The thoughts of my husband spanking me at best seemed silly, and at worst uncomfortable, demeaning, and humiliating. I am not a child – and I don’t even believe in spanking children. Even just thinking about the submissive nature of positioning my body to be spanked. That didn’t “sit” well with me (ha – some spanking humor). Oh yeah, and then there is the pain part.
Yep. I was pretty convinced that I would never get comfortable with the thought of physical punishment. But my mind kept working at it because as I shared in my prior post, I was convinced there was something DD could do to help my life in a profound and meaningful way.
I tried a Pro and Con list but it didn’t really work. The only positive is that I have always liked a little pain with sex – light spanking when in a doggy position or very hard nipple twisting (I would often tell Mike to twist/pull harder!). But that was sex, not punishment. And then there were the non-physical forms of punishment. The withholding of privileges or corner time. I kept thinking maybe I could come up with something that has the rules but other consequences. But what consequences?
Anything I thought of short of what DD calls for seemed shallow, and I wanted to be fully committed and wanted my husband to fully commit. I realized that because the thought of punishments was so abhorrent to me, that perhaps that is the point. I should have a punishments consistent with providing an incentive to uphold my commitments to myself. Since nothing else seemed like an appropriate way to be held accountable, I started warming up to the idea of being spanked.
I went back to the fact that I realized my life was not in good order. In good order according to my wishes and desires – not anyone elses. I was not living up to my own standards and I was not happy and it was mostly of my own doing.
The thought of giving my husband many of the controls continued to intrigue me. I felt it would reduce my burdens, and give me structure to accomplish the things I want to accomplish as a person, a wife, and a mother. To really commit to my duties and obligations, I needed a strong consequence when I failed.
Ultimately, I never fully reconciled it in my mind to the point I was “for” it. I simply decided to put aside my issues with the punishment and take a chance with DD. A tremendous release came over me once I resigned myself to the idea of punishment. I knew I was ready for DD. Now, how do I get my husband on board?