7. Accepting Punishment

The thoughts of my husband spanking me at best seemed silly, and at worst uncomfortable, demeaning, and humiliating.   I am not a child – and I don’t even believe in spanking children.  Even just thinking about the submissive nature of positioning my body to be spanked.  That didn’t “sit” well with me (ha – some spanking humor).  Oh yeah, and then there is the pain part.

Yep.  I was pretty convinced that I would never get comfortable with the thought of physical punishment.  But my mind kept working at it because as I shared in my prior post, I was convinced there was something DD could do to help my life in a profound and meaningful way.

I tried a Pro and Con list but it didn’t really work.  The only positive is that I have always liked a little pain with sex – light spanking when in a doggy position or very hard nipple twisting (I would often tell Mike to twist/pull harder!).  But that was sex, not punishment.  And then there were the non-physical forms of punishment.  The withholding of privileges or corner time.  I kept thinking maybe I could come up with something that has the rules but other consequences.  But what consequences?

Anything I thought of short of what DD calls for seemed shallow, and I wanted to be fully committed and wanted my husband to fully commit. I realized that because the thought of punishments was so abhorrent to me, that perhaps that is the point.  I should have a punishments consistent with providing an incentive to uphold my commitments to myself.  Since nothing else seemed like an appropriate way to be held accountable, I started warming up to the idea of being spanked.

I went back to the fact that I realized my life was not in good order.  In good order according to my wishes and desires – not anyone elses.  I was not living up to my own standards and I was not happy and it was mostly of my own doing.

The thought of giving my husband many of the controls continued to intrigue me.  I felt it would reduce my burdens, and give me structure to accomplish the things I want to accomplish as a person, a wife, and a mother. To really commit to my duties and obligations, I needed a strong consequence when I failed.

Ultimately, I never fully reconciled it in my mind to the point I was “for” it.   I simply decided to put aside my issues with the punishment and take a chance with DD.   A tremendous release came over me once I resigned myself to the idea of punishment. I knew I was ready for DD.  Now, how do I get my husband on board?

NEXT – 8.NOW I am ready to get hubby aboard.

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