There’s a class participation request at the end of this post. Any ideas?
Mike or Sir?
Mike asked me why, in my posts, do I always refer to him as “Mike” with the exception of using “Sir” when I am sharing specific dialogue?
Being in an increasingly submissive mindset, instead of answering him, I proudly said, “Sir, I will always refer to you as Sir from now on in my blog if that is what you want?”
He told me to bend over and he took off his belt and administered an Immediate Reward. I knew what it was for as this wasn’t the first time this occurred. I failed to provide him an answer to his question. Instead, I assumed he was displeased and I assumed he was asking me to change. In other words, I felt he was being dishonest in his question and it wasn’t really a question at all, but a request. Thus, I was being disobedient for not answering him and assuming he had other unstated intentions.
When the Reward was concluded, he again asked me the question.
“Sir, I purposefully do that in my blog. I prefer to refer to you as ‘Sir’ when I am sharing what I said in a conversation. Otherwise, I like to refer to you as “Mike.” I look at it from the reader’s perspective. You are not their “Sir,” you are mine. And I want them to connect to you as person, as the regular guy you are. If I only referred to you as Sir or Dom or any other title, the risk is that readers will attached their preconceived notion of what those terms infer about you, and some of those inferences may be wrong, or even negative. As much as possible I want readers to understand you are a great husband, parent, and person. You’re just “Mike” to them. You are “Sir” to me!”
Mike responded, “Fair enough, thank you!”
Such is the challenge a sub can have. In my zest to want to please Mike and anticipate his needs, I may answer his questions in a manner I think will please him. I forget that first and foremost, what pleases him the most is answering his questions as simply and directly as possible.
He has told me before that each time we speak he isn’t always asking me to do something. Sometimes he just has a question and wants a straight answer. He’s told both Kayla and I that he doesn’t go for the, “Whatever you think, Sir” response. That may be in violation of Code 1516 of the Dom Handbook, but hey, it’s our TTWD, not anyone else’s.
Mike said it would drive him crazy if each time he asked us our opinion the answer was, “Whatever you think, Sir.” He feels that is a rude and disrespectful answer with the undertone of, “Duh, Sir, don’t you know I will shape my opinions to yours. Why do you keep asking me these things?” I’ve received a few spankings in the past due to this as has Kayla (in fact, she got a lot of them for this early on as she was a bit over eager to please). Mike has made it clear that when he asks us a question or our opinion, he is expecting an answer and he doesn’t care if it fails to conform to his wishes or way of thinking. If he has issues with our true feelings, we can then talk about it. He believes that we can have “respectful disputation,” as Mike calls it, even with a D/s relationship. I believe that too, and I am not just saying that, hee hee.
Of course, if the opinions being shared are about a particular action that needs to be taken, Mike is the ultimate decider. After the respectful disputation he will make a decision and that is that, Kayla and I accept it.
Three Cheers for BDSM Practioners!
Check out this article, The Surprising Psychology of BDSM. Us kinksters may be more “normal” and well adjusted than you think! I’ll let you reach your own conclusions of how you interpret that study, but here is one of the positives they observed about BDSM practitioners:
“BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being. Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity.”
To ‘Sir’, or not to ‘Sir’- that is the question
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Spanks and nipple clamps of outrageous punishments
Or to… humm… couldn’t think of a good line here.
Or to…??? Any ideas?