Three weeks without a post is a record for me. I just haven’t felt the motivation to post.
It is a combination of things being in a very smooth groove with no surprises. No new insights, no new anything. I am not complaining. It’s been a nice respite from what seems like two plus years of ever evolving self discovery.
Part of the lull is that it is summer and our son is home from school and our middle son, who is in college, is in and out at unpredictable times. Much of our TTWD is relegated to the evenings, behind closed doors, or occasional trips to John and Donna’s for added privacy when needed.
FOCUS ON KAYLA
Over the last three weeks most of the focus on TTWD has been on Kayla. She had an amazing experience with the Immersion, and really discovered some fetishes that she enjoys. She likes to play “little girl,” to the extent of wearing a diaper, but not all the time. She also likes serving Mike in more intense and continual ways. She has always served him, but lately she is always at the ready to do any and everything for him. She likes to bathe him, shave him (mostly his face, but not always, hee hee), and well, be his receptacle in ways you can surly imagine.
She is extremely focused on anticipating his needs and moves in a flash when he expresses any need. I imagine if I didn’t know the situation as I do, that I would think she was under Mike’s spell.
I’ve talked to her about this. I assume there is a threshold where perhaps this can be unhealthy. I don’t know what the threshold is, and she certainty hasn’t crossed it, but it’s out there somewhere. She functions fine when he is not around, and she hasn’t allowed anything harmful to happen to her (not that I think Mike would harm her). My concern is that the trust she puts in Mike, although well deserved and earned, may lead her to believe she can place this type of trust in other men in the future. She very well may be able to do that, but she needs to keep her senses and sense of self.
When I talk to her about this she admits she thrives on losing herself to Mike. She reiterated her “Manifesto” to me. She admits she has no sense of self, only a sense of him. She recognizes our situation is unique and feels this is a safe and nurturing environment and she would “snap out of it” if she ever felt otherwise. She says it is that sense of safety and sense of nurturing that allows her to lose herself. Otherwise, she wouldn’t do it. So, that’s that.
In some ways I’ve had fewer “submissive” needs over the last several weeks. I’ve had some spankings and other punishments, but nothing out of the ordinary – and I am not left wanting. My “balance” has allowed me to focus more on Kayla, to talk with her and guide her, and to be a sufficient proxy when Mike is not around. I haven’t always been in a mood for that, but lately, it’s just seems very natural and easy for me.
Not wanting. That really sums up my feelings lately. I am happy with where things are we me, with Mike, with our household. And when things are going well it makes it easy to give your energy to others. Lately, that energy has been on Kayla. I am happy for her and happy that I am able to give her that.
KAYLA THE MASTER?
She starts school soon. That will be an interesting transition. She has spent so much of the last seven months with us old folks. The return to the environment, routines, and demands of school may be a shock to her system.
Oh, and Kayla is starting a Masters program. We joke whether or not it is appropriate for a submissive to get their Masters?! Of course we are kidding, as a sub can be as educated as they wish to be, it’s just, do they have to call it a Masters?
ADDENDUM: It dawned on me after posting this, that Kayla is showing all the signs and symptoms of Sub Frenzy! Can’t believe I didn’t recognize that sooner. Ah, to be in frenzy!!