I don’t know what this image is but it evoked the word “Ritual” in me.
This post is part of a series covering discussions Mike and I are having on updating our Domestic Discipline Contract. On the previous post I outlined the topics we are updating and covered the new Duties and Obligations. This post is about the topic of Rituals.
The idea is not foreign to us as Kayla has several Rituals that her and Mike follow. I’ve posted about them in Post. 155. Although our punishment protocol in our current contract is a form of ritual, we haven’t incorporated Rituals as a specific topic.
Mike refers to Rituals as “refocusing activities.” For Mike, the most important reason for Ritual is for it serve to feed my submissive mindset and reinforce his Dominant mindset.
Mike said the way we accomplish this in Ritual is to have things that are meditative for me, or, allow both of us to focus our behavior to help us connect with our roles.
This can be especially helpful when we are apart, such as when he is away on business or anytime if say, Mike is not feeling particularly Dom-like or I am feeling off kilter in my submissive mindset.
We also talked about our belief that Rituals, once incorporated in my behavior, simply become part of me and not recognizable as Ritual — in other words, they simply become habit. At that point, new Rituals are needed. Once the Ritual become mindless habit, it looses influence on the mindset, but we will deal with that when the time comes.
MY THOUGHTS ON RITUALS
I immediately connected with this. Ritual is something you do because you must, even if you aren’t ready or willing or feel up to it. Like our current “Reward Ceremony,” Ritual helps me prepare for the moment more humbly and gracefully while keeping me within the submissive mindset I love. It can create an anticipation that is itself a powerful influence on my mindset. Our punishment ritual allows both Mike and I to prepare for, resolve, and recover from, a punishment.
Ritual can deepen the connection between us. It can reaffirm the roles we’ve agreed to and open up the mind to the mindset that both of us want to be in. It can further our bond by creating a special meaning for a shared event. I’ve seen how powerful it can be with Mike and Kayla. At best it can reconnect them perhaps after Mike had a hard day at work or following a mistake by Kayla. At worst it simply serves to reaffirm the connection they are already feeling in the moment. Great stuff either way!
Again Mike left some room for me to finalize the details. He wants five specific Rituals:
- ENTERING THE HOUSE RITUAL. Even when Mike works at home, he gets dressed for work and changes clothes when he is done. This serves as a visual reminder for him AND for us, that he is working or not working. This is especially important when he works from home. Mike wants an “Entering the House Ritual.
Things like I greet him at the door, take anything in his hands, kiss him hello, and if able, greet him kneeling in the entry way. These would be adjusted for when he works from home such that I will wait outside the bathroom door as he changes or something like that. We will work out the details.
- MORNING MANTRA / NIGHT MANTRA
He wants me to come up with a phrase to say each night before getting into bed and each morning before getting out of bed. Almost like a prayer, but in reverence and praise of Mike and my role as a submissive. He said it doesn’t have to be long, and he would like me to come up with at least three different phrases for both the nighttime and morning from which he will choose one for each.
- PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SUBMISSION
When we go out to eat, he will always order for me, choosing both my food and drink. If I am asked to order by the waiter/waitress, I will look over to Mike and nod my head and say, “Sir?” He will then place my order. If I need to use the restroom, answer my cell phone, or otherwise get up from the table, I will always ask him if I may be excused. This is regardless of who may be with us (and this applies at home as well).
- AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS
I will receive a “short but firm” spanking anytime we are about to go out together. The purpose of which is to remind me to be submissive while away from our home environment. In addition, if we stay the night somewhere, I am to receive a similar spanking when we arrive in a new hotel room (or wherever we are staying). Again, this is to help keep my submissive mindset while in an unfamiliar settings.
- WHEN WE ARE APART
When Mike is traveling, I will call him at night/in morning and recite the mantras. We will face time or use other video conferencing at night. I will be naked and ready to submit to his wishes. He may ask me to put on nipple clamps, the tack bra, a plug, or other items, and he will have me administer a self-spanking until he is satisfied.
MANTRAS – It’s been a fun exercise in writing the mantras. I don’t have all six written yet but should soon. I am open to any suggestions. I am curious if any of you do anything like that and if so, what do you say?
AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS – I can see these having value. It’s interesting that already, just the thought of knowing a spanking is in order does a lot for my submissive mindset.
PUBLIC DISPLAYS – This is the most disconcerting. My guess is my anxiety about this is unwarranted and in most cases people will be oblivious or won’t care.
WHEN WE ARE APART – This sounds fun and we have done a little of this before, but it was not formalized. Spanking myself is new, so that will be interesting.
Overall, just like his new Duties and Obligations, thinking about these Rituals gives part of me gets a tingle while part of me is a bit apprehensive. Whatever my feelings, I am committed to doing what Mike asks. None of these things are objectionable to me.