The esoteric stuff – Continued from my prior post.
As I stared in the corner I reflected, not on the specific punishment, but on how my DD has evolved. I continue to be amazed at the fact I enjoy this so much. Not the spankings themselves – although they do have their element of pleasure along with the pain, whose mix will vary from spanking to spanking. No, it isn’t the spankings themselves that have me amazed with myself. So what it is?
I’ve shared before all the different words that submission means to me, such as in my Doctrine of Submission post, or Submission = Transparency = Love. But a new word came to mind that I hadn’t considered before. That word is vulnerability.
I enjoy being vulnerable.
Enjoying vulnerability is counter-culture. We aren’t condition to enjoy that, even when we confine that vulnerability to our spouses or a small circle of friends. We all make ourselves vulnerable to those around us, but the level at which we do it is often highly restricted.
When I allowed myself to become vulnerable through DD, I dropped the persona that I was clinging to. Once the facade dropped, I became more authentic. Not to just those around me, but to myself. And the vulnerability is not just for the specific moments I am being punished or I am naked, or any specific thing related to our DD. The vulnerability becomes a mindset. It is always there in a positive way. Similar to what I talked about in I Found My Thrill.
I believe people around me can sense the authenticity. When you are around someone who is authentic, you can’t always put your finger on it but you just sense something different. You find them to be more approachable and you naturally reciprocate authenticity because they are more real. People are comforted by authenticity. I am guessing that is why it is common for someone who is fearful of public speaking to be given the suggestion that they envision their audience naked.
In reality, even if you are fake you are going to be vulnerable to your fakeness, but that doesn’t hurt the ego much because, well, because it was fake and not the real you. It takes a lot of self-confidence to let the real you be vulnerable and thus subjecting the real you to various cheap shots. And who better to be self-confident with and to show complete vulnerability to than your spouse?
I love being vulnerable to and around Mike. I trust he will not misuse my vulnerability and it has led to him being a lot more vulnerable to me. The net impact is that our relationship is closer and more intensely loving and passionate than I could have previously imagined. Mike is worthy of my vulnerability.
My advice to everyone who is in a loving relationship is to become more vulnerable to your loved ones. I don’t mean write yourself a DD contract and hand it to them. It can be far simpler than that – just sharing your thoughts and opinions, your likes and dislikes – about mundane things or erotic things, or about your fears or obsessions. If the thought of that is too scary, perhaps they haven’t earned that level of trust from you. If that is the case, perhaps you need to work on why that is.
If they aren’t worthy of your vulnerability, then perhaps they aren’t worthy of you.