I hope you enjoyed the prior post. It was fun to write but it is still not in my nature to share such stories. I don’t dislike writing about details of sexual adventures, it is only that I don’t have this compelling urge to share such details. It was still fun!
I have finally come down a bit from my “submissive high.” I am still getting a lot done every day and am enjoying every moment, but the fever pace I initially went at it has subsided. Partly because there is less to do – you can only scrub some things so many times. Our house is immaculate, I feel great, Mike feels like a god (or at least he better, j/k), and our son is doing well. No complaints. Well, okay, maybe one.
I got a punishment that I really didn’t like. Not because the actual punishment itself, although it was not particularly enjoyable, but the reasons for getting it. I don’t think I ever disagreed with Mike’s reasoning for spanking me as strongly as I disagreed with this one.
Agreement versus Acceptance
Just a quick submissive check — While I don’t agree with Mike I am not feeling any resentment. I accept Mike’s verdict and accept all the consequences that come with it. That still doesn’t mean I agree with it. Not sure what the Submissive Rules Committee would think about that, but for me, I believe I can be submissive and not agree with something as long as I still accept it. Acceptance is not agreement.
Agreement would mean I have to adopt the same perspective as Mike. I believe I can be fully submissive and still disagree. My perspective will never be the same as Mike’s. It is obviously a hell of a lot more aligned with his than it was in my pre-DD and pre-submissive days, but it won’t ever be the same.
Acceptance doesn’t mean I have to feel all warm and fuzzy. It means I accept his perspective is valid, even if not aligned with mine. I accept that his perspective can be different than mine without invalidating my perspective. I also accept I do not need to prove his perspective is invalid, nor he mine. Acceptance is not Agreement, nor more than oneness is not sameness. There I go again with that U2 lyric. . . “we are one, but not the same….” I think I’ve quoted that three or four times now on different posts. I digress.
I don’t mean that I would display disagreement such as verbally or behaviorally. I would never do that. I just mean inside my head, in my own thoughts, I can definitely disagree in the moment, while at the same time accepting the situation in a submissive state. Our Maintenance Session will give me an opportunity to seek understanding and seek to be understood. As that is two days away, that gives me time to vent a little here and get my thoughts together for what I want to say.
What happened is rather trivial, which is one of the reasons it irks me. The specifics don’t matter, but suffice to say Mike was explaining something to me. It was very unclear to me what he was saying and instead of asking for clarification, I stated a particular conclusion that seemed logical to me based on what I understood. Mike basically said no, that conclusion was incorrect and again explained the situation to me. He was nice and it was a normal conversation at this point. Basically the same thing happened and I restated the same conclusion that apparently didn’t jive with what he was explaining. Now things escalated a bit. This went another round with the same outcome. Escalate some more.
Now this is definitely one of those stupid petty arguments about nothing. I use the word argument even though we didn’t get loud. But it was clear we were both getting irritated. Mike was explaining the same thing over and over, from the beginning, and I kept coming back with the same “incorrect” conclusion. He finally just said, “That’s it, drop your pants.”
This occurred during the day and our son was over at a friend’s. We were in an area of the house where we have this arched entry way that transitions from the kitchen to a short hallway that leads to our front living room and entry way. There are several windows in the living room and around the front door and the blinds were open.
Mike told me to get completely naked, so I did. Until then all “immediate spankings” required me to drop my pants, get a fast paced spanking, and then pull them up. “Shock and awe” as we call it. But Mike was frustrated, and I guess it felt better for him to have me get naked. He told me to put my arms out and lean against each side of the arch way, so one hand was on the left side of the arch way and one hand was on the right and I was leaning just slightly forward. I felt very exposed even though I know it is difficult, but not impossible, for people to see in and I could clearly see out.
Mike pulled his belt out and gave me 30 and had me count them all out. He asked me why I received the “Reward”, which is per our “reward ceremony.” I wasn’t exactly sure how to best phrase it. I felt like saying, “Because you are irritated with me.” I thought better and went with, “Because I have frustrated you sir, by not understanding what you have repeated to me over and over and I clearly began irritating you with my tone.”
“Yes,” he said, “and we are going to do this over as well.” He gave me another 30. I was crying a bit at the end, something I don’t often do. It was due to the emotions I was feeling, not any pain I was feeling. I really felt the spanking was out of line, but I did not object.
He then said, “And since I am in a repeating mode, let me repeat that again.” He gave me 20.
Seek to understand before being understood
He then said, “Let’s try again.” He again explained what it was he was trying to explain to me. This time, I sought to understand him, versus seeking to be understood. I simply asked him, “if x and y occurred, I am not understanding why it is that z isn’t possible.” “Aha!” he said. “You weren’t understanding me. I never said x and y occurred, I said if either x OR y occurred, then….”
Doh! Basically, although each time he was prefacing his statement with “x OR y”, I kept hearing it as “x AND y”. Thus, I kept coming to the wrong conclusion. The actual issue was a bit more complex than that, but this was the easiest way for me to explain it. It all hinged on me not hearing one key word he was saying. Even though he was saying it, I was processing it in my head as something else. Basically, it was all just a trivial thing that was stupid to escalate into what it did.
We followed our Aftercare process and all was forgiven. I got dressed and the afternoon continued.
So my disagreement is that it appears to me that Mike used a punishment in anger or frustration. Not only in the fact he spanked me, but in the manner he did it. One of our tenants is not to give a punishment in anger. I’ve mentioned before that Mike is a sweet guy and mild mannered. Not to say he has never been mad at me before, but this seemed outside what we both have agreed to in our D/s dynamic. It is clearly outside our DD contract.
I can’t simply dismiss it as doing so can lay the ground work for it to be repeated. Plus, as long as it bothers me I am compelled to share it. That is part of our agreement – in fact, it is one of the best parts of our agreement. Share what is on your mind – respectfully! We obviously need to talk about it. I’ve surrendered a lot to him. I am so happy with how Mike has taken to his dominant role, but as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. He must wield it appropriately.
I look upon this incident like any other “bump” in the road. I don’t dwell on the bump and instead look upon it as an opportunity to increase our shared understanding around what we expect and need from each other in our relationship. I am sure we’ll have a meaningful and positive Maintenance Session on Sunday.
I am excited about tomorrow night and know that on Sunday I can seek to understand and be understood and put this stupid incident behind us! I’ll let you know what happens both about tomorrow night with John and Donna and about discussing this punishment with Mike.