110. I Spy. . . something Poly! In defense of Millennials!

spy

Haven’t posted in a while.  Busier than usual days and evenings.  I tend to write a bit here and there and once complete, I post it.  Things have been happening so fast around here that before I finish what I think is something worth sharing, there is something new that tops it that I am anxious to share.  I have many half-written posts!   I am going to go back and finish each one and post them as soon as possible in order to catch you up on the various happenings in Mi Casa de Domestic Discipline.

This post isn’t really a story – just a general observation, actually, a bias of mine, and about our decision to “come out” a bit about our dynamic.  Yeah, that sounds like big news, but frankly, it doesn’t seem that big of deal to me anymore.  More on that later, but first, my general observation – which does tie into my “coming out” story.

MILLENNIALS
I know my feelings about this topic will not apply to all who fit this “label,” but, I think it is a fair generalization, to the extent that generalizations can be fair.  I am sure some of you would disagree with my assessment and I realize that the personal experiences that shaped my views on this may not jive with your experience.   Anyways, enough disclaimers!  What I am talking about is Millennials.  Those are the “kids” that are roughly aged 13-30, depending on what definition you find.   I must admit, I adore and envy Millennials, and my relationship with Kayla just deepens those feelings.

Millennials are often chided as a “special” generation, for thinking they are so “special” or entitled.  I think their proclivity for wanting to be special is misunderstood.  We all want that feeling.  Their “special” isn’t about self-indulgence to excess (that was for the adults of the 1980’s).  Instead, to me most Millennials seem to be more about a willingness to take on a journey of self-actualization.  Or better yet, not just a willingness, but an expectation that others will allow them to take that journey.  Such a journey is not about self-indulgence.  It is about self-discovery – a yearning to discover one’s full potential. Unlike other generations, the Millennials seem more willing to take on that journey and not judge their peers who also take on that journey.

They also seem more inclined to feel special through helping others, not necessarily in helping themselves.  I find Millennials are more open to new experiences and different ideas and are less likely to judge those that come with different ideas forged from different life experiences.   They embrace differences as an opportunity to learn and grow.   They also don’t accept conformity for conformity’s sake.   In the workplace they don’t accept “we’ve always done it that way,” — which sometimes make for a difficult employee!  In the household they don’t accept, “but the family has always done that/believed that/expected that.” — which for some households that can make for a difficult child!  The Millennial want to know why, and if the “why” isn’t meaningful, then they are quick to dismiss that action/belief/expectation.   I find my thinking is more aligned with that generation than with my own generation.

I don’t believe my yet to be born grand-kids or great-grand-kids should live any part of their life out of a sense of tradition or obligation to me or my ancestors.  What a terrible way for them to live.  I don’t care if they prepare the same foods I prepare, celebrate the same holidays I celebrate, or believe the same things I believe.  I want them to embrace whatever opportunities and experiences are available to them during their time on this earth, unencumbered by my beliefs or expectations.  Let them find the food, holidays, and beliefs that suit them, not me!

Okay, enough of that rant.

I SPY POLYAMORY
Kayla had a few friends over that we had the opportunity to meet.  There was maybe a fifteen or twenty-minute conversation with them before they left for the event they were all going to with Kayla.   But in that time some of them were able to sense there was something different with the dynamic going on in the house.   Although we didn’t do anything that would be obvious, some of them pegged us for having some sort of deeper relationship with Kayla than her just being a tenant.  (“Peg” as in “identify” or “figured out” and not in the kink use of the term.  Just wanted to be clear for all you warped minds out there!).

It goes back to something I shared in a prior post – actually several I think.  That is, your mind is more readily able to identify the things to which it is open.  When you are open to more differences, call it, more “colors of the rainbow,” then you suddenly are able to recognize those colors are present.  I think this enabled some of her friends to quickly pick up on some subtle signs between how Mike, Kayla, and I interacted and in turn, identify what those subtle signs meant.

After Kayla left with her friends and they were out on their afternoon together, one of her friends said, “So, how long have you been sleeping with the H’s?”  Kayla did her best to deny it, but she knew they weren’t buying it.  Suffice to say, now some of Kayla’s friends know there is a three-way dynamic going on with Kayla and us.  Most of them define it as Kayla being in a polyamorous relationship with an older married couple.  They didn’t seem to connect the dots re D/s relationship, but they were attuned enough to at least connect that there was something sexual going on.   Although Kayla never outright confirmed it with them, it was clear they knew.

Kayla told us what happened and we talked about how she should handle further inquiry from them.  We asked her to just remain coy.  Let their imagination fill in any blanks, and don’t overly deny anything while also not confirming anything.

Kayla said one of her friends brought it up again to her and Kayla basically told her, “So what if there is?  If there is, do you think the three of us would want everyone to know?   And if there isn’t, then do you think we want people thinking that there is?”    She said her friend said something to the effect, “I don’t care either way, I was just curious.   Fine if you are, fine if you aren’t.  And apparently you are and you don’t want to talk about it.  Cool with me.”   To that Kayla said, “Fine, then, that’s settled,” to which they replied, “but aren’t they kinda old for you?”  Kayla said that her friend’s follow up questions were only about the age difference.  No questions about how could she partake in such a relationship – no, the fascination from her friends isn’t about why she is basically in a Triad with a married couple.  Nope.  That doesn’t seem too remarkable to her friends.   But the age difference – oh, that was remarkable.

So, now some of Kayla’s friends basically know there is something more to our relationship with Kayla and we okay with that.  We have reached a point that while we don’t want to advertise our sexual proclivities, we aren’t opposed to people knowing or suspecting things.

I was curious about what it was that her friends saw such that their minds leaped to such a far-out conclusion?  Kayla came back and reported this – Their first clue was whenever they talked to Kayla about her living with us.  They said there was this spark in Kayla’s eyes and tone in her voice that made her appear bit giddy to just talk about us.   The second clue was when Mike and I were in the living room talking to her friends, waiting for Kayla to finish getting ready for their afternoon out.  They said the demeanor of both Mike and I changed when Kayla walked into the room.  They said they couldn’t exactly explain it, but our eyes perked up and the tone in our voice changed when we talked to Kayla.  When we said goodbye to them as they left for their event, they said the way we said goodbye to her seemed to be different.  They couldn’t exactly describe what it was, but it just felt different and two of the three of her friends picked up on this.

I am sure those same “signals” are there when we are with other people, but it was only this group – this group of millennials – that were able to read the signals.  OR – it could be others read it but would be too embarrassed to ask.   Either way, this group not only read the signals, but thought nothing of asking Kayla about it.  I find this very interesting.

I asked John and Donna if they sensed anything like that between Mike, Kayla, and me.  They said no, but, since they know what is going on, perhaps it is harder to see those “signals.”

LETTING OTHERS KNOW?
This experience fed a growing interest in me to reveal to my sisters my DD lifestyle and our relationship with Kayla.  We are very close and share all sorts of things, and I have always felt a bit guilty for not sharing this with them.  I don’t need their acceptance but I do value their input, even if critical.  Also, I was now curious to know if they suspected anything.  I talked with Mike and he agreed that I could do so.

In the past year I had shared with my sisters that Mike and I have adjusted our relationship such that I decided to turn over more decisions to him and I actually used the term “be a more submissive housewife.”  They know I put a lot of energy into my son’s needs and that I’ve always been a bit of a control freak, so they accepted that I was in need of a break.   I did not try to dispel their view that they saw this as more about Mike stepping up and taking more responsibilities than they saw it as me stepping down and being submissive.  I certainly didn’t share with them that I am spanked or punished in any way.

For a bit more context about my relationship with my sisters – we probably share more than typical sisters share.  We all probably know more about each other’s sex life than we should, and they know about my “bisexual experiences” (as they call it) with Amy. (as shared in Post 73 Pube Shaving Party, 64 Strip Quarters, and 62. Sexual Adventures of a Pre-DD Jenny).    And I know about some of their more “out there” sexual experiences – but DD and my relationship with Kayla would top them all as being the most “out there.”

Anyway, I plan to tell them. Not sure when – it’s not like I am going to call them and say, “Guess what…”  I’d like to tell them together and figure the best time will be the next time the three of us sisters have a lunch together.  I’ll try to schedule one with them soon.

So, there you have it.  We’ve been “outed” a bit by some of Kayla’s friends, and we are going to out ourselves a bit to my sisters.   This reflects a growing comfort and respect I have for our lifestyle.  I know this lifestyle is not one that most people would choose, nor that most people could handle, but it works well for us.

While we want to continue being discreet and we won’t outwardly proclaim or display our lifestyle with all but a select few, we also won’t’ go out of our way to deny it to those that ask or suspect something.  I am not ashamed of my submission or of our relationship with Kayla. We have even thought through how to handle this news with our three children, if it comes to that.  No plans to share, but we will be ready if necessary.  But hey, they are all Millennials, so they can handle it, right?  Ha!  I know it is way different when the subject is your parents and not your peers. Can you say, “Therapy!”

NEXT 111.  DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style

 

6 thoughts on “110. I Spy. . . something Poly! In defense of Millennials!”

  1. Jen, I am not sure you need to be a millennial to figure something is different in the dynamic between the three of you. Now if I understood the layout of your house correctly, I not sure the average landlord would have their ‘tenant in the next bedroom. Also what did Kayla call you and Mike? Sir and Ma’am or Mr. and Mrs. H? As for the D/s I am sure could be figured out soon enough. It may be winter now but if you or Kayla wear short skirts, shorts or swim suit, sooner or later won’t some bruises show at least once in a while?
    What I am trying to say is I am glad you are not trying to hide your lifestyle because I am guessing people get to know the three of you can figure it out. I will bet your sisters have some idea. So it’s good you plan to tell them.

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  2. I think it has more to do with the openness of the sharing of personal lives online. Being observant is not generational, but speaking your mind certainly is. Millennials are however, less quick to rush to judgment, although I have known some that much more socially rigid than this Baby Boomer.

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  3. I have been in DD Jennifer withdrawal. After reading all your posts there has been a wait for this post. So I’m pleased to see it tonight. The millenials I know are not overly perceptive. Neither are they especially concerned with others. There must be some cues that are helping Kayla’s friends determine something is “off” about your relationship. I’m glad you are ok with their knowledge of your household.

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  4. I love the raw truthfulness in your post and the humor (pegging.. haha). I had been the third in a triad. It was much different though. The woman only wanted me to please the man… and it didn’t feel “right.” Since then, I cannot tell you how many couples I’ve been asked to join… actually join… not just in the bedroom. Being new to this world, I thank you for sharing your experience… and being inadvertently “outed.”

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