I thought I’d write a bit about my relationship with Kayla. Just her and I. This post is a bit of a ramble – a collection of various disjointed thoughts on our relationship. Sorry about that, I wasn’t feeling creative enough to weave a story with a nice intro, arch, and conclusion.
It sounds and feels very natural to me to say we are in love. It was a progressive thing. I shared the background of her relationship with our family in several posts and introduced her on Post 76. Meet the Babysitter. She grew up around my family and even joined us on some family vacations. The way we described it at the time was that Kayla was like a cousin to our kids and Mike and I were like her uncle and aunt. There were times we even told people she was our niece, or she told people we were her aunt and uncle. It made it easier to explain and I know it made Kayla feel good as well.
When I decided to come out to Kayla about my submissive lifestyle, I had absolutely no inkling that it would lead to where it has led. I wanted her to know about my DD simply because she hung around our household a lot and I no longer wanted to hide it from her. I simply wanted to be my full self around her.
The revelation to her, covered in Post 77. Heart to Heart with Kayla, resulted in her confiding a lot in me. I learned a lot more about her regarding her sexuality (pansexual). She also shared she was a “third” in a relationship with another couple. Even then, I had no thoughts of her and I together, or her and Mike, or any of that. But I was feeling something at the time. I think it goes back to the power of vulnerability. People become very attractive when they are vulnerable. But I didn’t think of it as love. It was more like adoration. But, I did give sex a thought but only in jest as it seemed so cliché regarding sex with the babysitter. I didn’t seriously think anything of it. It wasn’t long until those thoughts began to be more serious.
Kayla admitted that she always had a crush on Mike, ever since she was about 13 or 14-years-old. And she says that while she didn’t identify as bisexual or attracted to girls in general, she always felt attracted to me. She wanted to be like me, wanted my approval, and physically liked being close to me. She said the first time she masturbated to the thoughts of being with a woman, it was a fantasy that included me. Kayla says that when I opened up to her about my DD it immediately lit the spark that was already in her heart for me and for Mike. (Vulnerability and authenticity can be powerful like that).
As for me and Mike, our sexual attraction and deeper love for Kayla took a little time to build, but not much. For Mike, it started as simply sexual. He was initially ‘for it” simply on sexual grounds. For me, it was a mix of emotions and reasons. Part love, part curiosity, part submission to Mike, part excitement, and part wanting to help Kayla.
As we quickly got to know the full “adult” Kayla, both Mike and I realized how much we loved being around her. She injected a new energy in the house and fit so perfectly with how Mike and I “operate” as a couple. It is hard to describe what it is, but her demeanor, her take on life, her approach to things, etc., all complimented me and Mike. They aren’t exact, no more than they are exact within a two person relationship. The few differences were complimentary and never a source of conflict. Instead, they were sources of growth for all of us. Just a perfect fit that I can’t fully describe.
She moved in just after Christmas, so it has only been five months, but it feels longer. Not longer in the sense of someone overstaying a welcome, but longer in the sense that I can’t imagine not having her with us. In addition to the intense emotional connection she has with me and with Mike, there is of course the amazing sex, the submission, and the mundane household support. It is amazing what one more set of hands means to running a household. I was already running a pretty tight ship regarding household chores, but with Kayla here, the house is immaculate. Mike had to add dozens of new chores for us to do because we work so well in getting everything done. She enjoys the various household acts of service as much as I do.
Day-to-day Kayla and I stay very busy. Every day has many household duties for us to perform and we diligently do them all. I don’t think I mentioned our fish before. We have four different fish tanks, some fresh water, some salt water. They take a lot care and attention. Mike’s the fish aficionado and Kayla knows an awful lot about them too. It is a hobby they share in.
There are days with some down time, and Kayla does schedule in time to spend with her friends or visit her mom. There are some days where Kayla and I have sex during the day, just the two of us. And there have been some threesomes with just the two of us and Donna.
We also spend a lot of time talking about just about anything ranging from current events, pop culture, you name it. We also talk a lot about our individual needs for submissiveness. As I shared before, Kayla thrives on a more Master/Slave dynamic with Mike. She is submissive to me, but definitely in a D/s way and even then, I’d call it “D/S-light.” She calls me Ma’am, and always make sure there isn’t anything I need of her before she does something for herself.
I spank her when necessary, depending on the situation. If it is something significant, I might do an appropriate immediate punishment and leave it for Mike to determine her ultimate punishment needs once he gets home. On days Mike is working at home, I consult with him and he might instruct me as to a punishment to perform, or he may tell me he will address it when he has a moment.
Anytime I punish Kayla I give Mike a full report. When I do punish her I am accountable to Mike for giving Kayla “the punishment she needs and that is consistent with the punishment he would give.” This means I have to try to think like Mike in determining how to punish her. I could be punished by Mike if he feels I was too soft or too harsh on Kayla. Mike will question me as to why I choose a particular punishment and why I thought he would agree it was appropriate. So far, I’ve gotten it right and haven’t been punished for giving an “incorrect” punishment to Kayla.
While I don’t thrive on being a Dom, I do enjoy my role with Kayla. It is a softer type of Dom. I like the lecturing part of a punishment the best, and I like the after care. When I am spanking her or performing some other punishment, I identify more with her than as a Dom. I think about what she is feeling and going through and don’t focus on or give thought to what I am doing or seeing. I don’t get a sense of “domination” but I do get a sense of her submission.
I have mentioned before that I love to watch her and Mike. Even just knowing they are having sex is arousing to me. I like sharing Mike with her in that way, and I like knowing that she enjoys herself immensely. I have no complaints about Mike’s lovemaking, but Kayla considers his prowess to be at the level of a sex god. I like that she feels that way, and I like the fact that Mike knows she feels that way. I will say, Mike is very attentive to her sexual needs and I think because of the whole dynamic we have, Mike is able to give her things that other guys, especially those closer to her age, simply can’t or would never give.
If there is anything more you’d like to know, just comment. I am happy to share or answer any questions.
Oh – and in case you’re wondering, “Did Jen just post an actual picture of her and Kayla?” Part of me wants to keep you in suspense on that one. It would be a nice cliff hanger…
Okay, so no, it isn’t, but it is a great representation. It is about the right age difference – the person in the photo looks perhaps just a few years older than I am (I am referring to the young gal on the right. Not!). Both people share a lot of facial features consistent to how we each look, which is why I used it. We are both brunette’s though. So sorry to disappoint if you thought it was us. Hey, this vulnerability thing can only be taken so far. If it makes you feel better, maybe it really is us?
Next: Post 136. Submitted Wife
Domestic Discipline, Jenny style! 
In honesty I can say that yours is the only blog I’ve gone back and read in it’s entirety. You write well and with passion and your lifestyle is intriguing to me. I have learned some things from both you and your commenters–some of whom I follow. All the best as you move on and you could share a pic such as furcissy. No faces shown to protect the innocent!
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Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. I started the blog out of a burning desire to share. I pounded out the first dozen posts in just a day or two. I felt so motivated to share what worked for me, primarily because it even amazed me. A year earlier the thought of DD would have repulsed me. As for the pics, yeah, I’ve been tempted to do that but Mike has been explicitly clear regarding no pictures. He even reiterated that recently as he felt we’re moving to fast towards sharing too much with too many people. Oh, and there’s not much fur on that cissy, hee hee. bare down there!
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Bare down there is how I like it!
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Have your sisters disclosed your new lifestyle with their husbands? Have you had any interaction with the husbands recently?
I’m guessing your middle son is 20 or 21. Any chance an attraction could develop between him and Kayla?
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Yes, they told their husbands (with my okay as both Mike and I anticipated this and felt it would be unfair to tell them not too). Sure, there’s been some interactions, nothing different than before. It isn’t a topic that comes up with them nor do I plan it to be. Very good re middle son. He is 2 years younger than Kayla. No chance of attraction -well, shouldn’t say it is 0%, but it would be a shocker. They look at her more like a cousin, and there was never any attraction. They enjoy her company but were never friends (friendly,but not friends). Different likes, different set of friends, etc. So, yeah, not likely.
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I was in a poly relationship for a minute and it was complicated and frustrating, I’m glad yours isn’t like that. I, too, wonder things.. such as, if I found out my 20 year old daughter was involved in a relationship like this, would I be concerned? Something I think about sometimes.
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Yep, I wonder that too (she is 22, as if every year counts at that age, and, it does!). Anyway, on age difference alone, yes, a valid concern. But age alone isn’t a determining factor in whether a given relationship is nurturing and healthy.
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Great post. I often imagine how poly and threesome relationships work. Glad your complex relationships work.
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Loved reading about your relationship with Kayla…in this world, we have to grab onto happiness where we find it, and it is so different for everyone. Great post!
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thank you!
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For a nanosecond I thought you were joining missy in the ‘Free the Blogger Day’ vis-a-vis the picture. This post may be a ramble, but it has the air of wonderment, as in ‘I can’t believe we are so happy together.’
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I’m intrigued by your poly lifestyle. I know you’ve said you don’t think of yourself as poly, but since I do, well, that’s what I will call it! I find myself wondering throughout the day today how long this will last for Kayla. If she will become bored. Whether she’ll eventually want “her” own Dom (not that Mike is not hers, I realize he very much is her Dom just as he is yours too.) However I wonder whether she will want something such as marriage and children – and would that be something that you two would want to be involved in with her, or even again at this stage of your lives?
Right now it’s all new and exciting to all of you. But eventually, Kayla will surely want/need to find her way in the world with a career and your adult children will eventually wonder why she is still with you, don’t you agree? At some point, a bright woman of 30 still working as a live-in baby-sitter…? Do you think your sons would accept/understand the BDSM lifestyle?
Sir and I are quite a bit older, although as we married so much later in life, our only daughter is about the age of your children – she is 20. I wonder if I would be as open as you have been. I feel as if I “could” be, but I wonder whether my Sir would be. I doubt he would be willing to have a poly relationship. And your musings and thoughts about jealousy in other posts are very thought-provoking and revelatory.
Again, I so enjoy your blog, thank you for your funny and interesting thoughts, many of which I feel are helping me with my own struggle with my submission.
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I should have posted about what I want for her and what she says she wants for herself. She sees herself married to a man and having kids someday. She doesn’t know if she wants to be a sub for life,but believes she likely will always find comfort in some level of submission, but perhaps not full D/s or even DD. I would call our relationship poly, but I don’t identify myself as poly, which I know is an oxymoron. It isn’t poly to me, it is just Kayla! Anyway, we’ve talked about what will happen when she finishes her graduate degree in 2 years. She will likely go wherever a job is, maybe local, maybe not. And even if local, she may move out at that time. No firm plans, but it’s possible and I think likely. As sad as it is for all of us, we also know it is likely the right thing for her. Lastly, it is very heart warming to read comments like yours in realizing that my words have helped someone. I just started reading your posts and realize how fortunate I’ve been that Mike has wholeheartedly taken this journey with me.
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Yes, I feel you’re very lucky not just in your D/s journey, but you have a wonderful relationship and marriage. I guess two people such as Sir and I, who both grew up in very dysfunctional homes, are blessed indeed if we can even stay in a long-term relationship! We’ve been together 27 and married this month 23. It’s been basically good and we have everything we could possibly want materially. If you read my blog you’ll understand I grew up with a dad who did not know how to be a real father but provided for us. He was a classic military man and enjoyed his drink, burying all his emotions there. He didn’t know how to express his feelings, nor want to. His parents split up when he was very young, and he was abused a bit by his dad. When my oldest brother was not quite “normal” (would be special needs today) he couldn’t handle it.
Sir’s father was also military, but in HIS case, he was taken prisoner of war by the Germans in WWII and it changed him forever. He married a woman much more dominant (LOL) than him and he was content to let her rule the roost in their house. She basically was the strong one, making all the decisions. So, my Sir did not have the best male role model. His two older brothers have both been divorced twice each! The oldest is totally estranged from the family. It is such a strange family dynamic, and his mom (now nearly 96) is a mean tyrant who alienates everyone around her.
I think in some ways, Sir expected when we married and had our daughter that I would be strong like his mother… however I’ve always had a submissive streak, till Sir’s lengthy and continual work hours forced me into an unnatural dominant role. Which is why I am now sassy, bratty, and often not nice to him. I honestly don’t want nor mean to be, but all the years of being alone and being responsible for EVERYTHING turned this former good girl into a bad one. It’s not all his fault, I acknowledge what I have done was horrid and wrong. But he accepted full responsibility for turning me against him and we’ve moved forward and are going ahead as a married D/s couple.
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Thanks for sharing. I am very fortunate! Sounds like both of you have some baggage that influences your behaviors. I hope D/s is helping and if not, it sounds like you both are at least committed to trying different things to make the relationship work.
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