Time and Money. Spanking and Discipline. Can they mix? You bet!
I was reading various blogs and was inspired to share how Mike and I address these two topics.
- Time – the timeliness of being disciplined.
- Money – how one manages it in a D/s relationship.I will address “Time” in this post and “Money” in the next.
These seemingly mundane topics must be addressed in every D/s relationship. Of course, the money issue needs to be addressed whether or not the relationship registers anywhere on the kink-spectrum. Let’s start with the timeliness of discipline
PROMPT DISCIPLINE
I don’t remember which blog I was reading (sorry if was yours) but it mentioned the subs desire to be disciplined soon after their disobedience. Understandable. It went on to say their Dom should create a statute of limitations such that if she couldn’t be disciplined within a specific amount of time, then there would be no discipline. I don’t believe she was fully serious and was just venting frustration over delayed discipline, but the point is still valid.
DELAY = MORE
Mike and I addressed delayed punishments in our current Contract. Our current contract has an expectation that Discipline will occur promptly and neither party will do anything to unnecessarily cause a delay. Our 2015 Contract specified that delayed punishments would be cause for more severe discipline as I should not ever put Mike in the position of not being able to promptly discipline me. In other words, misbehaving in public could warrant more significant discipline. We didn’t specify this in our current agreement; however, all discipline is at Mike’s discretion and it is understood that delayed punishments still carry stiffer disciplinary action.
From a submissive mindset perspective, I like our approach of having greater consequences for delayed punishments. After all, I should not put Mike in such a position to have to delay my discipline. It helps me since the discipline may be far removed from my actual disobedience, yet, recognizing it as being disciplined due to the DELAY helps to better connect it to my disobedience. Make sense? Maybe not. It’s a sub thing.
COMMITTED DOM
As the timing of misbehavior is not always convenient, it takes a committed Dom to want to stick to timely discipline. Mike has made it clear he will always seek to administer discipline as quickly as possible. He will leave a function, or movie, a store, or whatever we happen to be doing, in order to administer discipline as timely as possible.
PRIVACY
The simplest way Mike minimizes delay in my discipline is to seek a private spot in which to spank me. A family restroom or any restroom with a lock will do, or, a quick trip to the car often will suffice. We developed a “car routine” that works well when I need to be promptly spanked.
There’s been a few times where Mike has pulled into a gas station and spanked me with his belt in the bathroom. We know of one chain of stations that typically has a pair of single stall unisex bathrooms with a lock. Perfect! The only downside is these bathrooms are like echo chambers – at least they are typically in the back of the store!
Mike even pulled over on the side of the road one time. He had me get in the backseat and then he spanked me. I had to stay naked in the backseat the rest of the way home. It was at night and it helps that our windows are tinted. When we had to stop at lights I am sure people could have seen in.
THE RIGHT TOOLS
Mike has this nondescript piece of wood. It is 17 inches long, three-quarters of an inch thick, and 2.5 inches wide. We think it is pine, but not sure. He doesn’t remember where it came from, only that he came across it in our backyard shed. Since it isn’t shaped like a paddle, it can stay in the car without causing the need to have to explain other than, “Huh, I am no sure why that’s in there.” It also fits under the seat, out of sight.
The beauty of it (if you want to call it that) is that it packs a solid impact without much back swing. It is easy to administer in the car where room is limited. It also allows for a hard spanking without a lot of whacks, thus can be very quick, yet effective. I get into the back seat, pull down my pants, Mike takes a quick look around to make sure no one is walking by, then he quickly spanks me. Taa-daa, timely discipline!
Discipline delayed is discipline denied!
Domestic Discipline, Jenny style! 
I great enjoyed reading this post, and the comments, ddjennifer! I really admire how committed Mike is to disciplining you promptly. My husband has never disciplined me while we are out like you have described (in the car, gas station bathroom, etc.) and the idea terrifies me! Which means, I should probably bring this to his attention so we can have a discussion about potentially incorporating this…goodness knows I have misbehaved a time or two in public.
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Sorry for mentioning it. hee hee.
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I have a feeling I will regret sharing this information with hubby! 🙂
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Unfortunately discipline often has to be delayed because Fiancé spends so much time out of town. He administers it as soon as he gets home. Mostly these are issues with tone, failing to write in my journal, etc.
I am due for two punishments currently, but I had suggested a caning (he made me chose my punishment) and the dowel we use has been misplaced. So we are on our way back with a replacement now.
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Yeah, I hadn’t thought about how to do this when geographically separated. Mike and I have talked about “self spankings” as an options. For us we also could perhaps rely on John, Donna, or Kayla. It has to be tough when the options are limited. Non physical punishments could work. 30 minutes in the corner with nipple clamps perhaps?
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Sadly we don’t have nipple clamps yet, and I don’t even know if I could wear them. My nipples don’t really do much, including becoming erect.
For a long time we didn’t really have the privacy for me to do anything, so we waited until he came home and then scraped some privacy and time together. That will be easier now, since we are moving in together.
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Explore some websites for sex toys. Whether erect or not, a good clamp should get your attention as much as a good slap across the ass. hee hee. Perhaps a combination of some suckers, which help them protrude, and then apply clamps. Owwwwie! That always gets me. Of course, the clamps could always be applied to more sensitive areas. I suggest experimenting. Oh – and while we have never done it, using ginger as an anal plug is apparently a “thing” to try.
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We’ve looked at some, but haven’t decided on any yet. It’s a slow process to build our toy chest, he’s very detail oriented and does a -lot- of research before investing in anything. (Still haven’t gotten a paddle!) We do have suction tubes though, so that’s one step down when we do get the clamps. I still don’t feel all that much with my nipples, so I am not sure how effective it will be, but it’s worth trying. 🙂 If anything, he’d enjoy the visual.
We haven’t tried figging yet either, but it’s on our list. Thanks for the suggestions!
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Hi HeartsHope! Daddy and I have to spend about a week apart each month as he travels for work, and he has found a few ways to discipline me while he is away…writing lines and sending him pictures of my completed assignments, figging, mouth soaping & corner time, various restrictions, etc. I must say, I never felt quite as vulnerable as I did standing in the corner of our bedroom alone, nude but for a pair of panties around my knees, with a lathered up bar of soap in my mouth, while Daddy watched me via the computer screen on Skype. With the use of technology, one can get pretty creative with assigning punishments and being able to monitor them. Just a few ideas 🙂
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Now that Fiance and I will be living together, this will be a viable option. We never had the privacy to do something like that before. I would say thank you for the ideas, but I’m not sure I should, lol. 😛
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LOL…very true…you might definitely regret some of these options!!!
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yeah, getting discipline ideas from others is sort of a mixed bag of thanks and grief. Ha!
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Wow. sounds like you both have adapted well while you are apart. I hope it helps HeartsHope. For Mike and I, he typically isn’t gone on business more than a few days at a time and there hasn’t been a situation where he felt the need to punish me via skype or anything like that. But we know the option is always there if needed.
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Yeah…unfortunately when he is gone is when I struggle the most, as I get a little sad and lonely. If I misbehave while he’s gone, he usually gives me a punishment to complete right then…but it is almost always followed up with a spanking when he returns.
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I have a question, I hope it is okay?
I find spankings extremely erotic and I think I would be disappointed if it did not lead to sex play after.
Is it different when you are in a true D/s relationship?
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It is totally okay. Ask away!! It is completely up to relationship. There is no “true” D/s. There is just the D/s that is right for the couple. For us, discipline and sex are separate — not to say that we sometimes don’t end up having sex upon conclusion of our After Care. So yeah, no absolutes.
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