I had promised to share my first Reward session in this post, but I thought of one more important item to address before doing that. While I will get into sharing some of the specific experiences that served as unique “landmarks” in my DD journey, I decided first it was important to share a few things I learned about DD in our year of practicing it. So, here’s the good, the bad, and the growing sexual subtext.
I thought DD would have to be a constant focus, but it has just become normal in my day-to-day life. It doesn’t even seem like a “thing” anymore. We just do it. We’re just used to it. It is part of who we are.
DD has been more effective in quickly helping me love life, every moment, every day, than I could have imaged. I am happier than I’ve ever been, things are better than they’ve ever been with my relationship with Mike and my kids. Things are more orderly (a sort of a managed chaos, so not perfect, but at least managed).
Mike and I are truly one. Mike and I never fight. Literally never. Not figuratively, and not literally as in the way the word literally gets use to describe something figuratively – but the old fashioned sense of the word “literal.” We just do not argue. Now, argue is not the same as disagree. We do disagree. Less than before, but a disagreement is not rare. The difference is we have this amazing mechanism for handling it. We respectively address everything in a timely manner.
In addition, Mike looks for opportunities to help me. He is a partner in the things that are important to me, more than he ever was. He is more attentive to me emotionally. I cannot describe the feelings we have for each other, other than to say we are one. As the U2 song goes, “we are one, but not the same…” That’s us.
I don’t think it is believable to say there is no bad. But, nothing comes to mind that I honestly can say is a bad consequence of our decision to get into DD. Not to say there weren’t a bad moment or two when we first started living it (like my first spanking), but those were moments in time and not something ongoing. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of what I don’t like about our DD relationship is that it can be so damn inconvenient. That’s primarily because we have a child in the house. It is very common for us to administer spankings only after Mike has to turn the televisions up, lock our bedroom door, turn on the shower, and we go into our bathroom or master closet.
Growing Sexual Subtext?
At first I felt sex and DD were distinct, but I’ve come to see that they are definitely related. Not the same, but related, and we can thank human physiology and psychology for that.
- Physiology: Why is it that DD is so focused on the ass and/or breasts (in our DD) and/or even the pussy in other DD relationships? It is easy to feel discomfort with slaps or pinches to the hands, back, ears or tongues, why not focus on those body parts? The difference is the sensation of blood flowing to our privates! The spanking and pinching cause blood to flow to those area and while it still hurts, it just feels better to have it flowing in certain places. And not only does it flow to your ass cheeks, but the same major blood vessel supplying your ass also supplies your privates (for both men and women). So, yes, a spanking to the ass can actually deliver a tingle to your genitals. Note this is true of parents spanking their children and why that is just F’d up. Anyway, spanking is physiologically sexual, regardless of the intent.
- Psychology: There are no negative connotations with the hands, back, ears, or tongue. If someone puts their hand on my back in public, nothing is thought of it. But grab my boob?
There is something naughty about it. And something submissive about allowing anyone to touch you “there” and something dominant about touching someone “there.” Just the thought of those touches becomes sexual, whether we admit it or not.
Okay, so if it is similar but not the same, how is it different? I guess that is where it depends on the person. I imagine many people are so sexually turned on by spanking that it is very much like sex. For them, spanking is sex. I get it. That’s just not me. I do feel a sexual stimuli. I know it is there, I recognize it often, but it is faint. The best analogy I can think of is spanking is to sex like alcohol is to getting drunk (at least for me). Now there are flaws in that analogy, but here’s my point – I can have a drink and not get drunk. I can be spanked and it not be sex.
However . . .
I do recognize a growing sexual subtext in our DD relationship. We started with nothing sex based, and now have several sexual based items in our contract. I often think about what led me to want those in the Agreement (they were my idea). Clearly it is that I get a level of sexual gratification from a spanking. As I said before, for me, that gratification is present, but it is light – but it’s good, and just a little good, so, I want a little more, and a little more, like a drug. And the brain is very much treating it like a drug. So, I need to increase the sensations and thus increase the punishments. I am VERY AWARE OF THIS. I often think about what this means as we continue on our journey. I want to keep our sex life distinct from my Rewards. Right now it is, but I can see where it could be heading. This is partly why I wanted a two year agreement this time around. I didn’t want to be tempted to add more sexual based Rewards. I do sense the desire will be there when our contract expires. I have to commit to some boundary. I’ll deal with that when the time comes.
Okay, next post I will share our first experience where Mike spanked me.