Right now, in your head, think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong leader. Got it? Got all three? Don’t read on until you have all three. That’s only two. . . one more. Okay, you may proceed.
Now think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong Dominant? Hmm, any differences in your lists?
My guess is, unless you are into a D/s dynamic, your lists were very different, but why? Who doesn’t like a good leader? We praise and admire good leaders and society constantly reinforces such praise and admiration. A Dominant? No such praise and admiration. We likely have a negative bias towards the word “dominant.” After all, even the word is akin to domineering – asserting one’s will over another in an arrogant way.
From an early age we are taught that it is good and acceptable to follow leaders. Respect our elders and authority figures like policemen and firemen. Obey our teachers, coaches, professors, etc. It isn’t threatening, no one feels demeaned or oppressed by this. There are positive connotations all around.
Well, in kink, a strong Dominant is the exact same thing as a strong leader – no negative connotations should apply. My relationship with Mike is as much Leader/Follower as it is Dominant/Submissive. The terms are interchangeable to me. And just like any good authority figure, with great power comes great responsibility. I have yielded leadership power to Mike. In turn, Mike wields this power while embracing many key concepts that make this power exchange work for us.
I want to dive deeper into those concepts, which I will do on the next post. What is different is that I will not be sharing my concepts or what they mean to me. I will be sharing Mike’s. Yes, sort of another “interview” with Mike. And the concepts are interchangeable whether he was describing what is important to him in being a Dominant or with being a leader: empathy, maturity, self-assurance, assertiveness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, and consistency. Coming soon!
Domestic Discipline, Jenny style! 
My three were confident, consistent, and decisive. I’d say it fits a Dom and a leader both…. but not politicians who regularly sway to whichever side gets them a vote.
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On second thought, Maybe the issue with my previous reply is that maybe politicians just are dominant or leaders… 😉
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Ugh, sorry, I meant “NOT dominant or leaders”.. how important just one word (or 3 for this post) can change the meaning!
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Your experiences and thoughts on the concept of leadership hold a great deal of strength. Agreeable I might add. Safe to say your words are also disciplined.
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Thank you! Very nice and encouraging to hear. I never have thought to sounding disciplined or submissive. In fact, I thought perhaps I am a. It to “free thinking” on my blog. I am glad to hear perhaps that isn’t the case…at least with this post. Thanks again
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Strong confident and fair were my three words and I think they apply to both leaders and Dom/Dommes the same way.
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and yet there are natural leaders who aren’t too dominant…and dominants who aren’t much into leading (at least others than their special submissive). And Prodommes often have clients who are “captains of industry” who love to be dominated. A person’s public persona can be almost opposite of their private self.
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Yep. Attributes aren’t absolute. Part of my point I think I was connecting to is that a Dom (capital D as in the kink sense) and someone who is dominant (little d – not in the kink sense) do not necessarily share the same attributes. A Dom is more akin to a leader in the vanilla world than they are akin to a dominant person in the vanilla sense of the word dominant. But you raise a great point in that ones work persona may be vastly different than their home/kink persona.
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Reblogged this on dave94015 and commented:
are leaders likable and dominants people we dislike? Or can they both be admired and liked in #bdsm?
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Well, if those terms refer to leadership, then no politician, businessperson, religious or secular leader meets the definition.
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Few, if any, perfectly fit the bill. It is more an idealized version of a good leader and the characteristics one may strive to always exhibit. But, being human, anyone may fall short at times. However, there definitely are many in those leadership positions you mention that fall short more often than not. I guess when your success depends on selling something (politician, businessperson, religious leader), you often compromise what’s right in order to get the sale. At least in the context of a committed relationship, such compromises in leadership are tempered by love.
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I totally forgot to list the three characteristics that came to mind of effective leaders: Confidence, Intelligence, and Empathy.
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My three were the exact same: confidence, insightful/perceptive and charismatic 🙂 looking forward to another interview with Mike!
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Looking forward to it!
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