I am talking American Football for you non-Americans out there.
I am not a football fan, but Mike and John are and they typically watch games together on Sunday. Sometimes John comes to our house, other times Mike goes over to John and Donna’s. I never go with him to John’s as I stay with our son and usually go out places with him. When John is coming to our house I often stay as Donna joins him. The two of us visit while the two of them watch their game.
This football season is different as it is the first season since we started our foursomes. Mike said he was going to go to John’s for the game and it dawned on me, what would that be like? Ever since we “revealed” ourselves with each other, any time we go over to their house Donna stays in “slave” mode. This includes various stages of undress, or completely nude. And now that we all have sex together, well, what does not mean for when Mike is over to watch a game and I am not there?
Mike and I had to talk about this. I was surprised that he was pretty nonchalant. “I haven’t talked to John about it, but I am sure Donna will likely be naked, going about her duties as we watch the game.”
“Yes, Sir” I responded, “and that doesn’t bother me, but, what about sex?”
Again, Mike was blasé and said, “I dunno’, I guess it is possible. Really we want to watch the game, but you never know what may happen when we get together.”
Hummmm. Well, I felt like I was required to say, “Forget that, Mister! Nothing happens when I am not around, Sir!” And while that rebuttal came to mind, I recognized that it was more a societal reflex and that it did not match what I was actually feeling. I wasn’t feeling any anger, resentment, or hurt. I was a bit perplexed, simply because we had never talked about whether we would have sex with others when one of us wasn’t around. I knew how I was conditioned to react, but my actual feelings were not in sync with that conditioning. When I recognized my true feeling, I too became a bit nonchalant about it.
“Sir,” I asked, “are we saying it is okay for us to have sex with other people when we both are not present?” Mike’s response was, “I don’t even know if sex is an option when I am there for a game, but, for purposes of discussing it, I think when it comes to John and Donna that we leave that option open for either one of us. It isn’t like this is totally new. You and Donna have had sex without John and me around.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, “but that is different, Sir. It isn’t the same as you having sex with Donna or me having sex with John.”
“Okay, yes, it is different.” He added, “Different only in gender, and not in the fact that we would be enjoying ourselves sexually without the other present. In that way, it is the same. Are we okay with enjoying ourselves sexually without the other present, or aren’t we?”
“Sir, are you saying that I can’t have sex with Donna on my own unless you can too?” as I raised my voice a little.
“Jen, I know this can be a sensitive subject but please watch you tone. I am not saying anything as a declarative statement – yet! I just want to talk this through and get us on the same page. I am open to you having sex with either one or both of them when I am not around just as much as I am open to having sex with Donna when you are not around. Before I choose what our rule will be, I am asking for your input. How do you feel about this?”
Funny, but I realized my anger was in feeling for a moment that he was trying to convince me and tell me what we would do without my feedback. Even if my choice ultimately agreed with his, I wanted to have a say in this. Once again, I was happy with how Mike reminded me of his dominance while still seeking my thoughts.
How did I feel about this?
As I stated, I felt the “mandatory” response was to say, “no way.” But my true feelings were that I was excited about it. My response, “I may feel differently at some point, but I am with you. I am okay with it for now. The one stipulation is that I want to know it is going on. Knowing that it is happening in some way allows me to participate, at least in my mind. And, to be honest, it turns me on a bit. Not as much obviously as being there, but even knowing what you are up to is sexy to me.”
“So, Mike,” I asked, “can you find out if sex is on the table, both literally and figuratively, when you go over there for the game?” We both got a laugh out of that question.
“Sure, I’ll call John now.” He didn’t call me out for using his name and not saying Sir. I rarely do this but I’ve noticed I will when I am extremely serious. I guess it is my way of saying, “Put aside all this DD and M/s for a second and listen to my words as I am serious.” Then, of course, I say it in a way that is meant to be funny, I guess to not sound so obnoxious or demanding.
Mike put John on speaker and was so smooth in asking John. It was as if he was asking what snacks John would have for them while they watched the game. (I guess in a way, he was, hee hee).
“Hey John, Jen and I hadn’t thought through what could happen sexually while I am over watching the game. We are both cool with whatever happens, but she just wants to know in advance if sex with Donna is even an option while I am there.”
Mike and John really get into their game, so I was not all that surprised when John told him that if he thought it was a distraction he could have Donna clothed during the game. Also, no surprise in Mike’s response that he would NOT be distracted by that. John’s reply was, “Well then, other than perhaps a half-time BJ or quickie, are we good?” We all laughed and that was that.
I asked Mike if he would text me so I would know for sure. I told him at least this first time I really have this need to know. I know it could be a buzzkill, but, a short text is all. We came up with codes such as, “getting hot dog” to mean Donna is giving him a BJ. “Getting ready to eat” to mean he was going down on Donna. “Front” and “back” to, well, you get the picture. I don’t know why I felt it would bring me comfort to know some of the details as they were happening/about to happen.
So, Mike went over and watched the game. He got his “hot dog” and that was all. It really did turn me on when I got his text. I couldn’t wait to remind him of something. He is going out of town on business this Wednesday and won’t return until Saturday.
I just may need a sitter on Friday!
Next: 70. What the Funk?