There’s a lot of detail I want to share about my first punishment. It will help you understand a typical day, plus there were a lot of extra emotions and issues that come with it being the first time I would be punished. Also, you may have to read my blog about the contract to understand some terms I use.
Mike and I tried to prepare ourselves for the first Reward Ceremony. We talked about it and I imagined it as being extremely orderly and precise. I had a lot of confidence in what I painstakingly thought through and that we agreed upon. At this time all my doubts were on his ability to deliver the Rewards and no doubts about my ability to accept them. I was ready, but questioned his readiness.
Usual morning. Mike gets up before me and is off to work about the time our son is waking up, which is typically my cue to wake up. Yes, I don’t make Mike breakfast – that was never our dynamic. My DD is about being more accountable to what was important to me and to us and not about finding more shit for me to do.
Mike’s office is close to the house and he sometimes works all or some days from home. This morning he was going into the office but planned to be back for lunch. Our son would be away at school.
Mike comes home just before noon. All is “normal.” I share with him a story of something that happened that morning at breakfast, and suddenly he says,
“Go to your room.”
I was stunned. I stood their baffled and said, “What?”
He calmly repeated. “Go to your room.”
Again, I am clueless and all these thoughts raced through my head. What the hell did I do? Is this all a mistake, because if Mike can just make shit up, this isn’t going to work. OMG, I am going to get spanked and everything I thought this was going to do for us was a mirage and all this time and energy was a waste and OMG, I am going to get spanked.
“uh, wha…uh, uh… okay,” I muttered, keeping those thoughts to myself as I walked towards our room.
I am not a big crier, but I found myself crying as I walked to our room. It was out of disappointment that this whole DD idea that I had invested so much time and energy in and had so much high hopes for, was not just off to a bad start, but was never going to work. However, the one calming factor in that moment was that Mike was calm. This gave me some reassurance that I needed to trust him. I also started to feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself as the night before I was doubting Mike on his ability to follow through and was very arrogant in my ability to do so. Now here I was with all the doubts and hesitations, not even knowing what I did and he was calm and resolved.
I was still sobbing as I undressed and stood in the corner. Mike didn’t come in for about five minutes, which felt like an eternity.
Mike broke “protocol” a bit by trying to comfort me since I was crying. He asked if I wanted to proceed. I feebly told him “yes, please, let’s do this,” and reassured him that it was just nerves.
He called me over and I stood before him and he asked me why we were there. I honestly did not know. I was simply sharing a story about that morning, and now here we are. Damn, does he remember that not knowing my Transgression is grounds for Additional Rewards?
Mike then explained that I had not been honest in my story.
“What, what are you talking about?” I couldn’t help myself and blurted that out.
Mike pointed out something I said at the beginning of the story and something I said at the end. To summarize, I started my story by characterizing what happened as being a “huge” ordeal that made a “massive” mess. At the end of my story Mike asked me if it took a long time to clean up. I said, no, it was just a little mess. So, here we are in the room and Mike rhetorically asked, “Which one was it, was it a huge mess all over everything, or just a little one?”
He now lectured me. He was very calm and matter of fact. He reminded me that I specifically asked for help with my “embellishments.” I recognized I had that bad habit when telling stories. While I felt my motives were pure, I knew it caused some friends and family to not always believe me. Thus, I had specifically put “embellishment” in the Honesty clause. Wow, there it was. Mike called it perfectly, just as I had hoped the night before.
But I kept crying. However, my emotions shifted to tears of relief, hope, and vindication for all the work I put into this, and sadness for doubting Mike, and love for Mike’s resolve and love for me to see this through. In an instant I went from doubting DD to once again feeling like DD still held promise.
Now Mike said there was still more Transgressions and asked if I recalled them. I realized there were three. The embellishment, the questioning of him, and the not recognizing the reason he called me to our room. I eagerly recited them.
“No, there are five,” Mike responded. “You talked back and hesitated when I first told you to go to the room.”
Okay, I remembered those now, so I said, “I see. Those two make it five.”
He joked, “Well, I was just counting the talking back and hesitation as one, but technically it is two. Tell you what, for first time sake, we’ll just have that count as one. There is still one more. The bed’s not made.”
Crap, I hadn’t even noticed. We have a long standing “ritual” that the last one out of bed has to make it. While it wasn’t explicit in the contract, it definitely fell under the cleanliness clause. Wow, Mike wasn’t missing anything.
I gave my apology for not living up to the standards I set for myself and told him I would gladly accept the Reward he is about to give me. That statement ends with, “Please give me my Reward now.”
I have vivid memories of the first time I said it as part of a Reward. It had a lot more power to it than I imaged it would. It was like a statement of having pride of ownership. Yes, I messed up. Yes, I didn’t act as I wished I had. Yes, give me my reward as I asked for it. In saying the words my tears began to dry up as I was no longer nervous.
He pulled out a chair, sat down, and I laid across his lap. We fumbled a bit to find the right position that was comfortable for him and that kept my balance. It was a bit comedic, and the comedy relief helped even more to calm the nerves. He lectured me a bit more, recapping what brought us here. He was spot in in his lecture and really showed me he was listening to all the things I said were important to me. He didn’t lecture me on my actions, but that what brought us here was not fulfilling the commitments I made to myself. Mike was handling it like a “pro.”
Here come the warm-up swats.
The 10 warm up swats came in rapid succession but I can recall my thoughts in the half-seconds between them. My thoughts went something like this:
Swat! The first one made me jump, not because it was particularly hard, but I just didn’t know what to expect. My body said “flinch” but my mind was like, “that wasn’t’ anything.”
Swat! Okay, just a little flinching this time, and still in the nanosecond before the next one my mind was still saying, “That wasn’t anything.”
Swat! Swat! Swat! No flinching anymore, but I was beginning to understand it. Spanks were sort of a cumulative thing. They still didn’t hurt, per se, but I could feel a little bit more sting.
Swat! Swat! Swat! Hey, that does sting a little.
Swat! Swat! Okay, so, a little sting and some increased sensation to my butt, but not bad. I guess that’s why these are called warm ups.
Here come the Reward Swats
My mind began to race with what would be next. Five Transgressions including Obedience Transgressions which we agreed should be dealt with more significantly. Mike didn’t say what the Reward was (he doesn’t have to). Was I going to get just a lot of Common Rewards, an escalated Reward, or gulp, an Intense Reward on my first Ceremony? After all, no one was home and he didn’t have to rush to work, so, we could be here a while. The not knowing was more of a punishment than the warm up was. And since this was our first one, it would be setting the precedent for others to come. Surely it wouldn’t start out as Intense?
Swat! Flinch. “Oww” Wow, first one was a stinger.
Swat! Swat! Swat! Flinching with each one and by now had a grimace on my face and my jaw clenched.
“Relax” Mike said, as I was also clenching my butt.
Then about five more swats in and my flinching increased and I started to cry again.
“Try to be still or you’ll fall off my lap” he said, continuing to swat away.
While the spankings were having a cumulative effect with each one stinging more than the prior one, my crying wasn’t about the physical sensations. Physically this was uncomfortable, but bearable. I think it was a release of emotions from all that went through my mind the previous ten minutes or so and I did feel shame.
Mike slowed his pace but kept spanking me. At one point he paused and I sensed my crying was influencing him. I broke protocol by talking, but hey, it was our first time at this and he had already broken it a few times. I blabbered something like, “Do as we talked about, I love you.”
He resumed the swats. I hadn’t kept count, but it seemed like a long time. It was odd but I stopped flinching much and my sobs decreased along the way, but my ass was stinging more and more.
He stopped and asked me to stand.
“Wow,” I thought to myself, “that felt like close to 100.” Turned out it was 50 – basically 10 per Transgression. So with the warm ups, my first Reward Ceremony was 60 spanks.
We embraced until I fully stopped sobbing. He did ask if I was okay and I told him I was fine, in fact, I was so happy that he did exactly as we talked about. I apologized for not making it easy on him with the arguing and crying. He reminded me that no specific apologies are ever needed or expected at this point in our Ceremony. I reassured him I was not crying over any physical pain and the tears were all positive. He said “All is forgiven.” I replied, “All is forgiven.” And that concluded our first Reward Ceremony.
I got dressed, washed up, and walked out of the bedroom with an amazing feeling. A rebirth, a reawakening, and a redemption. I was refreshed and recharged. I don’t know what all chemically was going on in my body, but it felt good. Mike greeted my entrance with a quick kiss and we sat down and had lunch. He said he was going to log on from home for a bit, but would have to return to the office in a few hours. He went to his home office and that was that – all as if nothing happened, just as I had hoped. The issue was settled, it was done. Life moves on.
I had this amazingly energy, and went about accomplishing the things I needed to do that afternoon. I was loving life!
MORE TO COME ON DAY 1
I was sitting at the computer when Mike came out of his home office and said he had to go back into to work. He went to the kitchen to grab a soda and then suddenly I hear
“Hey Jen, please come here.”
Hum, while it was very calm and polite, it was direct. Normally it would be, “can you please come here.” I was wondering what was up and quickly found out. Immediately upon walking into the kitchen, Mike says,
“Drop your pants.”
Oh crap, I saw it. I left various trash out around the kitchen counters. I had specifically reminded Mike that I wanted him to hold me accountable if I left the kitchen without throwing my trash away. It took a second for me to mentally process the fact he was calling for an Immediate Reward. We had talked about how Immediate Rewards can be effective by having them administered “at the scene” of the Transgression by tying my presence in the location to the memory of the Reward. As I unbuttoned by pants I actually smiled a little as I was proud again of Mike in seeing this through, and that this time I recognized the Transgression. The only negative thought I had was, “what would this feel like after already been spanked 60 times.”
As I unbuttoned and pulled down my pants and panties, it bought me a few seconds to take a quick glance at the several nearby windows. There was one in particular where the angle would have to be just right, but a neighbor could potentially see my exposed ass and spanking if he happened to be in the right spot in his yard. I didn’t say anything and stuck with our agreement bent over and held the edge of the counter as Mike instructed me.
Swat! Mike gave 10 rapid and firm spanks. The last 4 or so really stung. I made grunt-like sounds towards the end. No crying this time. He asked me why I earned the Reward and I confidently and correctly answered. I apologized and Mike then gave me the second-half of the Immediate Reward.
Swat! 10 more in rapid succession. This time all but the first few really stung and I actually got out an “ow” or two near the end. He asked me to pull my pants up. We embraced and followed our After Care process and ended with “all is forgiven.” He gave me a kiss and left for work.
I went on with my afternoon with the same exuberance and energy I had prior to the Immediate Reward and this time with added pride that we flawlessly executed a Reward on the first day. In addition, my butt was now a little sensitive. I felt more confident than ever that we were on the right track.
The Toothpaste Cap.
The rest of the afternoon and evening was fairly typical with the exception of my high energy. I got so much done that day regarding errands and housework. I even reorganized my closet. One uncommon thing was that Mike called me on his way home to ask if I wanted him to pick us up some dinner. I was used to calling him anytime I didn’t feel like cooking to ask him if he wanted to cook or pick something up, but he never called me first. I’ll accept it was out of guilt if that’s what you think, but I opt to accept it as just being thoughtful, and was the first of many such thoughtful things he would routinely begin to do.
Our evening progressed normally. That night I got ready for bed before him and was laying in the bed making my first journal entry when he came in. I heard Mike turn on the shower but then he poked his head out from the bathroom door and asked me to come to him. I already knew that look. It was the same look as the “kitchen incident” that afternoon. I went into the bathroom and immediately knew. There was a big dollop of hand cream that I dropped on the sink counter, I left my brush out, and there was a lot of water all over the counter. Yikes, I didn’t clean up after myself. Mike administered another Immediate Reward there in the bathroom.
He asked me to drop my pajamas and panties. He had me grab my ankles this time versus holding on to the counter, and, he grabbed the hairbrush.
Smack! Smack! Smack! The hairbrush made a higher-pitched smacking sound compared to his hand, and while the first couple smacks were fine, I really felt some major stings by the third. I was saying “ow” louder and louder with each one.
I was about to say my safe word to have him pause, but I just made it to 10 and then he stopped. He asked me why I earned my reward, and I was able to accurately explain the mess I left. Mike added, “Oh yeah, and I can’t find the toothpaste cap.” I made my apology and he lectured me a bit and explained the hairbrush was used because this was the second time my transgression was about tidiness that day and it was one of the things I didn’t put away. He then gave me the second-half of the Immediate Reward, but fortunately he used his hands.
Swat! Swat! They didn’t sting as much as the hair brush but they hurt more than the ones from the morning. By the end I was taking deep breathes to keep my composure. Finally the 10th swat with his hand and it was over. It was now after care and “all is forgiven.” He took his shower and I cleaned up and went back to journaling.
I always remember how that day ended in a Reward because although it played a minor role, I like to jokingly trivialize that memory as the toothpaste cap incident.
That night when I journaled, I recognized how that day would have gone prior to DD.
- Had Mike called me out as embellishing, I would take it as if he was calling me a liar.
Result = Argument.
- Had Mike complained about me not making the bed, I would resent being called lazy.
Result = Argument.
- Had Mike complained about the toothpaste lid, I would have called him petty and mean.
Result = Argument.
What would I have written if this day occurred Pre-DD, and what did I actually write?
Pre DD: “What a pissy ending to a pissy day. Several heated arguments with Mike. I resent this and I resent that…. I am so mad…. I hated today.
Actual: Peace, contentment, and love between Mike and I. I accomplished so much today and have an increased awareness to avoid embellishments, do my chores, and keep things clean. All great steps towards being the person I want to be for myself and my family. I loved today.
And I had 100 spankings to thank for that.