26. Submission = Transparency = Love

Where am I today with my DD?  No, this isn’t going to be about the latest punishment.  This one is going to be more the emotional touchy-feeling part of DD.  It’s my favorite part to share, but probably the least fun to read about.  So, “no pull-down your pants and bend over” stories today, but I hope you find it enlightening and thought provoking.

I am sure of me.
Technically I am a relatively newbie to DD, having started this lifestyle 14 months ago in March 2015.   However, I already feel like a veteran.  I have received far greater personal satisfaction from DD than I ever imaged.  I am at peace with myself, my thoughts, my aspirations, and my desires.  I am “sure” of myself.

I am sure of Mike.
My relationship with Mike is almost indescribable.  I can describe it, but it would likely sound like a fairy tale, almost delusional.  But the fact is, we are closer than ever.  We absolutely share everything and do so without judgement and with full acceptance.  The most succinct way I can possibly describe it is that we are sure of each other.  Sure of our intentions, sure of our love, and sure of respect.  This sureness translates into a oneness that again is hard for me to put into words.  I again refer back to the U2 lyric that goes, “We are one, but not the same.”   That’s Mike and I.

Path to Oneness:  Transparency, not Surrender
No question, we could have not have reached this point or have moved there so quickly if it wasn’t for DD. I often think about why that is.  I believe in order to get to complete oneness, someone in the couple must surrender themselves to the other.  To me, surrender is not about enslavement, it is about revealing oneself, it is about transparency.

A full and complete surrender breaks down every emotional wall that stands between you and your partner.  All sense of shame, embarrassment, and self will vanish.  Even though technically you are the submissive one, if you have the right partner they too surrender parts of themselves to you.  Once the “full reveal” is complete, both parties will have achieved total transparency with themselves and with each other.  They can now see, feel, touch, and explore both themselves and the other like never before.  This creates the self-actualization within both individuals, and leads to the oneness with each other.

Is DD the only way?
Of course not.  But it was the way for me.  For me, I can’t imagine getting to the level of surrender that would lead to complete transparency in any way other than DD.  If you can find some other way that works for you, go for it – but I encourage you to find that way, because complete transparency is truly amazing!

Why must one first surrender to the other?
I lack any research and can only surmise that it is much like a “you go first” mentality that humans have about revealing themselves.  Absent something dramatic, “the reveal” can take many years of incrementally sharing more of yourself with your partner.  I believe most of us go through life without ever fully revealing to our partner our thoughts, dreams, desires, preferences, likes, dislikes, compulsions, hang-ups, kinks, etc.  And I don’t mean just hinting around those things, but actually clearly and consistently sharing those things.   It is just too uncomfortable, even with a life-long partner.

Once one person fully surrenders, something magical happens that causes the other to surrender as well. Each person becomes “sure” of themselves, and in turn, becomes “sure” of each other.  While technically only one person has “surrendered” and is the submissive, both people have given of themselves to achieve total transparency in the relationship.

Thinking about that is so sad to me now.  I think of all the years that I wasn’t 100% present to Mike, and that he wasn’t 100% present to me.  In the past I would have told you our relationship was great.  I was oblivious to what “great” really meant.  Frankly, I didn’t realize this level of greatness existed.  I didn’t understand transparency.  Thanks to DD, I do now.   Submission equals transparency equals love.
Next – 27 Jenny’s Doctrine of Submission