165. Boundaries: Juggling flaming machetes

165

A short post to share something that amused me.  I mentioned in my last post that I spent some time helping my sister organize and pack for her move to her new house.  It provided us quality “sister time” and of course, at times my DD lifestyle was the topic of conversation (Post 116. Revealing DD to my sisters).

I’ve fielded questions from her before (Post 121. 20 Questions…)  so her inquiry is nothing new.  She asked many of the same questions she always asks – as I mentioned before, I found that learning about someone’s motivations and actions in D/s is a lot like learning a new language.  You need repetition for it to fully sink in.  

As she is prone to read my blog I shared the events and punishment regarding my last few posts.  She asked me if there is anything I wouldn’t do for Mike.  Of course, she meant physically or sexually.  I told her that scat (poop), blood, and branding were understood to be hard limits.  Other than that, I would rely on safe words as a way to moderate a situation. 

She then asked if that means I would have sex with anyone Mike told me to have sex with.  I told her that I would definitely give it strong consideration, and unless I felt unsafe, I would do so.  She then jokingly said, “So if he told you to seduce Shaun (her husband), you would do so?”  My initial response was, “Yes, if SHE approved of it as I would never do such a thing in secret.”   She then said, “So if Mike said he wanted to have sex with me, you would allow it?”   Again I said, “If Shaun approved of it, then yes.”  Of course I said jokingly “Are you proposing this?” 

“No way!  Never!” was her reply.  She said she just wanted to know my answer.  “Good,”  I said, “because frankly the idea of that has greater ick factor than drinking pee.”  It would just be too weird.  Of course she then said, “So why would you be willing to do it?”   

I had to clarify my response.   “I didn’t know you wanted a more serious and thoughtful answer.”   I told her that my acquiescing to anything Mike asks for doesn’t necessarily mean I have a desire to do that particular act.  My greatest desire and fulfillment is in the acquiescing and not in the act

In this hypothetical situation, I would have to be convinced that there would be no negative ramifications on our (my sis and I) relationship.  If I were to seriously give this thought, I think it would be very difficult to convince me it has any upside – the risk of negatively altering our “sisterhood” was too great.  Therefore, I doubt I would support it.  However, just like anything Mike requests, I would give it the appropriate consideration it was due.

She then nodded, “Okay, I get it.”   To which after a pause for dramatic effect I dryly replied, “So that means Mike doesn’t get to fuck you?”  She laughed and said, “No, he doesn’t. . .and Shawn doesn’t get to fuck you either.”

As I share all with Mike, and was also curious about his reaction, I told him of this conversation with my sister.  Mike said,It would be safer and saner to  juggle flaming machetes while standing in gasoline.”  He wanted to know what on earth made me ask such a thing.   “Hey, just wanting to understand some boundaries.”

Mike then added, “By the way, did I hear your say ‘Fuck.’   

Uh-oh, I’m in trouble. 

NEXT: 166. My favorite kinks

164. Reflecting on Behavior & Punishment

164

I am overdue on this post.  I’ve been a busy bee lately.  I helped my sister with a move – they are moving to a new house (still in town) – packing, sorting, stuff like that.  And I took on some home improvement projects — painting, redecorating.  Busy, busy!

So…the last punishment I shared.  Yeah, that was a doozy.  First off, based on some of the comments I received (both from my blog and from Kayla) I want to address any perception that my attitude was flippant.  I didn’t intend for it to come across that way because I assure you, it was not.  

REFLECTING ON MY ACTIONS
As far as my disobedience goes, I don’t take pride in it.  I wish I had not behaved that way.  But it did, and I accept the consequences.  I recall exactly what I was feeling in that moment of defiance.  I won’t lie, there was a brief moment that the defiance felt good, but it didn’t last.

When Kayla ordered tea for herself, I recall thinking about the absurdity of my lifestyle.  I thought, “I am not a child.  I can make choices for myself.  I can choose to indulge how and when I want.  I deserve to make those choices.  I deserve those indulgences.”  So I ordered the tea and it felt good to do so!

At least for a moment.  When the tea was served and I took my first sip, I quickly started coming to my submissive senses.  Yes, some of the activities and restrictions of D/s may seem absurd to the uninitiated, but they serve a purpose for me – a purpose I value, a purpose I cherish, and a purpose I want to honor.  After just a few sips I recommitted myself to honoring that purpose.

That is why I appeared flippant about the consequences.  I expected them to be severe, and part of me wanted them to be.  Anything short of severe would dishonor what this lifestyle has given me as well as diminish the commitments I made to myself and to Mike.   I immediately accepted whatever consequences were to come.  It wasn’t that I was flippant.  It was that I did not have any doubts, insecurities, fear or anxieties . Absent any of these strong emotions, then yes, I can see why I came across as nonchalant.

In the past I would have analyzed to death my feelings and motivations and what they meant regarding my future with DD.  I am not knocking such self analyzing – it is very important –  but, I realize much of its’ importance stems from trying to make sense of an uncertain situation or resolve a sense of insecurity.  In this case, I didn’t feel a need for such reflection as I am neither uncertain or insecure about where I am at and where I am going with our DD.  It is simply a part of me and my relationship with Mike – I realized that I am past having any doubts about Domestic Discipline.

That does not mean I don’t have limits or don’t have needs that need to be nourished. I am sure there will be minor course corrections here and there, whether it is in regards to my behaviors and duties, or in regards to Mike’s role as Dom.   However, such things are no longer about whether DD is working or is right for us.   I guess to try to put it yet another way – I am more confident in my incompetence.   It is this conscious incompetence that gives me strength, which may be perceived as flippant.  

REFLECTING ON MY PUNISHMENT
I felt it was appropriate, but admit I am not fond of the pee-stuff.  I blame Kayla (half-jokingly) for this even being a “thing” in Mike’s punishment arsenal.   It started with the last immersion when Kayla discovered she really enjoys it.  She feels it is her ultimate submissive act.  Hey, to each his (or her) own. 

I didn’t have it as a hard limit on purpose.  For one I felt Mike would never go there and I guess part of me figured if he did, I was willing to give it a try.  I am considering adding it as a hard limit, but I am hesitating.  Part of me says that Mike should have something  I find distasteful (literally and figuratively) to use sparingly if my behavior is egregious.  It certainly serves as a major deterrent for me – more so than a spanking.   We shall see.  Contract renegotiation time is right around the corner!     

NEXT: 165:  Boundaries: Juggling Flaming Machetes