78. Three’s -not- a crowd?

threes

I feel a bit naughty with how I ended my last post. It sure inferred a lot of stuff with my last line – and I fully intended for that.  I like doing that in a post (maybe I will do it on this one, hint hint).  It is fun to let your imagination run wild, as it is likely more exciting, daring, and shocking than real life.  The problem is, it is reality, not a story. But boy, what a story it could be!

This post may be different from my others. I typically share a situation or feeling and try to take it through to conclusion. I try hard to be authentic, accurate, and open with you, thus probably err on the side of TMI. But even while being a bit too verbose I do try to provide you with a read that has some forward momentum to it. For this post I am far from a conclusion and don’t know where this will go, but it sure seems to be leaning a certain way.  Flooding you with my prose won’t make for a good read so I’ll do my best to revise and edit my pounding out of random thoughts.  You can be the judge if I am successful or not.

If you haven’t read about Kayla, you can do so here and here.

Despite all that Kayla has revealed to me (and I to her), I still can’t let myself think of her in “that” way. I recognize she is an adult, but a young one at that. I am stuck on the fact that if one of my sons had a sexual relationship with a woman who was 25 years older than they are, I would be highly suspicious of that woman. Despite my tendency to assume the best in people, and to not judge them on a single criteria, that tendency is squashed when it comes to the thought of that. I guess since I would not look fondly upon it, it is hard for me to open myself up to the possibilities.

HOWEVER, Mike looks at it differently. The primary difference is that again, I think I see myself as more motherly in my relationship with Kayla. Mike on the other hand, sees her as a “hot young thing” that wants us.   After talking with Mike, I figured before we get to riled up in our differences, let’s find out how she see us. Perhaps she isn’t even interested. Well, that got clarified both yesterday and today.

Mike did say that now that Kayla knows a bit about our dynamic that all rules apply when Kayla is around.   He said he reserves the right to punish me with her watching, but would be mindful of not making Kala uncomfortable. I think that means he won’t actually do it, but he likes the threat of me thinking that he might. Honestly, I like it too. That is, I like the threat that it could happen, but honestly, I don’t want it to.

Sure enough, Kayla came over about 1pm yesterday as she just had morning classes. I jokingly told her she was just a voyeur and came over just to see my tits. Her sly response was “Maybe, but that was just a bonus. Really, I want to talk more.”

So we talked as I went through my daily chores. It was nice to have an extra set of hands to fold clothes and stuff like that. She shared more details about her sexual experiences as well as her views on both relationships in general and her various relationships specifically. I learned that her best friend is 28 and her best friends’ boyfriend is 31. This is the couple that she often joins with in a threesome. I didn’t realize they were that much older than her. Granted, 7 and 10 years isn’t huge, but to me a big difference between 21 and 31. I guess that is my personal hang up.

In turn I ended up sharing more with her about our DD lifestyle. Kayla asked a lot of questions and it got to the point that it seemed pointless to hold back certain things.   While I didn’t tell her everything, such as the relationship with John and Donna, I told her plenty. I ended up giving her the name of my blog and told her that it would completely reveal my DD journey to her (as well as what goes on with John and Donna). I did tell her that I blogged about her and used her real name. Oops, I hadn’t thought about that when I first mentioned her. Anyway, she was fine with that and was anxious to look it up. She got on her phone right away and started reading some of it – enough to make me blush – hey, I never knew that even my boobs turned a bit red when I blush. Is that normal?

Okay, so I am basically fully out when it comes to Kayla and being a pretty straightforward person I just put it out there and asked her if she had any inclinations about sex with Mike and I. She didn’t say no, but she was a bit hesitant. She said the thought did cross her mind but she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She did say she has always liked older people – all her friends were always older, even when she was in high school, I knew that as a freshman she seemed to be friends with most of the seniors, and as a senior, all her close friends were in college or finishing up college. She did say she had a bit of a crush on Mike when she was younger, but hadn’t really thought of him in “that” way.

She of course then turned the tables and asked me what I thought. I told her that I was very fond of her company, enjoy being around her, and think she is a wonderful human being. I told her she was beautiful, both inside and out, however, I am stuck not just on the age difference, but by the fact we have known her since she was so young that I have a hard time thinking of her in “that” way. I told her that it is hard for someone to think of their parents or their kids as sexual beings. Everyone else can be wild sexual beings, but not parents or children.   She laughed as she agreed that she can’t think of her parents that way either. I told her I think of her more as an extension of the family, closer to a daughter than just a babysitter or neighbor. Thus my hang up.

In all the conversation went very well. I did sense that she was unsure, albeit perhaps for difference reasons than me. So, I felt relieved and that there was nothing imminent to justify worrying about this.

When I talked to Mike last night and shared the conversation I had with Kayla, he got pretty excited over the prospects. While Kayla didn’t say she was game, it seemed clear that she likely would be. Now, this could have become an argument between Mike and me, but I kept my cool.   I told him that there is absolutely no doubt or hesitation that I would go along with his wishes as I always fully intend to honor my sexual submission to any of his wishes. (It’s in the contract!)  That being said, I did have reservations.

I explained that while we know Kayla well, we don’t know her that well. I didn’t know about her sex life and while I don’t find it shocking, it does raise safety questions for us. We have kept our “swinging” to just John and Donna. Expanding that opens not only us up to STD’s and the like, but opens up John and Donna. We can take precautions, but, that is a change in our “routine” and we would have to stick with it.

More importantly, as Kayla revealed more things to me I have found her to be a bit needier than I previously perceived her to be. She has some emotional baggage and my arm-chair psychological diagnosis is that some of her sexploration is to fill a need to be loved and accepted. Not to knock people who fit that description, but, I don’t know that I want to invite that type of neediness into my “inner circle.” My life is very good right now, so why potentially complicate it?

My next reasoning is that thus far if somehow any of my children found out about TTWD, I would not feel any embarrassment or shame. A bit uncomfortable yes, but more uncomfortable FOR them because I think they would be the ones more freaked out by it.   However, if we were to have sex with Kayla and they found it, I would feel terrible. This is someone they’ve known for a long time and is more of a peer to them. It would be way uncomfortable for me.

My final reasoning was that it was just too much, too fast. I tend to take a situation, do a deep dive into all the feelings and permutations of what if this, what if that, and then make a decision and move forward. As a submissive I have given up a lot of that in deference to Mike, and it has taught me that I don’t need to be in a rush to decide things. Of course, in our new dynamic it is not about me deciding things but I still get to be an advocate for my feelings.  I feel I must advocate for taking it slow, if at all. Last night after sharing all of this with Mike, he ultimately agreed with me.  Not so much that he saw it my way, but he saw that it was important to me and was willing to go along with it and not push the issue.  Then today happened.

Today
Kayla came over again. Back-to-back visits when she is not there to watch our son is rare, but, Kayla wanted to talk.   I was very open with her and shared every concern I shared here…both about sexual diseases and about neediness.  It was a very emotional conversation for her and while I got to understand her even better, it didn’t change my concerns.  One quick fairly comical aside – At one point when I was talking to her about all the reasons we should cool it and just put off even considering this for some time I told her, “I know it is very hard to come across as the prude when I am standing here with my tits out, but. . . “   Anyway, it got a laugh and helped break a bit of tension that had built up. Maybe you had to be there to get how funny it was. Oh well, next . . .

Then Mike came home a bit early and said he had a few things to finish up but would work out of his home office. Kayla already knew I had talked to Mike about all of this so when she saw him she boldly asked him his thoughts. Mike looked at me and I recognized his face as being the face of “oh crap, I don’t want to say something different than you.”   I told him, “Sir, whatever feelings you want to share about this is fine by me. You know I’ll support you, Sir.”

I thought he would perhaps take the opportunity to say, “Okay, let’s all get naked” but he didn’t. I was relieved when he said, “Kayla, we love you and want what is best for you. We don’t want our sexual appetites to cloud that.  Despite whatever fun or extra connection we could have by having sex, it may end up being a terrible thing for you. Let’s just take our time talking through it, understanding everyone’s needs and expectations better, and see where it goes. No harm in waiting, right?”

Kayla agreed, but reiterated to him what she told me previously. “I am not some fragile flower. I understand the pros and cons here.   All this talk makes it all sound so clinical and planned, which is a big turn is off.   I figure if it happens it would happen when we aren’t expecting it, and I certainly don’t want to have to schedule it. So, fine, yes, let’s just cool it. It sounds like we all want it on some level, so if it happens, it happens.”

Wow. I found her response very erotic! But I found Mike’s response an even greater turn on.

Mike responded, “If it happens, it happens. . . ‘Sir.’”

Kayla and I both smiled and she repeated, “Yes, if it happens, it happens, Sir!

NEXT: 79. Anxiety, Resentment, Jealously, Guilt.

77. Heart to Heart with Kayla

h2h

I introduced you to our babysitter, Kayla, in my last post.  Yesterday I invited her to join me on some errands, just the two of us.  Mike took our son on an afternoon out at a local amusement park.

As mentioned in my last post, I decided to “come out” to Kayla regarding my relationship dynamic with Mike.  Overall it went well, but there were unexpected turns and revelations.

We were having lunch and I said, “Kayla, I wanted to talk to you about something very important to me regarding the relationship between Mike and me.”   I proceeded to tell her that about a year and half ago I choose to become submissive to Mike.  I explained why I not only enjoy it but feel I am thriving.  I told her that I am telling her this because I am thriving in so many fulfilling ways and simply put, it brings me great joy.  (Thanks jadescastle for the suggestions re the “joy” line.  I was a great way to accurately and simply sum up my feelings).  “Because of this I don’t like it when I have to suppress or alter my actions when around other people.  Since you spend a lot of time with us, I want to be able to completely be myself, and express myself with Mike as I would normally do.”

Her initial reaction was pretty simple.  “Oh, gosh, I am sorry you felt you had to be different around me.  Thank you for trusting me and sharing that.”

She is such a great person.  She is so self-aware and empathetic and very smart – she finished in the top ten of her high school class.  It was just like her to come at it from my perspective.  Most people react to things about how it impacts them, or inconveniences them, etc.  Not Kayla.

She then asked what exactly was involved in my being submissive.  I explained as simply as I could and focused on it being a way to help me be the person I wanted to be.  I told her I suppose mine was a selfish submission, at least in the beginning, as it was all about what I wanted, but that I recognized my entire family would benefit.  I said that I defer to Mike’s needs and focus intently on meeting his needs, but, again, the genesis of all of it was that it was a way to focus on my own dreams and desires, which are directly linked with being submissive to Mike.

She said something like, “Wow, that is amazing.  I never really noticed anything like that was going on, but, I still don’t understand exactly what it means.  Are we talking ‘50-shades of Grey’ submission?”

I tried to not answer that directly.  Instead, I explained my submissiveness is about accountability to the commitments I have made to myself and to Mike.  It reminded me of how I introduced the concept of DD to Mike way back when.  I avoided the term “spanking” or “punishment” and left it as simply “accountability.”   And, almost verbatim like Mike, she said, “Accountable in what ways?”

My response was that he will point out the times I fail to act in accordance with what I committed to.

She was far more inquisitive and more aware of submission than I was prepared for.  She obviously had seen 50 Shades as she said, “Like putting you over his knee for rolling your eyes?”

I smiled and said, “Look at you with that ’50 Shades’ reference.   Well, honestly, yes, something like that could happen, but it is all in a very different context than what’s in that movie.”

“Oh,” she said.   I could see she connected the dots regarding spankings.

“So Kayla, tell me what you think about this?”

“Honestly I am surprised, but not shocked.  It’s cool.  I see how you and Mike are together and I look up to you all so much as a model for a great relationship.  I’ve never known the specifics of what you all do to make your relationship work, but I’ve always observed that you both treat each other with so much respect.  You two are so relaxed around each other and even when you all disagree with something it is like it is no big deal.  And I am talking about years of watching you.  And you said this submission thing is only a year and half old.  While I never suspected something like that, in looking back now I can say that I did find both of you even more outwardly happy than before.  You’ve both been ultra relaxed and so cool to just be around.  I mean, I always felt that, but yes, in the last year or so even more so.   I thought it was just because I was getting older and thus just more aware and even envious of your relationship.”

She then said, “I am really curious and I want to understand what this means day-to-day.  Would you tell me what the last three things that Mike called you out for and what happened when he did?”

Oh my.  She was wanting me to share my last few punishments!

I said, “I don’t look at it as Mike calling me out.  I expect him to hold me accountable for the things I have agreed to do and for the ways I have agreed to act.  I even hold myself accountable.  And, suffice to say, when I fail to meet my commitments I expect and I receive our agreed upon consequences.  Kayla, I don’t mind sharing a lot of details with you, but let’s not move too fast here.  I’ve shared a lot and I am sure your mind is spinning.   We can talk more about any details later.”

“Okay,” said Kayla, “but what does this really mean regarding changes I should expect to see?”

A very fair question.   I explained that I would be not hide my submissiveness when she was around.  She would hear me always refer to Mike as “Sir” and expect me to more outwardly be deferring to him.

She wanted to know if Mike would spank me when she was around.  I told her that it would be up to him, but that I suspect if I did something wrong he would either send me to my room for a punishment, thus she wouldn’t have to witness it, or, defer it until she left.  Either way, it would be up to Mike.

I told her one of my main concerns with telling her all of this is how she would perceive Mike.  I shared that I had met another submissive couple and, before I understood their dynamic of a submissive lifestyle, I always thought the husband was a jerk.  I didn’t want her to think that way of Mike.

She proceeded to tell me all these glowing things that she thought of about Mike.  How she used to wish Mike was her father and, when she was younger she even had a puppy-love type crush on Mike.   That she thought Mike was an amazing father and so cool to be around.  She then started to cry a little.  She then said, “I guess since you’ve shared something with me, I’d like to share things with you.”

She started to share a lot of very personal stuff with me.  About her parents and about herself.  She was getting pretty shaken up.  We left lunch and I told her we could go to my house as Mike and my son were out.

She continued to share all sorts of things with me on the drive home and once we got there.   There were things about her parents and about her sex life.  She shared that she considered herself bisexual, but preferred the term pansexual.   She was currently in a relationship with one of her best friends and her best friend’s boyfriend.  Basically a poly-type thing but that she didn’t really consider herself a part of their relationship like that, but that she would often join them in threesomes.  She said she had dated both men and women and while she did come out to her parents as “pan” they did not approve.   She said her mother almost kicked her out, but ultimately let her stay.   She said that despite all her great grades and frankly, in my opinion being such a great kid, she felt like she was a disappointment to her parents.

She got highly emotional and upset many times but continued to pour herself out to me.    There was a lot more to what she shared with me that I won’t share here.  She was so open and honest and completely uncensored in what she shared that I thought about just pointing her to this blog and telling her she could learn a lot more here – but, I decided against it, at least for now.

Ultimately, as things calmed down and we had a very lengthy intense talk about the things she shared, she showed her wit by saying, “Okay Mrs. H, so now will you tell me about the last three times you did something wrong?”

After she poured her heart out, I didn’t feel right telling her no.  So, I did.

Three Spankings.
I told her I got a spanking for forgetting a few items from the grocery store and we ran out of several items when we needed them.  I also got punished for leaving the garage door open after I came home from some errands.  This is something I have done on occasion and Mike really up’d the punishment accordingly, but I didn’t share that detail with her.    Then, the last one was just the day before, on Friday afternoon.  Mike took the afternoon off and we went shopping together.  When I got home I forgot to disrobe at the door.  It had been so long since I’ve been somewhere with Mike when our son wasn’t with us or wasn’t home that I just wasn’t thinking about it.   Oh, yes, I then had to share that one of our rules was that I had to be naked whenever I was home and our son was not here, although recently we agreed I could keep my panties on.

Kayla pointed out that my son was not home and I was not naked.   Kayla reminded me that the reason I shared all this with her was that I didn’t want to behave differently when she was around.  “Mrs. H, if you are supposed to be naked, and you told me all this so you could follow your submissive rules around me, then, shouldn’t you be naked now?”

Damn, what to do?  I told Kayla I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable but she assured me she would not be.  Hell!!!  I was also reluctant because of the detail I left out regarding my punishment for the garage door incident.  It wasn’t just a spanking, but also a breast punishment.  Mike decided I needed an escalated punishment for repeating the same transgression many times, and he whipped my breasts.  They still had bruises (they really seem to bruise so much more easily than my butt).   I didn’t want her to see that.  I felt I already shared too much, too soon, and she didn’t need to see that.

Kayla was jokingly relentless.  “Come on Mrs. H., you said you told me all of this because you didn’t want to act differently when I am around.  Well, I am around and you are acting differently.”

I told her, “Yes, that is all true, but I need to make sure it is okay with Mike and he is not here.”

“Text him,” she said slyly.

I told her that I would not and that perhaps next time if my son wasn’t home she just might be seeing me naked in my house.   I told her to remember that my submission is not just about the salacious details of nakedness and spanking and that it is so much deeper than that and that I want her to focus on my love and devotion and not my spankings.

“Okay, Mrs. H.  Okay”

“By the way, Kayla, please just start calling me Jenny.  You can drop the Mrs. H.”

“Okay, Jenny,” I’ll do that.  But Mr. H is still Mr. H., right?”

“You’ve caught on well,” I responded.

Next: 78. Three’s -not- a Crowd?

76. Meet the Babysitter

sitter

We have a go-to babysitter, Kayla, who is twenty-one years old. She first started watching my son since she was 12. Suffice to say we have gotten to know her extremely well. We know her parents casually – they used to live on our street.   They got divorced and moved away, but Kayla and her mom still live in the same town, just farther away from our house. Kayla lives at home and goes to college.

When Kayla isn’t available I typically ask one of my two sisters who live in town. Between the three of them we are pretty fortunate to always be able to find someone to watch our son. I think I mentioned before that he is 16, but has special needs. He can be somewhat independent and care for himself, but needs to have some supervision to ensure he remains safe and secure. Thus, other than Kayla and my sisters, it is not like we would ever trust him with a babysitter who was unknown to us and inexperienced with being around my son. Kayla sort of grew into the role of trusted babysitter since she interacted a lot with our son when they were both little.

I often call Kayla to join me for errands when I am unable to leave our son with Mike. I find it easier to shop or do errands when I have another set of eyes, ears, and hands.   Kayla seems to enjoy it because not only do I pay her for her time, but it is basically like a shopping trip for her, even if she isn’t actually buying things. We have gotten to know each other very well, and sometimes we have invited Kayla to have dinner with us and has even stayed to watch a movie.   She is a bit like an addition to our household, especially during and after her parent’s divorce. She looked at her time with us as respite from the turmoil at home.

Where am I going with this story?

It seems cliché to have a story about the babysitter.  In a forum like this with a blog like mine, it seems obvious where this is going.  (Pause.  Let the fantasy build.  Yes, I am talking about the fantasy going on in your mind right now you perv.   Yes, keep thinking about it.  Here it comes . . . Buzz-kill!).   Let me say right now that this story is NOT going there.

Kayla may be 21, but to me she is still that little girl that grew up on our street. I have a hard time seeing my two older sons as adults, let alone Kayla. In fact, since she is about the same age as one of my son’s and younger than my oldest, I can’t envision any hanky-panky with someone who is ostensibly a peer to my children.   So, I know where your mind was going, but I’ll put a buzz-kill on that fantasy right now. It ain’t happening.

So what is the purpose of sharing this?   The issue for me is that it is getting more inconvenient for me to hide TTWD from her. She has been hanging around us with greater frequency lately.  When she is around, at best I have to turn down my submissiveness, or at worst, I turn it completely off.  I am mentally distracted by having to think in an un-sub way and just don’t like being un-submissive.  Thus, Mike and I talked and we agreed to “come out” to Kayla about some of TTWD.

I am concerned about how she will react. While I believe I know her well enough to feel like she will accept it, I don’t know if it will make her uncomfortable such that she wouldn’t want to babysit any longer. I’d hate to lose her as she is my often my respite as caregiver.   Also, it feels awkward to share something like this with her given her age and how long we have known her. I can try to justify it by remembering that I was already married at her age, and yes, she is an adult. . . but, as I said, I still see her as a little girl.

I feel that anything related to TTWD should come to her naturally, as part of growing up and seeking new experiences, not as part of something we expose her to.   I know that sounds stupid given the fact that this stuff (and far more extreme stuff) is practically everywhere these days. I just realized what it is as I was typing this.  She evokes my motherly-instincts.  Thus, it is hard to discuss a topic like this with her.  It is almost like I would be telling my own children about it.  But,  I feel I must do so as I can not suppress my submissiveness when she is around.  Plus, the thought of expressing it in front of her brings me joy and excitement. I just hope we don’t lose her.

This weekend I plan to sit down with her and explain it. I haven’t shared our lifestyle with anyone that knows me other than John and Donna.  I don’t plan on giving Kayla a blow-by-blow account (both figuratively and literally, hee hee), regarding what our Domestic Discipline is all about, but at least give her the general picture.

This ought to be interesting.  I don’t know what to expect.

Next: 77. Heart to Heart with Kayla

75. Public Display of Submission

public

If the title got your attention, just know I am referring to something far tamer than say a bare bottom spanking in the middle of the store, or walking down the street in my underwear and in irons – although both of those scenarios sound delightful!  Nope, this is way more simple and innocent, but still gets some great reactions from people.

I’ve mentioned several times before,and again in this recent post, that I have to ask Mike for permission when purchasing anything other than everyday essentials like food and toiletries.  Sometimes I would call him but typically I would text.  Well, Mike had this idea that I should have to call and speak with him and not just text.   His reason was simple.  He said it basically “gets him off” to have me ask for permission and the thought of doing so where others may hear me just makes it that more intense.  Fact is, I enjoy it too.  I like to put my submission on display and this an easy way to do that.

About a week ago we implemented this new rule in that I have to call him for permission.  If he doesn’t pick up I have to leave a message asking for permission and then follow with a text and await a response.  I’ve had to do this several times now – in fact, I think it makes me look for stuff to buy.  That is counter to why the rule exists – but, I’ve found I really enjoy the feeling I get.  It’s like not only am I displaying my devotion publicly, but it has this tinge of the taboo, this mix of mischief, with a smidgen of shock thrown in.   I love the looks I get, and I don’t try to ignore them.  Quite the opposite.  I love to playfully engage people.  It goes something like this,

As I tried on some tennis shoes with the help of a salesman and found the one’s I liked, I announce, “Okay, let me call my husband and get his okay.”   With the salesman standing there and making sure I speak loud enough so anyone nearby can hear. . .

Me to Mike:  “Hi Sir, I’d like permission to buy some new sneakers as my old ones are really worn.

Me to the clerk:  “How much are those again?”

Me to Mike:  “$89, Sir.   What’s that?  Oh, I’ll find out”

Me to the clerk:  “What is that with tax?”  Mike likes to mess with me, but really, we both enjoy messing with the clerk.

Me to Mike:  “It’s about $97.14 with tax Sir.   Yes, Sir, sorry Sir, it was $89.99 before tax, not just $89.  Yes Sir, I’ll remember to be more precise next time.  Thank you, Sir, I love you Sir.”

Me to Clerk:  “Sorry, he said no.   (Pause).   Just kidding, he said yes.  I’ve been extra good to him lately because I’ve been needing new shoes for a while now.  Aren’t you happy he said yes?”

Clerk in disbelief:  Uh… yeah.

The more people who are around the more I love playing this up.  I commented once to a woman who was in ear shot of my conversation with Mike and looked her straight in the eye and with an exaggerated bubbly giggle-like voice said, “I am such a lucky girl to have a husband who sometimes let’s me buy things for myself.”

I am getting bolder in what I say.  My bold-meter is not quite there yet but I am waiting for the right time to say to someone, “I am so glad he said yes, because frankly, I was thinking of buying it anyway and just accepting my spanking.”

It’s starting to be a game with Mike and I.  He is making me ask more and more mundane things of the clerk before he gives permission.  I am waiting for the time he has me really put the clerk through the wringer only to come back and say no, I can’t buy whatever it is.  I am already practicing my pouty face and trying to force some tears and say something like, “My husband said no.  What I am going to do?”

It’s an added thrill to mess with people and think about what they later will tell their spouses or friends about this customer they got today.   That’s just a bonus on top of the great feeling I get when I publicly display my submission like that.  Messing with people is fun.

NEXT: 76.  Meet the Babysitter

 

74. Interview with Sir

notes

I figured I’d change this up and share a conversation I had with Mike, but in the form of an interview.  I asked him if I could do a Q&A and share it with you all, and this is the result. I hope you enjoy.

After reading it I think my interview skills are lame, so if there are other questions you would have, let me know.  

Jen:  What did you think when I first suggested DD?

Mike:  Honestly, I didn’t know what to think.  I wasn’t sure what you really meant, how far you wanted to take it, or any of that.  My initial reaction was to try to understand what you were feeling and what you felt it would help address, and then, it was all about understanding what DD was in general, let alone the version you wanted for yourself.   What do you think about my initial reaction?

Jen:   Hey, I am asking the questions, Sir, but as always, I was amused by how serious you took it.  You didn’t seem aroused by the sexual overtones or shocked by the fact I was willing to be submissive.    You approached it in your matter-of-fact style you approach everything.   Why do you think that was?

Mike:  You know my style has been to always try to seek to understand before seeking to be understood.   This was no different.  I really wanted to understand what it all means, what YOU meant by it, and then form my own thoughts and feelings about it. 

Jen:  And once you formed those thoughts and feelings, what did you think?

Mike:  As you know, I was for it.  You were very fervent in your belief on what it could do for you and for us.  It was convincing.   Once I understood what it meant and what it meant to you, then I was able to let my imagination run a bit and think about the possibilities.  Honestly, it was a turn on, but even so, I wasn’t sure how far you really would go with it.

Jen:  That’s my Sir, mister analyze and survey the area before making a decision.

Mike: Yes, and when it comes to our relationship, I think that is why in the past you’ve perceived me as more submissive.  I am not prone to just give you my off the cuff reaction to something.  I’ll hear you out and, because I love you, my inclination is to look for ways to make you happy and have what you want. 

Jen: Has it been difficult to adjust to being Dominant?

Mike:  Yes, but clearly you’ve had to make the far greater adjustment, so, anything I had to adjust to pales in comparison.  

Jen:   Thank you for recognizing that, Sir, but tell me about the adjustments you had to made?

Mike:  It really comes down to having to be more assertive, and when assertive,  I don’t always have time to think through a situation for the length of time as I’ve been accustomed to thinking things through.  And, I don’t always seek understanding when coming to a conclusion.  I simply seek to be understood as quickly and clearly as possible.  It means I have to not only make quick decisions, whether it means to give you quick instructions or a quick punishment, but I have to do so very emphatically and with confidence.  

Jen:  How has that impacted you?

Mike:  It helps in that I know that you know I won’t be perfect.  That the way we structured things allows you to give me feedback and help me know what I need to do better.   At first I needed a lot of validation in what I was doing.  We finally reached a point where I don’t rely on that validation.  I still like to hear it, but it isn’t a requirement anymore.  Early on, I needed you to help guide me so I that I understood that I was actually delivering what you were looking for.

Jen:  And if you have to sum it up, what is it that I was looking for, and still want?

Mike:  You want to truly serve me.  The real me.  Not that version of me that may suppress my inclinations or desires in favor of yours, but the actual me.  And I learned that it is okay if I am irrational at times, as that is part of being human.  For some time I had this thought that you would think less of me if I asked you to do something or if I did something to you that you didn’t like.  It took me some time to know that you wanted me to show you all of myself, all of my thoughts and desires, and that you were completely willing to fulfill them.   When I think of how I was prior to DD, I think part of what you were missing is that I wasn’t giving you all of me.  It seems odd, but, by you giving all of yourself, it has made me reveal all of myself.   You know every impulse I have, and you not only accept them, but you embrace them.  I am very lucky to have you.

Jen:  Aw, shucks.  Thank you, Sir.   How would you sum up our differences?

Mike:  That’s easy, I’ve said it many times before.  I was raised to value planning.  I thought things through, planned what I was going to do, and then executed the plan.  I did this to avoid mistakes in life.
You, on the other hand, were raised that if you aren’t making enough mistakes in life, you aren’t living.   That’s what always attracted me to you.  Much more impulse, less thinking.  While it is still my nature to be planning oriented, you’ve helped me be more spontaneous and less concerned with negative consequences.  Our DD has taken that to another level, especially our evolution towards a more D/s relationship.   And it has influenced me outside the house.  At work I am far more decisive and commanding.  While I’ve been in a leadership role for most of my career, I believe I am far more effective now than say two years ago.   

Jen:  So you are more dominant at work?

Mike:  No, I wouldn’t call my style more dominant, just more decisive.  I am deciding things faster and more decisively than before.   I still get all the appropriate inputs, but I don’t dwell on them for as long.

Jen:  What do you like most about our DD?

Mike:  Honestly, I do enjoy the control.  Who wouldn’t?   It is empowering to be given such control over someone.  But it isn’t the control itself, it is the fact that you wanted to give it to me.  In other words, it isn’t my dominance that I like the most, it is your submissiveness.  I also enjoy the intimacy.  The intimacy that has resulted in both of us fully revealing ourselves to each other, but also the specific physical intimacy of the punishments and the sex.

Jen:  Talk about the sex.  How is it different now?

Mike:  If you are just talking about the two of us, it is just far more passionate and physical.  We have freed ourselves of anything that could possibly hold us back.  We ask for and receive whatever we want.  That’s pretty amazing. 

Jen:  What about sex with John and Donna?  How do you feel about that?

Mike:  I am fine with it.  I don’t give it much more thought than if you enjoyed spending time with them just talking and having a barbecue.   I want you to enjoy yourself, and sex is just another way to do that.  It turns me on that you are sexual and that you like sex.   I enjoy watching you enjoy yourself and I enjoy knowing you are enjoying yourself, even if I am not there.   It doesn’t minimize your love for me or negatively impact our love in any way. 

Jen:  Had you had thoughts of sharing me with others before?

Mike:  I don’t think of it as sharing you.  Maybe more of allowing you to share yourself.  And, no, other than fantasies of threesomes – which I thought would never actually happen – it hadn’t even been something that came to mind before. 

Jen:  Does it surprise you that basically you and I are now swingers, albeit with just John and Donna?

Mike:  Hell yes.  Don’t really need to elaborate on that.  I am very surprised.  But in a good way.

Jen:  Are there things you wish I would do better?

Mike:  Yes, and we have talked about this before.  I wish you would rest more.  I like the fact you keep the house immaculate, but frankly I don’t mind if you skipped dusting or vacuuming here and there.  The reason I don’t decree that you rest is because you make it clear you enjoy it and want to maintain responsibility for doing it.   Although, I do give you permission to take time off now and then.

Jen:  Yes you do, and I appreciate it.  Speaking of which, it’s been awhile since I had a spa day, Sir.

Mike:  But aren’t those special days special because I surprise you with them?  Where’s the surprise if you have to ask for them.

Jen:  Yes, Sir, I understand.   Just sayin’.

Mike:   Noted.

Jen:  Are there sexual things for us that you are looking forward to exploring?

Mike:  Yes, but nothing specific.  Just knowing we practically have no boundaries is what excites me.   Right now we are both good with our routine and our time with John and Donna.  We haven’t sought out anything more.  We did attend those two FetLife functions some months ago, and perhaps we will get back to that, but, there isn’t this pressing feeling that we need to push those limits right now. 

Jen:  You aren’t’ giving my readers anything spicy, Sir.

Mike:  Okay then.  I’ll share a fantasy with them that I’ve shared with you.   It is you, tied up naked with many people watching as one or more from the crowd, male and female, come up and use you sexually and when they are done, others step up and continue.

Jen:   What would you put the likelihood on that happening some day?

Mike:   What’s the likelihood you would do it?

Jen:  100% if it is what you wanted, Sir.

Mike:   I thought so.  Actually, I’d put the chances at very slim.  It would take knowing a lot more people who were into such things and with us being as comfortable with them as we are with John and Donna.  I don’t see it happening, but I guess you never know.  I never thought that one day I’d be spanking you.

Jen:  Do you have a favorite spanking implement?

Mike:  My hand is my favorite.  Far more control and much more intimate.  I like the tawse and I like the wide paddles.  In order I would say I enjoy the ones that cause you to make more sounds – more grunts and moans, and the ones that make louder sounds when they impact, and by the marks they leave.

Jen:  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share your thoughts today Sir.

Mike:  No problem.  By the way, you asked me several questions without calling me “Sir”

Jen:  (drops pants and bends over).

NEXT:  75.  Public Display of Submission.

 

73. Pube Shaving Party

shave

Okay, so this image doesn’t really go with the title, but I thought it was cute.

I previously shared my Strip Quarters story as Mike suggested I share some of my sexcapades of my youth.  Here’s another fun experience I had in my college days/daze.

In the Strip Quarters story I shared my experienced with my childhood best friend, Amy.  Amy and I also roomed together in college.  It was my junior year, so about 1990 or so.  We shared a two bedroom apartment with two other girls, so Amy and I shared a bedroom while our other roommates, Cheryl and Barbara shared the other.

We all had boyfriends and while Amy and I still messed around at times, our roommates had no idea that we were bisexual – although at the time I didn’t think of myself as bisexual though.  I liked having sex with Amy, not women in general.   Anyway, suffice to say acceptance of this in 1990 was not what it is today, and Amy and I didn’t want it to be well known that we had sex with each other.   Barbara and Cheryl were great roommates but we didn’t hang around the same crowds and they were definitely more conservative and religious – especially Barbara.

There was a weekend where Barbara had gone back home to visit so it was just us three gals.  Cheryl had gone out with her boyfriend, and Amy and I just stayed decided to have a night in with just the two of us.  Amy and I were on the couch and started messing around, and Cheryl happens to come in as we forgot to lock the door and were not expecting her so early.   I don’t exactly recall but I think Amy had her hands down my pants which were unbuttoned, and I had a hand up her shirt.  Whatever the position we were in, there was no casually moving away and hoping Cheryl didn’t suspect what we were doing.  It was very obvious.

We looked up and Cheryl stood there for a bit and said something nervously like, “Uh, hey, hi guys.  Um, I’ll just leave now.” And she walked out.

Amy and I looked at each other with this look that was a combination of horror and humor.  We started talking about how to concoct some story to minimize the chance Cheryl would be freaked out.  We didn’t want her blabbing to everyone, and knowing Barbara, we felt she would completely freak if Cheryl told her.  We couldn’t come up with any great plan and just figured, “oh well, we’ll just tell her we were drinking and it was just a one-time thing.”

About an hour or so later Cheryl comes back and she is holding a bag.  She looked sheepishly at the two of us and said, “Okay, I want in.”   At the same time Amy and I said, “In on what?”

Cheryl was pretty nervous and said, “You know, I want to be with you all, in that way.”  Neither Amy or I could come up with any words to say as we were perplexed.  Amy opened the bag and pulled out a bottle of tequila and a porno.  Amy apparently went to the liquor store and an adult video store.  Amy said, “Look, I know I have been attracted to girls for a long time and tried to resist, but after seeing you two and after the night I had with my boyfriend, I just can’t hide it any longer.  I don’t know if you all think of me in that way, but I thought if we relaxed and had a bit to drink, and watched this movie, we could, you know, get in the mood?”

Both Amy and I took on the role of more consoling Cheryl than anything else.  It was clear she was nervous and uneasy.  I remember that despite her nerves, she still came across very sure of herself and her feelings.  She just poured her heart out to Amy and I, relived to get it all out to someone for the first time in her life.    The three of us talked for quite a while.  It became clear to us that Cheryl was a lesbian but had been suppressing it her whole life.  Amy and I ended up sharing with Cheryl everything about our relationship together.  Cheryl even shared that she had kissed Barbara once, very deeply and basically a pretty major make out session, but it didn’t go further.  It was alcohol induced and the next day Barbara told her she never wanted to talk about it and that it would never happen again and that was the extent of it.

Cheryl shared the many crushes she had on various girls and women throughout her life and that she knew she was different from a very young age, but worked hard to suppress it – and she was tired of it.  She said she broke up with her boyfriend that evening, and when she left the apartment after seeing Amy and I messing around the couch, she decided that was it, she was “declaring her major” as she laughingly put it.  She was attracted to women and she was done with men.

We proceeded to crack open the tequila and pop in the VHS.  We told her we didn’t need the video, but what the heck, let’s see what she got.  We talked over most of the flick, and as the booze took effect started to get playful with each other.  At some point all three of us were naked and having sex while the movie played in the background.   Occasionally one of us would glance at the tv and say, “Ha, look at that!”  We’d watch for a minute and then get back to the real life action we had going on in the room.

Towards the end of the movie there was a scene where this woman shaved this other woman and it too got our attention and we all commented on it.  Remember, this was 1990, ahead of the trend to go bare down there.  Anyway, I don’t recall if all three of us had orgasms but Cheryl definitely did.  We were relaxing in silence in a naked three-way embrace as the VHS had long ended.  Cheryl then said, “hey, why don’t you guys shave me?”

We were half a bottle in to the tequila and probably shouldn’t be trusted with a razor, but, we were game.  We found some scissors and the three of us went into the bathroom.    Amy had the honors while I directed, “Clip some more off here, clip some more off there.”   Once she was clipped down pretty short, Amy whipped out some shaving cream.  We got a towel and a bowl of water and Cheryl sat way down on her bed so her trimmed snatch was easily accessible.   Amy proceeded to lather Cheryl up and started shaving.  Amy and I took turns at shaving Cheryl and eventually she was bare.  It was quite a mess, as there was water, shaving cream, and hair everywhere.

Amy then said, “Who’s next?”   There was a “no thank you” from me, but Amy was eager and willing.  When we finished shaving Amy the two of them were both begging me to join the “bare down there” club.  Eventually I was talked into a close trim with the scissors, but no shave.

When we were all done we started back up messing around, and basically had sex the rest of night until we fell asleep.   When we woke the next morning we saw the mess we had left.  In our tequila-altered state we obviously had not been focused on keeping things tidy.   Somehow we had a trail of shaving cream and pubic hair all over the floor from the bathroom to Cheryl’s bed, even all over her bed.  We frantically cleaned up, washed the towels and vacuumed as we didn’t know when Barbara would be home.  We kept finding more hair and would have to pull the vacuum back out.  It was quite comical.

We never informed Barbara of what went on.  Cheryl was indeed lesbian.  She started dating other women.  Barbara was a year ahead of us and while she was not happy with Cheryl’s coming out, she continued to room with us the rest of the year when she then graduated and moved out. We heard the phrase “hate the sin, love the sinner” quite a bit that semester.

Anyway, Cheryl now has a longtime girlfriend and I hear they are planning to get married soon.   I feel good that I had some part to play in her coming out and start her on her journey towards accepting that part of her.    All thanks to a her walking in on us, the tequila confidence booster, and the resulting impromptu Pube Shaving Party.

Next: 74. Interview with Sir

72. Swinging Solo

swing

I tend to write things about myself that surprise me – things that are contrary to my “historical” self.   It becomes another way of re-experiencing these new and exciting thoughts, sensations, and emotions. They are interesting and novel to me, and have changed so much about my life for the better, that I feel compelled to share those things.

Ultimately it paints a picture of me that is incomplete, as it limits what you know about me. The things in my life that I perceive as mundane and usual just don’t come to mind when I am thinking about what to write – even if those would be considered extraordinary and unusual to others. I guess to be a better blogger I need to think more about others perspectives than just my own, else I am going to run out of things to write about, because as I stated before, Domestic Discipline and our Dom/sub dynamic is becoming routine.

Take my solo adventure with sex with John and Donna. I glossed over it in my post about My Funk. I was more intrigued with my emotions and actions regarding My Funk, than I was with the fact that, oh by the way,  I had sex with John and Donna without Mike being around. I am more surprised by the fact I didn’t feel compelled to immediately share that story, than I am about the story itself.   Anyway, that’s me. I suppose for you, you want to read about what happened.   Well, okay then.

Mike went out of town on business. Typically his travels put him out during the week and he is back before the end of the week, but on this particular trip he was not returning until Saturday afternoon – thus I had a Friday evening to myself. Mike and I talked in advance and agreed I could go over to John and Donna’s without him and was free to have sex. Mike did put one condition on it. He said I had to submit to John, call him Sir, and not refuse anything he and Donna wanted to do – the only caveat being the hard limits that Mike and I share would still apply.  Although it didn’t take reciting our contract to influence me, just note our Sexual Obedience Clause in the contract says Mike may have any sexual act performed by or upon me and I cannot refuse.

I was game. It actually excited me, not to submit to John, but because my submission to John was Mike’s will, and thus, part of my submission to Mike. It also put in the mindset of playing a role. I was Mike’s submissive, there to obey John because Mike decreed it.   Make sense? Maybe not, but it did to me.

I never know how explicit I should get. Yes, John and I had sex, Donna and I had sex, the three of us had sex. Usual threesome positions, occasional two-some positions.

From an emotional perspective.   I had three orgasms before I returned home so obviously I felt good emotionally — but, I did feel different not having Mike there. I can’t really describe it. Not a bad feeling, not an extra good feeling…just different. Almost like I didn’t know what to do. I think that is it. I was a bit hesitant and unsure, which I hadn’t felt before regarding sex with them when Mike was around. In some ways it was good that I was in a submissive mindset, because I wasn’t very capable of anything other than following their lead.   I did think of Mike quite a bit, from the “I wish you were here” perspective. But not with any sadness or longing. Just that any time I am enjoying myself away from him I get that twinge of “I wish you were here” regarding thinking of Mike.

Oh, there was one other moment that felt a bit odd. There was a moment when Donna left the room. It was just John and I. Another feeling I can’t quite describe. It still felt good, but it felt “diminished.”  Part of the fun was sharing the fun with Mike, and of course, he wasn’t there. Well part of the fun is sharing the fun with Donna, and now she stepped away.   It still felt good and all, but just less fun and my mind lost focus thinking, “What is Donna doing? When will she return?”  She returned within just a few minutes and that was that.  Okay, so emotionally, I think I’ve covered all the different emotional feelings I had.

Now – physical feelings!   Again, I had three orgasms before I returned home, so clearly it was hitting all the right spots physically.  I mentioned before that John and Donna are a bit more BDSM oriented than Mike and I. At one point John got out a crop that had this thin extra end to it. In looking online afterward, I think it was a Flicker Whip? He had Donna and I lay next to each other, first on our stomachs, then on our backs, and he struck us with it. He went way lighter on me.   It has a pretty sharp sting to it, and tickles if he just dragged it across my skin. It didn’t hurt much and as expected, also felt good at times.   John went easy on me, but did flog (I call it more a flogging than a whipping) just about my entire body from the neck down. At no time did I get close to needing my safe word, and a few times I even let out a nice pleasurable groan to entice him to hit a little harder. All in all it was very nice.

When Mike got back we didn’t talk about it much. That night he did ask me how it went, how I felt, was I comfortable, did I enjoy myself, stuff like that. I shared with him the stuff I put here in the blog, with perhaps some more detail, (okay, a lot more detail) and that was that. But when I shared the detail, it was all very playful and erotic. It served as great verbal foreplay for his “welcome home” sex with me!

And, soon we get to return the “favor” but even more so. John is going out of the country on business and will be gone three weeks.   Our plan is to have Donna actually spend several nights with us. But that’s just another usual and mundane part of TTWD, so you won’t want to hear about that!  🙂

NEXT: 73. Pube Shaving Party