169. Adding Ritual to our DD


I don’t know what this image is but it evoked the word “Ritual” in me.

This post is part of a series covering discussions Mike and I are having on updating our Domestic Discipline Contract.   On the  previous post I outlined the topics we are updating and covered the new Duties and Obligations.  This post is about the topic of Rituals.   

The idea is not foreign to us as Kayla has several Rituals that her and Mike follow.  I’ve posted about them in Post. 155.  Although our punishment protocol in our current contract is a form of ritual, we haven’t incorporated Rituals as a specific topic.

Mike refers to Rituals as “refocusing activities.”
 For Mike, the most important reason for Ritual is for it serve to feed my submissive mindset and reinforce his Dominant mindset.
Mike said the way we accomplish this in Ritual is to have things that are meditative for me, or, allow both of us to focus our behavior to help us connect with our roles.

This can be especially helpful when we are apart, such as when he is away on business or anytime if say, Mike is not feeling particularly Dom-like or I am feeling off kilter in my submissive mindset.

We also talked about our belief that Rituals, once incorporated in my behavior, simply become part of me and not recognizable as Ritual — in other words, they simply become habit.  At that point, new Rituals are needed.  Once the Ritual become mindless habit,  it looses influence on the mindset, but we will deal with that when the time comes. 

I immediately connected with this.  Ritual is something you do because you must, even if you aren’t ready or willing or feel up to it.  Like our current “Reward Ceremony,”  Ritual helps me prepare for the moment more humbly and gracefully while keeping me within the submissive mindset I love.  It can create an anticipation that is itself a powerful influence on my mindset.  Our punishment ritual allows both Mike and I to prepare for, resolve, and recover from, a punishment.    

Ritual can deepen the connection between us.  It can reaffirm the roles we’ve agreed to and open up the mind to the mindset that both of us want to be in.  It can further our bond by creating a special meaning for a shared event.  I’ve seen how powerful it can be with Mike and Kayla.  At best it can reconnect them perhaps after Mike had a hard day at work or following a mistake by Kayla.  At worst it simply serves to reaffirm the connection they are already feeling in the moment.  Great stuff either way!  

Again Mike left some room for me to finalize the details.  He wants five specific Rituals:

  1.  ENTERING THE HOUSE RITUAL.   Even when Mike works at home, he gets dressed for work and changes clothes when he is done.  This serves as a visual reminder for him AND for us, that he is working or not working.  This is especially important when he works from home.  Mike wants an “Entering the House Ritual.
    Things like I greet him at the door, take anything in his hands, kiss him hello, and if able, greet him kneeling in the entry way.  These would be adjusted for when he works from home such that I will wait outside the bathroom door as he changes or something like that.  We will work out the details.  
    He wants me to come up with a phrase to say each night before getting into bed and each morning before getting out of bed.  Almost like a prayer, but in reverence and praise of Mike and my role as a submissive.  He said it doesn’t have to be long, and he would like me to come up with at least three different phrases for both the nighttime and morning from which he will choose one for each.   
    When we go out to eat, he will always order for me, choosing both my food and drink.  If I am asked to order by the waiter/waitress, I will look over to Mike and nod my head and say, “Sir?”  He will then place my order.   If I need to use the restroom, answer my cell phone, or otherwise get up from the table, I will always ask him if I may be excused.  This is regardless of who may be with us (and this applies at home as well).  
    I will receive a “short but firm” spanking anytime we are about to go out together.  The purpose of which is to remind me to be submissive while away from our home environment.  In addition, if we stay the night somewhere, I am to receive a similar spanking when we arrive in a new hotel room (or wherever we are staying).  Again, this is to help keep my submissive mindset while in an unfamiliar settings.  
    When Mike is traveling, I will call him at night/in morning and recite the mantras.  We will face time or use other video conferencing at night.  I will be naked and ready to submit to his wishes.  He may ask me to put on nipple clamps, the tack bra, a plug, or other items, and he will have me administer a self-spanking until he is satisfied. 

MANTRAS – It’s been a fun exercise in writing the mantras.  I don’t have all six written yet but should soon.  I am open to any suggestions.  I am curious if any of you do anything like that and if so, what do you say?

AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS – I can see these having value.  It’s interesting that already, just the thought of knowing a spanking is in order does a lot for my submissive mindset.  

PUBLIC DISPLAYS – This is the most disconcerting.  My guess is my anxiety about this is unwarranted and in most cases people will be oblivious or won’t care.  

WHEN WE ARE APART – This sounds fun and we have done a little of this before, but it was not formalized.  Spanking myself is new, so that will be interesting.

Overall, just like his new Duties and Obligations, thinking about these Rituals gives part of me gets a tingle while part of me is a bit apprehensive.  Whatever my feelings, I am committed to doing what Mike asks.  None of these things are objectionable to me.

NEXT:  170. Modifying our Maintenance Sessions



24 thoughts on “169. Adding Ritual to our DD”

  1. We have recently incorporated mantras into our lifestyle. We started with a short one and then expanded it to a longer version. Just yesterday I was asked to change it slightly.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Our new mantra has been written:
        My duty is to please, obey and serve My Beautiful Mistress $@&##% at all times as She desires. She is My Superior and My Domme. I answer to Her and Her only! I will not cum without permission. I will respond quickly to all Her requests with a willing and enthusiastic attitude! Responding to Her gives me comfort and excites me! She is My Love and My Best Friend! She is My Soulmate, My Joy and My Dream! She is My Everything!

        My Queen had significant input to this mantra which makes it even more special to me. Have a great day!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Great mantra. In practicing and memorizing mine, I was amazed just how powerful a mantra can be on the mind. I get emotional and and definitely focuses me in my submission. Thank you for sharing yours.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. She wanted that “superior” and that “Domme” phrases in it. That was especially hot to me. I get excited when she exercises her power and putting those words into the mantra was a clear indication of her power. I love how I feel as I recite it too. Have a wonderful day!

            Liked by 1 person

  2. I love reading how your contract “negotiations” are going. It has inspired me to ask J if we can have a contract. When J and I lived far apart, I did a lot of self-spanking as it was impossible for him to give me an in person spanking. It takes a bit to get in the mindset, but I have found that either focusing right at his eyes or closing my eyes as he directs me have helped to keep me focused. I also imagined that he was holding the paddle, instead of me. That helped as well.
    I love the idea of rituals. We are developing our own.. they are very natural such as a hug and kiss as he walks in. I have young kids, so kneeling is impractical, but we do have a routine where I will excuse myself and wait in the bedroom, and he will come when he can, where we have some kiss/hug/love time, as soon as possible after he arrives.
    I have a rule where I must confess a wrongdoing within 24 hours, or the punishment for it doubles. This is a rule I have had for many many years and has worked well for me.
    Well, good luck! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank u for that. It always brings a smile when I read about how I influenced someone in some way. I think written agreements are wonderful and powerful things. They force meaningful conversations about needs and expectations that might otherwise never get fully revealed.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. After a mini-meltdown, my Fiance came up with a mantra for me to help remind me of his love and dedication. He travels all the time, so it’s something that helps me focus and feel less alone. I recite it every morning before speaking to anyone else (including him) and every evening after going to bed. Basically I recite that he loves me and has my best interests at heart, he knows I am the best little girl in the world, he is my Lord and Master, and I exist for him. All of it helps, and I get punished if I forget to recite it. Sometimes he will make me say it to him, but usually I can do it silently.
    I am looking forward to adding rituals like these to our D/s. We’ll be living together soon, so that will be much more feasible in the near future. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi again! My husband recently gave me a new assignment which is to provide him with 3 articles/blog posts to read each week, to help him gain further insight into D/s and further insight into my desires/interests with D/s. I always enjoy reading your posts, but this particular one really spoke to me…and I plan to share it with Daddy as part of my homework. Just wanted to say thank you for being so forthcoming in your writing and just for sharing in general 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I enjoyed reading this and really connected with your new ritual about him ordering for you and how you are to react if a server/etc. looks to you for an answer. This would be challenging for me, the public nature of it, and yet…would feed my submission so much. As always…you and Mike are incredibly inspiring!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. my morning ritual is to text Sayyid my mantra “I am owned by you Sayyid” and then something about my submission to him “I choose to obey and serve you in every way”, first thing before I get out of bed. I have to do this even when I’m not feeling submissive.

    Before he leaves for work in the morning (he’s gone before I get up) he chooses my day collar and lays it on my dresser (there are have several to choose from).

    Our greeting ritual is that I immediately stop what I’m doing, greet him by waiting at the top of the stairs, with him on the landing below. I wish I could do this while kneeling but with kids present it’s not possible.

    We have a few other things but these are most important to me.

    I like the ones you’ve mentioned here. I also enjoy reading about the process of your renegotiation!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Those are lovely. I thought of you as I wrote this post as I wondered if more ritual would help you in your funk. Also, maybe my post #148 could help further the communication between you. There are some open ended questions that I share that can be great ways to generate a positive dialogue about what you both are feeling.

      Liked by 1 person

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