144. To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir,’ that is the question. . .

144.ToSir

There’s a class participation request at the end of this post. Any ideas? 

Mike or Sir?
Mike asked me why, in my posts, do I always refer to him as “Mike” with the exception of using “Sir” when I am sharing specific dialogue?

Being in an increasingly submissive mindset, instead of answering him, I proudly said, “Sir, I will always refer to you as Sir from now on in my blog if that is what you want?”

He told me to bend over and he took off his belt and administered an Immediate Reward. I knew what it was for as this wasn’t the first time this occurred.  I failed to provide him an answer to his question.  Instead, I assumed he was displeased and  i assumed he was asking me to change.  In other words, I felt he was being dishonest in his question and it wasn’t really a question at all, but a request.   Thus, I was being disobedient for not answering him and assuming he had other unstated intentions.

When the Reward was concluded, he again asked me the question.  

“Sir, I purposefully do that in my blog.  I prefer to refer to you as ‘Sir’ when I am sharing what I said in a conversation.  Otherwise, I like to refer to you as “Mike.”  I look at it from the reader’s perspective.  You are not their “Sir,” you are mine.  And I want them to connect to you as person, as the regular guy you are.  If I only referred to you as Sir or Dom or any other title, the risk is that readers will attached their preconceived notion of what those terms infer about you, and some of those inferences may be wrong, or even negative.   As much as possible I want readers to understand you are a great husband, parent, and person.  You’re just “Mike” to them.  You are “Sir” to me!”

 Mike responded, “Fair enough, thank you!”

Such is the challenge a sub can have.  In my zest to want to please Mike and anticipate his needs, I may answer his questions in a manner I think will please him.  I forget that first and foremost, what pleases him the most is answering his questions as simply and directly as possible.  

He has told me before that each time we speak he isn’t always asking me to do something.  Sometimes he just has a question and wants a straight answer.   He’s told both Kayla and I that he doesn’t go for the, “Whatever you think, Sir” response.  That may be in violation of  Code 1516 of the Dom Handbook, but hey, it’s our TTWD, not anyone else’s.  

Mike said it would drive him crazy if each time he asked us our opinion the answer was, “Whatever you think, Sir.”  He feels that is a rude and disrespectful answer with the undertone of, “Duh, Sir, don’t you know I will shape my opinions to yours. Why do you keep asking me these things.”  I’ve received a few spankings in the past due to this as has Kayla (in fact, she got a lot of them for this early on as she was a bit over eager to please). Mike has made it clear that when he asks us a question or our opinion, he is expecting an answer and he doesn’t care if it fails to conform to his wishes or way of thinking.  If he has issues with our true feelings, we can then talk about it.  He believes that we can have “respectful disputation,” as Mike calls it, even with a D/s relationship.  I believe that too, and I am not just saying that, hee hee.

Of course, if the opinions being shared are about a particular action that needs to be taken, Mike is the ultimate decider.  After the respectful disputation he will make a decision and that is that, Kayla and I accept it.   

Three Cheers for BDSM Practioners! 
Check out this article, The Surprising Psychology of BDSM.  Us kinksters may be more “normal” and well adjusted than you think!   I’ll let you reach your own conclusions of how you interpret that study, but here is one of the positives they observed about BDSM practitioners:
“BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being.  Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity.”

Class Participation
To ‘Sir’, or not to ‘Sir’- that is the question 
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Spanks and nipple clamps of outrageous punishments 
Or to… humm… couldn’t think of a good line here.  
Or to…???    Any ideas?   

NEXT: 145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview

16 thoughts on “144. To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir,’ that is the question. . .”

  1. Your line in bold about simply answering the question! Yes! My wife needs this rule. She so rarely just answers the damn question I asked. She is always trying to find some hidden meaning or action I’m looking for and anticipating answering that. It drives me crazy! Just answer what I asked. I asked it because I want to know. Not to put you in some gotcha moment! Of course if we had an instant reward system like yours I might not mind her answering the wrong question now and again 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking, but I’m assuming it’s similar to Mike’s question. Therefore I like how you are currently writing. In your dialogue you should use “Sir” as that is how both you and Kayla address Mike. Otherwise I think using his name in your posts has merit–for exactly the reasons you suggested.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. i agree that you using his name serves to humanize him, while your use of Sir when speaking reminds everyone of your respect and station. i would have *such* a hard time with remembering to answer without first considering what i know about my Owners likes/dislikes. We become walking encyclopedias of all-things-Master, don’t we? It feels natural to me to filter everything through what she likes. i guess i’d get a lot of spankings in your house.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m probably gonna get a zero on this one but when you use “Sir” in specific dialog – but use Mike’s name when telling us something, at least for me, that makes Mike more of a real person than when I read other such blogs and the man is always referred to as “Sir.” It’s not all about what he is… but who he is and, um, he’s Mike.

    Given that I do not pretend to understand any of this, I have a question: Do you find that you get yourself into “trouble” when (a) you fail to anticipate Mike and (b) when you assume that you know what he wants? I’m probably wrong but doesn’t either thing set you up to feel leather against your backside which, um, okay, you actually do like that (and a lot from what I’ve been reading)… but what does that do to your thinking? Does it make you hesitant or make you do the thing he apparently doesn’t like – saying, “Whatever you think/prefer, Sir…”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A zero? I think not. You nailed it! 100%.
      As for your question: Definitely A. That was Mike’s point. While there are some basic things I should anticipate regarding my behaviors or actions, I shouldn’t ever anticipate his thoughts when he is speaking. It presumes he is being untruthful. I should take him at his word, or ask for clarification. I shouldn’t assume! Me saying, “Whatever you think” is just poor form and something I need (and he wants) me to stop doing.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved reading about this interaction and I feel that you should address him in your writing as you are most comfortable, with his approval, of course. I also want to compliment his consistency! Your instant reward was most deserving. I am guilty of making these types of assumptions as well…such a hard habit to break! Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I think you have written something thought provoking again ma’am.

    The use of names currently in play is wise and well done. Here, or in person, he would be “Mike” to me. (Actually, I’m big on manners so he would be “Mr. ….”) From your perspective he is “Sir”. Labeling as you do makes the narrative a much clearer read.

    In total agreement with your reward. He doesn’t need to ask you his thoughts, he was asking your thoughts. I too find that attempt the attempt to mindlessly please off putting. I know that it can be sincere, well intentioned and done with love but I also know that a subs insight is part of their value and key to the health of a relationship.

    Like

    1. Well thank you! Least we forget, “words are power!” I love that phrase you shared. “He doesn’t need to ask me his thoughts.” That is so perfect in summing up the issue here. Thank you for that! This short mantra will help me going forward. Uh-oh, I think I see a line punishment in my future for my next infraction. “Sir doesn’t need to ask me Sir’s thoughts. Sir doesn’t need to ask me Sir’s thoughts. etc., etc.

      Like

  7. Spoiler Alert: Let’s say he and I share a common trait and I tend to agree with his judgment calls as relayed by you. Hence the wording of my comment.

    I will find myself thinking “I don’t need to ask you my thoughts” on occasion. I want honest, open feedback. I want it when asked. (Unless it is something to be pondered before speaking.) I want the other person’s input. I already know what I think! This is an area where I’ve written before but it bears repeating, a person who wants a parroted opinion is domineering NOT dominant. A Dominant knows the value of the opinions to be had by asking the right questions.

    An idea for a post has arisen from this post and tonight’s events. Shall try for that tomorrow if my head allows.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Okay I have a random question for a Dom, maybe you could ask Mike? So I was talking with a dom and he said that he thinks that woman are inferior to men in all ways, and that’s why they need men to “dom” them. Does Mike think women are inferior?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 100% absolutely not. He is very much aligned with me on this. You could even call him a feminist as well. He does not attach our roles in TTWD with being ordained by our gender. He doesn’t believe all women should be submissive, or that anyone SHOULD BE submissive. He believes, as do I, that people should explore their (legal) fantasies and kinks, whatever they may be, free of societal hang ups or expectations. And yes, to be fair I did show him this comment and wrote what he told me — even though I already knew his feelings on this. Ug, it makes both of us cringe to even think about that dom. Bleh!!

      Like

    2. Also, how can you be a good dom if you believe your sub is inferior? A sub is to be cherished and loved. You can’t fully cherish someone that you think is “less than” not only you, but every other man. I am Mike’s sub, not men’s sub! Again, double bleh!!

      Like

    3. Sorry that was such a strong response. You hit a chord. I should have asked how you felt. So, how do you feel? Don’t worry if you disagree with me. While I have strong feelings about this (and other things), I never think someone is “less than” just because they disagree with me. So, how do you feel and what did you say to this Dom?

      Like

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