enjoyment from holding a balloon. You love the feeling. You love everything about it. Does this love of balloons mean something about womanhood? Of course not.
Now what if I tell you there is a culture that requires women to carry balloons at all times as a sign of women’s “silly minds.” And let’s say this culture has evolved to the point few women will hold balloons anymore. The only ones that do are “forced” to because they cling to a family or religious tradition. Then along comes Jenny who wants to hold one just for the enjoyment she gets out it, and she finds her husband gets joy from it, and she finds it allows her to be more joyful and fulfilled as a person, a wife, a mother. Should she give up her balloon?
CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING
The point I was trying to make to my sister is that it is all about context. And the context of my D/s dynamic is not rooted in all the things she believes it is rooted in. In our discussion I also revisited many of the things I wrote about in other posts, especially Post 136.
Like I wrote before, I think sharing my dynamic with my sisters is much like teaching them a foreign language. You need repetition in order for it to fully sink in. Thus, I didn’t mind my sister’s doubts and questions. It gave me an opportunity to reinforce what submission means to me and hopefully gets her one step closer to understanding and accepting that. I think our conversation did that, a least a little bit.