I believe that everyone should have exactly as much sex as they do or don’t want to have, with whomever they do or don’t want to have it, in whatever fashion they do or don’t want to have it. Only two conditions; 1. Legal consent must be present. 2. You must be transparent with your committed partner(s) regarding your sexual activities that do not include them. If those conditions apply, then no one needs to justify their sexual choices.
Not sure why I felt compelled to share that, but I did. With that out of the way. . .
KAYLA’S PLUS ONE PART TWO
This is a continuation of my last post, Kayla’s Plus One.
So Kayla told Michaud about her being Mike’s submissive as well as her overall dynamic with Mike and I. Not every detail mind you, but the “big stuff” that allowed him to understand what he was getting into if he wanted to pursue a relationship with Kayla.
Simply put, it went well. Kayla was happy and that is all that matters. Michaud still wants to see her, albeit a bit bewildered.
She told us he did have a lot of questions after all. Turned out, he was suspicious that something “unique” was going on with her but couldn’t place it. He purposely didn’t pepper her with questions. He was concerned that he might offend her if he presumed something incorrectly. I can see how awkward it could have been if he questioned her “collar” with some BDSM or M/s reference only for Kayla to say, “Uh, what are you talking about?”
He had concerns about what it could mean for them in the long run if things get really serious. However, after they talked about it he resolved this much like we have. Michaud’s view was, “Why worry about that now. We only know a little bit about each other at this point. Let’s not create problems that don’t exist and see where it takes us. We can deal with problems when we are actually faced with them.” I believe this is the perfect mindset to have in this situation.
He very clearly told her that he does not want to stop seeing her and that this “only intrigues him more.” He told Kayla, “There are a lot more layers to you than I thought. I find you very interesting, not as an oddity, but as in, I want to understand this girl more.”
He had questions trying to understand what the D/s dynamic was about. Lunch in a restaurant wasn’t conducive to such detailed talks. Kayla told him that she needed to get home as she has chores to do, but she should be available after dinner to Face Time or Skype or whatever they use – “assuming Mike allowed it.” Their lunch ended with a hug and kiss, so clearly he took it well.
SHARING THE MEAT AND POTATOES OF HER DYNAMIC
Last night they talked for about two hours. Kayla was very clear on how things were and needed to be. She shared with him the fulfillment she gets from being submissive to Mike, the types of behaviors she gets punished for, what Mike and I mean to her, a little bit about what types of discipline she receives, and that she has sex with Mike and I “all the time.” Okay, maybe that is more than “meat and potatoes.” A bit of salad and desert too? Whatever the idiom, suffice to say she shared plenty, but not every detail.
Kayla also asked him plenty of questions about what he thought. His biggest concern was about her availability to be with him given her “obligations” to Mike and I. She told him that she would work out something with Mike. She said they simply should get together whenever they could do so. She told him, “The answer may be no sometimes, but that’s just the way it is, no different than if I were working, had other family obligations, school, etc.”
WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP COMMITMENT IS THIS?
Michaud asked Kayla if she planed on pursuing more sexual relationships. She said the way he put it was, “Just how many boyfriends or girlfriends are enough?”
Kayla jokingly responded with, “Who said you and I were ever having sex? Assuming you are able to woo me, here’s how it works with me. . . ” Kayla told him it wasn’t about “enough” and she wasn’t going to commit to anything regarding other relationships. She did say that she has no plans to pursue more relationships, but in all honesty she can only commit to him that she would be open and honest when and if she had the desire to seek additional relationships.
Further, Kayla asked for, and received, an equal commitment from him that if their relationship got to be “too much” for him, he should share those feelings with her and share them quickly, not letting them fester. From the sound of it, it seems Kayla has her head on straight when it comes to this poly stuff!
They talked about Michaud being free to pursue other relationships. They wouldn’t consider themselves exclusive to each other, but would consider themselves “responsible” to each other regarding not hiding other relationships. This was all new to Michaud. He has only been in “traditional” relationships until now. And Kayla jokingly added, “Yeah, those kind where people cheat.” She did so because Michaud had shared some prior relationship experiences of being both the cheater and being cheated on.
Kayla also suggested that he read up on poly relationships so he could better understand the potential pitfalls, along with the potential fulfillment, they can bring.
Michaud asked Kayla if he was required to meet with Mike. Kayla told him, as we had already discussed, that no, there was no “requirement” for him to meet Mike (or me). Both Mike and I believe her thing with Michaud is “her thing.” It does not include us. Not that we are opposed to ever meeting him, but, it is not a prerequisite. Such meetings don’t have to be more than him dropping by to see Kayla or pick her up. Michaud was good with that.
Overall, Kayla said Michaud was “good” with everything. While he had several answers that were, “we will just have to see how that plays out,” there wasn’t anything he seemed overly concerned with or that he objected to.
From her account of the conversation, it seems Kayla was unapologetic about her dynamic with us. She seemed to convey a strong resolve in staying committed to our dynamic and was frank and honest in her answers so as not to set an unrealistic view of how things are or will be. She presented our dynamic as very much a part of who she is and Michaud must accept it, else he is rejecting who she is and that would be that. Thus far he has accepted it. But, talk is one thing. When you start living it, human emotions take over and things get “real.”
Kayla, Mike, and I had another discussion on what to be prepared for, namely regarding jealousy. For instance, at some point Michaud may want to know why she isn’t submissive to him, or why Mike has a level of control over her that he does not have. It may be irritating to Michaud for Kayla to have to be accountable to Mike. Even more irritating is simply knowing your girlfriend does things for someone else that they won’t do for you, whether mundane acts of service or something sexual. It is only natural for someone to have a hard time with that. They didn’t have that conversation yet, but it is best to have it soon, before such feelings fester.
We even talked about the risk that either Mike or I could become jealous. Mike half-jokingly said, “Well, I can always play the Dom-card.” He added, “But seriously, we want you to have a fulfilling relationship with Michaud and it is up to you to sense when you need more or less fulfillment from us or more and less from him. It would be unfair for me to impose anything that took away from your fulfillment. Of course, the caveat being I will step in if I sense you are fooling yourself or Michaud regarding what you get and give to your relationship together. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Sir,” Kayla smiled.
“And not that I am fond of repeating myself,” added Mike, but given your spanking yesterday, I will reassure you yet again. We are very happy for you and encourage you to pursue a relationship with Michaud to the extent YOU want to do so. Don’t feel obligated to us. Stay obligated to yourself, your feelings, your needs, your desires. That is what brings us the greatest joy. My role as your Dom is not to dictate what fulfills you, but to lead you to what fulfills you, even if that means you want to spend more time with Michaud than us. Is that understood?
“YES, SIR,” Kayla said loudly and proudly.
Oh, and Kayla told him he needed to get tested for STD’s. She reciprocated and offered to have Mike and I do the same if he wanted that (we discussed this before hand). At first he was a bit reluctant, saying it just seemed “weird” to do that, but he eventually said he understood why and that it was probably a good idea. He would get tested and he asked that the three of us do as well.
Off to the doctor! See, already something we have to do because of Michaud! I told you relationships can complicate things! (Sarcasm implied). Oh the things we do for This Thing we Do!